Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Pteromom thankyou. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 How do you stop yourself from texting ? Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 You've made many judgments there Beany. I personally don't think I need therapy. Saying you need therapy isn't an insult. A good therapist can help you dissect your feelings, figure out why you were open to your friend's husband in the first place, and help you figure out what to do next. Mentally healthy people can get a lot out of therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 How do you stop yourself from texting ? Block his number. Find a friend to text instead. Leave your phone at home in a drawer. Turn off your texting plan. Whatever you gotta do. And keep practicing changing your thinking... pretty soon, the urge to text him will start fading. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 I think the texting had just become a habit. He's deffo been playing games with me. Think I delete my twitter account for a while and have a break from this madness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 I think the texting had just become a habit. He's deffo been playing games with me. Think I delete my twitter account for a while and have a break from this madness. That's a great idea. In all fairness....im not the one having an affait with my friends husband and turning to an internet forum for advice on how to control my actions. Im not trying to be mean, but thays the reality here. Your actions are destructive and unhealthy....so its my KIND advice to seek some therapy for yourself and marriage. I second this. Most need counseling at some point in their life Many don't go because they are afraid to open up and have to face hard truths, and actually deal things head on. Counseling can help. You say you don't know why you did what you did - This IS something you have to figure out so it won't happen again with him or any other guy. You need to affair proof your marriage. You've been given a lot of wonderful advice, can see it's overwhelming for you too, so in a few days re-read all the advice again, and take it to heart. Really read what's been said. Link to post Share on other sites
Saba Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 How do you stop texting? This question alone shows some serious disfunction. How about you sext your own husband. Spend the time to cultivate the sex life within your marriage rather than investing your energy elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 It isn't the texting really, it's what the texting did to her. How it made her feel, heart flutters, attention and good feelings, sexual too. She can text many of her other friends just as much, it won't be the same, so it isn't the actual texting...it's all about attention from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 8, 2013 Author Share Posted June 8, 2013 Thanks for all the advice. Though I wouldn't have therapy, i know now that I'm not going to take this any further. Just wondering if anybody has done this and what they did to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 (edited) Heya Betsy girl! Rough couple of days,huh?.?. Back on page Three, Whichwyisup asked a REALLY Important question that I didn't see you answered. She asked, " If it was your husband and his wife doing this, would you prefer NOT to know? Have them doing whatever behind your back, texting and flirting, being sexual and chatty -- And then 'pretend' things are totally normal when you all were hanging out?" I don't know if you missed the question, were embarrassed to answer, afraid to answer or you don't want to look inside yourself to find the answer. I DO know that when Good questions are asked and when the time is taken to answer them, it can shed Monumental Insight to the person answering to help them make the best choice/s. Edited June 8, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 8, 2013 Author Share Posted June 8, 2013 How woud I feel? Gutted. If it was over I'm not sure realy that I'd want to know because after forgiving cheating once I am almost 100% I cudnt twice.i know that's judgemental of me. Tbh this texting thing with us is dying a death now he had been acting really distant of late and I don't want to speak to him anymore. I feel like it's all been a lie and he's just been messing with my head. For whatever reason he says that he's happy with his wife. Well let them be happy because I'm not gonna reply to him again he thinks nothing of not answering me. Tbh he's gutless . And I'm done. Tho I'm upset bout the whole thing, my husband means more to me than him And it's just not worth it for a bit of attention. I need to work on my marriage. One day tho wen I get to speak to him he's gonna have a peace of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 How woud I feel? Gutted. If it was over I'm not sure realy that I'd want to know because after forgiving cheating once I am almost 100% I cudnt twice.i know that's judgemental of me. Tbh this texting thing with us is dying a death now he had been acting really distant of late and I don't want to speak to him anymore. I feel like it's all been a lie and he's just been messing with my head. For whatever reason he says that he's happy with his wife. Well let them be happy because I'm not gonna reply to him again he thinks nothing of not answering me. Tbh he's gutless . And I'm done. Tho I'm upset bout the whole thing, my husband means more to me than him And it's just not worth it for a bit of attention. I need to work on my marriage. One day tho wen I get to speak to him he's gonna have a peace of my mind. Why is it he is playing games with you? What he has done, you have done. His reasonings to stay married are the same as yours. Blame goes out equally here between you and him. Maybe he thinks you were/are playing him too? Neither of you really know what is going on in each others marriages behind closed doors and neither of you know what the other is truly thinking either. Are you saying your husband has cheated on you in the past? If that is the case, could this is part of the reason why you allowed yourself to enjoy the attention and flirt sexually/text/sexting with your MM friend? Link to post Share on other sites
RAN65 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Just wondering if anybody has done this and what they did to move on? People who have done this have been caught by their Husband's/Wife's/Gf's/Bf's, and their lives have turned upside down, divorced, breakups, children split between parents & what more they have done to move on before their lives turned . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 He's playing games in that he will for example talk to me all day for example then completely blank me. To be honest tho, I don't care anymore Im done. I don't want a proper affair and to meet up with him etc, I don't want anything more from him. I'm not even sure he's that nice anymore. I'm sure I can get over the way I feel and be ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 He's playing games in that he will for example talk to me all day for example then completely blank me. To be honest tho, I don't care anymore Im done. I don't want a proper affair and to meet up with him etc, I don't want anything more from him. I'm not even sure he's that nice anymore. I'm sure I can get over the way I feel and be ok. Yes you can. However, and I mean this with sincerity - you need to understand WHY you felt that. There's reasons for it. It doesn't just "happen". Somewhere a line gets crossed, and then it's hard to just be friends. I don't feel that you have to tell anyone - but I seriously think that you should maybe do some self help reading if you're not into counseling. I'm not big on counseling myself, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work for many people. It's good to understand why these feelings you have were allowed to come forth if you are truly happy in your marriage. Or this could happen to you again with someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Oh he was awilling. He wanted to book a hotel room for us. He was just weird then. I know that this is wrong Im not here for a lecture on my morals, I just wanted some advice from people as to why he's gone cold on me and really, how to forget this and move on. Any married person in a long term marriage can have an affair. It does not happen by accident, at the onset you have to make a conscious decision to cross a line. You crossed several lines and simply could not cross the last line. IN any event, you are having an emotional affair. Many men and women that have physical and emotional affairs tend to fall in love. It is natural to love the person that gives you such a good feeling. It is natural to love the man that pays attention to you and makes you feel extra special. The unnatural unsavory component of the affair is that you must become a deceitful liar that has to betray your H and the kids. If you watch movies about infidelity you have effectively become the "bad guy" in the movie. You are not the "good guy" in the story anymore. You fell in love because you have un met needs. You wanted attention and romance a whole lot more than the cheap dirty lurid texts and the 30.00 dollar Motel. The man stopped because he realized that screwing the wife of a personal friend is something that is done by men that are lower than whale "shyt" in the bottom of the ocean. It is a rather simple concept. He did not want to be the "bad guy" in the movie. The question for you is: Why are you willing to be the bad guy in the movie? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 I don't think he has completely stopped , he will cum bac with a message to me at some point. I told him last week I am not doing it anymore. He said yea fine but sed that it was good. I think he would do it. He wants me to be the one to text him all the time only I don't want to anymore I got nothing to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I don't think he has completely stopped , he will cum bac with a message to me at some point. I told him last week I am not doing it anymore. He said yea fine but sed that it was good. I think he would do it. He wants me to be the one to text him all the time only I don't want to anymore I got nothing to say. It is called the mating dance in the affair. At this stage the two of you want to believe that as honorable people it is not a good idea to have sex. This will eventually fuel the passion. His rejection will also put you in what is known as withdrawal. This withdrawal will make crave him like a drug addict. He is playing you. And you want to be loved. You want to be desired even if you did not put out. Are you willing to end your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 No I am not awilling to end my marriage. My husband loves me and is actually amazing to me. I guess this was just an attention thing. The thing is he can't play anymore as he's not getting anything from me. And I'm sick of playing games with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 I'm never getting into anything like this again. I can't handle it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 You want help in stopping this? Don't say to this man "we should stop this". You just stop it. No shall/should/you do it waffle. You take responsibility and just stop texting, tweeting or whateverBlock all means for him to contact you and vice versaGet some IC - you do need to find out why you did this and how you need to changeTell your husband everything. The longer you leave it before telling him the truth, the worse it will be. And the truth will come out some dayListen to Owl - his wife and an online EA and they have happily reconciled. You may not like what he is saying but you need to listen and learn 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Anne by telling my husband I would ruin my marriage and I would also ruin his. He has two little boys and I have a little girl. So no I won't be doing that. It wod sound do stupid anyway wouldn't it as nothing has actually happened? Nothing physical. So you'd advise ruining a marriage over texts and me just getting too involved? I just need to sort my own head out. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to do this anymore either. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Betsy So you are just going to ignore all the advice people give you even though we are posting based on our personal experiences of affairs and recovery from those just because you have not got the guts to face the consequences of your actions. As for saying that telling your husband will ruin your marriage, well sorry but having an affair with someone is actually what ruins marriages. Being honest is actually a healthy thing in a marriage. How about you start putting your husband first rather than yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 All that's been done though is text messages which didnt really mean anything did they as nothing happened. No I'm not ignoring all the advice I've had some good advice here. But I don't think honesty is the best policy here. I don't want to ruin everybody's lives. I just want to get over it really. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Another question are text messages really classed as an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
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