I feel like doing something outrageous

[CurlyIam]

I feel like doing something outrageous.

 

I have to go to a different school, I have to move out and I have got some nice job interviews.

 

I feel as if I am being happy with second best. I want to quit my bf, I want to apply for the best firms in town, I want to rebuild my own life.

 

I mean I'm doing everything by myself anyway. Why would I not just go for what I want?

 

He's not helping me check apartments (and I have no car and the university is on the other part of the town. I have no car and I need almost 2 hours only to get there), I have thought of renting a bigger place alone only so that he likes it. Which is much more expensive.Did I mention I'm a foreigner outside the EU? Trust me you cannot IMAGINE the paperwork, the searching and the ignorance you run into. Well, I guess won't do it! I'll chose it alone. All alone. And I'll simply take him off the equation.

 

 

I agree to independence, but where do you draw the line? I don't expect him to drive me there every day, but he's not doing a damn thing all day long. Not like he went to school or got a job! Or contributing enough. Is it men? Am I asking too much? Do I have to ask every damn time to help? Oh, I'll do it by myself. What worries me is that I get the same support from my sister who's 3000 km away. That simply doesn't soun toa relationship to me. That's dating. Why would I be exclusive? Why the **** am I to be "loyal"?

 

 

Tonight I'm going out with my friends. I feel so frustrated and sick of it! I just want to do something right. I have no idea of how to be selfish. I am generous and tired to be taken advantage, of making most of the efforts. My life is constantly constantly changing. I guess it hard to him to keep adjusting to me, to my demands. But the truth is that I want more.

 

I am only slightly afraid not to f*** up my life in the process of making it better. I just know I cannot have mediocrity. Never did, never will.

 

 

 

How many of you had the courage to change it all? More than once that is? God, I feel like the freaking champion of unsatisfied women, their queen ! Hopefully, this sensation will only last one afternoon.

[Jilly10340]

Mmmm.....bad day?

[CurlyIam]

Yeah! I'm not even PMSin'! The "thing" will go later to the World Automobile exibition because he's feelin' sick for the moment! I have a shedule later on the day that include an interview and some serious partying with my friends so obviously I can't go with him now ! Oh, and he doesn't want to go in the week end 'cause it's "too crowded". Oh, that's so unselfishly from him!

 

At least I got paid today !

 

Oh, can't he have a stomach ache like tomorrow ?

[CurlyIam]

oh, the "thing"=my bf !

[Jilly10340]

Of course he can't have a stomach ache tommorow because that would be too convenient for you....men, I tell you!

 

What happened to a few weeks ago when you were feeling selfish towards him and you were going to go suprise him with something? I think that was you, tell me if I'm wrong.

 

Money is always good, it makes me feel better. I would go and buy yourself a little happiness.

[CurlyIam]

HE's driving me everywhere, which is so great. I am soo frustrated for not having a car... and for things not turning out just how I planned them.

 

Wishfull thinking ain't enough, I guess. I 've got piles of work to do and... I soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo want to find a damn apartment. I am so stressed out, you wouldn't believe it. I'm almost happy we're not seing each other today.

 

I want to cry out with frustration. IT's all his fault ! And that's that ! Now stop defending him !