Dilema

[LisaC]

Actually, I have a situation I would like anyone to respond to. I met my fiance, Chris, two years ago. At that time in my life, I was ending a five year marriage, by my own choice. I had just begun to date casually and had several boyfriends. I was not interested in jumping back into a serious relationship. I met Chris by accident. He was a great guy. He was not a big womanizer and we became friends. Then almost immediately we became sexually involved. I really feel in love with him. I played very hard to get because it seemed to really turn him on and he pursued me very intensely. I agreed to live with him after six months. He proposed shortly after, claiming me as his soulmate. He wants children and marriage. He is 25. I am 28.

I accepted his proposal. We then begin to have lots of conflict. His Mom was very supportive of his exgirlfriend. Chris was very supportive of his Mom. We begin to fight. Sometimes it would be me. Sometimes it would be him. Everytime we would fight we would swear to never fight again and to devote ourselves to the realtionship. Instead of getting better, it got worse. I became very insecure and needy requiring more time and attention. He seemed more unable and unwilling to please me. It seemed he had no time to listen anymore. I would suggest we split up and he would say he loved me. We either would be in absolute heaven or hell with one another and seemed unable to iron out our problems for very long. The last fight we had, Chris decided to move out of our home and into an apartment. This would mean breaking our engagement and lease. He said he would move all my things to a new place and help me with the bills. He said he wanted to enhance our relationship and gain some personal growth and mutual respect. he said he did not want to date other people and would like for me to have a key to his apartment. He said he hoped to see me 6 times out of the week and to stay the nite at each others place. He said it wasnt about breaking up but about coming together. He said he did not want to marry me right away until we could change a few destructive patterns in our relationship. He said he planned to be with me if things worked out. I want to know if you think this is his way of getting out of the relationship and testing the waters or if he is being sincere. I feel like he doesnt want to live with me and he is blowing me off about the marriage thing. I am 28 and I feel like I want to settle down and have children. I dont want to be hooked along. Should I play hard to get and not see him so much? Should I still wear my engagement ring? I am so confused and he seems to have the upperhand. pls advise.

[Terry]

Actually, I have a situation I would like anyone to respond to. I met my fiance, Chris, two years ago. At that time in my life, I was ending a five year marriage, by my own choice. I had just begun to date casually and had several boyfriends. I was not interested in jumping back into a serious relationship. I met Chris by accident. He was a great guy. He was not a big womanizer and we became friends. Then almost immediately we became sexually involved. I really feel in love with him. I played very hard to get because it seemed to really turn him on and he pursued me very intensely. I agreed to live with him after six months. He proposed shortly after, claiming me as his soulmate. He wants children and marriage. He is 25. I am 28.

 

I accepted his proposal. We then begin to have lots of conflict. His Mom was very supportive of his exgirlfriend. Chris was very supportive of his Mom. We begin to fight. Sometimes it would be me. Sometimes it would be him. Everytime we would fight we would swear to never fight again and to devote ourselves to the realtionship. Instead of getting better, it got worse. I became very insecure and needy requiring more time and attention. He seemed more unable and unwilling to please me. It seemed he had no time to listen anymore. I would suggest we split up and he would say he loved me. We either would be in absolute heaven or hell with one another and seemed unable to iron out our problems for very long. The last fight we had, Chris decided to move out of our home and into an apartment. This would mean breaking our engagement and lease. He said he would move all my things to a new place and help me with the bills. He said he wanted to enhance our relationship and gain some personal growth and mutual respect. he said he did not want to date other people and would like for me to have a key to his apartment. He said he hoped to see me 6 times out of the week and to stay the nite at each others place. He said it wasnt about breaking up but about coming together. He said he did not want to marry me right away until we could change a few destructive patterns in our relationship. He said he planned to be with me if things worked out. I want to know if you think this is his way of getting out of the relationship and testing the waters or if he is being sincere. I feel like he doesnt want to live with me and he is blowing me off about the marriage thing. I am 28 and I feel like I want to settle down and have children. I dont want to be hooked along. Should I play hard to get and not see him so much? Should I still wear my engagement ring? I am so confused and he seems to have the upperhand. pls advise.

 

 

Well, I live the motto- you can't make some love

 

you and do what you want. Have a good cry and move on slowly. That means if you have to swallow your

 

pride and go back just for sex every once in a while until you find some one else- then so be it!

 

But you must move on-Terry

[drone]

I think I would be cautious... it sounds like the relationship may be moving backwards. Trust your intuition....I think women have a keen sense for these kind of issues. I would like to add that it's unfortunate about his mother....she should be supportive of the son...not the ex!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually, I have a situation I would like anyone to respond to. I met my fiance, Chris, two years ago. At that time in my life, I was ending a five year marriage, by my own choice. I had just begun to date casually and had several boyfriends. I was not interested in jumping back into a serious relationship. I met Chris by accident. He was a great guy. He was not a big womanizer and we became friends. Then almost immediately we became sexually involved. I really feel in love with him. I played very hard to get because it seemed to really turn him on and he pursued me very intensely. I agreed to live with him after six months. He proposed shortly after, claiming me as his soulmate. He wants children and marriage. He is 25. I am 28.

 

I accepted his proposal. We then begin to have lots of conflict. His Mom was very supportive of his exgirlfriend. Chris was very supportive of his Mom. We begin to fight. Sometimes it would be me. Sometimes it would be him. Everytime we would fight we would swear to never fight again and to devote ourselves to the realtionship. Instead of getting better, it got worse. I became very insecure and needy requiring more time and attention. He seemed more unable and unwilling to please me. It seemed he had no time to listen anymore. I would suggest we split up and he would say he loved me. We either would be in absolute heaven or hell with one another and seemed unable to iron out our problems for very long. The last fight we had, Chris decided to move out of our home and into an apartment. This would mean breaking our engagement and lease. He said he would move all my things to a new place and help me with the bills. He said he wanted to enhance our relationship and gain some personal growth and mutual respect. he said he did not want to date other people and would like for me to have a key to his apartment. He said he hoped to see me 6 times out of the week and to stay the nite at each others place. He said it wasnt about breaking up but about coming together. He said he did not want to marry me right away until we could change a few destructive patterns in our relationship. He said he planned to be with me if things worked out. I want to know if you think this is his way of getting out of the relationship and testing the waters or if he is being sincere. I feel like he doesnt want to live with me and he is blowing me off about the marriage thing. I am 28 and I feel like I want to settle down and have children. I dont want to be hooked along. Should I play hard to get and not see him so much? Should I still wear my engagement ring? I am so confused and he seems to have the upperhand. pls advise.

[Jos Love*]

I wouldn't get too paranoid if I were you. Maybe he is being sincere, you never know. Discuss with him what you want so that if he doesn't want what you want anymore then he could move and so could you.

 

 

He might be getting cold feet about marrying you because of the disagreements you two were both encountering. If this is so then his decision to move out was wise after all because you both need to step back and decide if you two could live together for the rest of your lives despite your differences. Maybe he realized that he can't and this is a clue. Make sure you find out.

 

 

Good Luck!!!

 

Jos Love*