Is there something wrong if we don't really kiss?

[violet]

This might be unnecessary.

 

I just woke up from a dream where I had the most amazing kiss. It was a deep, passionate kiss, where you are in an embrace with someone, and all you think is: want. I was so in love with this kiss, and I woke up questioning my relationship.

 

Now the kiss was with indescript person, no one I can say I was lusting after. I've been with my boyfriend for over 4 years and I'm kind of aware that our relationship isn't the healthiest. We argue constantly, for starters.

 

Ok, so may be this kiss might mean, of course, that I'm not happy with my boyfriend. But it brought up something else: My boyfriend and I never really kiss. We have amazing sex, but we never kiss passionately. No open mouth, feel-like-you-want-to-swallow-the-other-person-whole kind of kiss (which I love).

 

Is there something just a little wrong with *not* kissing? Could some people just express themselves in other ways? Have we just been together too long?

 

This little dream brought up so many concerns for me. For one thing, I hate how he doesn't really cuddle me after sex. Also, there was this bad thing I did where I kissed a boy a couple years ago while we were dating. Most of the reasons why I liked kissing this boy was exactly what I'm missing out and desiring now. I want to be kissed, really kissed, kissed like I'm the sexiest thing.

 

Is this too cliche?

[moimeme]

I don't think so. You've already admitted your relationship isn't the best. How was the relationship with the boy whose kiss you recall so fondly? I'm guessing better - or at least it seemed better at the time.

 

I think kisses are good barometers of relationships, really. Maybe it's time to rethink your current situation?

[Quilly]

I don't think your concern is cliche. That spark or desire for one's partner is important in a relationship... without it what do you have? A boyfriend that you love like a brother... sex with a good friend? Whatever it is, it's lacking and you've already acknowledge that.

 

I can only speak from personal experience but for me the lack of kissing was indicative of a lack of overall desire for my spouse. What causes this lack of desire or intimacy in your relationship is something you need to figure out for yourself and decide if the relationship is worth working on to get that desire back. If you don't address it now that desire for each other will continue to diminish.

 

You may find that that whatever has come between you and your boyfriend can't be repaired. It happens. However, don't fool yourself into believing that finding someone new is the only answer. Sure, the kissing will be good to begin with (just like it was with your now boyfriend), but if you don't work at the relationship you'll end up right back here again.

 

Communication is critical to a relationship as is taking the time to appreciate each other and what you have together. Simply loving someone will never be enough to sustain a long-term relationship; you have to work at it.