Debate with my husband

[LittleTiger]

Why do you think so many western men are turning away from western woman and going elsewhere?

 

I think you'll find that statistically most of them aren't........and why do you keep asking 'off-topic' questions and yet refuse to answer 'on-topic' ones?

[dreamingoftigers]

Why do you think so many western men are turning away from western woman and going elsewhere?

 

Honestly honey, it's hardly this great phenomenon.

 

The ports aren't crowded. Wait times for international flights hasn't gone through the roof. Come to think of it, I know more women that have married men from abroad. In mixed countries, not traditional but not anti-fem either. Places like Jamaica and such. Can think of three off the top of my head right now with husbands from Jamaica. Two from Lebanon whose husbands moved here and adopted more equal-lib viewpoints. So some men come here and change cultures and some women do too. It probably comes close to evening out.

 

If the traditionalist viewpoint worked for everyone, why would these women come over here and adopt to a more "feminist' society? Wouldn't you want a man that appreciated and understood those cultural values better. Or is it just not up for a woman's decision. I assume in a lot of cases that it isn't.

 

I also know that second-generation Indian girls here aren't interested in the guys straight out of India. They call them FOBs. It means "Fresh Off the Boat." I'm not saying it's nice or right. But it's there.

 

There's an attitude from both camps that they are in the "better off' camp.

 

We aren't having a "man wanting woman" crisis here. LOL

 

Sure there's a quality man shortage. But that's global. (I'm kidding).

 

If anything it's funny how many men are into the total bitchy-type women here. The kind that only expect to please themselves. Bizarre, if you ask me. Why anyone stretches themselves to the brink to please the evidently unpleasable is beyond me.

 

I also am not interested in having a mate dictate my happiness. I don't plan to dictate his and hope that his happiness would not be solely and only based upon my every action. It's an imprisoning way to live. To have to second-guess every move and feel responsible for every slip or minor error in perception of what your mate wants. Everyone. Everyone needs a little slack. Women do, men do too.

 

We need to consider each other, totally. But commanding each other is too much, too far.

[anne1707]

Roweena

 

I would have thought you would have been too good a wife to spend so much time on LS over the past day or so. Us Western women just totally neglect our husbands so it is to be expected that we would spend our days trawling the internet rather than doing our hair, applying make-up and cooking a delicious 3 course meal - all before having dutiful sex with our men.

 

Mind you. Maybe you post here whilst he as at work and after you have done all the housework.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think you'll find that statistically most of them aren't.......

 

OP, you'll find that more men here are interested in the dating life. This is a more likely image as to what you'll see across the country on any given weekend:

 

http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site36/2012/0614/20120614__20120617_E1_AE17VELVETROPE~p1.jpg

 

Guys and girls getting together, meeting at various venues etc.

 

This is probably how many men in my country are daily going out to scope for an international bride based solely on the fact that they are frustrated with Western women and have reasonable intentions to find, marry, and sponsor a partner for immigration.

 

https://www.google.ca/search?q=airport+gate+image&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=GZ2zUeXjMsHhiALm1oDABA&ved=0CC8QsAQ&biw=1366&bih=667#facrc=_&imgrc=YASUDBMgcXCXWM%3A%3B90j9ZbJS_JRF6M%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.bridgeandtunnelclub.com%252Fbigmap%252Foutoftown%252Farizona%252Fphoenix%252Fskyharbor%252Fterminal2%252F05gate6b.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.bridgeandtunnelclub.com%252Fbigmap%252Foutoftown%252Farizona%252Fphoenix%252Fskyharbor%252Fterminal2%252F%3B732%3B549

 

So, a few here and there. And how many go through, find a partner they like, make all of the arrangements, show the proper respect to her family, understand her culture, manage her expectations, get her back to his country and actually help her adapt? The odds are low. It happens, but it isn't like this:

 

Google Image Result for http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41417000/jpg/_41417509_chaosheathrow416.jpg

[dreamingoftigers]

Roweena

 

I would have thought you would have been too good a wife to spend so much time on LS over the past day or so. Us Western women just totally neglect our husbands so it is to be expected that we would spend our days trawling the internet rather than doing our hair, applying make-up and cooking a delicious 3 course meal - all before having dutiful sex with our men.

 

Mind you. Maybe you post here whilst he as at work and after you have done all the housework.

 

I'm entitled so I have to microwave my food to stay on here for so many hours. :lmao: All I need is a cat and I'm all set.

 

OP, have you talked to your husband about the hair thing yet?

 

Have you told him about your posting?

[anne1707]

I'm entitled so I have to microwave my food to stay on here for so many hours. :lmao: All I need is a cat and I'm all set.

 

Microwave??? DOT that is terrible. You should make your husband cook for you. That's what I do.

[dreamingoftigers]

Microwave??? DOT that is terrible. You should make your husband cook for you. That's what I do.

 

He does cook for me.

 

We split it 50/50. And sometimes he cooks for himself and sometimes I cook for myself.

 

Except when I make him grovel to appease my feminist wiles. Then only he cooks. I let him have the scraps off of my plate though. After the dog is done with it.

[Roweena]

I think you'll find that statistically most of them aren't........and why do you keep asking 'off-topic' questions and yet refuse to answer 'on-topic' ones?

 

I never said that most are. I said that many are.

[Roweena]

He does cook for me.

 

We split it 50/50. And sometimes he cooks for himself and sometimes I cook for myself.

 

Except when I make him grovel to appease my feminist wiles. Then only he cooks. I let him have the scraps off of my plate though. After the dog is done with it.

 

You sound delightful dear.

[Roweena]

Honestly honey, it's hardly this great phenomenon.

 

The ports aren't crowded. Wait times for international flights hasn't gone through the roof. Come to think of it, I know more women that have married men from abroad. In mixed countries, not traditional but not anti-fem either. Places like Jamaica and such. Can think of three off the top of my head right now with husbands from Jamaica. Two from Lebanon whose husbands moved here and adopted more equal-lib viewpoints. So some men come here and change cultures and some women do too. It probably comes close to evening out.

 

If the traditionalist viewpoint worked for everyone, why would these women come over here and adopt to a more "feminist' society? Wouldn't you want a man that appreciated and understood those cultural values better. Or is it just not up for a woman's decision. I assume in a lot of cases that it isn't.

 

I also know that second-generation Indian girls here aren't interested in the guys straight out of India. They call them FOBs. It means "Fresh Off the Boat." I'm not saying it's nice or right. But it's there.

 

There's an attitude from both camps that they are in the "better off' camp.

 

We aren't having a "man wanting woman" crisis here. LOL

 

Sure there's a quality man shortage. But that's global. (I'm kidding).

 

If anything it's funny how many men are into the total bitchy-type women here. The kind that only expect to please themselves. Bizarre, if you ask me. Why anyone stretches themselves to the brink to please the evidently unpleasable is beyond me.

 

I also am not interested in having a mate dictate my happiness. I don't plan to dictate his and hope that his happiness would not be solely and only based upon my every action. It's an imprisoning way to live. To have to second-guess every move and feel responsible for every slip or minor error in perception of what your mate wants. Everyone. Everyone needs a little slack. Women do, men do too.

 

We need to consider each other, totally. But commanding each other is too much, too far.

 

A lot of western men are leaving for foreign women because they are vastly superior in terms of femininity, attractiveness, and all the qualities that make a good girlfriend or wife. Western women are really starting to become aware of the fact that they are becoming less and less appealing, which is why they get so angry and defensive when the truth is told. But none of that matters, the only thing that really matters is the fact that those men are better off, and western women are being abandoned more and more. Highest rates of obesity, highest rates of divorce, you work it out.

[Roweena]

All I need is a cat and I'm all set

 

Don't worry sweetie, I'm sure you will be acquainted with many, many cats

[LittleTiger]

I never said that most are. I said that many are.

 

I'm not invisible on this thread then!

 

So how about an answer to all my questions? Too tough for you?

 

Here's some more that I believe are relevant:

 

What's your background culture?

Where were you brought up?

Where do you currently live?

Do you have paid employment?

Are you even 'allowed' to work outside the home?

Do you have children?

What makes you qualified to be so rude about Western women?

What was the purpose of starting this thread?

How much do hair extensions cost where you are, and do you think your husband would be willing to pay for them to increase your value?

[dreamingoftigers]

You sound delightful dear.

 

Thank you.

 

A lot of western men are leaving for foreign women because they are vastly superior in terms of femininity, attractiveness, and all the qualities that make a good girlfriend or wife. Western women are really starting to become aware of the fact that they are becoming less and less appealing, which is why they get so angry and defensive when the truth is told. But none of that matters, the only thing that really matters is the fact that those men are better off, and western women are being abandoned more and more. Highest rates of obesity, highest rates of divorce, you work it out.

 

I thought we were just ........amused.......

And really more concerned for a marginalized woman who was not being genuinely cared for.

 

Pass the cheese whiz..... I'm watching this thread. I got my Saturday night all mapped out.

 

I'm going to do it! I am going to take the plunge into my shallow cultural heritage and set my man free to go and be irresponsible in foreign lands! If he can do it here, I know that he can do it there twice as much! I can do this! I am woman hear me roar!

 

Mircrowave: check

 

Cat: half-check. (The neighbour has one that's in heat)

 

Obesity: double-check

 

Divorce papers: Dammit. Have to get those on Monday in between Dr. Phil and Oprah. (Is Oprah even still on?)

 

Plane ticket for husband to go to foreign nation: Dammit. Travelocity won't accept my work credit card! Dammit! I must find another way for him to get there so he can be better off! It's the only thing that matters!

 

Don't worry sweetie, I'm sure you will be acquainted with many, many cats

 

Oh, you didn't mean it.

 

And here I thought I was going to convert you and we could go eat twinkies and be selfish together.

 

We could've been BFFs. We could've seen what an office looks like together. Or a construction site.

 

Or even a mall!

 

I don't think I've been this disappointed I got my first paycheque and it had my name on it.

[LittleTiger]

Don't worry sweetie, I'm sure you will be acquainted with many, many cats

 

I feel compelled to point out here that some Western women have men who find us beautiful, sexy, intelligent and fun, who respect us and consider us equals, who feel loved, appreciated and cared for by us and who would suffer inconsolable heartbreak if they lost us - and we have cats! :laugh:

[Els]

I'm not invisible on this thread then!

 

So how about an answer to all my questions? Too tough for you?

 

Here's some more that I believe are relevant:

 

What's your background culture?

Where were you brought up?

Where do you currently live?

Do you have paid employment?

Are you even 'allowed' to work outside the home?

Do you have children?

What makes you qualified to be so rude about Western women?

What was the purpose of starting this thread?

How much do hair extensions cost where you are, and do you think your husband would be willing to pay for them to increase your value?

 

Adding to your list, and asking the OP for the third time:

 

Why the hell did you chop all your femininity off??? Isn't that, like, grounds for divorce or something?

[Janesays]

OP, why aren't you in the kitchen? We're hungry!

 

Also, you keep talking about how men are leaving all these western women behind....yet my tv keeps telling me that we still have people immigrating here! So much so, that the republican party considers it a 'problem.' Why would so many non western men and women want to come to America when 1/2 the population is full of empty headed whiny little twits who can't handle leadership and the other half of the population is apparently trying to go somewhere else to get the quality women? It makes no sense! You're right! Women ARE stupid.

 

Or maybe it's just you.

 

Get back in the kitchen, OP! WE ARE HUNGRY!

 

PS: I'm more valuable than you because my hair is still very long and you chopped yours off. Nyah. Nyah. Nyah.

[Els]

You know, I've been intending to report this thread for a while, but it's just so bloody entertaining. Let's keep it around a little longer.

[HeavenOrHell]

He sounds extremely shallow, and is the sort of man I avoid like the plague.

 

 

My husband made a comment the other day about my hair, he said that I should grow it by a few inches to how it was before. A few months ago I had it cut rather short and I could tell straight away that he didn't like it, although at the time he didn't say anything. He said that a major part of why he was interested in me initially was the way I looked, and that if I start making changes without consulting him first it will lessen his attraction for me. He says that a woman's appearance is her number 1 asset, followed closely by her femininity.

 

We had a brief discussion about that, and since then we have had a few chats, and now it's kind of an ongoing debate between us.

 

We also discussed a few other things aswell, but I thought I'd start off with this particular subject.

 

Thoughts?

[HeavenOrHell]

Ugh, totally ugh!

I'd run a mile

 

 

Because it's an ongoing debate about various things. For example, he's a christian and he often says, as it says in the bible, that the man is the head of the woman. He's very patriarchical, and I must admit that the way he interacts with me not only turns me on a lot, it actually feels right somehow, like that's the way it's supposed to be. It's hard to explain, it just feels like that's the right dynamic. All of our mutual friends were married but only one couple remain, and in all cases the husband is, shall we say, kind of henpecked. My husband has a saying, "Woman plus power equals chaos", and whenever we talk about our formerly married friends, his arguments (based on that saying) are very difficult to argue with.

[HeavenOrHell]

You need to stop saying sweetie when you don't mean it.

People are entitled to their opinion same as you are.

 

 

You need to relax and get off your high horse sweetie. No one here has said that a attractiveness is the only or the most important aspect of a woman's value. What I said was that a woman's looks and femininity are the number 1 things relating to a woman's initial attractiveness.

 

Do you know the difference between overall value as a person, and initial attractiveness? I don't think you do. Therefore you are not qualified to take part in this discussion. So get off your feminist high horse and learn to listen to the difference between one thing and another. Stop putting words into my mouth and listen to what you're being told.

 

Attractiveness is not the same as overall value. You got that? Stop deliberately confusing the two.

[dreamingoftigers]

Ugh, totally ugh!

I'd run a mile

 

If you were allowed out of the house!

[dreamingoftigers]

This thread is actually giving me flashbacks of my teens and twenties. I was raised in this kind if ideology and it was further cultivated by narcissistic ex. The SAME stuff Roweena is talking I at one time would have nodded my head at, in fact I said things quite similar....

 

I'm actually quite sad knowing what she's married to and how EVERY relationship I knew like that, if the people didn't grow out of it, ended up.... If she thinks the west has a high infidelity rate, she better remember how multiple younger wives and concubines is even more common place in the east....

 

My Somali friend's mother.... same deal.

 

Luckily she liberated herself from it and actually managed to do so while taking care of 8 children.

[Eggplant]

Men have SO convinced women of this being a right that when my ex brother in law cheated on my mother in law's own daughter she told her:"you should have dyed your hair more, henna'd her hands and lost that last ten pounds from pregnancy. My jaw dropped hearing a mother blaming her own daughter for marrying a pig of the parent's choosing

Your mother-in-law is heartless.

[Eggplant]

The ridicule they get from family and spouse is suddenly justified because they "allowed themselves to depreciate" and so the women internalize it and this reinforces the subjugation.

That seems outrageously disrespectful of family members to ridicule older women. Nasty... Who does it? The men or the women or both? Does anybody ever stand up for the ridiculed?

 

Not that society isn't hard on older women in the States... I hate it when comedians and entertainers make fun of the elderly in a disrespectful way.

[Els]

This thread is actually giving me flashbacks of my teens and twenties. I was raised in this kind if ideology and it was further cultivated by narcissistic ex. The SAME stuff Roweena is talking I at one time would have nodded my head at, in fact I said things quite similar....

 

I'm actually quite sad knowing what she's married to and how EVERY relationship I knew like that, if the people didn't grow out of it, ended up.... If she thinks the west has a high infidelity rate, she better remember how multiple younger wives and concubines is even more common place in the east....

 

She can't remember, because she isn't.

 

'Her' style reeks of the modus operandi of some of the frequently banned posters (ahem trolls ahem) around here, except she took the slightly more creative route of posing as the woman instead.

 

I do know several women who buy very heavily into the culture you speak of, and I assure you that these women would not be creating an account on LS (immoral, hedonistic place...), and especially not making a thread to argue their viewpoint on their very first visit. They would also not be asserting their superiority over all other types of women while calling other women every name in the book.

 

Not to mention that the OP's perception of gender roles in a relationship is a cake-eating mix that doesn't exist anywhere in the world, except in his head. The women who believe in his '#1 asset of women' theory also believe that the #1 asset of a man is his ability to be the primary breadwinner, not 'charm'. Women in very poor places do work as much as men do, but putting time and money into the beautification efforts mentioned by the OP is completely out of the question for such women, and many do in fact chop their hair off pretty short for convenience in the manual work that they perform, while their husbands are too pragmatic to care. As long as it saves precious money that they need to survive, it's all good.

 

In short, we appreciate your viewpoints, but your efforts are very much wasted on this OP.