The continuing adventures of some amazing dude.

[somedude81]

Obviously, this is SD's first real relationship of any sort. I'm happy for him, and hope he doesn't get hurt or that the girl gets hurt in the process, too. But reality is, one or both of them will, due to inexperience and human nature. What really matters is the journey, and how they are each developing and growing.

Why are you assuming that one or both of us will get hurt? I think you're also hinting that it will be my fault.

 

I can't disagree with you ForumLurker that SD's priorities are what they are, but hopefully he is growing in realms outside of just desiring sex with this young lady.

So I'm not allowed to want to have sex with her......?

 

I too have noticed the lack of affection for her as a person,

No.

 

Do you really think I'm posting about everything that goes on between us?

 

Give me some freaking credit and stop assuming I'm some horrible unaffectionate jerk who just wants sex.

[MrCastle]

I personally think SD is handling it well.

 

My initial fear was that since this is new territory for him, he would suffocate the girl and fall in love with her the minute he kissed her.

 

This does not seem to be the case.

 

Even if he just wants to have a fwb situation (which does not seem to be the case) -- he is a grown man.

 

As long as he is not leading her on (again, doesn't seem to be the case) then everything is fine.

 

I know people would rather he find this one girl and then ride off into the sunset but if all this situation brings him is more confidence to end up dating multiple women, so be it.

 

Falling in love with the first girl who shows you interest is dangerous.

[somedude81]

I personally think SD is handling it well.

 

My initial fear was that since this is new territory for him, he would suffocate the girl and fall in love with her the minute he kissed her.

 

This does not seem to be the case.

If I was younger, there is a very good chance that would have happened.

 

But after what I've gone though in life, it's not really something I'm worried about. I know that it's important to give women space and give them room to breath. I've pretty much calibrated myself to her pace and just going a little past it to keep things moving forward.

 

 

 

Even if he just wants to have a fwb situation (which does not seem to be the case) -- he is a grown man.

 

As long as he is not leading her on (again, doesn't seem to be the case) then everything is fine.

Yeah, she knows I want her to be my GF but I'm being very relaxed about it.

 

I know people would rather he find this one girl and then ride off into the sunset but if all this situation brings him is more confidence to end up dating multiple women, so be it.

 

Falling in love with the first girl who shows you interest is dangerous.

Damn right it is.

 

Marrying my first girlfriend seems like a horrible idea. I simply need to date more and experience more women.

 

And for her, she's only 20 and still growing as a person. Her future has possibilities and it would be foolish for her to get tied down.

 

It may be naive of me, but down the line I'm hoping we can have a very amicable breakup. No fights, no hard feelings. Just realizing that we're separating because our lives are taking us in different directions.

[KungFuJoe]

I prefer not to make ANY rules when it comes to love and attraction.

 

Falling in love with your first gf COULD be a bad idea.

 

Or it could be the best thing that ever happens to you.

 

I think it's best to keep an open mind, understand that there really are no rules, that ANYTHING can happen, and just be optimistic and honest.

[KungFuJoe]

It may be naive of me, but down the line I'm hoping we can have a very amicable breakup. No fights, no hard feelings. Just realizing that we're separating because our lives are taking us in different directions.

 

This might just be me, but I find it VERY strange that you would even remotely fathom the idea that you guys will break up down the line...when it's been nothing but good so far.

[fortyninethousand322]

Falling in love with the first girl who shows you interest is dangerous.

 

Outside of staying single my whole life, that's my biggest fear. That I'll fall for the first girl who shows me any interest and she'll be totally wrong for me...

[somedude81]

This might just be me, but I find it VERY strange that you would even remotely fathom the idea that you guys will break up down the line...when it's been nothing but good so far.

Simple.

 

If I graduate in December, then find a great job back home in NorCal. If she doesn't want to come with me. Then how can we stay together?

 

Also, what if she ends up going to school somewhere far away? I'm not going to maintain an LDR for two years.

[MrCastle]

Outside of staying single my whole life, that's my biggest fear. That I'll fall for the first girl who shows me any interest and she'll be totally wrong for me...

 

A lot of people fall into that trap. You can't. Most people that come from inexperience/lack of success are prone to falling into it.

 

I am not all that concerned with exceptions to the rules but more so the actual rules.

 

It is certainly possible to marry your first love and end up happy for life, but not probable.

 

You need to date around to see what kind of woman works for you. You truly don't know what you can or can't accept unless you've tried out different personality types.

 

You may *think* you can handle X, but then after six months of non stop X, you can't stand it any more.

 

Conversely, you may not place a high emphasis on Y, but after time you realize, Y is a necessity for women to have if you're going to date them.

[KungFuJoe]

Simple.

 

If I graduate in December, then find a great job back home in NorCal. If she doesn't want to come with me. Then how can we stay together?

 

Also, what if she ends up going to school somewhere far away? I'm not going to maintain an LDR for two years.

 

You have to start developing an "I'll cross that bridge when I get there" attitude when it comes to dating, relationships, etc. At least that's my opinion.

 

You might not believe me, but you are setting yourself up for failure if you start thinking about the possibility of a break up down the line. What happens is you subconsciously hold back for fear of getting hurt or because you think "what's the use?".

 

Also, logic has very little use when it comes to love.

[fortyninethousand322]

You have to start developing an "I'll cross that bridge when I get there" attitude when it comes to dating, relationships, etc. At least that's my opinion.

 

You might not believe me, but you are setting yourself up for failure if you start thinking about the possibility of a break up down the line. What happens is you subconsciously hold back for fear of getting hurt or because you think "what's the use?".

 

Also, logic has very little use when it comes to love.

 

Yup. As the Earl of Baltimore said: "win today and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow."

 

A million things could happen. Best to just go with the flow...

[MrCastle]

This might just be me, but I find it VERY strange that you would even remotely fathom the idea that you guys will break up down the line...when it's been nothing but good so far.

 

Every relationship or whatever this is right now starts the same way. Nothing but good vibes. If people are hitting a rough patch this early on, that's a grim sign.

 

First few months are the honeymoon phase. Both sides are on their best behavior, avoiding conflict of any kinds, and overall keeping things fun and playful.

 

Then the dust settles, and the real strength of the relationship is shown.

 

It's why those bachelor show couples never make it work.

 

They fall in love in these tropical places, away from their jobs, with a hair and makeup team dolling them up. Easy to fall for anyone under those circumstances.

 

Then they go back to their real lives, their real jobs, and it's then when you actually find out if you two are meant to be.

 

Right now they are in the honeymoon phase. Later on down the road when real issues arise, as he said, him possibly moving, etc -- we'll see where they're at.

 

He is doing a good job of keeping things in perspective, in my opinion. Especially since, as he's said, this is new territory for him.

[Teknoe]

Why are you assuming that one or both of us will get hurt? I think you're also hinting that it will be my fault.

 

SD, why are you getting all defensive?

 

I am not hinting that it will be your fault. That's your own interpretation. I am assuming one or both of you guys will get hurt because that's what happens. I'm not saying the risk isn't worth the trek... no pain no gain. Also you said it yourself that this might not last for the long haul. No breakup, as amicable as it may be, is without a little pain.

 

So I'm not allowed to want to have sex with her......?

 

No, it's a natural desire for men to crave sex. It's just that through your posts it's all about sex, or 90% about sex, as ForumLurker pointed out. Just imagine if your girl read this thread and knew this. It's not that we guys DON'T have these thoughts, but you are so deliberate about it and it's clear it's an obsessive topic for you. While you may care deeply for this girl in real life, here it kind of comes off to SOME PEOPLE that she is being used as a means to an end.

 

Doesn't mean it's true, but I'm just saying that's how it could be interpreted.

 

But why care about that if you know what you're doing is honorable and honest? No need to get jumpy or defensive. I'm not accusing you, just providing a perspective.

 

Give me some freaking credit and stop assuming I'm some horrible unaffectionate jerk who just wants sex.

 

I have. I think most of us have given you credit in this thread. The last part of your quote is your interpretation of anyone who posts anything less than pat-on-the-back congratulatory.

 

As long as you feel like you're honoring your GF and doing right by her, what do you have to worry about what others are saying or are not saying?

 

Enjoy it as it comes.

[KungFuJoe]

Every relationship or whatever this is right now starts the same way. Nothing but good vibes. If people are hitting a rough patch this early on, that's a grim sign.

 

First few months are the honeymoon phase. Both sides are on their best behavior, avoiding conflict of any kinds, and overall keeping things fun and playful.

 

Then the dust settles, and the real strength of the relationship is shown.

 

It's why those bachelor show couples never make it work.

 

They fall in love in these tropical places, away from their jobs, with a hair and makeup team dolling them up. Easy to fall for anyone under those circumstances.

 

Then they go back to their real lives, their real jobs, and it's then when you actually find out if you two are meant to be.

 

Right now they are in the honeymoon phase. Later on down the road when real issues arise, as he said, him possibly moving, etc -- we'll see where they're at.

 

He is doing a good job of keeping things in perspective, in my opinion. Especially since, as he's said, this is new territory for him.

 

First of all, those bachelor shows don't work out cuz they're all RIGGED!

 

Anyways...like I've said many many times...the people on LS are overthinkers...and I think that's why so many people here have dating issues. They overthink, overanalyze, get overcome with anxiety and stress...start thinking negatively in every possible way and pretty much end up self sabotaging their own love lives.

 

People here (and in general) just need to relax and go with the flow. If **** happens, it happens...deal with it. But, if you constantly plan and plan and plan for every remotely possible scenario, you're just going to expend a lot of unnecessary energy. Energy that could be going into BUILDING your relationship for the better.

 

And for the record...my wife (the one that I am constantly "bragging" about ) and I did not start out in the best of ways. It was the complete opposite. We fought like rabid hyenas. I ended up in jail twice in the first year and a half due to fights we had. Would have been three times if I didn't pay off the cops in Rosarito. 14 years later...we fight MAYBE 2 or 3 times a year and most of them are just minor spats that we resolve within a few hours.

[MrCastle]

First of all, those bachelor shows don't work out cuz they're all RIGGED!

 

Anyways...like I've said many many times...the people on LS are overthinkers...and I think that's why so many people here have dating issues. They overthink, overanalyze, get overcome with anxiety and stress...start thinking negatively in every possible way and pretty much end up self sabotaging their own love lives.

 

People here (and in general) just need to relax and go with the flow. If **** happens, it happens...deal with it. But, if you constantly plan and plan and plan for every remotely possible scenario, you're just going to expend a lot of unnecessary energy. Energy that could be going into BUILDING your relationship for the better.

 

And for the record...my wife (the one that I am constantly "bragging" about ) and I did not start out in the best of ways. It was the complete opposite. We fought like rabid hyenas. I ended up in jail twice in the first year and a half due to fights we had. Would have been three times if I didn't pay off the cops in Rosarito. 14 years later...we fight MAYBE 2 or 3 times a year and most of them are just minor spats that we resolve within a few hours.

 

I know, I know. You're KungFuJoe. You break every dating and relationship norm in the book. And that's great. And most of us are happy you have found your soul mate.

 

But you are the exception to basically every dating rule in effect.

 

9 times out of 10, if you are going at it like "hyenas" and ending up in jail over your relationship -- that relationship is not meant to be. You were the 1 out of 10.

 

When I give advice, I give advice based on methods proven to work. Advice that has shown to work in most cases.

 

In his particular case, I don't think he's over thinking the negative. He's just being realistic about the future. Him possibly moving, her being younger and in a different life stage than him are all real scenarios. He shouldn't ignore those points.

 

If it happens that they end up loving each other, then they will find ways to handle those scenarios. If this is just a fling, he's hoping he comes out of it happy, more confident, and more experienced, and she comes out of it the same. No harm in feeling that way.

[somedude81]

You have to start developing an "I'll cross that bridge when I get there" attitude when it comes to dating, relationships, etc. At least that's my opinion.

That's exactly what I'm doing.

 

What I'm not doing is being foolish and assuming that I'll be with her for the rest of my life.

 

As I said before, we haven't talked about the future and I don't want to talk about it. Both of use know that things can change in the near future. Though I don't know if she is considering an LDR.

 

You might not believe me, but you are setting yourself up for failure if you start thinking about the possibility of a break up down the line. What happens is you subconsciously hold back for fear of getting hurt or because you think "what's the use?".

"What's the use?"

 

You haven't been fallowing my posts that closely if you think I'd ask that question

 

MrCastle's post is right on the money.

[KungFuJoe]

I know, I know. You're KungFuJoe. You break every dating and relationship norm in the book. And that's great. And most of us are happy you have found your soul mate.

 

But you are the exception to basically every dating rule in effect.

 

9 times out of 10, if you are going at it like "hyenas" and ending up in jail over your relationship -- that relationship is not meant to be. You were the 1 out of 10.

 

When I give advice, I give advice based on methods proven to work. Advice that has shown to work in most cases.

 

In his particular case, I don't think he's over thinking the negative. He's just being realistic about the future. Him possibly moving, her being younger and in a different life stage than him are all real scenarios. He shouldn't ignore those points.

 

If it happens that they end up loving each other, then they will find ways to handle those scenarios. If this is just a fling, he's hoping he comes out of it happy, more confident, and more experienced, and she comes out of it the same. No harm in feeling that way.

 

No offense...but you're only 25 and you yourself admitted that you just started "figuring" things out a few years ago.

 

So in just a few years you're all of a sudden an expert?

 

Someone who openly admits you've never been in love?

 

You giving romantic advice is like someone who has only played pick up ball trying to prepare someone for the NBA.

 

I may just be one person's opinion, but at least I have the experience of having dated casually and seriously, been in love, had my heart broken, and ultimately, ended up "winning" the game.

[MrCastle]

No offense...but you're only 25 and you yourself admitted that you just started "figuring" things out a few years ago.

 

So in just a few years you're all of a sudden an expert?

 

Someone who openly admits you've never been in love?

 

You giving romantic advice is like someone who has only played pick up ball trying to prepare someone for the NBA.

 

I may just be one person's opinion, but at least I have the experience of having dated casually and seriously, been in love, had my heart broken, and ultimately, ended up "winning" the game.

 

You know, sometimes smarts trump experience.

 

I don't think it's any secret why me and people like Wholigan are often lauded for our knowledge and advice in dating when both of us are fairly new to the game.

 

You take pride in having your heart broken. As if it is a badge of honor.

 

I take pride in being smart enough to avoid heart break.

 

Also, I am not the first, nor will I be the last, to tell you that your dating experiences are for the most part, outliers. No offense.

[KungFuJoe]

You know, sometimes smarts trump experience.

 

I don't think it's any secret why me and people like Wholigan are often lauded for our knowledge and advice in dating when both of us are fairly new to the game.

 

You take pride in having your heart broken. As if it is a badge of honor.

 

I take pride in being smart enough to avoid heart break.

 

Also, I am not the first, nor will I be the last, to tell you that your dating experiences are for the most part, outliers. No offense.

 

You're the guy who is too scared of failure to succeed.

 

I'm the guy who dares to succeed in the face of failure.

[MrCastle]

You're the guy who is too scared of failure to succeed.

 

I'm the guy who dares to succeed in the face of failure.

 

I'm the guy who faced enough failure to know how to succeed.

 

You're the guy who won the lottery.

[KungFuJoe]

You're the guy who won the lottery.

 

I did win the lottery.

 

But most people who win the lottery end up worse off because they don't know how to handle it. Because with all this new "fortune", they think they can continue to go about their old ways. They don't grow or adapt themselves.

 

Not me. I turned my luck into a proven reality.

 

Anyways...enough derailing the topic. I just don't want to see somedude lose out on a potentially good thing because of negativity or overthinking. That's all.

[SmileFace]

Every relationship or whatever this is right now starts the same way. Nothing but good vibes. If people are hitting a rough patch this early on, that's a grim sign.

 

First few months are the honeymoon phase. Both sides are on their best behavior, avoiding conflict of any kinds, and overall keeping things fun and playful.

 

Then the dust settles, and the real strength of the relationship is shown.

 

It's why those bachelor show couples never make it work.

 

They fall in love in these tropical places, away from their jobs, with a hair and makeup team dolling them up. Easy to fall for anyone under those circumstances.

 

Then they go back to their real lives, their real jobs, and it's then when you actually find out if you two are meant to be.

 

Right now they are in the honeymoon phase. Later on down the road when real issues arise, as he said, him possibly moving, etc -- we'll see where they're at.

 

He is doing a good job of keeping things in perspective, in my opinion. Especially since, as he's said, this is new territory for him.

 

Castle have you ever been in an actual relationship?

What grounds can you actually be speaking from?

 

It sounds like sd is taking his recent good luck as indication of what the rest of his life will be like.

However this is real life - it's one thing to be confident but egotistical is a next.

 

Which some here can relate to.

He isn't being realistic - he is putting the horse before the carriage and treating this girl as a notch rather than someone he is interested in.

 

Then again tons short term date so .. Such is life.

 

So if making up for old time is what sd is looking for.. Sure castle is on the money.

[MrCastle]

Castle have you ever been in an actual relationship?

What grounds can you actually be speaking from?

 

It sounds like sd is taking his recent good luck as indication of what the rest of his life will be like.

However this is real life - it's one thing to be confident but egotistical is a next.

 

Which some here can relate to.

He isn't being realistic - he is putting the horse before the carriage and treating this girl as a notch rather than someone he is interested in.

 

Then again tons short term date so .. Such is life.

 

So if making up for old time is what sd is looking for.. Sure castle is on the money.

 

I'm speaking from what the man has given us. I'm not projecting or looking into it as some others are doing.

 

What he has told us is that he is taking things slow, not expecting too much, and seeing where this thing takes him. He is not saying things like "she's the one you guys," or anything else that would show he is falling too fast, too soon, as tends to be the case with people who lack experience. He is also not saying things like "I just want to have sex with her and see what happens."

 

He is not harping on the sex thing--at least not to the extreme people are making it seem.

 

He wants to sleep with her, yes, but he's not planning on running out to bang other girls as soon as he does. He is taking things slow and seems overall appreciative to be in the position he is in. He is not taking it for granted.

 

There is a reason he is liking every post I make in this thread.

 

What experience do I speak from you ask me--I speak from his experience.

 

I was in the same situation he was at a time. That's why. He knows where I'm coming from.

 

He can take advice from happily married people or he can take advice from a former struggling man who turned things around.

 

He relates to me, as I to him.

[tbf]

somedude is the type of guy who doesn't like anything unexpected. Impulsivity and go with the flow isn't his style where he prefers a set pace to life with as many constants and guarantees as possible, although if something isn't guaranteed, he prefers to have already considered the probabilities. This is his comfort zone.

[SmileFace]

Just because sd agrees with you doesn't make you right.

It doesn't make you wrong either but it proves nothing.

 

Falling and falling too hard for someone is two completely separate things.

However you seem to have experienced too hard in your pre"confident" days so you can't really touch on anything else.

 

In no way I'm I saying that sd should be any more attached to this girl in the situation.

I agree he sounds pretty level headed.

 

However he is letting his fear, that same fear you have, allow him to predetermine the outcome of this situation at points.

Which isn't bad when you want to protect yourself from being hurt but it also may make you pull from someone rather than fall for them.

 

Something I do in perspective relationships as well and it is not a good thing.

 

Castle what have you turned around??

What do you have to show for your "turn around"?

 

Does sd want that?

[KungFuJoe]

somedude is the type of guy who doesn't like anything unexpected. Impulsivity and go with the flow isn't his style where he prefers a set pace to life with as many constants and guarantees as possible, although if something isn't guaranteed, he prefers to have already considered the probabilities. This is his comfort zone.

 

Agreed and something I was just going to talk about.

 

I'm always harping on being yourself and that people can't change. I guess it's time I started listening to myself.

 

I still think that overthinking and wanting "guarantees" in life will "limit" your experiences, but I guess it is the "safer" way.