my student was exceptionally nervous around me

[iwanttobeagoodwoman]

OP

 

 

How about answering these questions:

• do you find him attractive?
  yes
  
• if you and he had not interacted as student/tutor, do you think you would have made a point of interacting with him?
  i'm a bit shy in approaching men romantically, so no.
  
• would you like to date him?
  i don't know, at this moment i don't feel like dating in general due to several reasons. it would also be problematic and pressuring for both at this stage. later yes, i would like very much to get to know him better and maybe date him.
  
• what impact on your career would dating him have?
  in the worst case i wouldn't get a recommendation letter as a student and i would stop collaborating with the official professor. best case scenario, no one would care. most probable scenario: there would be small talk. but again, i wouldn't date him before i got to know him, what if he happened to be a gossiper? i don't really know this person, i have only seen him 3 times. i think he is handsome and sweet. this is not enough for starting or risking anything.
  
• how would you feel/act if you tried to take it further and he just did a WTF and reported you to your seniors?
  i wouldn't take such a initiative
  
• why are you being so defensive when people say it is inappropriate for you to have a relationship with a student?
  because some of them proceed to rude characterazations
  
• how would you feel if a professor at your college made a move on you? Would you think he was being unprofessional?
  if i still was a student yes, it would be very awkward and would feel a lot of pressure.
  

 

anyways, i didn't want the topic to develop in such a "serious" "professional" way, i would rather read similar stories of "nervousness" and maybe laugh a bit and think how cute men can be when they want to.

[Eternal Sunshine]

It really seems like you have a crush on him.

 

I know that you are starting with your career, but as someone that's been teaching for a number of years I can tell you that many students will develop crushes on you. Many will also be more obvious than this guy. As a woman in a position of authority, they will feel slightly intimidated and that can transfer into crushy feelings. I can also tell you that I never wondered what a particular student is thinking/feeling to this extent so you already seem overly involved.

 

If my intuition tells me that there could be a possible crush, I play it safe by completely distancing myself and nipping it in the bud. Dating a student even after the semester is over is seen as extremely unprofessional and frankly, people that do that are seen as a joke and it WILL hurt your career prospects.

 

Sorry if I seem overly harsh but it's worrying that you are even going down this line of thinking as it means that your academic focus on him is already off.