How to rope in a highly-desired man

[stillafool]

Hm, well, I'm just going to have to go with "be yourself." Don't try to be like THOSE women who see a hot guy and immediately have drenched panties and throw themselves at them.

 

I feel like a good looking guy is pretty much EXPECTING this to happen. Be unpredictable and DON'T act that way. I'm not saying play games, but be a bit aloof. I mean after all he's JUST a guy. He's not a god, and underneath the good looks he's just like every other guy. So treat him as such.

 

Show him you're not just into him for his looks but be interested in HIM. Have a conversation, smile, be engaging, be cool.

 

I met the current guy I'm talking to at a single's event. My friend and I went for giggles and we walked up to the bar and all of a sudden I'm standing next to him. He turns, looks at me, and I just started a conversation.

 

He's very good looking, and there were tons of girls coming up to him trying to talk to him. And it was hilarious because when a bunch of girls would come by, he would actually introduce ME to them. I got a couple befuddled looks and some stank eye. Like why are you introducing me to this chick, I want to talk to YOU!

 

So we wound up casually talking the whole night. Out of everyone there, he stuck by me. Pretty much every other woman there was acting like these guys were some sort of superhuman life form, they were going gaga with stars in their eyes, asking stupid stereotypical questions, and it was clear most were only there for the novelty of who these guys were.

 

Meanwhile the guy I was talking to were just shooting the s.hit about sports, movies, etc. We then wound up dancing the rest of the night, and when it was time to go I was the one who walked away with his number, and I was the one who 40 minutes later, was asked out on a date.

 

We've been on 3 dates so far.

 

Score 1 for me.

 

C'mon KatZee, this wasn't hard for you. Afterall, you are a fellow Libra!

[StanMusial]

I would never be with someone to make another person jealous. Everyone I'm into I'm actually "into."

 

But to say I don't like "showing off" my guy to my friends would be a lie. I think guys do this too. EVERY guy wants to have the best girl, no?

 

I'm just glad my gf gets along with my family and friends. That's all I really care about. I'm proud of her but I feel no need to "show her off" to anyone really.

[daisybuchanan55]

Oh, and for the person asking what makes me desirable...I'll go with what men have told me.

 

I'm light-hearted, laid-back and fun to be around. I'm highly educated and can have an intelligent conversation without busting a guy's balls and making him feel like an idiot. I'm VERY open and friendly to new people/experiences--I will try anything once! I am kind and thoughtful.

 

On the more superficial side, I put a lot of effort into my appearance. It takes a lot of work (for every woman, don't believe it if she tells you otherwise!!!) to be what men consider "attractive." With the hours I've logged at the gym/hair salon/doing makeup/etc. I'm sure I could have cured cancer. Not really, but you get the idea. It's just something I've realized HAS to be priority if I want to have a fighting chance at a certain kind of guy.

 

This is not to say I don't have my insecurities/problems/issues. We ALL do.

 

And Inexperienced, I know you obviously don't say things like that. I was commenting more on your perception of yourself, and it applies more to A Loser Guy than you. Being inexperienced is just a fact, not something to be ashamed of. I think though if you start thinking of yourself more as a "badass" before "inexperienced" you might start having better luck with girls.

[Els]

I honestly have never had this dilemma, OP. Probably because it has always been my opinion that there isn't usually a direct correlation between 'highly desired' men (ie those who are always the center of attention amongst women), and men who would actually make good LTR partners (ie those whom I find highly desirable). IMO the more understated men tend to have qualities that the 'highly desired' ones often overlook in favour of going for 'game' and other related traits that I don't see a point in.

[xxoo]

I honestly have never had this dilemma, OP. Probably because it has always been my opinion that there isn't usually a direct correlation between 'highly desired' men (ie those who are always the center of attention amongst women), and men who would actually make good LTR partners (ie those whom I find highly desirable). IMO the more understated men tend to have qualities that the 'highly desired' ones often overlook in favour of going for 'game' and other related traits that I don't see a point in.

 

Yeah, "highly desirable" to whom is a good point. I consider my husband highly desirable, and I know many women would agree, but maybe the op wouldn't.

 

The ideal is to be highly desirable to a man who is highly desirable to you.

[Els]

Yeah, "highly desirable" to whom is a good point. I consider my husband highly desirable, and I know many women would agree, but maybe the op wouldn't.

 

The ideal is to be highly desirable to a man who is highly desirable to you.

 

Based on what she talked about (competition etc), I'm guessing that 'highly desired' (not even 'desirable') is measured in terms of quantity of women that are flirting with him on any given day?

[daisybuchanan55]

Yeah, "highly desirable" to whom is a good point. I consider my husband highly desirable, and I know many women would agree, but maybe the op wouldn't.

 

The ideal is to be highly desirable to a man who is highly desirable to you.

 

 

Now we just all need to find THAT person!!!

 

For me it's always a dance...the less I'm interested, the more he is. Then when I get interested, he backs away. I'm hoping that as I get older or find the right person this happens with less frequency.

[daisybuchanan55]

Based on what she talked about (competition etc), I'm guessing that 'highly desired' (not even 'desirable') is measured in terms of quantity of women that are flirting with him on any given day?

 

 

And yes, for the sake of the discussion, that's what I was referring to.

 

I always think it's interesting reading what the men have to say on this forum about desired women, so I was just turning the tables to see what people think about guys who are good-looking, wealthy, accomplished etc.

[Els]

And yes, for the sake of the discussion, that's what I was referring to.

 

I always think it's interesting reading what the men have to say on this forum about desired women, so I was just turning the tables to see what people think about guys who are good-looking, wealthy, accomplished etc.

 

Ah, I see what you mean now. At least you didn't post pictures, as the guy at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/400001-guy-who-went-lonely-virgin-having-good-dating-life-my-story-pics tried to.

[mesmerized]

Ah, I see what you mean now. At least you didn't post pictures, as the guy at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/400001-guy-who-went-lonely-virgin-having-good-dating-life-my-story-pics tried to.

 

I don't know if you guys noticed but the guy is the Spyderman dude.

[xxoo]

The first step, then, is to separate out the highly desirable from the simply highly desired. Those are the ones actually looking to cherish a woman.

[hppr]

Now we just all need to find THAT person!!!

 

For me it's always a dance...the less I'm interested, the more he is. Then when I get interested, he backs away. I'm hoping that as I get older or find the right person this happens with less frequency.

 

How old are you? Like 16, 18, 19? I was under the impression reading your posts that maybe you were 30 or so.

[daisybuchanan55]

How old are you? Like 16, 18, 19? I was under the impression reading your posts that maybe you were 30 or so.

 

 

I just turned 26.

 

What made you think I was 30 and then suddenly a teenager? LOL

[hppr]

I just turned 26.

 

What made you think I was 30 and then suddenly a teenager? LOL

 

Well, the situations you laid out sounded pretty adult and then you talk about he loves me, he loves me not sort of stuff so I was a bit confused.

 

26 makes sense.

 

You've been chasing the hard-to-get player types your whole life (maybe like your father? you said your mother had to pull his teeth to get him to propose sort of thing) and now you want to settle down, or at least have a relationship that lasts awhile.

 

So really it is about dating a man who is totally outside the realm of men you have dated previously. Not saying date ugly guys or whatever just that it's going to be a man with a totally different personality/life goals.

 

For starters it has to be a guy who wants to get married and stay married. Second of all that relationship has to have a goal and that usually means family but not always. I guess you could say it's about helping each other along in life. Roping a guy in doesn't solve that problem, in fact it creates it, therefore it's usually not the start of a relationship.

Edited June 8, 2013 by hppr

[Woggle]

You have to be somebody that truly sets themselves apart from the hordes of women that want a piece of him and it has to be genuine because guys like this can smell bs from a mile away. You have to have that special something that makes a guy want to choose you to commit to amongst the tons of women that want the same thing. It also has very little to do with looks and playing games sure doesn't help.

[salparadise]

On the more superficial side, I put a lot of effort into my appearance. It takes a lot of work (for every woman, don't believe it if she tells you otherwise!!!) to be what men consider "attractive." With the hours I've logged at the gym/hair salon/doing makeup/etc.

 

Funny you should elaborate on this... what you describe is exactly the kind of woman I am NOT attracted to. I'm fine with a bit of makeup occasionally, but show me a woman who makes that a major focus and I'll show you someone I'd have a hard time taking seriously. Real beauty is having the confidence to be who you are and make no apologies for it. Same for perfume/cologne, yeeeesh! When a woman knows exactly who she is, can touch my arm and look me straight in the eye and maintain it without fidgeting or stressing... that's sexy!

[Woggle]

Funny you should elaborate on this... what you describe is exactly the kind of woman I am NOT attracted to. I'm fine with a bit of makeup occasionally, but show me a woman who makes that a major focus and I'll show you someone I'd have a hard time taking seriously. Real beauty is having the confidence to be who you are and make no apologies for it. Same for perfume/cologne, yeeeesh! When a woman knows exactly who she is, can touch my arm and look me straight in the eye and maintain it without fidgeting or stressing... that's sexy!

 

Exactly. Most men don't want some plastic woman that wants to look like a generic Barbie doll. The biggest mistake women make is assuming that men are more shallow than we actually are. That is exactly the reason you see so many attractive and famous women who struggle with relationships. For all we know they can be a nightmare to live with and that will send most men packing no matter what she looks like.

[hppr]

Funny you should elaborate on this... what you describe is exactly the kind of woman I am NOT attracted to. I'm fine with a bit of makeup occasionally, but show me a woman who makes that a major focus and I'll show you someone I'd have a hard time taking seriously. Real beauty is having the confidence to be who you are and make no apologies for it. Same for perfume/cologne, yeeeesh! When a woman knows exactly who she is, can touch my arm and look me straight in the eye and maintain it without fidgeting or stressing... that's sexy!

 

When I was single and dating a lot of the women I'd meet wouldn't get dressed up or wear makeup for dates yet they'd expect 110% out of me. So when I see a girl who's really done up and dressed like a million bucks (and has a nice, warm personality) to me that is the sexiest thing on the planet.

[It's Just Me]

Exactly. Most men don't want some plastic woman that wants to look like a generic Barbie doll. The biggest mistake women make is assuming that men are more shallow than we actually are.

 

Unless you live in LA. Over there, if your face isn't a Botox wax-museum nightmare with fish lips, you look out of place. Narcissism, shallowness and insecurity are de rigueur.

[MomsSpaghetti]

If a man wants a woman he will go after her

 

False. That only happens if he's confident enough and if he thinks he has seen some signals that she likes him. A lot of beta males like myself want certain women, but we just sit around and daydream and think about the last time they smiled at us.

[MomsSpaghetti]

Most men don't want some plastic woman that wants to look like a generic Barbie doll.

 

Any discussion about what a man wants in a woman needs to specify whether we're talking about a FWB or an actual dating partner. I agree that I wouldn't want to date a Barbie-like woman, but I would bang one without hesitation. There are tons of female porn stars who look awful without makeup, and I'd love to bang them regardless.

[Woggle]

Unless you live in LA. Over there' date=' if your face isn't a Botox wax-museum nightmare with fish lips, you look out of place. Narcissism, shallowness and insecurity are de rigueur.[/quote']

 

Maybe it's time to get out of LA. I must be honest and say it isn't on my type places I would want to move. It just seems like such a shallow place.

[hppr]

Unless you live in LA. Over there' date=' if your face isn't a Botox wax-museum nightmare with fish lips, you look out of place. Narcissism, shallowness and insecurity are de rigueur.[/quote']

 

There are 30million people down there (half of them Mexi Nationals, !Arriba!). It's a big place and if you don't like one part, find another part that suits you better. All chicks down there aren't plastic bimbos.

[Pompeii]

Unless you live in LA. Over there' date=' if your face isn't a Botox wax-museum nightmare with fish lips, you look out of place. Narcissism, shallowness and insecurity are de rigueur.[/quote']

 

Eck. LA. I wouldn't move there even if you paid me. No wonder OP is after the men she's after. I could easily walk the Venice Beach pier and pick girls and ask them "what do you want out of a man" and they'd regurgitate the same dribble OP has. "Highly-desired" "more interested in me than I am in him" "CEO" "actor". Etc. It doesn't mean anything. None of it means anything. Girls over there are pretty much socialized into game-playing.

 

OP will end up being a trophy wife to some guy who cheats on her with the secretary. Oh well.

 

On the more superficial side, I put a lot of effort into my appearance. It takes a lot of work (for every woman, don't believe it if she tells you otherwise!!!) to be what men consider "attractive." With the hours I've logged at the gym/hair salon/doing makeup/etc.

 

I know a lot of girls who only take maybe 15 minutes to get ready in the morning with minimal makeup and they blow 90% of the girls away by appearance alone on a daily basis. Everyone goes to the gym, so that doesn't really count. I personally have a very low threshold on what I find attractive but that doesn't mean I don't have physical standards.

Edited June 9, 2013 by Pompeii

[daisybuchanan55]

You guys make me LAUGH!!!

 

I wish I could show you a picture of myself. You'd look at me and call me VERY "natural."

 

Men are so naive sometimes. Even the most "natural" women spend time on their appearance. Let's take two basic tenets of attractiveness: a good body and a nice tan. Not a gross tan...just a nice glow.

 

To maintain my body, I work out four-five times a week. I'd maintain this is a pretty serious commitment.

 

Now, unless you're dating someone who is constantly outside, her tan is probably either a fake bake or the result of some sort of self-tanning product. Maintaining this is relatively time-consuming.

 

Now let's talk about hair. Do you know how much time/money goes into maintaining highlights? MOST women have dyed hair.

 

My "everyday" makeup routine takes five-ten minutes. When I go out at night I spend longer on my hair and makeup.

 

When I know I have a big date, I usually take 1.5 hours to get ready so I can go slow and enjoy the process.

 

And don't forget about things like mani/pedi, brows, waxing etc!

 

So, next time you see a woman and think how beautiful and natural she looks, think again. It takes time to look good unless you are a professional female surfer, which so far are the ONLY breed of women I've found who look fantastic ALL the time with very little effort. Oh, and even Alana Blanchard wears waterproof eyeliner!