I'm lost in how to deal with this?

[trx200sx2x4]

So here goes! I've been married for 15 years married young (too young?) Well it started out that she was good with helping around the house and was good with money. Well over the years I've found that she is a pack rat and I hate clutter that is just the start of the issues. So the next is that our intimate life is none existing unless I start it even Then I only have a 30% success rate and it is like having relations with a corpse :-(. So here is the major issue So we have 4 children and the 4th is 1 and 1/2 now (all the others are older and can manage them selves well). So she decided to stay home with her past what benefits covered and said that she was going to start a daycare and watch kids. Well after 9 months and hardly any effort she has 1-2 kids 2-3 days a week. So her income has been faltering. And I have had to pick-up the slack I'm working 2 jobs and 16 hours a day 6-7 days a week. She has had a few job offers that would have made things easier and helped out a lot but she felt offended because they offered her less then she was making before. So the other thing that really takes the cake is that now that she is home all the time that the house would be cleanish. Well I spend any of my free time cleaning, doing laundry and making meals....what the heck. So when I ask why the house is a disaster she says that she was busy (she has 2-3 hours every day at naptime) when I get home the dishes from dinner are on the stove or counter and she is on the computer or tablet or phone surfing the net for things to buy or whatever.

 

I'm feel like I have No respect or love for her anymore. So what has brought me here is that there is a woman that has been friends with me for a long time and as of late she has taken a fancy for me. I have not broke my vows and stayed true to my wife but it is getting hard. Someone please help me figure this out!!!

[tiredoftheheadgames]

First off I have to say that my STBX husband could have written this. Right down to the 4 kids and daycare job lol. Sometimes I think, well I KNOW rather, that men have absolutely no clue how hard being the "mommy" is. Add an in home daycare business to that and your wife likely has slipped into depression(as was the case with me). Im also sure that it takes two to make or break a marriage so what is "your" part in it? What do you own of it? If she was never likethis before why not try compassion and unconditional love? I really dont understand the point of taking vows and making those "for better or worse, in sickness etc..." promises if we aren't going to live up to them....sorry, since our stories are so similar I cant give you any perspective. Also, typing on my iphone is difficult;)

[Jon Tenzo]

First off I have to say that my STBX husband could have written this. Right down to the 4 kids and daycare job lol. Sometimes I think, well I KNOW rather, that men have absolutely no clue how hard being the "mommy" is. Add an in home daycare business to that and your wife likely has slipped into depression(as was the case with me). Im also sure that it takes two to make or break a marriage so what is "your" part in it? What do you own of it? If she was never likethis before why not try compassion and unconditional love? I really dont understand the point of taking vows and making those "for better or worse, in sickness etc..." promises if we aren't going to live up to them....sorry, since our stories are so similar I cant give you any perspective. Also, typing on my iphone is difficult;)

 

Sorry but your personal experience simply does not apply to this situation. 10 seconds into reading this I knew it was the wife's fault.

 

1) She didn't take the job offer which would have made it easier on her husband

 

2) She didn't actively try and market her daycare and only has 1-2 kids 2-3 days a week. What is she doing the other 4 days a week if he has to come home and STILL do the cleaning???

 

3) She's surfing the net for things to buy every day when she comes home. Yet he has to work 16 hour days????

 

Something doesn't add up.

[tiredoftheheadgames]

Four children and a home IS a full time job in itself. That is my point. Well that and the OW who is more than likely telling him how Awful his wife is:) EA's NEVER "help" a broken marriage:)