The continuing adventures of some amazing dude.

[SJC2008]

She calls me her cuddle teddy bear but she says I'm not allowed to kiss her, that I have to earn it some day.

 

LOL no.

 

I'm safely on second base but she won't let me steal third. I've got a nice lead off.

 

So yall didn't kiss/make out?

 

What makes you think you're safely on second?

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Even if she stays where she is, I'll be graduating in December and there is a huge chance I'll move back home, and again, I wouldn't be interested in an LDR.

 

You should go to grad school.

 

Your age will be relatively normal there and with your newfound experience you could try and work it there.

[SmileFace]

I wasn't asking since it didnt need an answer .

That's why I said if that was the case stop - I wasnt saying that was the case.

I don't follow your thread or any thread closer enough.

 

I read enough to know you guys went dancing and hung out at your place.

As far as I know you had about 3 dates.

[somedude81]

So yall didn't kiss/make out?

 

What makes you think you're safely on second?

I thought it was obvious I was being sarcastic. Yes, I've made out with her.

 

You should go to grad school.

 

Your age will be relatively normal there and with your newfound experience you could try and work it there.

Oh God no.

 

I'm absolutely sick of school.

 

Down the line I may end up getting my MBA, but I want to work for a few years and just not have to worry about anything school related.

 

I already have plenty of ideas of where to meet women. And after dating this girl I'm learning more about what actually attracts them. Plus my confidence has gone up, contrary to what 3/4ths of the people on this forum have said, and I'm much more willing to be bold and more risque. All I really needed was some positive feedback.

Edited June 29, 2013 by somedude81

[MrCastle]

That's always been my belief. Once you have had positive reinforcement, that's it. That's all you need. You never go back.

 

Your dating life may go up and down depending on many factors, but once you know you can attract a quality man or woman--that's it. You're in. It's like riding a bike.

 

Which is why everyone should be granted one mercy bang to get things going.

 

Let's make it a law. It would solve the whining, the hatred for the opposite sex, the social anxiety that leads to possible problems down the road.

 

One mercy bang for all

[Eternal Sunshine]

That's always been my belief. Once you have had positive reinforcement, that's it. That's all you need. You never go back.

 

 

Yeah. I know people here hate external validation, but if you have always failed at something it's next to impossible to be confident in it. Once you get some real success you see yourself diferently forever. You get bolder, you start to take it all less seriously, you get rid of some desparation and it all snowballs from there.

[SJC2008]

I thought it was obvious I was being sarcastic. Yes, I've made out with her

 

Thanks, my bad.

[MrCastle]

Yeah. I know people here hate external validation, but if you have always failed at something it's next to impossible to be confident in it. Once you get some real success you see yourself diferently forever. You get bolder, you start to take it all less seriously, you get rid of some desparation and it all snowballs from there.

 

I'm somewhat different. I have had situations where, even if it didn't lead to sex -- or even a make out, I saw positives. This is kind of how it went for me:

 

-"I'm awesome"

 

-"I don't understand why some of these women can't see that I'm awesome. They're totally overlooking me. I just need to find ones that can see my awesomeness."

 

-(Saw success)

 

-"Yeah. I knew it. I'm awesome"

 

 

I put the bulk of the blame on them, and in most cases, it was them. They were either attention whores/teases, liars, phonies, shallow, etc. I never really questioned who I was. I mean I looked at myself and changed everything I could to improve myself, but ultimately the bulk of my failures came from me just not finding a good woman.

 

Which is what I think happened to sd. As far as I know, he didn't change his approach in any way. It's just that finally he found the right girl at the right time.

 

Luck plays a bigger role in dating than most are willing to admit.

[Mme. Chaucer]

LOL...the amount of amazing advice on LS never fails to impress me.

 

That was sarcasm, btw.

 

MAJOR sarcasm.

 

Right? Especially the part about "training them." I die laughing! Save me!

[Mme. Chaucer]

Yeah. I know people here hate external validation, but if you have always failed at something it's next to impossible to be confident in it. Once you get some real success you see yourself diferently forever. You get bolder, you start to take it all less seriously, you get rid of some desparation and it all snowballs from there.

 

I agree with you. I think the hate for external validation happens when a person seems to have no sense of self and relies exclusively on it. It also engenders attention seeking.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I'm somewhat different. I have had situations where, even if it didn't lead to sex -- or even a make out, I saw positives. This is kind of how it went for me:

 

-"I'm awesome"

 

-"I don't understand why some of these women can't see that I'm awesome. They're totally overlooking me. I just need to find ones that can see my awesomeness."

 

-(Saw success)

 

-"Yeah. I knew it. I'm awesome"

 

 

I put the bulk of the blame on them, and in most cases, it was them. They were either attention whores/teases, liars, phonies, shallow, etc. I never really questioned who I was. I mean I looked at myself and changed everything I could to improve myself, but ultimately the bulk of my failures came from me just not finding a good woman.

 

Which is what I think happened to sd. As far as I know, he didn't change his approach in any way. It's just that finally he found the right girl at the right time.

 

Luck plays a bigger role in dating than most are willing to admit.

 

Haha yeah we all know you think you are awesome

 

But I think most people are a lil bit more insecure.

 

I am pretty sure that SD attitude will now change from "no woman is attracted to me" to "meh you win some, you lose some", even if this fails.

[MrCastle]

Haha yeah we all know you are awesome [/Quote]

 

Fixed

 

But I think most people are a lil bit more insecure.[/Quote]

 

We all have insecurities. Every single human being on Earth does. You can choose to accept your very human flaws and shortcomings, and not let it define you, or you can let it define you. My flaws will not represent me. My positive qualities will. Those are the ones I want people to see, and associate me with.

 

I am pretty sure that SD attitude will now change from "no woman is attracted to me" to "meh you win some, you lose some", even if this fails.

 

I think regardless, his confidence will see a surge. This can only bring about positives going forward.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Haha yeah we all know you are awesome.

 

Fixed

 

And to stay on topic SD is awesome too.

[Els]

I definitely agree that having fun and just going with things is absolutely the best way to go at this stage of your R. No need to throw in the 'what ifs' curveballs.

 

Whatever happens in December, happens. There are ways to get around things and make it work, if both of you want it, but if both of you agree that it's just going to be a fun last-year-of-college fling, s'all good too. Enjoy the moment, for now - December problems can wait til Dec, or at least til Nov.

 

And yeah, JJS's suggestion of grad school for that reason is just really, really awful. Grad school is one of those things that you should never do unless you really, really want it for its own sake, not meeting people or staying in school. Most people also have better luck dating and meeting people while working, IMO - in grad school you're trapped with a pretty small group, and you'll be continuously broke for 3-5 years.

[Anela]

I agree with you. I think the hate for external validation happens when a person seems to have no sense of self and relies exclusively on it. It also engenders attention seeking.

 

I've never wanted to rely on it, but I think if I'd had better experiences in a crucial part of my life, then I would have been okay. I have also experienced external validation not getting through to me, though, due to my issues. It only hits me later - sometimes much later.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I've never wanted to rely on it, but I think if I'd had better experiences in a crucial part of my life, then I would have been okay. I have also experienced external validation not getting through to me, though, due to my issues. It only hits me later - sometimes much later.

 

Yep, my looks were always harshly criticized by my family when I was growing up. So I ended up being insecure and just wore loose boyish clothes and no make up during my teens/early 20s. My family was great in all the other ways; they didn't really do it on purpose and they treated my brother exactly the same (he is very insecure too).

 

It's only when I started dating (which I did later than usual too) that I ever even heard anyone tell me that I am pretty. I didn't believe it either, until I heard it so many times that I started to think "hey maybe they are right!"...so yeah I think it's what you hear in the early years when your identity is built.

 

It's much harder work to re-program yourself later in life...but I am getting there.

[SoleMate]

Can the threads be erased after a while?

Over the years, numerous people have begged for their threads to be erased on LS and I've always seen the answer to be No. The mods would erase if demanded by a court order, I would imagine.....

[Mme. Chaucer]

Yep, my looks were always harshly criticized by my family when I was growing up. So I ended up being insecure and just wore loose boyish clothes and no make up during my teens/early 20s.

 

Ha, that's funny. My mom was harsh about my looks too, but it manifested differently: She asked that I not come downstairs without first applying mascara! So I was wearing makeup around the house all through my teen years.

 

I guess this is off topic.

 

SD = awesome!

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

And yeah, JJS's suggestion of grad school for that reason is just really, really awful. Grad school is one of those things that you should never do unless you really, really want it for its own sake, not meeting people or staying in school. Most people also have better luck dating and meeting people while working, IMO - in grad school you're trapped with a pretty small group, and you'll be continuously broke for 3-5 years.

 

Of course I wasn't suggesting he go to grad school just for the women. Going to undergrad for women would be an equally stupid idea.

 

Much has been said about Somedude being behind in life. Many people at his age change careers and/or return to graduate school. So, it would help to 'close the gap' so to speak and put him closer to par.

 

I've known people who have done engineering for instance then returned for an MBA and went into finance. So, he'd be closer to the median than he was before.

 

Not that I care about stuff like that. But society does.

[somedude81]

You contradict yourself in these two sentences. First you say I've 'misunderstood' what you've been talking about, and in the very next sentence you completely validate exactly what I stated. Just because you think you're being 'casual' about it and not letting on how important it is, that doesn't mean you're actually coming off that way to her. You're completely obsessed with exactly WHAT you can get and when you might be getting it, and unless she's Helen Keller, you're coming off as a dog in heat humping her leg. She may be young and somewhat naive, but she's not deaf, dumb and blind.

 

Jeez, you TOLD her you bought condoms pretty early into this relationship. You made your intentions loud and clear right from the start - so what am I "misunderstanding?"

 

As several posters have now said, you're not writing anything in your posts about how smitten you are with her, or how she brightens your day, or how you miss her when she's not around, or how you want to make future plans with her.

 

All you've talked about in these 18 pages of posts is when you think you're going to get laid, when you think she's finally going to give you something more than 'boob' action, and how long you think it's going to take to get it from her.

 

Heres just a small sampling of the stuff you've been saying:

 

I strongly hinted that something would be nice and much appreciated, but she just wasn't into it.

 

She had to leave early in the morning for work and she's working the next few days in a row. She'll come over again in the middle of next week. Maybe something will happen then.

 

Yeah, I agree that there should be some progress next time even if she doesn't want to go all the way.

 

I can obviously understand not wanting to have sex on her period. Though if she doesn't want to have sex next week, then it will just be a straight up refusal.

 

And just by coincidence she's coming over today. She's been gone for a long time. I don't expect anything, except for boobies.

 

Just that last sentence alone clearly tells the story. You don't mention missing her or anything - it's ALL about what you think you can get off her when you see her.

 

You're treating this girl like she's some kind of a science experiment. I think it's no coincidence that she's a mere 20 years old; most women your own age have enough intelligence and life experience to be able to know when they're being looked at as nothing more than prey by someone who just wants to find a receptical for his pent up sexual desire.

 

I stand by my last post and don't think I "misunderstood" you at ALL.

Yes I did miss her.

 

Yes I do like her.

 

Happy now?

 

[somedude81]

Yeah. I know people here hate external validation, but if you have always failed at something it's next to impossible to be confident in it. Once you get some real success you see yourself diferently forever. You get bolder, you start to take it all less seriously, you get rid of some desparation and it all snowballs from there.

That's exactly how I've seen it. And people on this board have told me over and over again that it's wrong.

 

As much as people want to deny it, external validation is almost necessary to be confident and happy.

 

Then consider my past where I've been repeatedly told by women that I wasn't good enough to date. It should be no surprise that it really damaged my self-esteem.

 

And now I'm dating a young, pretty, intelligent woman who really likes me and I didn't have to do any major personality change or lose weight or grow six inches. Just being me was good enough. That's awesome.

[Els]

Of course I wasn't suggesting he go to grad school just for the women. Going to undergrad for women would be an equally stupid idea.

 

Much has been said about Somedude being behind in life. Many people at his age change careers and/or return to graduate school. So, it would help to 'close the gap' so to speak and put him closer to par.

 

I've known people who have done engineering for instance then returned for an MBA and went into finance. So, he'd be closer to the median than he was before.

 

Not that I care about stuff like that. But society does.

 

Well, the thing is that work experience would be much more likely to be beneficial for him career-wise in his current circumstances and field, than grad school. IMO grad school is mostly only useful if you desire to pursue a career in academia or research, or if you can do it really early and quickly, or perhaps a MBA for managerial positions.

 

But then again, opinions will differ on that. I suppose it isn't really a 'bad' idea per se, just that I misinterpreted your reasoning for it. At any rate, it's probably still a less destructive idea than dasein's. THAT would probably end up with the girl leaving for good, muttering tearfully, "I thought YOU wouldn't be a jerk..."

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well, the thing is that work experience would be much more likely to be beneficial for him career-wise in his current circumstances and field, than grad school. IMO grad school is mostly only useful if you desire to pursue a career in academia or research, or if you can do it really early and quickly, or perhaps a MBA for managerial positions.

 

But then again, opinions will differ on that. I suppose it isn't really a 'bad' idea per se, just that I misinterpreted your reasoning for it. At any rate, it's probably still a less destructive idea than dasein's. THAT would probably end up with the girl leaving for good, muttering tearfully, "I thought YOU wouldn't be a jerk..."

 

People return to school at all ages for career development and personal enrichment.

 

I would never criticize someone for being in school at any age.

[somedude81]

That's enough conversation about grad school, thanks.

[Teknoe]

You contradict yourself in these two sentences. First you say I've 'misunderstood' what you've been talking about, and in the very next sentence you completely validate exactly what I stated. Just because you think you're being 'casual' about it and not letting on how important it is, that doesn't mean you're actually coming off that way to her. You're completely obsessed with exactly WHAT you can get and when you might be getting it, and unless she's Helen Keller, you're coming off as a dog in heat humping her leg. She may be young and somewhat naive, but she's not deaf, dumb and blind.

 

Jeez, you TOLD her you bought condoms pretty early into this relationship. You made your intentions loud and clear right from the start - so what am I "misunderstanding?"

 

As several posters have now said, you're not writing anything in your posts about how smitten you are with her, or how she brightens your day, or how you miss her when she's not around, or how you want to make future plans with her.

 

All you've talked about in these 18 pages of posts is when you think you're going to get laid, when you think she's finally going to give you something more than 'boob' action, and how long you think it's going to take to get it from her.

 

Heres just a small sampling of the stuff you've been saying:

 

I strongly hinted that something would be nice and much appreciated, but she just wasn't into it.

 

She had to leave early in the morning for work and she's working the next few days in a row. She'll come over again in the middle of next week. Maybe something will happen then.

 

Yeah, I agree that there should be some progress next time even if she doesn't want to go all the way.

 

I can obviously understand not wanting to have sex on her period. Though if she doesn't want to have sex next week, then it will just be a straight up refusal.

 

And just by coincidence she's coming over today. She's been gone for a long time. I don't expect anything, except for boobies.

 

Just that last sentence alone clearly tells the story. You don't mention missing her or anything - it's ALL about what you think you can get off her when you see her.

 

You're treating this girl like she's some kind of a science experiment. I think it's no coincidence that she's a mere 20 years old; most women your own age have enough intelligence and life experience to be able to know when they're being looked at as nothing more than prey by someone who just wants to find a receptical for his pent up sexual desire.

 

I stand by my last post and don't think I "misunderstood" you at ALL.

 

 

Obviously, this is SD's first real relationship of any sort. I'm happy for him, and hope he doesn't get hurt or that the girl gets hurt in the process, too. But reality is, one or both of them will, due to inexperience and human nature. What really matters is the journey, and how they are each developing and growing.

 

I can't disagree with you ForumLurker that SD's priorities are what they are, but hopefully he is growing in realms outside of just desiring sex with this young lady. I too have noticed the lack of affection for her as a person, but understand different people have different way of expressing themselves. However, I also believe in where your treasure is, there your heart will be as well.

 

I just hope they both make wise and prudent decisions in the relationship, however much longer it lasts, and if possible, it will be an honorable and honest relationship.

 

Because all that matters in the end is how you treated the other person in the relationship and how you made them better/vice versa because of the time you had together.