need some experienced opinions

[curious.....]

I was having a conversation with my girlfriends today about rebound relationships (one of our friends has jumped into a new 'relationship' after leaving someone she loved very much), and I'm just curious as to why people do this. We couldn't really make sense of it.

 

We tend to believe that rebound relationships (particularly if you still love another person), 99% of the time will not work. This, we could make sense of - too soon, wrong reasons for getting involved with someone, living up to expectations etc.

 

None of us (apart from our friend) have ever rebounded, but would like other peoples opinions on this (just in case we're ever in her situation too!). We're a bit worried about her, mainly because she really loved her ex, but broke up with him because her family didn't like him, and she felt very inadequate compared to him and the experiences he's had, even though he loved her so, so much and never compared her or anything. He thought the world of her, and her of him.

 

A lot of her ways of thinking are very naive (it was her first boyfriend), but what do you think about the whole rebound thing? She was very hurt when she split up with him, because she wished she could have handled things better and they really had a very loving, very close relationship. They were a lovely couple. She simply couldn't handle her problems and insecurities. Do you think she's rebounded to take her mind off her boyfriend and the pain she felt splitting up with him? We just didn't expect her to split with this person she loved so deeply and move on to someone else so soon. Is this normal? Is it doomed? Is it most likely for the wrong reasons that she's with this new guy considering how much she loved her ex? She's so determined to get over him because she couldn't handle her problems.

[Tony T]

There is no way to tell your friend's motivations for seeing someone so new so soon without a personal interview.

 

However, your ideas about rebound relationships are pretty much on target. Some people desire to bypass the healing process by emerging themselves in someone else as soon as possible. This usually doesn't work because the reasons for the relationship are all wrong.

 

As for this particular lady you speak of, she sounds very immature and unable to massage life's situations to work out for her. The reasons she broke up with this guy are pretty bizarre. First, we look for people to love, not for our parents to love. It's definitely a bonus if our parents like them too...and if we have pretty decent parents, they will be accepting of the person we care about unless he/she is a suspected rapist, murder, etc. or out on parole for same. Second, to compare our life's experiences with our partner's is insane. Every person in the world will have a background different from ours and it is those combined and well as shared experiences that make the relationship full and worthwhile. That's why I feel your friend is somewhat immature and not fully aware of what relationships are all about.

 

Diving into another relationship right away helps some people fill a void. These people are not very happy with themselves and therefore can't stand to be alone. Needing someone in your life to fill a void is pretty sick and not very healthy. Hopefully, as your friend grows and evolves as a human being, she will feel better about herself and get a lot more satisfaction out of her own company.

 

There are others who go out and just date around right away. That seems to be a bit safer emotionally, at least for the other person. But it still doesn't substitute for being alone for a bit of time and restoring oneself to an emotionally stable state of mind.

 

It's not your place to worry so much about your friend, although your kind to take the time. She has to experience what she has to. There is no doubt in my mind that one day she will truly regret letting this guy go. Meanwhile, she will learn in her own time and in her own way that a little down time in between relationships is a good thing. There are some people that just cannot handle being without a partner. Nuts, uh?