MAN1 Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 (edited) Long story short, everyone here was right. Few years back, my (now ex) said totally out of the blue, that she: - Needed space - "loved me but was not in love with me" - Needed some time - Could be interested in sex, just not with me (in so many words) You all told me RED FLAGS! She either has someone now, has someone else in mind, or is looking. That I should let go immediately, and get my own life, let her go, and she will come back if she is interested. Despite my best efforts to have my own life, the situation consumed me. I did let go, but not enough. I was still defining my life as a married family unit. This was a total surprise, and I couldn't handle it. Fast forward a few years, and we've been officially divorced for 1.5 years. It was an EA she had. Of course having that, she quickly lost interest and we agreed on a divorce. Thankfully it was amicable, and we live close to each other, and the kids spend 50/50 time. Side note: After about 6 months apart (after the EA didn't work out - big surprise - not), she came back wanting to reconcile. I said no, having moved on, and in a very happy place. All I can say is thanks for the support, I should have listened, and I offer this advice: if it quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it is a duck. Man up, and don't rely on your spouse as your primary source of definition of who you are. If you suspect something, use software to find the truth, and make your call. That confirmation was all I needed to agree to a divorce when she asked. I'm happy now, really enjoying life. I only hope that others upon whom this kind of thing is FORCED without their say, that they can end up happy and well adjusted. Cheers! Post script: In looking back at my original posts just now from years back, I realize some of the replies were verging on mean in the words "some young stud is banging her". So I would add, while this forum is and has been so helpful, I would encourage kindness and careful words when someone is beside themselves with grief and confusion. One post suggested that I "ignored" signs. Why would someone post that? To make me feel worse? My ex even said she never shared her challenges, so that was unfair. That is all Edited June 7, 2013 by MAN1 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Korea2000 Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Long story short, everyone here was right. Few years back, my (now ex) said totally out of the blue, that she: - Needed space - "loved me but was not in love with me" - Needed some time - Could be interested in sex, just not with me (in so many words) You all told me RED FLAGS! She either has someone now, has someone else in mind, or is looking. That I should let go immediately, and get my own life, let her go, and she will come back if she is interested. Despite my best efforts to have my own life, the situation consumed me. I did let go, but not enough. I was still defining my life as a married family unit. This was a total surprise, and I couldn't handle it. Fast forward a few years, and we've been officially divorced for 1.5 years. It was an EA she had. Of course having that, she quickly lost interest and we agreed on a divorce. Thankfully it was amicable, and we live close to each other, and the kids spend 50/50 time. Side note: After about 6 months apart (after the EA didn't work out - big surprise - not), she came back wanting to reconcile. I said no, having moved on, and in a very happy place. All I can say is thanks for the support, I should have listened, and I offer this advice: if it quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it is a duck. Man up, and don't rely on your spouse as your primary source of definition of who you are. If you suspect something, use software to find the truth, and make your call. That confirmation was all I needed to agree to a divorce when she asked. I'm happy now, really enjoying life. I only hope that others upon whom this kind of thing is FORCED without their say, that they can end up happy and well adjusted. Cheers! Post script: In looking back at my original posts just now from years back, I realize some of the replies were verging on mean in the words "some young stud is banging her". So I would add, while this forum is and has been so helpful, I would encourage kindness and careful words when someone is beside themselves with grief and confusion. One post suggested that I "ignored" signs. Why would someone post that? To make me feel worse? My ex even said she never shared her challenges, so that was unfair. That is all Yes there are some people on this site that post spiteful, insensitive remarks that not only hurt like hell but are also based on assumptions gleaned from the information OPs choose to post up. I have to say that most posts are very helpful and from people who care and empathise though. Glad your life has turned around. Onwards and upwards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Interesting that I went back to those posts and I think hit the nail on the head in my original replies. I hope I was not nasty (I think those that say she's already sleeping with a younger better looking stud are just classless), but do think people need to be blunt at times especially based on what she was telling you in the unkindness of fashion. You did the right thing, especially after she told you things one can not take back. Congrats I what I'd call a success story...... Link to post Share on other sites
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