the "You Have To Win Her" Theory

[jma500]

Just FYI I hang out in bars and I would still consider myself a woman of "high morals and character"...I also consider myself spiritual, like to go out to eat, volunteer, take walks, work out, watch TV, read...but you would never find out because if you found out I go to bars I'm automatically off your list of potential mates.

 

Talk about being judgmental! There are some real a**holes who hang out in churches, temples, do charity work, etc.

 

You never know where you may meet Mr. or Ms. Right!

 

I know it won't be in a bar. I have never seen quality women in bars. A cousin of mine married a bar skank. I can't stand her nor any other of his bar skank girlfriends. Btw not calling you a skank.

[jma500]

Why does LS always turn into the bitter guys hating on women?

 

Now how about the women competing for men? One said it doesn't really happen, and a girl or two laughed about having sex to secure a man.

 

I disagree. I feel women do get competitive for men. It just may be more subtle in nature. I feel the "dance" involves both sides. I do put in effort to chase the woman. In fact, I'm meeting new women regularly and dating to get to know them. I'll put in the effort but she has to play her part too. At times I feel it's best to step back to gauge her interests, to see what she will do to move the relationship forward. If she doesn't, another girl will. It's not just sex either. Does she grab my hand on the date, greet me with a big hug on the 2nd date, or give me a call in the middle of the week?

 

What's with being so cynical about having sex with guys? Fact is, until you have sex most guys view a woman as a glorified friend. Try holding out sex for 12 months and see how many stick around. Sex is part of taking it to the next level.

 

There has been no hate for women on this thread. Nice try in attempting to stir s--t up.

[daisybuchanan55]

I know it won't be in a bar. I have never seen quality women in bars. A cousin of mine married a bar skank. I can't stand her nor any other of his bar skank girlfriends. Btw not calling you a skank.

 

 

I'm not sure where you live but "normal" people do go to bars on occasion, too, you know. There is a difference between a "bar skank" (and I know EXACTLY the type you're talking about) and a "girl hanging out in a bar."

 

Bars are normal places to socialize on weekends and all types of people frequent them. Don't be so judgmental. You might be surprised!

 

**I live in LA so maybe this is a more normal part of socializing than in smaller towns? Thinking probably not though...

[MomsSpaghetti]

I feel women do get competitive for men. =

 

Of course this happens, but, like I said, it's a much smaller set of men that have women competing for them. Out of the couple hundred guys I've known in my life, only a couple of them have been so attractive as to have women competing over them. It's just how natural selection works. For the survival of the species it makes the most sense to have the most genetically fit guy impregnate every woman -- something he could feasibly do, by the way. The opposite -- the most genetically fit woman getting impregnated by every guy -- doesn't make sense.

[jma500]

I'm not sure where you live but "normal" people do go to bars on occasion, too, you know. There is a difference between a "bar skank" (and I know EXACTLY the type you're talking about) and a "girl hanging out in a bar."

 

Bars are normal places to socialize on weekends and all types of people frequent them. Don't be so judgmental. You might be surprised!

 

**I live in LA so maybe this is a more normal part of socializing than in smaller towns? Thinking probably not though...

 

I live in RI and i stopped hanging in bars in my late twenties. Never met any quality women in one ever. I don't ever go into bars now as i do not drink and am going deaf.

[hppr]

I don't know. There is difference to me between a woman having male colleagues and nothing going on between any of them and a woman regularly habing sex with other guys but not being exclusive with any of them and I would merely be a part of that rotation. The former doesn't matter to me, the latter grosses me out. I'm not saying they aren't allowed to do that I'm saying I don't want to be involved in that crap.

 

Here's the thing; if you date women eventually you will be involved in that crap whether you like it or not. It's just how some women are. They won't seem that way at first then later on you find out she's been banging some other dude while you were 'dating' her. It's one of those kiss a frog sort of things you have to meet lots of people before finding someone who is on your level and sometimes that means making mistakes.

[Maleficent]

Aka: There's always another d--k!

 

Basically the idea that any moderately attractive girl will have a boyfriend or a FWB. If you want her, you have to take her away from somebody else. If she is single, then she likely has several guys chasing her at the same time.

 

It actually goes for both sexes. Do women assume the same situation is going on with men? How does everyone feel about this? How does it affect your dating strategy?

 

For me, it's one of the reasons to be more sexually aggressive. Girls tend to develop feelings when they have sex. If I move too slow, another guy might get there first and she'll choose him instead. Does a woman feel having sex with a guy is a way to secure him from other women?

 

What a load of crap. Never in my life have I ever had more than one man 'chase after me'

I could go through months without with having any 'prospects' at all.

 

Stop thinking it's so easy for women. This is getting really annoying.

[hppr]

I might go out with Tommy on Wednesday and Mike on Friday and dance at a club with Bill on Sunday. Doesn't mean I've come remotely close to having sex with any of them...

 

 

Well that's the whole 'singles scene'. If you want to have an adult relationship you kinda have to grow past that. I can't really explain it though maybe you should talk to a married relative or something about this to get their input.

[Kamille]

 

Stop thinking it's so easy for women. This is getting really annoying.

 

Oh, you've only been here since April. Eventually it gets to be merely entertaining.

[hppr]

What a load of crap. Never in my life have I ever had more than one man 'chase after me'

I could go through months without with having any 'prospects' at all.

 

Stop thinking it's so easy for women. This is getting really annoying.

 

People see everything through their own experience. He's probably just thinking of the women he was friends with or interested in.

[TheGuard13]

Disney's Aladdin taught me that women aren't some prize to be won.

 

Seriously.

 

I don't compete for women. Either I stand out (which I got taught by Disney's A Goofy Movie) above the crowd, or it's not worth the time and effort.

[PogoStick]

Originally Posted by Maleficent

What a load of crap. Never in my life have I ever had more than one man 'chase after me'

I could go through months without with having any 'prospects' at all.

 

Actually it was a good friend's mom who explained the theory to me just last week. Wasn't even my idea, but I felt it has some truth.

 

I appreciate your experience too. No need to get upset about it. I'd rather not be competing against 3 other guys actually.

[Woggle]

I don't fight or compete over women. Either they want me or they don't.

[hppr]

Originally Posted by Maleficent

What a load of crap. Never in my life have I ever had more than one man 'chase after me'

I could go through months without with having any 'prospects' at all.

 

Actually it was a good friend's mom who explained the theory to me just last week. Wasn't even my idea, but I felt it has some truth.

 

I appreciate your experience too. No need to get upset about it. I'd rather not be competing against 3 other guys actually.

 

If someone is very desirable of course people will be chasing after them. It's common sense. The difference is thinking that you *have* to *win* someone over in order to have a successful relationship.

 

Also, there is a difference between dating a woman who is desirable (as in, other guys are also showing interest) and being one of many men that she is dating. Huge difference really.

 

So while it's good to be bold and aggressive with women it's also wise to use one's brain and realize which situation you are in.

[hppr]

I don't fight or compete over women. Either they want me or they don't.

 

This, I used to think I had to compete with other guys for women and it was always a losing proposition. As soon as I just started doing my own thing and having a good time my dating life improved dramatically.

[Woggle]

This, I used to think I had to compete with other guys for women and it was always a losing proposition. As soon as I just started doing my own thing and having a good time my dating life improved dramatically.

 

Me too. Cultivate your interests like friends, career and hobbies and the love life aspect should fall into place. There are more things in life then just dating all the time.

[Pompeii]

I think I disagree with every single person in the thread. Might be a first.

 

We have women without ethics claiming that all women and successful men are without ethics...

Men without ethics claiming all women and successful men are without ethics...

And ultra-bitter men saying everything is hopeless.

 

Sorry, I don't recognize the world you claim to live in and it's probably because you live in an atheist immoral world. But in fact some people (both men and women) actually do still believe in noble ideals, set themselves to a higher standard than their base animal nature, and your base attitudes and behaviors once again demonstrate why the human race requires these noble ideals to behave properly.

 

If all you care about is getting your penis in the hole, then you may be right to continue to behave based on these humanist generalities and immoral standards. You've chosen to be an animal, and thus you deserve the morally bankrupt women you get.

 

I will choose to value more than what the animals value, hold to a higher ethical and moral standard, and similarly value those things in women. I won't be looking in bars for dates. I'll be looking for women of character, and in the long run I'll be far better off than you.

 

 

 

You sound like a robot that was made in a factory in the Bible Belt to go tell all of those "immoral heathens" that they're going to hell.

 

Get real, man. You don't have to be a non-atheist to choose a "woman of character".

[Pompeii]

Why does LS always turn into the bitter guys hating on women?

 

Now how about the women competing for men? One said it doesn't really happen, and a girl or two laughed about having sex to secure a man.

 

I disagree. I feel women do get competitive for men. It just may be more subtle in nature. I feel the "dance" involves both sides. I do put in effort to chase the woman. In fact, I'm meeting new women regularly and dating to get to know them. I'll put in the effort but she has to play her part too. At times I feel it's best to step back to gauge her interests, to see what she will do to move the relationship forward. If she doesn't, another girl will. It's not just sex either. Does she grab my hand on the date, greet me with a big hug on the 2nd date, or give me a call in the middle of the week?

 

What's with being so cynical about having sex with guys? Fact is, until you have sex most guys view a woman as a glorified friend. Try holding out sex for 12 months and see how many stick around. Sex is part of taking it to the next level.

 

 

Who says women don't compete for men? If you are aesthetic, if you are high status, they will compete for you. The difference between women and men is: guys compete for average girls but girls only compete against each other for "highly-desired guys".

 

I know it won't be in a bar. I have never seen quality women in bars. A cousin of mine married a bar skank. I can't stand her nor any other of his bar skank girlfriends. Btw not calling you a skank.

 

The same people who go to bars are the same people that work in your financial office Monday-Friday. It's not like they're these subterranean people who climb out of the sewers when the weekend approaches. Yes, there are sleazy people in bars, but for the most part, they are just people looking to have a good time. I know some really quiet, librarian types who like going to bars. Are those the type of "high quality woman" you're after?

Edited June 8, 2013 by Pompeii

[todreaminblue]

Aka: There's always another d--k!

 

Does a woman feel having sex with a guy is a way to secure him from other women?

 

 

I used to bond with sex...not so much to secure the guy......but for him to feel secure.....and once i had sex .....it was always in a relationship anyway....my ideas about sex from when i was younger....are completely different to how i feel now.......i often also used sex to try and to soothe another....sex will make it better sort of attitude.......to show him yes i do like you i do want to be with you ...again i was normally in a relationship when this occurred...i think i got played hardcore......deb

[jma500]

Who says women don't compete for men? If you are aesthetic, if you are high status, they will compete for you. The difference between women and men is: guys compete for average girls but girls only compete against each other for "highly-desired guys".

 

 

 

The same people who go to bars are the same people that work in your financial office Monday-Friday. It's not like they're these subterranean people who climb out of the sewers when the weekend approaches. Yes, there are sleazy people in bars, but for the most part, they are just people looking to have a good time. I know some really quiet, librarian types who like going to bars. Are those the type of "high quality woman" you're after?

 

This may be true where you come from but not here in RI.

[runningfar]

. Does a woman feel having sex with a guy is a way to secure him from other women?

 

Frick no.

 

I'm not going to compete. If he wants to have sex with another woman, he should go be with her, not me.

 

There's not a chance I will stick around if I feel I'm competing.

 

I wouldn't want to be with a guy who acted as if he were competing for me either.

 

Pick who you want to be with. Be with them.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Highly attractive people of both genders are highly sought after. As for the bar scene, some people are tools and some aren't. No different than any other place.

[MissBee]

Aka: There's always another d--k!

 

Basically the idea that any moderately attractive girl will have a boyfriend or a FWB. If you want her, you have to take her away from somebody else. If she is single, then she likely has several guys chasing her at the same time.

 

It actually goes for both sexes. Do women assume the same situation is going on with men? How does everyone feel about this? How does it affect your dating strategy?

 

For me, it's one of the reasons to be more sexually aggressive. Girls tend to develop feelings when they have sex. If I move too slow, another guy might get there first and she'll choose him instead. Does a woman feel having sex with a guy is a way to secure him from other women?

 

LOLLL

 

Not me. I know full well a man may want to have sex with several vaginas, therefore I am under no impression that sex with him locks him down. For me personally, the sooner I have sex with a guy, the less likely I am to want to date him. I don't know why it's like that. If I'm really into a guy, I like to wait a bit before we have sex, as sometimes when we have sex too quickly I start to lose interest.

 

I'm not into the whole competing and scheming to get a man type of thing. I Lots of women are though. I don't really have a strategy for dating. For me, I'm more of the mind that you like me or don't, you want me or don't, we hit it off and see where it goes, we're both in or we're not, and I'm not going to compete with other women for your attention or try to take a man from some other woman.