redriding Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 i am currently in a relationship with a man who recently separated from his wife. He was married for 5 years and claims he was unhappy for most of their marriage. His ex wife still wants him back and has even said that she was going to kill herself over their break up. He lies to me and says he doesnt see her or talk to her. He tells me that he loves me and that he wants to be with me but i am starting to feel like a wedge that is keeping them from getting back together. We have broken up before and in that time he was communicating with his ex and had arranged to see her when we got back together. im not dealing with the ex situation very well and am starting to feel guilty. Should i give him space? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 You didn't mention how long you have been seeing each other, if he has any children or how recent is break-up with his wife his. Regardless, he is clearly still very much involved with his wife - and they are STILL married. Her threats of suicide are a method she is using to control him & on some level it seems that that is working. I think you should give him a LOT of space until he has filed for divorce. And if he lies to you again about seeing or talking to her then you should seriously consider whether this relationship has any future at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 His Wife isn't an EX until they are divorced. The situation sounds pretty emotionally complex.. until he decideds to end the marriage legally it would be advisable not to allow yourself to become attached to the idea of being with him. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author redriding Posted October 9, 2004 Author Share Posted October 9, 2004 i have been with him for only 5 months. The relationship has seem to progressed very fast..sometimes i think he is trying to slot me in to the 'new wife' position. Last time we broke up... which was oer this exact reason...he sent me a huge bunch of flowers every day for a week..and literally beg me not to give up on us. He has no children. Link to post Share on other sites
Orchid Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 A. He is a liar. Is this an acceptable quality in a partner to you?. B. It's always turbulent in the wake of another ship's departure. Best to wait until the waters calm again before diving in. Unless you get some pleasure from being caught up in the wash. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redriding Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 becasue he has lied to me i cant trust him now...and get all paranoid about it all..i dont want to be like this...and have always told myself that once you cant trust someone..thats it...finished. He is just so damn persistant. I dont like being in the situation i am...but i dont want to hurt him either. Link to post Share on other sites
Orchid Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Questions to yourself: Will all the flowers in the world and persistance change that you don't trust him?. Is not hurting him more important than hurting yourself?. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redriding Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 no it will not. i think the trust has been shattered for good. Thanks for your support...have been confused and upset for so long Link to post Share on other sites
Author redriding Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 Hey well i just hacked into an email account (name withheld)..and found messages he has been sending to his other 'separated half'... telling her that he misses her and that i cannot substitute or compare to her. So my intution was right..even though he made his best efforts to make me feel like i was the only one he wanted to be with. I have now broken it off with him. It hurts but i can now feel good that i was not going crazy or paranoid about nothing...I AM SANE...yay!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Originally posted by redriding Hey well i just hacked into an email account (name withheld)..and found messages he has been sending to his other 'separated half'... telling her that he misses her and that i cannot substitute or compare to her. So my intution was right..even though he made his best efforts to make me feel like i was the only one he wanted to be with. I have now broken it off with him. It hurts but i can now feel good that i was not going crazy or paranoid about nothing...I AM SANE...yay!!! Ugh! What an a**hole! I'm happy for you that you have peace of mind.. sorry for you that it hurts:( Best of Luck girl.. you'll do better! Link to post Share on other sites
Author redriding Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 thanking you im feeling empowered..even if i did achieve this in a morally corrupt manner Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Originally posted by redriding thanking you im feeling empowered..even if i did achieve this in a morally corrupt manner Morally corrupt.. Well what is morally corrupt, is that HE lied to you to begin with, and HE lies to his wife as well. It totally sucks that you felt you had to find the truth in another way because you knew he wasn't telling it. So don't be hard on yourself.. I would've done the exact same thing. Feel better soon:) Link to post Share on other sites
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