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somedude81

By somedude81,
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dasein

dasein

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We are not in disagreement essentially, cuddle and pet on the couch, not on the bed, until sex is going to happen. If it's not going to happen, and it's what you as the man wants, then time to leave until the next date. All I'm saying.

 

EDIT: Missed the last part. She should be perfectly capable as an adult to decide when she is ready for sex without sleeping over in bed together. That's kid stuff and you know it I think. Would count a woman who was so immature that she must sleep in bed with a man before being ready to have sex as emotionally immature and a very bad bet going forward, red flag even. OP nor GF are 18, they are adults presumably in their 30s.

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somedude81

somedude81

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It was really good seeing her.

 

Fun easy going date.

 

And yeah, at the end it was another cuddle thing. Though before she even agreed to come over, she pointed out that it was that time for her, and she's not in the mood at all during that time.

 

She had to leave early in the morning for work and she's working the next few days in a row. She'll come over again in the middle of next week. Maybe something will happen then.

 

I can obviously understand not wanting to have sex on her period. Though if she doesn't want to have sex next week, then it will just be a straight up refusal.

 

It's also probably related how she doesn't want to have the official BF/GF titles yet. Maybe she just needs more time to wind down from her previous relationship?

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KungFuJoe

KungFuJoe

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Daters, ask a successful dater, not a married person, for dating advice. Your dating experiences will be much better for it, I promise.

 

And again...MORE priceless knowledge.

 

Yes...let's ask the journeyman who has bounced around the league for years rather than the guy who won the championship.

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somedude81

somedude81

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We are not in disagreement essentially, cuddle and pet on the couch, not on the bed, until sex is going to happen. If it's not going to happen, and it's what you as the man wants, then time to leave until the next date. All I'm saying.

 

EDIT: Missed the last part. She should be perfectly capable as an adult to decide when she is ready for sex without sleeping over in bed together. That's kid stuff and you know it I think. Would count a woman who was so immature that she must sleep in bed with a man before being ready to have sex as emotionally immature and a very bad bet going forward, red flag even. OP nor GF are 18, they are adults presumably in their 30s.

OP, is 30 and has never had a GF before, so just having a girl in my bed is amazing and new.

 

She absolutely knows I want to have sex with her but I'm not going to tell her, "fu*k me or get out."

 

Based on what's happening, I'm agreeing with pteromom. That she's building this bond, and I noticed that she is way more affectionate than last time.

 

BTW, she is 20.

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pteromom

pteromom

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She should be perfectly capable as an adult to decide when she is ready for sex without sleeping over in bed together. That's kid stuff and you know it I think. Would count a woman who was so immature that she must sleep in bed with a man before being ready to have sex as emotionally immature and a very bad bet going forward, red flag even. OP nor GF are 18, they are adults presumably in their 30s.

 

 

It isn't that she MUST sleep in a bed with a man before agreeing to have sex. It's just a sweet nice thing to do that builds intimacy and romantic feelings.

 

Yeah, it can't just keep happening that way, but nothing wrong with doing it a few times (assuming there is some making out and building up to sex).

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pteromom

pteromom

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I can obviously understand not wanting to have sex on her period. Though if she doesn't want to have sex next week, then it will just be a straight up refusal.

 

She should be getting to the point where she is ready for SOME kind of sex, even if it isn't full-blown intercourse. Giving you a BJ or HJ or something. Just keep moving forward.

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MrCastle

MrCastle

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If we're talking short term dating then I totally agree with the idea of moving on quickly if the girl isn't having sex because it's a tease and a time waster. But SD is looking for a girlfriend. He has been very vocal about that, and the lady in question doesn't seem like the type to sleep around, and she, too, is looking for something with more substance. So, they are in the building stages. Getting to know each other and slowly moving towards becoming more comfortable with each other and being more physical.

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somedude81

somedude81

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She should be getting to the point where she is ready for SOME kind of sex, even if it isn't full-blown intercourse. Giving you a BJ or HJ or something. Just keep moving forward.

I hope so.

 

I strongly hinted that something would be nice and much appreciated, but she just wasn't into it.

 

Yeah, I agree that there should be some progress next time even if she doesn't want to go all the way.

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KungFuJoe

KungFuJoe

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somedude,

 

Just keep doing what you're doing...you got this far on your own. When it comes to first romantic experiences, the journey is just as good as the end result...perhaps even better.

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MrCastle

MrCastle

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Just put myself in SD's shoes.

 

If I had a girl with an amazing behind and she let me play with it in my bed but we didn't go any further, I'd still call that a good time.

 

Couldn't really connect to the story until I replaced "Somedude" with "Castle" and "boobs" with "ass."

 

I would have blue balls, for sure -- but it would be fun nonetheless :)

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somedude81

somedude81

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Ugh...just from having read this thread, I feel a bit sorry for that girl. It's like she's got a dog humping her leg and you've somehow made it HER responsibility to give you what you've been waiting '18 years for.'

 

This whole thing just leaves such a bad taste in my mouth.

 

If I had some guy I'd dated a couple times making this the entire focal point of his life, and you ARE doing that whether you want to admit it or not, I'd literally run away.

 

SD seriously - take it down a few notches. This girl isn't a Real Doll. She's a human being.

Way to completely misunderstand what I'm talking about.

 

And no, she has no idea how important it is for me to have a GF. Or how much I want to have sex with her.

Much appreciated?

 

That almost sounds like you'd take pity sex.

Huh? Where the hell are you getting pity sex from?

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Teknoe

Teknoe

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SD,

Go to your local redbox (or go on netflix) and get a copy of the movie "The First Time." It's entertaining, funny and I think you'll like it.

 

The line that killed it for me when I was watching it was

 

"You don't want to give it up to just some dude! You want to give it up to the right person!"

 

I think you'd enjoy the movie and it's relevant for your relationship.

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Eternal Sunshine

Eternal Sunshine

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SD even though you have been a bit of a d ick to me in another thread, I hope this works out for you :)

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somedude81

somedude81

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Is the next date a hang out in your apartment date?

 

Stop that

Huh? What are you talking about?

 

We do more than just stay in my apartment if that is what you're insinuating

SD even though you have been a bit of a d ick to me in another thread, I hope this works out for you :)

Was this a recent dickish moment or something from the past?

 

Come on ES, we've been doing the me being a dick and you being a coochy thing for a while now, but it's never anything serious :p

 

And thank you :)

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SJC2008

SJC2008

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It was really good seeing her.

 

Fun easy going date.

 

And yeah, at the end it was another cuddle thing. Though before she even agreed to come over, she pointed out that it was that time for her, and she's not in the mood at all during that time.

 

She had to leave early in the morning for work and she's working the next few days in a row. She'll come over again in the middle of next week. Maybe something will happen then.

 

I can obviously understand not wanting to have sex on her period. Though if she doesn't want to have sex next week, then it will just be a straight up refusal.

 

It's also probably related how she doesn't want to have the official BF/GF titles yet. Maybe she just needs more time to wind down from her previous relationship?

 

Did yall kiss or just cuddle?

 

I never advocate for pushing sex but I'm curious to tee how long she holds out. Your head needs to be on a swivel SD. I don't want you to be safe guy cuddle buddy to ease her through her break up.

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somedude81

somedude81

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Did yall kiss or just cuddle?

 

I never advocate for pushing sex but I'm curious to tee how long she holds out. Your head needs to be on a swivel SD. I don't want you to be safe guy cuddle buddy to ease her through her break up.

She calls me her cuddle teddy bear but she says I'm not allowed to kiss her, that I have to earn it some day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOL no.

 

I'm safely on second base but she won't let me steal third. I've got a nice lead off.

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JuneJulySeptember

JuneJulySeptember

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She calls me her cuddle teddy bear but she says I'm not allowed to kiss her, that I have to earn it some day.

 

 

LOL no.

 

I'm safely on second base but she won't let me steal third. I've got a nice lead off.

 

Isn't 2nd base a BJ?

 

You haven't kissed her yet? I thought you said that you guys had made out already.

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MrCastle

MrCastle

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Isn't 2nd base a BJ?

 

You haven't kissed her yet? I thought you said that you guys had made out already.

 

I never understood the bases thing. I know what a home run is -- everything else is in the air.

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somedude81

somedude81

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Is anyone else holding their breath over this thread, hoping it works out?

From what I can tell, this will definitely work out, but for how long is the question.

 

There is a chance she might end up going to a different university at the end of August, and if she moves too far away, I'm not going to maintain a LDR.

 

Other than me telling her that I'd like her to stay at the school she is at now, we haven't talked about it. I know that her future is far more important to her than I am.

 

Even if she stays where she is, I'll be graduating in December and there is a huge chance I'll move back home, and again, I wouldn't be interested in an LDR.

 

Knowing that this relationship could end in a short amount of time, my goal is for both of us to have fun and be happy, and to put myself in a situation where it doesn't take me five years to find my next girlfriend as well as to to leave her better off than I found her since what happened with her ex had a big negative impact on her.

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