Author chaser0195 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Share Posted June 8, 2013 To the OP, I have to agree that anyone who would badmouth their spouse to all of their friends and then go on facebook to publicly declare their love and admiration for the same spouse is a seriously disturbed and screwed up human being. However I don't think you started this thread to hear about how your exMM is a severely disordered individual who probably isn't capable of experiencing authentic love for anyone. Based on the comment I quoted and your positive response to it I think you started this thread to get assurance that your exMM couldn't possibly love his wife as he must have loved you and that anything he says or does to positively portray his marriage or spouse must be a big show. I say everything this guy does is probably skewed and somewhat fake including the affair and the sooner you accept that the sooner you will move on and become healthy. Do I hope he loves me and not his wife? No. The affair is long over by my doing and if I still held out hope that he was in love with me I wouldn't have ended it. I was simply make a statement. The part of the statement I agreed with was that a lot of FB is for show. Link to post Share on other sites
loredo21 Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Mm are phony fakers. Usually in most aspects of their lives. But keepin it real... Most ow would love it if mm buttered them up on Facebook. It's validating. I kind of agree with this, if you aren't married yourself OW would w ant to see all that stuff about her on FB. It does make one feel good. But if you are a married AP that'd be a big no no. But yes, you have a point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loredo21 Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 I guess the unpopular opinion on here would be that possibly he's speaking well of her because its really how he feels and he loves her. Possibly. This type of stuff, the online checking and creeping, makes me so glad my FB is locked down tight in privacy settings and that hubby doesn't even bother with social media. It does seem kinda unsettling that OW would be peeking long after its over, dissecting the lives of MM and his intentions towards his wife/family,'etc. Um WS, OW/OM, AND betrayed spouses alike "creep" online when profiles are public. Sme have admitted to it over there long after the affair happened. It's human nature. We try our best but there are triggers that lead us back to see whats up with them. If you have never checked up on anyone online ever, consider yourself extremely strong with a hella lot of willpower. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chaser0195 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Share Posted June 8, 2013 No no, i already said i think people who do that(badmouth ther partners) are mental. I take as a red flag. I was addressing people who were saying any lovers who get mushy on fb are probably faking or have other motives....not always the case. If i get mushy on fb he has really earned it lol I agree. I don't believe everyone is faking the mushy stuff and in moderation it's great but it can go over board and become nauseating. Lol. My exMM was making himself look like a bigger asshat by talking smack about her to the same people who see his praising posts. And if I learned anything from that its he confirmed that he really is a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 I guess the unpopular opinion on here would be that possibly he's speaking well of her because its really how he feels and he loves her. Possibly. This type of stuff, the online checking and creeping, makes me so glad my FB is locked down tight in privacy settings and that hubby doesn't even bother with social media. It does seem kinda unsettling that OW would be peeking long after its over, dissecting the lives of MM and his intentions towards his wife/family,'etc. I guess that is the real issue. Everyone trying to dissect the situation from all sides of the triangle. When doing so one usually tends to see things heavily from their own perspective. Things that are hard to believe or hard to accept trigger everyone on the spectrum. No one knows anyone's intentions unfortunately. There comes a time when one has to just wait and see. Just be and see. Does it really matter how many kissy faces the BS and MP share on FB for the world and the AP to see? What would seem to matter more would be the things that no one sees. The life between the BS and MP that social media does not have a window into. It should really only matter to the reconciling couple and not passers by. Should and does don't seem to share a zip code though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Lot's of folks post things on FB because they are afraid for the world to see who they really are. It's so sad. My H and I have no gushing, though he will at times post some of my work, or say congrats on it, as we do not share all the same group of "friends". In fact, SOMETIMES he posts very unflattering pictures of me, caught when we are out and about at different activities. Not because he's mean or anything. We don't use FB for our personal relationship activity log as many do. It's more of a forum for our special interests of like minded individuals. This dude is just making a false front for himself. i.e., See, I love my wife! She's the best! She's so awesome! He's no different than the dude that takes advantage of his female employee, telling her he loves her, then blabbing to the locker room how great he is by getting women to get down on their knees for him. Disgusting. He's not willing to be honest to the world about who he is. He's afraid of the rejection. It's pretty common. IMHO ~ as always 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted June 8, 2013 Share Posted June 8, 2013 Um WS, OW/OM, AND betrayed spouses alike "creep" online when profiles are public. Sme have admitted to it over there long after the affair happened. It's human nature. We try our best but there are triggers that lead us back to see whats up with them. If you have never checked up on anyone online ever, consider yourself extremely strong with a hella lot of willpower. Its one thing to be curious and say to yourself "wonder what's up with so and so." And look to be nosy. Lol. Its quite another to start saying "oh they're so fake", "putting on a show for the world to see" etc. When one sees people moving forward, appearing or working towards happiness. Its a misery loves company mindset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Very rarely do you see the worst of people on social media. Social media makes it 100 x harder to get over someone. Because of the spying piece. No contact used to be easier. You couldn't call the house, there were no cell phones or texts, no social pages, no email. You had 4 ways to communicate. Letter, telegram, land line or drive to their house. Now. UGH. Link to post Share on other sites
Clemenza Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Very rarely do you see the worst of people on social media. Social media makes it 100 x harder to get over someone. Because of the spying piece. No contact used to be easier. You couldn't call the house, there were no cell phones or texts, no social pages, no email. You had 4 ways to communicate. Letter, telegram, land line or drive to their house. Now. UGH. Yup. All these ways of keeping in contact with people is kind of a curse. Even though I still have to see xMW at the office, I'm pretty happy neither she nor I has a FB account. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Facebook makes me chuckle in a big way. My in-laws were freaked out that hubby and I weren't "friends" on Facebook. (His mom gets on and cyberstalks him. ) We just weren't. I never use my Facebook account and have basically deactivated it after some high school friends posted some objectionable political information on their site - which transferred to my site - and I was appalled. To make them happy, we friended each other. I still don't get on. He has put a couple of my friends on his page so I can chat with them electronically every once in awhile, but that's it. My husband certainly never posts how wonderful I am (maybe he should? just kidding!) or what a rockin' couple we are. But, we have a couple of friends who do and we make fun of them. It's soooo tacky. No one really cares about your love life. I agree the people that use Facebook are, in a lot of ways, either inappropriately using it as a sounding board (as an employer, I don't hire those people) or they are boasting to make themselves appear better. Whatever, it isn't reality. I would just ignore anything I saw there. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) I will admit that I recently have posted more(twice) about my wife on Facebook. Yes, I had an ulterior motive. I wanted other women to stop hitting on me. Oddly enough it was my MOW that suggested I do it. She has access to my FB account and she sees everything. The once or twice a month attempts started getting on her nerves, so she thought this might help. So far so good. Edited June 11, 2013 by Realist3 Link to post Share on other sites
SweetiePie12 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 He could be doing it to make you jealous. When my ex-mm & I called things off, he posted something on his Twitter about someone being "smokin' hot." I didn't take it personal because it was too obvious for words that he wanted me to see it. How did you know? How were you so certain? I know for a fact that I influenced my ex's social networking, and really brought him out of his shell. After me, he lapsed back into lurk mode mainly... Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 This is an old thread but I hope for your sake to move on, you've deleted ur AP and blocked.... Not only that moved on with NC. Don't torture yourself with "how they are doing". It also shows he doesn't care about your feelings as well being that he knows you"ll eventually see it. Link to post Share on other sites
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