How to rope in a highly-desired man

[StanMusial]

It seems like you exemplify the idea of competitiveness amongst your gender. It's why you called them "highly-desired guys" rather than highly desirable guys. You want guys that other women want/have, i.e. "highly desired" guys, so that when you "get" them, you can consider yourself better than those women. It's not about the guy at all, but about your ongoing d*ck-measuring contest with all other women.

 

I don't think you care what you want. You care what other women want, and then you take it from them.

 

But I merely speculate.

 

I refrained from any explanation because it was fun to watch this thread run for a bit... looks like it has been moved though so it will probably die off pretty soon. Dang!

 

I think it's called social proofing online and yadda yadda yadda but yeah you explained it well enough.

[Inexperienced85]

I CAN attract the top 5% of the male population. That's not the problem.

 

My problem is trying to figure out how to KEEP them.

Who constitutes that mystical top 5%? Or at least do they have something important in common?

 

Do they even want to be kept if they are so sought after and could replace you in a blink of an eye if they didn't like something? Is that capriciousness even that attractive?

[daisybuchanan55]

It seems like you exemplify the idea of competitiveness amongst your gender. It's why you called them "highly-desired guys" rather than highly desirable guys. You want guys that other women want/have, i.e. "highly desired" guys, so that when you "get" them, you can consider yourself better than those women. It's not about the guy at all, but about your ongoing d*ck-measuring contest with all other women.

 

I don't think you care what you want. You care what other women want, and then you take it from them.

 

But I merely speculate.

 

Yes, I would agree with your assessment to some extent. I am a very competitive person and definitely get some of my self-worth from the "desirability" of my partner.

 

I do feel I've gotten better, though. It used to be much, much worse.

 

When I go to a bar or a club or any place I know I can "hunt," I feel like I'm on a mission to get the attention of the best guy in there. I get frantic and on a "high" VERY similar to the way someone feels when they are high on a drug!

 

When I do find someone I really like though, my focus shifts to keeping that person because I become so fully obsessed with them and all they represent. I have an idea of how I want my life to go and when I find a guy who fits into that "plan" the entire thing feels urgent.

 

In the evolution of my love life, I've found one of the best tools in trying to get over this whole thing is learning to "let go." The person who can let go of another person is 100% in control of her life. It's a freeing feeling.

 

I've also found that working on my own career/passions has curbed the obsession a little bit. But as everything is in life, it's an ongoing process.

[daisybuchanan55]

Who constitutes that mystical top 5%? Or at least do they have something important in common?

 

Do they even want to be kept if they are so sought after and could replace you in a blink of an eye if they didn't like something? Is that capriciousness even that attractive?

 

I'm going to be brutally honest here and risk sounding like a horrible human being.

 

For me, the magical top 5% is a man I find attractive (others don't have to), is accomplished in his field, has status/money, is fun to be around, respected, friendly, humble, intelligent, compassionate.

 

Yes, I realize I'm looking for something most people don't think exists, but I've found it multiple times in my life!

[Roadkill007]

Hm, well, I'm just going to have to go with "be yourself." Don't try to be like THOSE women who see a hot guy and immediately have drenched panties and throw themselves at them.

 

I feel like a good looking guy is pretty much EXPECTING this to happen. Be unpredictable and DON'T act that way. I'm not saying play games, but be a bit aloof. I mean after all he's JUST a guy. He's not a god, and underneath the good looks he's just like every other guy. So treat him as such.

 

Show him you're not just into him for his looks but be interested in HIM. Have a conversation, smile, be engaging, be cool.

 

I met the current guy I'm talking to at a single's event. My friend and I went for giggles and we walked up to the bar and all of a sudden I'm standing next to him. He turns, looks at me, and I just started a conversation.

 

He's very good looking, and there were tons of girls coming up to him trying to talk to him. And it was hilarious because when a bunch of girls would come by, he would actually introduce ME to them. I got a couple befuddled looks and some stank eye. Like why are you introducing me to this chick, I want to talk to YOU!

 

So we wound up casually talking the whole night. Out of everyone there, he stuck by me. Pretty much every other woman there was acting like these guys were some sort of superhuman life form, they were going gaga with stars in their eyes, asking stupid stereotypical questions, and it was clear most were only there for the novelty of who these guys were.

 

Meanwhile the guy I was talking to were just shooting the s.hit about sports, movies, etc. We then wound up dancing the rest of the night, and when it was time to go I was the one who walked away with his number, and I was the one who 40 minutes later, was asked out on a date.

 

We've been on 3 dates so far.

 

Score 1 for me.

 

 

 

naiiiice

 

 

 

On OP, I knew a guy who got tons of female attention like this. He was my stand partner in orchestra for many years. He definitely preferred the girls who treated him like a person rather than a hot hunka meat . Like, I could basically see him writing off girls right from the get go when they act all.... annoying? This was a rather fitting description : Pretty much every other woman there was acting like these guys were some sort of superhuman life form, they were going gaga with stars in their eyes, asking stupid stereotypical questions, and it was clear most were only there for the novelty of who these guys were.

 

Oh, on a side note, is it just me, or are the girls who act like this around hot guys usually the super gossips and such? Like, they think everyone cares about their opinion and are always blabbing on about others and badmouthing people?

[hudson701]

YES, it happens all the time. Constantly!

 

If the guy is less attractive, he is either afraid to approach for fear of rejection or will approach in a completely un-cool way, thus diminishing his chances.

 

If the guy is desirable, he will wait to be introduced, wait for the girl to approach him, or wait for a sign that she is open to talking.

 

I find that I often have to give a guy an "opening" to approach me. The most effective thing I do is entirely non-verbal and extremely underrated. Just looking at a man BRIEFLY with seductive eyes (you have to practice or this will look utterly bizarre!) and smiling, then looking away, is often enough to get the guy to come over and talk.

 

Another opening I've had success with is putting myself in close proximity to the man and saying something vague about our surroundings or the situation. You can tell instantly if the guy is into the conversation/into you. Talking to surround friends of his also works like a charm.

 

But during all of this, you have to remain SEXY. There are lots of ways to be sexy but one surefire way to turn a man off is to be aggressive, loud, brash etc.

 

You CANNOT stand in the corner, aloof. Very few men will approach.

 

Uhhhhh..... So how is this APPROACHING men exactly? You've sort of missed the point there.

[ChessPieceFace]

I CAN attract the top 5% of the male population. That's not the problem.

 

My problem is trying to figure out how to KEEP them.

 

"Attract but not keep" = "you got banged." So you let yourself be used for sex by these players and consider that a partial success? By most womens' standards that I am familiar with, that is not supposed to be success. Yet you throw it out into this thread as an accolade, "proving your superior womanhood" by possessing the physical attributes and charisma to be played by a "higher" breed of man. Interesting. Lots of info about the female psyche being displayed in this thread.

[Inexperienced85]

I'm going to be brutally honest here and risk sounding like a horrible human being.

 

For me, the magical top 5% is a man I find attractive (others don't have to), is accomplished in his field, has status/money, is fun to be around, respected, friendly, humble, intelligent, compassionate.

 

Yes, I realize I'm looking for something most people don't think exists, but I've found it multiple times in my life!

OK. I don't see anything here that would make you a horrible person.

 

But I can't wrap my mind around one thing. You say:

 

a man I find attractive (others don't have to)

If others don't share your sentiment how do you know he's some sort of top 5% and highly desired? Then again why would you even care if they don't agree? Could it be that your own feelings more important than what others think and that "top 5%" talk is actually just a fluff?

[daisybuchanan55]

"Attract but not keep" = "you got banged." So you let yourself be used for sex by these players and consider that a partial success? By most womens' standards that I am familiar with, that is not supposed to be success. Yet you throw it out into this thread as an accolade, "proving your superior womanhood" by possessing the physical attributes and charisma to be played by a "higher" breed of man. Interesting. Lots of info about the female psyche being displayed in this thread.

 

 

This has never happened in my life. I've had one one-night stand and even though I wish it didn't happen, it didn't emotionally ruin me.

 

It doesn't mean "I got banged." It means I will date someone for a month..or two months...or three months...and then the relationship will just sort of "disappear." Or, like last year, I will be so obsessed with the guy for a YEAR that I make myself miserable trying to get more of a commitment from him. We were in "limbo" for a YEAR. I was fully aware he was dating other girls and let it happen. It was horrible. I definitely learned a lesson.

 

OR...I will attract the man and then become too enthusiastic about him and lose the "edge" that initially attracted him to me. No sex involved.

 

If you read my other posts you will know I'm a fan of waiting for sex. I don't throw it around.

[daisybuchanan55]

OK. I don't see anything here that would make you a horrible person.

 

But I can't wrap my mind around one thing. You say:

 

If others don't share your sentiment how do you know he's some sort of top 5% and highly desired? Then again why would you even care if they don't agree? Could it be that your own feelings more important than what others think and that "top 5%" talk is actually just a fluff?

 

Well, I dated a professional athlete last year who is pretty fugly but extremely charismatic, talented, funny, and rich. So, I'd say he's top 5%. My friends made fun of me but I didn't care!

[daisybuchanan55]

Uhhhhh..... So how is this APPROACHING men exactly? You've sort of missed the point there.

 

It's approaching by not approaching. That's how women HAVE to do it. It makes the man THINK he did the approaching when really you (the woman) made the first move in creating an opening.

[hppr]

For me, the magical top 5% is a man I find attractive (others don't have to), is accomplished in his field, has status/money, is fun to be around, respected, friendly, humble, intelligent, compassionate.

 

What about common interests? What about a man who wants to be exclusive and not play the field until the cows come home? If you want a lasting relationship those things matter.

 

Also, those things you listed are all relative to who is doing the looking.

[StanMusial]

"Attract but not keep" = "you got banged." So you let yourself be used for sex by these players and consider that a partial success? By most womens' standards that I am familiar with, that is not supposed to be success. Yet you throw it out into this thread as an accolade, "proving your superior womanhood" by possessing the physical attributes and charisma to be played by a "higher" breed of man. Interesting. Lots of info about the female psyche being displayed in this thread.

 

I don't have enough fingers to count the women I have encountered in my life that exhibit these traits to some extent.

 

I know a girl that MARRIED a guy in order to, in HER OWN WORDS, "make another girl jealous." That's one of the more extreme examples I can think of. I know several other girls that got themselves into terrible situations due to their need to "out-do" another girl.

 

OP, I don't know how old you are but maybe you will outgrow this phase or maybe you are exaggerating some, I don't know.

[daisybuchanan55]

What about common interests? What about a man who wants to be exclusive and not play the field until the cows come home? If you want a lasting relationship those things matter.

 

Also, those things you listed are all relative to who is doing the looking.

 

 

They say it all goes back to your parents--so true!

 

My parents have ZERO common interests. They have completely seperate careers. Getting one of them to participate in something with the other is like pulling teeth, unless it's going out to a restaurant with their friends. But when it comes to hobbies? NO WAY!

 

My dad was the biggest player on the planet before he met my mom. Getting him to commit was like pulling teeth.

 

And they've been married for 32 years.

 

Why did their relationship last? They make each other laugh like crazy.

[daisybuchanan55]

I don't have enough fingers to count the women I have encountered in my life that exhibit these traits to some extent.

 

I know a girl that MARRIED a guy in order to, in HER OWN WORDS, "make another girl jealous." That's one of the more extreme examples I can think of. I know several other girls that got themselves into terrible situations due to their need to "out-do" another girl.

 

OP, I don't know how old you are but maybe you will outgrow this phase or maybe you are exaggerating some, I don't know.

 

 

I would never be with someone to make another person jealous. Everyone I'm into I'm actually "into."

 

But to say I don't like "showing off" my guy to my friends would be a lie. I think guys do this too. EVERY guy wants to have the best girl, no?

[daisybuchanan55]

Wow, a pro athlete! That's so cool!

 

I LOL'ed too.

 

If you're NOT being sarcastic...

 

Yes, it was cool. And fun. And all the other awesome things you would associate with it.

 

It was also the most up-and-down, emotionally-charged period of my life. There are a lot of horrible things that go along with dating someone like that but the highs are SO high that you stick around.

[Sunshine87]

I don't really think there is anything a woman can do to "rope" a man. She can do things to increase her chances of roping him in, but I believe that there are higher forces at play: (some call it the universe, some God, some luck, some chance) that determine a lot.

 

Regarding increasing one's chances: we have probably heard them all before. Don't be too invested, play it cool, indicate your interest but allow him come to you bla bla.

 

What beats me is that in real life and from my observation, many of the women who roped in highly desirable men were not really perfect at game playing. Some of them made the obvious mistakes like being too caring from the start or sleeping with him very early etc. But somehow, these women ended up with the men. Makes me doubt these games sometimes. I think the games are for self-preservation because their ability to keep the man is limited in my opinion.

 

I think also that some highly desirable men are very physical. They care a lot about looks. These men are often found in the entertainment industry: specially mmusic. They tend to go for the drop dead gorgeous women. I noticed however that educated actors and professionals tend to go for women who are attractive but also women who have a little something going on for them. They value intellect for example. For example: Ben Affleck. He dated Jennifer Lopez(hot woman) but she could not tie him down. However, when he met Jennifer Garner ( a simple looking woman), he became a family man. Jennifer Lopez is a huge sex symbol- drop dead gorgeous. Jennifer Garner on the other hand is pretty simple. Pretty but not drop dead gorgeous. Infact, Matt Damon (Ben's best friend) did not approve of Jennifer Lopez as she was deemed frivolous.

 

Another example: Barack Obama. He married Michelle (who is pretty but not drop dead gorgeous). Michelle is very important and I'm sure that Barack admired that in her.

 

Even Brad Pitt and Angelina. They are both drop dead gorgeous, but Angelina's passion for children and humanity must have played a big role in cementing the relationship. Prior to Angelina, it was common knowlege that Brad wanted kids. He met this beautiful woman who went out of her way to adopt children from OTHER continents. After they met, Brad went on to adopt those kids and they had children together. Even though Brad unceremoniously dumped Jen, it's obvious to the public eye that what he and Angelina have is pretty concrete. They share the same passion for children and humanity. I am pretty sure this played a big role in unifying their relationship- esp as Angelina had been married at least twice. She had failed relationships. Timing was imp too because Brad met her at a point where she was tamer and not as wild as her Billy bob days.

 

Another thing is : it depends on when you meet him. When Michelle met Barack he was an average joe. But he rose up to become the president. So some women rope the guy in BEFORE he achieves power, status and wealth. It's less competitive than attempting to rope in an already made guy with thousands of women flocking at his feet.

 

I know my post is rather incoherent but I'm just spewing out my thoughts as they come in. So many factors come into play. Sometimes, timing is crucial.

 

I honestly don't have the energy to attmept to rope in a highly desirable man. I will be the best woman I can be , put myself out there and leave the rest to God (or fate or luck or timing or whatever people believe in). I am the prize lol.

[RangerJeremiah]

lol.

So much lol.

[xxoo]

Traits of a very desirable women:

 

Physically attractive, but not focused on being physically attractive

Not focused on "roping" a very desirable man

Has interests and passions

Has "good mother" qualities/values

Confident in her value

Has sex when she is ready

Is able to open up and connect on an emotional level

Kind, loving, trustworthy, beautiful on the inside

 

The sex part is the easy part. Standing out as someone he wants as the mother of his children takes completely different traits.

[hudson701]

It's approaching by not approaching. That's how women HAVE to do it. It makes the man THINK he did the approaching when really you (the woman) made the first move in creating an opening.

 

Again, you have missed the point. This is not approaching in the 'literal' sense. If a man speaks the first word and introduces himself, then he has made the first move. When a woman approaches and introduces herself, then she has made the first move. It's that simple. No mind games, creating a playing field or any other nonsense involved.

[hppr]

My dad was the biggest player on the planet before he met my mom. Getting him to commit was like pulling teeth.

 

Probably why you have the dating life that you do.

 

I don't mean that as an insult just that you aren't your parents.

 

My parents married within 5 months of meeting one another and have been together for about 30 years' now. Doesn't mean I need to do the same thing, or could even do it if I wanted to. If anything that would be the totally wrong thing for me to do.

[hppr]

Traits of a very desirable women:

 

Physically attractive, but not focused on being physically attractive

Not focused on "roping" a very desirable man

Has interests and passions

Has "good mother" qualities/values

Confident in her value

Has sex when she is ready

Is able to open up and connect on an emotional level

Kind, loving, trustworthy, beautiful on the inside

 

The sex part is the easy part. Standing out as someone he wants as the mother of his children takes completely different traits.

 

I would say that's true.

 

Again it's all relative though.

 

Really it is about finding a guy who sees those things in you, rather than trying to win a guy like you'd win a stuffed animal at the fair.

[daisybuchanan55]

females are useless. they go after idiot players all the time.

 

You sound so bitter!

 

First step in losing that bitterness would be to stop feeling so bad about yourself. I realize this is a dating forum, but with a username like "A Loser Guy" (or Inexperienced85...) how can you expect a desirable woman to want anything to do with you?

 

And yes, agree about the substance vs. hotness thing. J. Lo vs Jen Garner. That's why I said I think women who blossom into swans have it the best. They had time to develop a personality/interests/get educated because they had to rely on something OTHER than being hot. If they are able to GET hot at some point, they'll probably be viewed as a great catch.

 

Also, re: the approaching...approaching in any sense never works, whether it's a guy or a girl. No guy has ever successfully "approached" me, like "Hi! I'm Mike!" Too forced. A truly skilled man or woman knows how to integrate herself into another person's sphere without it being obvious.

 

UNLESS we're talking about online dating, where one person has to make the first move. In that case, I let the guys go first ALWAYS.

[daisybuchanan55]

go **** yourself you piece of ****

 

 

Uhhh, is there a problem?

[Inexperienced85]

I realize this is a dating forum, but with a username like "A Loser Guy" (or Inexperienced85...) how can you expect a desirable woman to want anything to do with you?

 

I'm not here to pick up women. I'm here to get some sensible advice about it. What does my nickname has to do with it? I never tell in my life "Hi, I'm (name) and I'm very inexperienced". Don't be ridiculous.