dorothys Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 I would like some advice. For the full version of my story you can read my past posts. But, the short of it is my fiancee of 4yrs and I broke up 3mths ago. We are both in our thirties, and had blended our families. I took especially tough because of his issues of depression, and no real signs that it was coming. Well, I tried to practice the no contact rule. I did not call him for weeks at a time, but then he always needed to pick up some of his things so he would call. When he came over this past week, he acted distant and business like. Well, that only made me follow him around like a little puppy. I told him I loved him, and then he said he loved me. He told me that he missed being with me and talking to me. But, he didn't miss the kids. I have 1 kid from a previous marriage. He has a daughter (not mine) that he sees on weekends and holidays. Then there is my other daughter who he has raised since she was 1yr old. She has always called him daddy, and he was always the doting dad. Here is where it gets a little weird, he tells me that this seperation is killing him. We begin to kiss passionately, and hugging each other tight. He says that he misses being with me, and that he would like to stop by some night later in the week. I don't really give him an answer on that. My ex-fiancee also interacts a lot with my youngest ( the child he raised). He tells her that daddy is going to pick her up the next day and take her to visit his mom ( grandma to my daughter). It seems like he is testing the waters to come back. Well fast foward to the end of the week. None of the promises that he made did he keep. This is not charateristic of him. Before we broke up his was very giving, loving, and dependable. I broke my rule of not contacting him, and called him on Friday morning to say, and see how things were going. He didn't pick up so I left a message. Never did I get a call back. I always return his calls same day. Okay, here is my questions. I know that there are still feelings there on both sides, but he flip-flops. What I need is some advice on how to get him back. I know that is asking a lot . I have thought of buying the book love tactics. Has anybody read it?? Did they have sucess or is it all hype? Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Did read some on the website and sign up for the email tips and read a bunch of books. What I did with my guy was to set him free, truly set him free to do what he wanted - give him the freedom he wanted. I loved him 110%, loved him even though he wanted to be free, loved him enough to let him go. I lived my life, did a version of no contact, was open to seeing him and didn't pressure him about getting back together. Within 2 weeks we were seeing each other as much as ever, and within a month we were back to a monogamous relationship - he told me later he only *thought* he wanted his freedom. When I freely gave it to him, without a lot of flack from me, he figured out he didn't want his freedom - he wanted me back Link to post Share on other sites
Author dorothys Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 Thanks for the recommendation. I think I am going to buy the book. The only thing I am wondering is love enough in my case. See my ex-boyfriend moved in with his mom when he left me. He gets a lot of pressure from his family to stay away from me. Don't know if there is much in the book about how to conteract that? Link to post Share on other sites
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