anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Another question are text messages really classed as an affair? The text messages you two were sending each other? Absolutely. 100% yes. It's an emotional affair - EA. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 All that's been done though is text messages which didnt really mean anything did they as nothing happened. Really? Then you should have no problem at all in telling both your husband and your friend about these texts. The fact that you can't do that and that you are posting here blatantly says that you know it didn't really mean anything. No I'm not ignoring all the advice I've had some good advice here. Oh I agree that you had good advice. From all the advice that you have received here, what will you actually do as a result? Something or nothing at all? But I don't think honesty is the best policy here. That's because keeping your head in the sand means you think you can avoid the consequences. It also means that you will continue to rub both your husband's and your friend's face in it so to speak when all 4 of you get together for a nice night out. I don't want to ruin everybody's lives. By not being honest, you stand a very good chance of doing exactly this. I just want to get over it really. Well how exactly are you going to do that then? What steps are you going to take to do this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 I love that the thread title asks "I would love honest [advice]!! yet you have every intention of continuing to be deceitful, Dishonest and continue withholding the truth from your husband. How about being a little more respectful and considerate of HIS feelings in all of this, and giving him some credit for actually possibly dealing with this whole affair in a sensible and logical way? far more so than you have done. You've received some frankly excellent, worthy and pertinent advice on this thread. From people who have 'been there, done that'. Yet you diligently refuse to accept that it's what you also must do, and here you are, 5 pages later, still fretting about this OM.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 What I am going to do is delete my twitter account and remove him from my watts app. I'm then gonna work on sorting myself out. I have to pretend when we see them as I am not ruining all our families, I know that we are not going to be together so what wud be the point. I know I have to sort myself out tho as I have been a little bit crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 How are you going to "sort yourself out"? (serious question) Link to post Share on other sites
lace5262 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Oh no I wasn't pushing for the affair. At first he jumped into bed with me and tried to kiss me to which I refused. He started relentlessly texting and wen I wanted to meet up, at first, to chat about all this - then for sex he wasn't keen. If I didn't txt him he wud message me and it went crazy that's why I can't understand him now. It wasn't 'just' texts. It was texts and dirty pics. You "think you've fallen in love with him". You wanted to meet for sex, but he wasn't "keen". This is an EA that could very easily turn into a PA. You need to tell your husband, and stop making fools out of him and your 'friend' What are you going to do if your 'friend' finds your dirty pics? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 I think I have yes, but with time and no more contact then I'm sure I can get over it all. How will I sort myself out? I have no idea, but they say times a good healer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 He was keen at first to book a hotel etc, but I said I wasn't sure I could and then he just wanted to text/ dirty MSGs etc all the time until he suddenly went quiet. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 How do you plan to do NC when you and your H are friends with him and his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 No personal contact as in no texts, tweets etc. If I get to see him with us altogether we can't talk or say anything anyway do nothing can happen. And it's over then. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 So the 4 of you will get together but the two of you won't talk to each other? That will make for a strange get together. I am quite sure your respective spouses will be wondering what on earth is going on and asking you both whether the two of you have fallen out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 No we will talk as we always have done but we won't be able to talk about wat has happened etc. otherwise if I were to stop seeing them etc my frend/hubby wud think sumthing was up. It's a mess init. I am a bit of a twat Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 LS'ers, Betsy is NOT going to be honest and authentic w/her H. So, as much as I agree, no reason to continue wasting our breath on "that" part of advice... Betsy, the question has been asked and is worth your time and thought, what ARE You going to do to "fix" things w/in yourself & M & family?!? You stated: Being honest w/your H is out Seeking individual counseling is out Getting M counceling is out Others here have mentioned: Self help books (which I agree) Self examination (which in theory is great but I question whether you could be UN-biased in looking at yourself & holding yourself accountable w/no real consequences) Biggest thing I see that You could/should do to instantly get rid of the distraction of Your MM and EA is to DE-FRIEND MM and his W. Honestly, I feel it's absolutely ABSURD that you would Ever hang w/them again either as couples or individually w/MM's Wife. You are NOT her friend . No matter what you think or feel. Not anymore. Not after having an A w/her H, ya know?* Note: book to read - Not Just Friends.. Good luck Betsy girl and take heed the forewarning of those here who have "been there done that", the truth has a way of coming out, when you LEAST expect it. If you're not going to be honest then be prepared to be honest when Your A/EA comes to light* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Right so you are actually NOT doing NC. This affair is far from over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 What on earth cud I say as the reason to why I was never gona have NC with them again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Coming In Hot I hope it never comes out I mean it's ended now and all messages deleted. I know he will never say he's got too much to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 You really just don't get it, do you! By maintaining the friendship, you are as good as continuing the affair. There is no way that the two of you will jusy never take things further again. Plus WHEN the truth is discovered, it will hurt your husband even more knowing that you have allowed him and the OM to be friends. It is just so insulting and shows a complete lack of respect for your husband and your friend. There is only one way you can deal with this. You have been told this. But you have ignored the advice. As it is, you still want the texts to continue - according to you, it has basically ended because he has stopped texting. I.e. if he had not stopped, you would be quite happy to continue the affair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Well, here's a shocker of a novelty - you could tell them the truth!! You don't get it do you? To every Action, there is a consequence. To every issue there is a fall-out. You made this whole sorry crappy mess. There's no way out of it, or round it. you HAVE to go through it, otherwise, you have to live your entire life as a liar, a cheat and a fraud. Those are your descriptive labels. Own them. Or change them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Coming In Hot I hope it never comes out I mean it's ended now and all messages deleted. I know he will never say he's got too much to lose. Liars have to have good memories. schytt has a way of leaking out and smelling bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 At first yes I would have but now I won't continue it. Too much to lose. By ending the friendship I'd have to admit it and I'm not admitting it as I'm not wrecking my marriage. Nothing will happen we are always together as couples and for something to happen we'd have to meet up which I've already said I'm not going to do. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Betsy. Bless Your Heart... Did I use that right?! LOL!! Where are my Southern bells?! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 So you are taking the head in the sand approach thinking that will protect your ar$e. That will not work I can promise you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted June 9, 2013 Author Share Posted June 9, 2013 Why not Anne? Think I prefer it to let's wreck two families and little kiddies lives over something that's not gonna come to anything/ is over. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 God, I cannot believe how selfish you are being. This is all about saving your face, and self-preservation. At the cost of your dignity, integrity and your husband's innocence. How dare you deprive him of the opportunity of being able to evaluate this on an honest level!? Who the hell do you think you are to presume to make that decision for him? You're not telling him, because you're scared. And yet, you'd prefer to be a liar and a cheat, than to be honest and honourable? I'm sorry, but you're some piece, you know that? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 9, 2013 Share Posted June 9, 2013 Why not Anne? Think I prefer it to let's wreck two families and little kiddies lives over something that's not gonna come to anything/ is over. You've done that already. You really do not get this at all, do you. You're living a farcical lie. You have compromised your marriage and his - this cannot be undone. You can't un-remember everything. This is a real thing, between you two, and you will never be able to be in the same room as him, without knowing where you both went with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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