simplybrill Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 I must be a roving idiot - because I came over my ex's place to talk about things and get closure I guess, and to tell him that I couldnt be with him, and the next thing I know we're rollin around and gettin down to business. We can't keep our hands off each other! We literally havent seen each other or spoken since we broke up, and all of those old feelings just came back! Egh...we even talked about seeing other people, and if it was meant to be- we'd eventually come back together. And we were fine with that...for like 5 minutes...and then all of that went straight out the window It gets more complicated...everything would be fine, if I were living on my own. But I live with a very close family member of mine, we've been through a very abusive childhood among a lot of other things, and come through it together. We're each other's best friend...and I dont know how to tell this person that I want to see this guy again. They know that he hurt me a lot, and took part in the whole "grrr guys suck" trash talking when me and him broke up. He hurt me a lot! and he was a jerk! But he's changed, and he's getting his life together, and he knows that nothing will come between me and my family-and he doesnt want to, he respects that. So I guess my question is,,, what to do about my situation with him...should we in fact get back together...and how do I break it to my super-protective family member? I have a very tough-love, overprotective Italian-like family here...I dont think the whole "gee guys, I love this guy a lot...please understand" thing would fly... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 I'm dealing with this exact same issue....and I mean EXACTLY the same. We could be twins! We've decided, me and my ex (now current bf) that we were going to keep things quiet for awhile and see how things go. If they go alright and we're together for more then a couple months, then we're going to tell people. I just want to start our relationship again without the judgement of others. I know it shouldn't matter what others think but I my family and I are very close and what they say effects me more then it should. But I do love this guy... So we're going to see if things go okay and then let the family in on it. It's worked so far....it's only been a week though. But if you have to let your family know right away, then they should respect that it's your life and if this is all a mistake then it's your mistake to make. You have to make your own decisions, if you let others tell you what to do then it's not your life you're living, it's theirs. You know what's best for you, no one knows what your relationship was like with your ex but you. I'm sure it wasn't all bad, but your family has only heard the bad stuff because you only tell people the bad stuff because that's when you need to talk to someone the most. This is all the stuff I've thought through and come to realize (with the help of Loveshack of course!) through my current situation. I hope it helps you some. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovehertodeath Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINK!! IM HAPPY FOR TWO!! I WOULD KILL TO BE IN YOUR POSITION RIGHT NOW!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 Originally posted by simplybrill They know that he hurt me a lot, and took part in the whole "grrr guys suck" trash talking when me and him broke up. He hurt me a lot! and he was a jerk! But he's changed what to do about my situation with him...should we in fact get back together...and how do I break it to my super-protective family member? I have a very tough-love, overprotective Italian-like family here...I dont think the whole "gee guys, I love this guy a lot...please understand" thing would fly... This is what happens when you let family members in on your business. You're a little more obligated to stick to your guns. This guy treated you like sh*t and trash talked you. And he's changed? Huh? How do you know, seriously? The best thing you could've done is to tell your family is someone is mistreating you. They are your support system. But not your support system for one side of the game, now they want to watch your back and make sure you don't slide into the same B.S. I really can't blame them. They're not your support system to watch you get hurt. They aren't going to support that. They DON'T NEED TO! If this guy treated you badly and your fam realizes this, take into consideration it's their job to watch over you, especially once you let them in on the story. And you've done that. I was in an abusive relationship until I got so pissed at the guy (post break-up) that I told my mom. It was the best thing I ever did. I knew when I told her, there was no going back. She was my support system. I never went back. Take into serious consideration, not HOW to tell your support system, but WHY they are your support system. They are your support system because this guy was a prick. He was a prick for a reason. Pricks act like pricks. Get a real man that can go without trash talking and treat you like a lady. Then you solve both probs, you still have your support system, you find a real man, and everyone's happy. They won't like the reunion for a reason - eyes wide open! Never give up or turn your back a support system you created. You're settling for something you couldn't accept in the first place - hence creating that support system. G'luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplybrill Posted October 8, 2004 Author Share Posted October 8, 2004 It's so easy to get caught up in all the lovey dovey stuff, and him telling you he's changed, and telling you that he loves you, and just wants to be with you-thats it, he was my first-so I guess that's why Im so attatched. I know what you're saying, Tiki and you're absolutely right about my family member and them being my support system- and subconciously if I didnt want them to hate him along with me when we broke up, I wouldnt have gone into as much detail as I did, with them when I let them in on my relationship. I guess I never told them the good stuff, because I didnt want this family member to be jealous of me, or to hurt them- because I know they've had a hard time finding guys. It goes deeper than that, when out together its been brought to my attention that I get more "looks" from guys than this family member does, and if the situation were reversed, it would eat me up inside-just the sheer loneliness. I dont care about the "looks" from people I dont know! I care about my family member and sharing time with them! I do understand that being lonely sucks, I hate being lonely too! So this person throws themself into their work, and doesnt let themselves think about not having a guy. But they're forced to look at it, and look at how lonely they are when and if.....some random guy looks at me, but doesnt even notice her...or ....if I tell them, Im getting back with my ex...I dont want to rub it in her face that she's not with anyone. It's like being fresh off of a breakup, and noticing all the couples everywhere, it makes you downright angry, right? Well imagine living with that frustration, that anger in a person...and having breakfast with them,,,and dinner...and trying to function with them in a living situation...and then you realize all this person's frustration is caused by YOU. Its not a pretty picture. I almost just want to find her a boyfriend, ANY boyfriend, so she'll have some fun in her life again. Maybe it sounds totally selfish-but she really needs to have some fun, outside of just US hanging out all the time, and work. I love her to death, but I really really wish she would lighten up a little sometimes! Its almost like she's gotten cold inside for some reason, but if I was like that she would be like "what's your problem?" or thinking I'm pulling an attitude or being moody. I dont want to make her life any harder than it is with the way she is, and with her hectic schedule...she doesnt need this to be bogging down her brain, stressing her out. She already worries about me incessantly for some reason, she's always got to be "on top" of everything in her life and even mine-when my life affects hers. Overprotective doesnt begin to describe it, its something different. I really think my guy wants to start over fresh, make up for lost time and bad times...and my family's approval means a lot to him. I really just wish I knew what to do, and how to make everyone happy. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 The strong sexual feelings you both experienced do not change your previous decision that he was overall not a good person for you to be associated with. I would definitely like your family to be in on evaluating whether he has in fact "changed". Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplybrill Posted October 26, 2004 Author Share Posted October 26, 2004 Never mind...I just read over everything, and realized that this guy IS a prick and he will always be a prick, and I can't believe I was trying to blame my support system, for my own issues. She's not the problem, HE is, there's a reason she wouldnt want me to be with him, and I guess I just needed to realize that. Thankyou everyone, this was great advice,especially Tiki. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by simplybrill Thankyou everyone, this was great advice,especially Tiki. Awww, thanks. I'm glad you came to realize that you created that support system for a reason....because you were hurt! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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