The continuing adventures of some amazing dude.

[veggirl]

Do you think he'd have any success with a woman around his age?

 

Yes if he went after one.

He lives in a college environement. In the real workforce, yeah I could see SD chatting up a woman who is 29 rather than 19.

[somedude81]

She was also gone for two weeks and she's a lot younger than you.

 

You act like she's making you wait an unreasonable amount of time for sex. You're so focused on sex. What about getting to know HER?

 

What do you like about her? What do you have in common? What does she aspire for herself? Are your goals and values aligned?

 

Many women need to know you know the answers to these questions before they'll give you the most intimate part of themselves.

And what do you think we were doing those two weeks she was gone?

The difference is huge because you've been on the planet for 11 years longer than she has. That allows for 11 more years of learning, growing, and maturing. I get that you are both at the same educational point, but that is not the same thing. Where were you 11 years ago? Were you the exact same level of maturity that you are now? Did you know as much as you know now? Do you think you have the wisdom you do now? Truly, I can't see how you can't acknowledge the age difference here. It can certainly work, but for you to try to claim that the two of you are on equal playing fields doesn't fly. She may have more relationship experience, but you have more life experience. Eleven years more life experience. That's a lot. As you get older, it doesn't matter so much, but I personally look back on 20 to 31 and I turned into a completely different person as I matured and got more life experience.

 

And I am far from a man hater -- but you do need to be honest with her if you don't see it going anywhere. Otherwise, she may be crushed.

I'm just not seeing how the "11 more years of life experience" I have over her means anything. I've also always been very immature for my age.

 

Why do you keep saying that I don't see it going anywhere?

 

What do you want me to think?

[clia]

What does that have to do with anything?

 

What does courting even mean and why do I have to do it? Is it really all about paying for everything?

 

It's simply about being a gentleman. You like her, right? You are dating her, right? So, don't you want to take her out and treat her like a lady? Do you actually ask her for her half of the bill, or how does that work? Does she hand her cash over to you and you put it in the fake leather envelope? Or do you hand her your half of the cash? Or do you both throw in a card and split it up the middle? I've actually never had a guy do that to me, so I'm kind of curious.

 

It would be great if something long term could happen. But I'm aware that our relationship can change in the near future. I'm sorry if me being aware that one of us will move away soon is unromantic.

 

I think it's great that you realize there is no long term potential -- as long as she also understands that. As I said, what bothers me is that you have been on here essentially saying that the relationship is going nowhere, but you really want to have sex with her. As long as she is on board and you've talked about it, that's cool.

[Star Gazer]

As I said, what bothers me is that you have been on here essentially saying that the relationship is going nowhere, but you really want to have sex with her. As long as she is on board and you've talked about it, that's cool.

 

If that's true, that's really troubling - if she's not on board with it, which, from the sounds of it, she's not. Otherwise she'd be bedding him.

[Star Gazer]

And what do you think we were doing those two weeks she was gone?

 

I don't understand the point of your question.

 

You're making it sound like you've been dating her since February.

 

You went out on your first date a month ago. Since that first date, she was gone for two weeks. You've only seen her a handful of times since your first date. You're making it sound like you're being tortured with all this time together and so many dates and no sex. That's just not the case.

[miss_jaclynrae]

This is all too "science experiment-y".

 

 

Are you guys actually dating? I mean, going out on dates and then taking her home.

You guys haven't really been dating long, not to mention I am shocked by how many times you guys have been able to fondle. Is she going over to your place? Are you guys fondling in cars?

 

 

Are you guys dating or merely hanging out?

[somedude81]

It's simply about being a gentleman. You like her, right? You are dating her, right? So, don't you want to take her out and treat her like a lady? Do you actually ask her for her half of the bill, or how does that work? Does she hand her cash over to you and you put it in the fake leather envelope? Or do you hand her your half of the cash? Or do you both throw in a card and split it up the middle? I've actually never had a guy do that to me, so I'm kind of curious.

 

 

 

I think it's great that you realize there is no long term potential -- as long as she also understands that. As I said, what bothers me is that you have been on here essentially saying that the relationship is going nowhere, but you really want to have sex with her. As long as she is on board and you've talked about it, that's cool.

My God, you are not listening to a single thing I say.

I don't understand the point of your question.

 

You're making it sound like you've been dating her since February.

 

You went out on your first date a month ago. Since that first date, she was gone for two weeks. You've only seen her a handful of times since your first date. You're making it sound like you're being tortured with all this time together and so many dates and no sex. That's just not the case.

Do you think we've had zero contact when she was gone?

 

Ok, I may have not made this clear, but basically since our first date, and actually a little before it. We've been texting for a couple of hours every night. This continued while she was gone and we've also skyped 3 or 4 times while she was away.

[Star Gazer]

Do you think we've had zero contact when she was gone?

 

No, I know you have been.

 

Ok, I may have not made this clear, but basically since our first date, and actually a little before it. We've been texting for a couple of hours every night. This continued while she was gone and we've also skyped 3 or 4 times while she was away.

 

Irrelevant, really. You've only been with her a handful of times. Again, you're making it sound like you're oh so tortured, but you've only had a handful of dates, and the physical pacing is on par with that time spent together.

[MrCastle]

People, keep in mind he has known her for longer than just the month or so they've been together.

 

She has had time to build attraction for him.

 

It's not like they just met.

 

She has had time to decide "I can see myself dating him", "I can see myself sleeping with him" after her break up.

[somedude81]

No, I know you have been.

 

 

 

Irrelevant, really. You've only been with her a handful of times. Again, you're making it sound like you're oh so tortured, but you've only had a handful of dates, and the physical pacing is on par with that time spent together.

Really?

 

All the communication we've had. And even the fact that I'm texting her this very minute is irrelevant?

 

Really?

 

As for me being "tortured," please be advised that I am a heterosexual male who has had a half naked woman in my bed twice and is a very close sleeper. So excuse me for being horny and frustrated that nothing happened.

[Star Gazer]

People, keep in mind he has known her for longer than just the month or so they've been together.

 

She has had time to build attraction for him.

 

It's not like they just met.

 

She has had time to decide "I can see myself dating him", "I can see myself sleeping with him" after her break up.

 

I'm not saying otherwise.

 

I'm saying, his apparent expectations that she should have moved faster physically given that they only had their first date a month ago, that she was gone for 2 weeks out of that month, that they've only been on a handful of dates, is unreasonable.

 

Add on her age aka lack of extensive sexual experience (and the fact she may be rebounding, post-breakup), and it's even more unreasonable.

 

I guess I'm just wondering when he'll dump her if she doesn't meet his sex timeline.

 

What is it, SD? How long are you willing to wait?

[Star Gazer]

Really?

 

All the communication we've had. And even the fact that I'm texting her this very minute is irrelevant?

 

Really?

 

Yes, really. When I'm dating, I engage in the same behavior (texting/calling often), and sex isn't even an option until at least 5-6 dates in. I need time to pass, to evaluate if what's before me is who he really is.

 

As for me being "tortured," please be advised that I am a heterosexual male who has had a half naked woman in my bed twice and is a very close sleeper. So excuse me for being horny and frustrated that nothing happened.

 

I don't blame you for being horny, or disappointed. But you seem overly focused with your frustration.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Really?

 

All the communication we've had. And even the fact that I'm texting her this very minute is irrelevant?

 

Really?

 

As for me being "tortured," please be advised that I am a heterosexual male who has had a half naked woman in my bed twice and is a very close sleeper. So excuse me for being horny and frustrated that nothing happened.

 

See, this is where I think you brought this torture upon yourself.

First date about a month ago and you have had her in your bed twice?

She already was apprehensive about getting into a relationship, if I was apprehensive about a relationship and wasn't looking for a ONS I would expect a guy to at least take me out places rather than have me over to his place. [correct me if I am wrong about not going out btw]

 

It goes to show your lack of experience, the fact that you think texting her all the time is equal to taking her out on dates. That is like saying you don't need to take her out because you talk all the time. I wouldn't feel wanted if a guy was just inviting me over to his place.

 

I wouldn't even put up with it honestly.

You set yourself up for this frustration, don't blame her. This is YOUR doing.

 

Why don't you stop having her in your bed and take her out and have fun with her and get to know her. You can't throw someone into your bed over and over again expecting each time to bring more. It's trying to make it easier for you, when all you are doing is probably putting her off.

[FitChick]

Add on her age aka lack of extensive sexual experience (and the fact she may be rebounding, post-breakup)

 

She has three more years of sexual experience than he does.

 

I'm guessing she is worried she may become too attached too soon before she feels secure in his feelings for her.

[ThaWholigan]

SD, I mentioned before that you have to deal with that frustration a little better. I trust that you aren't pressuring this girl, but if you want this relationship to be amiable and memorable for you while it lasts then the forget about the frustrating bit. You actually have to take your mind off it. Difficult, but try.

[somedude81]

I'm not saying otherwise.

 

I'm saying, his apparent expectations that she should have moved faster physically given that they only had their first date a month ago, that she was gone for 2 weeks out of that month, that they've only been on a handful of dates, is unreasonable.

 

Add on her age aka lack of extensive sexual experience (and the fact she may be rebounding, post-breakup), and it's even more unreasonable.

 

I guess I'm just wondering when he'll dump her if she doesn't meet his sex timeline.

 

What is it, SD? How long are you willing to wait?

 

and sex isn't even an option until at least 5-6 dates in. I need time to pass, to evaluate if what's before me is who he really is.

 

What's throwing me off is the belief that people have to wait till X number of dates to have sex or let some arbitrary amount of time pass.

 

 

Yeah I can understand not wanting to have sex until date 5 if you met online and date one was the first time you actually met.

 

But as I said before, we've met in February and talked pretty regularly in class twice a week until the middle of may. So when we had our first date in the third week of May, we weren't exactly strangers.

 

Yes, really. When I'm dating, I engage in the same behavior (texting/calling often),

Doesn't the texting/calling help you learn more about the person and let a bond develop?

I don't blame you for being horny, or disappointed. But you seem overly focused with your frustration.

I've repeatedly explained my background and why I'm frustrated.

 

And again, when every time she comes over, she's half naked in my bed, it's a little hard not to focus on sex.

[SJC2008]

Yes, really. When I'm dating, I engage in the same behavior (texting/calling often), and sex isn't even an option until at least 5-6 dates in. I need time to pass, to evaluate if what's before me is who he really is.

 

 

 

I don't blame you for being horny, or disappointed. But you seem overly focused with your frustration.

 

Loveshack at its finest. "I know you're 30 and have only been laid a couple/few times in your LIFE but don't think about sex or obsess over it. (even though it's a regular part of my life, not some moby dick "white whale").

[sweetjasmine]

Yeah I can understand not wanting to have sex until date 5 if you met online and date one was the first time you actually met.

 

But as I said before, we've met in February and talked pretty regularly in class twice a week until the middle of may. So when we had our first date in the third week of May, we weren't exactly strangers.

 

I knew my H for almost a year before we started dating, and we still waited a while. The long distance had something to do with it, but we probably would've moved fairly slowly anyway, since that's how both of us roll. Different people move at different paces in different situations. She's not being unreasonable.

 

That doesn't mean it's wrong for you to feel frustrated. It isn't. But patience is going to prove to be very valuable. Timing things is all part of building a relationship.

[fortyninethousand322]

Yeah I sympathize with you SD. But, you have to be patient.

 

Not too patient, but just enough. Like Chris Davis' new hitting approach this year...

[johan]

And again, when every time she comes over, she's half naked in my bed, it's a little hard not to focus on sex.

 

Which half? If it's the bottom half or the front half, then I'd be thinking like you. If it's the top half or the back half, I'd say you should cool your jets. Left half, or right half... I'd probably be a little weirded out.

[SJC2008]

SD I've never been one to advocate pushing for sex but they act as if you'r posting about it correlates to you pushing her IRL. The way I see this situation is that she's getting more than you. She's fresh out of a R (6-8 weeks) and if she's like most people she can't be alone and deal with the pain on her own. Soo the attention she's getting from you has more weight than the attention you're gettin from her. So unless that snowballs chance in hell she's a record fast healer, you're a rebound home skillet and I hope otherwise like I've said before. Mr Castle had a great point and I'm paraphrasing in that he stated you've known eachother for a few months, she's not like some stranger you met online or cold approached. Make sure you're getting what you want and not being an emotional tampon dude.

[SJC2008]

I've repeatedly explained my background and why I'm frustrated.

 

Stop explaining yourself. It's totally logical and rational for you to think the way you do. Give most the women on this forum our dating history (lack thereof) they'd of offed themselves long before 30 brother.

[lino]

1. Don't let a girl who isn't willing sleep with you, get half naked on your bed.

No wonder you're tortured.

 

Tell her to keep her clothes on and off your bed till she's ready to do something on it.

There are more interesting and Less blue-balling activities to do than fondle a half naked chick who doesn't want to f*ck you.

 

Go on some real dates with her that don't always finish on your bed... Save that for when she's ready.

 

2. I wouldn't advise recounting your relationship with this girl minute by minute on a message board. Seems very tacky to me.

Now maybe you realise why you need real mates. Those are the people you discuss this stuff with, not bored strangers on a message board.

[somedude81]

1. Don't let a girl who isn't willing sleep with you, get half naked on your bed.

No wonder you're tortured.

 

Tell her to keep her clothes on and off your bed till she's ready to do something on it.

There are more interesting and Less blue-balling activities to do than fondle a half naked chick who doesn't want to f*ck you.

I think all of this happened because when she stayed over the first night, I thought that meant we were going to have sex.

 

We were making out and she wasn't against sleeping in my bed. What else was I supposed to think?

 

Then the last time she came over she had a valid reason for not wanting sex.

 

 

When we've got to this point, it's a little hard to go back a few steps.

 

Go on some real dates with her that don't always finish on your bed... Save that for when she's ready.

The next date we are going on will not be in my city and we aren't going back to my place.

 

How would I know when she's ready?

 

2. I wouldn't advise recounting your relationship with this girl minute by minute on a message board. Seems very tacky to me.

Now maybe you realise why you need real mates. Those are the people you discuss this stuff with, not bored strangers on a message board.

Eh, I know I've needed real buddies for a while now.

 

But I don't have them, so I'm posting here.

[Els]

Am I the only one who finds it funny that this thread is divided into two polar opposite camps: One who thinks SD only wants her for sex, and another chiding him for being an emotional tampon by letting up too much on the sex?

 

The suggestions to 'stop being an emotional tampon, she should have had sex with you by now if she's interested' are ridiculous! The two aren't even bf/gf yet, she's against abortion so she's understandably worried about pregnancy, and she's told him point blank her reasons for desiring to wait. If he chooses to wait, he isn't being a chump or an emotional tampon - he's making an informed choice to keep this R going! Like, you know, an adult. Last I checked, he isn't exactly uninterested in their conversations or dates either.

 

Refusing to sleep over any more isn't going to help with the progression of this R, either. He has the prerogative to stop if he really needs to, but it's not going to help in any way or form. "Wow, dude stopped wanting to cuddle and make out and sleep over, I'd better have sex with him now to keep him even though I'd rather have waited," said no emotionally healthy woman ever.

 

Personally, I think his R is progressing organically and quite well, despite the two people in it being very young or inexperienced.