Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Hypothetical for the ladies: Friend is very smitten with a new guy. He has told her all sorts of wonderful things about how into her he is. They've gotten naked. He said he couldn't see her this week until Friday because he has his kids. You've just seen him at a restaurant, very clearly on a date. Do you tell her? Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 This is when cellphone mpeg recorders and cameras come in handy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Hypothetical for the ladies: Friend is very smitten with a new guy. He has told her all sorts of wonderful things about how into her he is. They've gotten naked. He said he couldn't see her this week until Friday because he has his kids. You've just seen him at a restaurant, very clearly on a date. Do you tell her? F*ck yes I tell her and don't even think twice about it. A liar with a capital L. A loser with a capital L as well. By telling your friend, you make him and him only the loser, not your friend. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Hypothetical for the ladies: Friend is very smitten with a new guy. He has told her all sorts of wonderful things about how into her he is. They've gotten naked. He said he couldn't see her this week until Friday because he has his kids. You've just seen him at a restaurant, very clearly on a date. Do you tell her? I don't know. I probably would have taken a picture with the date and time on it. It's tough - I hid it at first, when my sister's then-boyfriend hit on me, because I knew she'd take his side and not believe it (and sure enough, he went to her first and said he was sure I'd mistaken something for an overture, and she believed him). But I would say something right away now. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 F*ck yes I tell her and don't even think twice about it. A liar with a capital L. A loser with a capital L as well. By telling your friend, you make him and him only the loser, not your friend. Given the limited facts, where did he lie...? It's not even Friday yet... Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Given the limited facts, where did he lie...? It's not even Friday yet... He couldn't see her because he was on another date. It's a lie of omission: "I'm getting someone else in the sack - or hoping to - so I won't be able to see you until Friday," would be more appropriate, and lose him a woman to get naked with: SG's friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Given the limited facts, where did he lie...? It's not even Friday yet... He said he couldn't see her this week until Friday because until Friday he has the kids. Then, he went on a date - with another woman. He lied. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 If they're not in an exclusive relationship, there was no need for him to lie. All he had to say was that he's busy until Friday night. Instead, he flat out lied. Now if they're in an exclusive relationship, then he's a cheating SOB. Either way, tell your friend, preferably with at least a picture to back up what you're saying. Otherwise, he'll try to lie his way out of this too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 He couldn't see her because he was on another date. It's a lie of omission: "I'm getting someone else in the sack - or hoping to - so I won't be able to see you until Friday," would be more appropriate, and lose him a woman to get naked with: SG's friend. As you were, I misread. Respectfully withdrawn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 I just told her I saw him at the restaurant, and she said, "Yeah, he said he was able to get away to have dinner with friends." I was silent. She said, "He was there with a girl, huh?" I said yes. She said, "That's okay, he called me on his way home. Clearly he's comparing and more into me than her. So, I'm still ahead." She's handling it better than I would have!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 He must have seen you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I just told her I saw him at the restaurant, and she said, "Yeah, he said he was able to get away to have dinner with friends." I was silent. She said, "He was there with a girl, huh?" I said yes. She said, "That's okay, he called me on his way home. Clearly he's comparing and more into me than her. So, I'm still ahead." She's handling it better than I would have!! Whoa!! Better than I would have, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 She said, "That's okay, he called me on his way home. Clearly he's comparing and more into me than her. So, I'm still ahead." She's handling it better than I would have!! Do you think OLD and the resulting increased trend in multidating has changed people's acceptance towards others multi-dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 He must have seen you. Indeed. We made eye contact. He was with a girl who easily could have been her twin. His ex-W is also a clone of my friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I think multidating is absolutely fine -- before the age of 25. If a person wants a more serious and mature relationship, though, multi-dating is a huge red flag...and God knows I had that hackneyed phrase on LS. But that's what it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Indeed. We made eye contact. He was with a girl who easily could have been her twin. His ex-W is also a clone of my friend. Christ, he's got an Ex-wife? Uh, waiter, check please!!! Dude's a fecking loser. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I think multidating is absolutely fine -- before the age of 25. What does age have to do with it...? If a person wants a more serious and mature relationship, though, multi-dating is a huge red flag What's the rationale behind this...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Christ, he's got an Ex-wife? Uh, waiter, check please!!! Dude's a fecking loser. Being divorced makes him a loser? Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 What does age have to do with it...? What's the rationale behind this...? The point is, people who are young and don't give a flip about dating can multi-date - it's just about having fun in the sack. If you want something more serious, though (as more mature people typically do), then multi-dating is the wrong move. Multi-dating in college is like putting notches on the bed post and not giving a f*Ck - I get it. Multidating later in life equals insecurity and having a perpetual back-up in case the person sitting in front of you (whom you've never really given a fair chance) doesn't work out. It's crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Being divorced makes him a loser? No, but being divorced and everything else you've told me about him thus far does. Seriously, he's divorced and he's out multidating and lying about it...as a lawyer, you're a trained logician - what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 No, but being divorced and everything else you've told me about him thus far does. Seriously, he's divorced and he's out multidating and lying about it...as a lawyer, you're a trained logician - what do you think? Being a lawyer has nothing to do with my analysis. What it tells me (here comes the flaming) is that he's the same as 75% of the guys out there. This doesn't surprise me, at all. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 What it tells me (here comes the flaming) is that he's the same as 75% of the guys out there. This doesn't surprise me, at all. Never flaming my love, but as I and even you have said before, you all are fishing in a very small pool of : Attractive, professionally and financially successful, athletic, outgoing guys in their mid 30's-early 40's, IN YOUR AREA. No wonder they act like douchebags, it's the Manhattan syndrome on a smaller scale. *I* want you to find a natively intelligent, hawt guy who owns his own blue collar biz and thinks you hung the moon and stars ! Off topic enough ? sorry Well, I guess this is sorted as she now knows and will do with it as she will. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
baRx Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 i didn't bother reading all the replies, but did anyone bother to ask if your friend and this guy agreed to a mutually exclusive relationship? if not, he's not in the wrong to be on another date. just because they saw each other naked, means nothing. i've seen girls naked (aka slept with them) and then went out with another girl a few days later... if we hadn't agreed on an exclusive relationship, it's perfectly okay. maybe he told her a lie about having to babysit his kids so her feelings wouldn't be hurt because he hasn't agreed to an exclusive relationship with her. without all the facts, i can't say... but i wouldn't say anything if it were me. Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 What it tells me (here comes the flaming) is that he's the same as 75% of the guys out there. This doesn't surprise me, at all. The positive is that there's a substantial percentage of men who aren't like this. But from all I've read on LS, the online dating environment is fraught full of men who are looking for the next best thing. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 If I see someone a friend of mine is dating while I am out to dinner - I need no reason at all to tell her. I just do. There doesnt need to be an explanation or judgement or assumptions. I saw him out and I mention it. Link to post Share on other sites
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