DelusionalOne Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Hi All. I haven’t been out here in a bit. Thought I would give an update. The interview process for the promotion started yesterday. It was confirmed to me that xMM did apply for the promotion as well. And it was made apparent to me at this point, that it is basically down to him and me. For the life of me, I cannot figure out, based on our past history, why he would want to work with me every day and essentially be my supervisor (should he get the promotion over me) and on top of that…WHY the hell his W would even agree to something like that. Can you say awkward??? Was all of this really about getting a stupid job? I have wrapped my head around the fact that if he should get the promotion, I will be leaving the company. I have stepped up my job search and contacted all my old bosses and am networking like crazy. My emotions are all over the place but for the present moment, I feel numb. Numb is good but it changes in a heartbeat. Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Hi All. I haven’t been out here in a bit. Thought I would give an update. The interview process for the promotion started yesterday. It was confirmed to me that xMM did apply for the promotion as well. And it was made apparent to me at this point, that it is basically down to him and me. For the life of me, I cannot figure out, based on our past history, why he would want to work with me every day and essentially be my supervisor (should he get the promotion over me) and on top of that…WHY the hell his W would even agree to something like that. Can you say awkward??? Was all of this really about getting a stupid job? I have wrapped my head around the fact that if he should get the promotion, I will be leaving the company. I have stepped up my job search and contacted all my old bosses and am networking like crazy. My emotions are all over the place but for the present moment, I feel numb. Numb is good but it changes in a heartbeat. Are we allowed to change names? Dee would do. How long before you know the decision? XMM probably sees the promotion as just that...a promotion. Men and women think differently about such things. I don't think he has an ulterior motive besides qualifying for it. Isn't he qualified? His W may not understand the dynamics at your workplace. She may not realize that xMM, if he got promoted, would be interacting closely with Dee. If she did, I'm sure she'd have something to say about it. Numb is good for now. Take it one step at a time. Now we wait for the decision. Then we react accordingly. Deep breaths.... I know you will have to fight the thoughts but you can do it, Dee. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I agree with Nemo!!! His motives are simply more money and higher job title. Just as yours are. I would quit worrying about what his wife wants or doesn't. If it was a big issue to her she would have outted both of you to the work place and pushed for both of you to be terminated. I say you keep doing what you are doing, which is looking for a new job. It will be better for you in the long run. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) Yeah... The "relationship" probably still wouldn't be eating at me if he left me alone and respected NC like I have. The promotion is the next step in my career that I cultivated over the last 10 years. He's been with the company 2 years and I help train him. As for a one-time mistake... I hear he already has another OW... So if the W is secure than she has blinders on. ETA: as a BS as well, promotion or no promotion there is no way in hell I would let my H work in that kind of situation with his xAP. Unless he wanted a divorce. But that's just me. Maybe I'm different. Edited June 6, 2013 by DelusionalOne 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 If I understand correctly- DO and her xMM work in different offices for the same company right now so they do not have to see each other. A promotion would bring them into the SAME office. What BS would allow that? I thought NC was key. DO- If you get the promotion he will have to stay in his office, far away- correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 If I understand correctly- DO and her xMM work in different offices for the same company right now so they do not have to see each other. A promotion would bring them into the SAME office. What BS would allow that? I thought NC was key. DO- If you get the promotion he will have to stay in his office, far away- correct? That is correct. If I got the promotion he would stay where he is. I would not be his supervisor. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Del: Most affairs start at the workplace. The reason is obvious: The workplace bring men and women together and romance happens. The two of you working together all day long could rekindle things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Del: Most affairs start at the workplace. The reason is obvious: The workplace bring men and women together and romance happens. The two of you working together all day long could rekindle things. When hell freezes over. The sky is bright and clear... No fog on the horizon. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 When hell freezes over. :laugh: That is usually the opening line of most newbie OWs when they join the forum. They never thought they would be an OW. It is part of the introductory remarks. The phrase it is usually followed by "I don't know how it happened". Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Except... I'm not a newbie now. No illusions, fantasies or dreams of happy endings. The fog has cleared and I am actively looking to leave a job I love. But, thanks... Forewarned is forearmed. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Except... I'm not a newbie now. No illusions, fantasies or dreams of happy endings. The fog has cleared and I am actively looking to leave a job I love. But, thanks... Forewarned is forearmed. Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!:cool: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Hi All. For the life of me, I cannot figure out, based on our past history, why he would want to work with me every day and essentially be my supervisor (should he get the promotion over me) and on top of that…WHY the hell his W would even agree to something like that. Can you say awkward??? Was all of this really about getting a stupid job? I have wrapped my head around the fact that if he should get the promotion, I will be leaving the company. I have stepped up my job search and contacted all my old bosses and am networking like crazy. . No, no , no. NO. As a woman who has had to work really hard to get where I am professionally - I cannot stand to see you not shoving him out of the way of this Promotion. SHOVE HIM OUT OF THE WAY. His wife , although she knows all about you and the affair - May VERY well be completely unaware that the promotion he is going for will put you and he in dorect daily contact every day. I bet she doesnt. I would definitely tell her about it and tell her that this makes you as uncomfortable as it makes her. Let her do the rest. And while were at it - look, he is out for your JOB. He is playing hardball. You can too. Since if he gets the promotion, you want to leave anyway...The DAY it is announced - inform the company of the affair and the hostile work enviroment that he has now created. . They cant fire you for it. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 No, no , no. NO. As a woman who has had to work really hard to get where I am professionally - I cannot stand to see you not shoving him out of the way of this Promotion. SHOVE HIM OUT OF THE WAY. His wife , although she knows all about you and the affair - May VERY well be completely unaware that the promotion he is going for will put you and he in dorect daily contact every day. I bet she doesnt. I would definitely tell her about it and tell her that this makes you as uncomfortable as it makes her. Let her do the rest. And while were at it - look, he is out for your JOB. He is playing hardball. You can too. Since if he gets the promotion, you want to leave anyway...The DAY it is announced - inform the company of the affair and the hostile work enviroment that he has now created. . They cant fire you for it. It is not HER JOB. It is a job opening that they both are applying for. I would suggest she keep her mouth shut about what it entails. Least the BW stir up trouble for her at her place of employment. I have an idea...if she wants the promotion that bad and should PUSH him out of the way, she should tell all upper management about the affair. But wait...that would mean she would not get the position either. And by the way....she created that environment too, by crapping where she eats. Just because she is the OW does not make her less to blame for actions in the workplace. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 If I understand correctly- DO and her xMM work in different offices for the same company right now so they do not have to see each other. A promotion would bring them into the SAME office. What BS would allow that? I thought NC was key. DO- If you get the promotion he will have to stay in his office, far away- correct? As a BW, I would have asked him to quit the job as soon as possible. Finances withstanding. But that is me. Nobody knows what there finances are and/or why his BW is okay with him continuing in a place of employment with his OW. One of my biggest celebrations was the day my FWH was let go from his job. The men in that company engaged in affairs (majority). Not a friendly place for a couple trying to reconcile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 It is her job. Her career, Her promotion. I dont see how her announcing the affair to the entire workplace or having his wife reveal it would be beneficial at all. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 It is her job. Her career, Her promotion. I dont see how her announcing the affair to the entire workplace or having his wife reveal it would be beneficial at all. And yet you told her to do just that if he got the promotion. It is her job and career, but the promotion is up for grabs to the most qualified person. You cannot have it both ways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 And they both could lose their jobs if there is a clause about no relationships within the workplace. Let alone the looks and treatment she would get from everyone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 You are taking what I suggested and changing the scenerio around . This poster's former affair partner had no interest in this position until the affair ended. His motives certainly seem as though his main objective is to continue working closely with the poster. I would think his wife is unaware of this and as a BS, I would want to know . As a BS concerned for my H's position, I would not announce to the entire office. I would announce to HIM that his efforts to continue working even more closely with OW were not benefitting our reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 And yet you told her to do just that if he got the promotion. It is her job and career, but the promotion is up for grabs to the most qualified person. You cannot have it both ways. Sure ya can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelusionalOne Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Calm down folks. No there is no clause... This place is a free-for-all... The stories I could tell. There are no automatic promotions in this company... Every position must be posted. 4 people applied who have never even done MY job... That's just how it works here. And by the way the xMM IS NO DIMWITTED MORON who fell for the evil wiles of the aggressive OW. I'll take my part of the responsibility but I'll be damned if I take his! He pursued aggressively... I gave in (stupid me-MY RESPONSIBILITY) I have walked away and he's done everything but throw himself at my feet to get my attention since then... All for a fricken job. If he gets it... I hope it's everything he wants it to be... But without me here to torture. I'm sure the company will be very happy to watch my 10 years of experience and knowledge walk out the door. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 You are taking what I suggested and changing the scenerio around . This poster's former affair partner had no interest in this position until the affair ended. His motives certainly seem as though his main objective is to continue working closely with the poster. I would think his wife is unaware of this and as a BS, I would want to know . As a BS concerned for my H's position, I would not announce to the entire office. I would announce to HIM that his efforts to continue working even more closely with OW were not benefitting our reconciliation. Oh but see that is just what would happen. Don't you see the DO will be seen as the crazy exOW. I know it is sad and most likely not the truth but that is how it will be seen. As for him being a dimwitted moron who fell for your evil ways. No one thinks that. I certainly don't think that about my FWH. It takes TWO. And no the company won't be happy, but I highly suggest you do not out the affair that took place with a coworker and would NEVER engage in that behavior again. It is simple things that can ruin a career that was so hard worked for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 No, no , no. NO. As a woman who has had to work really hard to get where I am professionally - I cannot stand to see you not shoving him out of the way of this Promotion. SHOVE HIM OUT OF THE WAY. Again it is NOT her promotion. It is open to anyone willing to apply. It just so happens that it has been narrowed down to the two of them. His wife , although she knows all about you and the affair - May VERY well be completely unaware that the promotion he is going for will put you and he in direct daily contact every day. I bet she doesn't. I would definitely tell her about it and tell her that this makes you as uncomfortable as it makes her. Let her do the rest. Nice way to deflect the promotion. Make his wife hate what it "might" stand for, instead of seeing it as a money making opportunity for him. Although I would agree that I would have asked him to leave the company ASAP. And while were at it - look, he is out for your JOB. He is playing hardball. You can too. Since if he gets the promotion, you want to leave anyway...The DAY it is announced - inform the company of the affair and the hostile work enviroment that he has now created. . They cant fire you for it. First you suggest exposing unknown reasons to his wife and if that doesn't work expose to the company how his trainer engaged in an affair with him. It will back fire on both of them, not just him. See he was not her supervisor, just a coworker. Funny how the workplace did not become hostile until he applied for the same position that she did. I didn't twist your words around at all. I stated exactly what you said. If she wants to ruin her reputation too, I say go for it. Either way they both rolled in slime. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 (edited) As a BW, I would have asked him to quit the job as soon as possible. Finances withstanding. But that is me. Nobody knows what there finances are and/or why his BW is okay with him continuing in a place of employment with his OW. One of my biggest celebrations was the day my FWH was let go from his job. The men in that company engaged in affairs (majority). Not a friendly place for a couple trying to reconcile. I think you haven't gotten your head around the facts. Why would you have asked him to quit his job? They are physically in different locations. So they are not in the same place of employment. IF he gets the promotion he will then be at the same company AND in the same LOCATION. She's been there 10 years, him 2. By my analysis, it's her job. Dee- go get it! ETA: Yikes! Like 5 posts popped up while I was typing so disregard my statements : ) Edited June 6, 2013 by Praying4Peace Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I think you haven't gotten your head around the facts. Why would you have asked him to quit his job? They are physically in different locations. So they are not in the same place of employment. IF he gets the promotion he will then be at the same company AND in the same LOCATION. She's been there 10 years, him 2. By my analysis, it's her job. Dee- go get it! ETA: Yikes! Like 5 posts popped up while I was typing so disregard my statements : ) Sorry to say but any interaction for me would be a deal breaker. But I am that hard butt BW most people are afraid of. To me NC means just that. If there is the slightest chance of contact, I am gone. I don't talk with my FWH's MOW's BH for that reason. I cannot expect NC between the two of them if I continue to engage myself. Seniority does not guarantee a promotion. Sorry but that is the hard fact of employment in todays environment. Just because you have been their longer does not mean you are more qualified for the job. I wish it was different. And in a perfect world she would get the promotion. But the world is not perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Sorry to say but any interaction for me would be a deal breaker. But I am that hard butt BW most people are afraid of. This is getting strange. Every post here, my own included has stated the exact same thing yet have generated responses that seem hostile and contrary - even though saying the same thing. Except about the "hard butt BW most people are afraid of" - other than of course, your WS and OW right? Link to post Share on other sites
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