Where can I find women who care less about looks?

[shexy]

A few months ago I was at a bar.

 

Me and my buddy were drinking beer and a woman who was in her 50s or 60s (I'm in my 30s), who had a few extra pounds was outside with us. She was pretty cool and I commented to my friend I thought she was kinda attractive. Here was his response, almost verbatim.

 

"Dude. You're crazy. She's horrible. What the hell are you thinking. She's like a 1."

 

Ultimately, I decided she was a bit too old to approach, but that's pretty typical for me. Mostly, I get rejected which is why I explained before that I'd have almost as much of a chance with a more conventionally attractive woman by society's standards who might not care about looks that much than a less conventionally attractive woman by society's standards that values looks more. Because I might not be able to meet the second woman's standards anyway.

 

Note. I very carefully constructed this post as to not have anybody fly off the handle and start bashing me for being shallow, but I'm sure someone will find something. Have fun.

 

 

But see, that's the whole thing! You thought that lady was cool, and you let your stupid friend dictate your actions. You could have had a new friend, at least, and your friend made a crappy comment, and you listened to him.

 

Go out with who you want to go out with, don't let your friend tell you who you should or shouldn't go out with.

 

If you're smart and educated and have an ounce of personality, I really do think you'll find someone, and I'm not saying that just to be nice. If you're not really that tall, there are plenty of short women out there. Not all women are hung up on money and height and looks and all that. Some women really do look at personality first.

 

Just don't listen to your shallow friend anymore, and you'll be fine!

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

"Dude. You're crazy. She's horrible. What the hell are you thinking. She's like a 1."

 

My buddy is not a conventionally good looking man by society's standards nor is he considered picky by the same.

 

Why is his reaction even pertinent here? Because you care?

 

Ultimately, I decided she was a bit too old to approach, but that's pretty typical for me. Mostly, I get rejected which is why I explained before that I'd have almost as much of a chance with a more conventionally attractive woman by society's standards who might not care about looks that much than a less conventionally attractive woman by society's standards that values looks more.

 

There is not anything wrong with deciding a woman is too old for you to date, and in this case by decades! But what is with the rest of that above quote? Can I paraphrase that to say,

 

"Ugly women are just as likely to reject me as attractive women are, so why not go for the attractive ones"?

 

That's how it reads.

 

Which is FINE. But then it's not fine for you to complain that women prefer to go for the "conventionally attractive by society's standards" guys.

 

Do you get my point?

 

Anyway, you have not actively pursued women who would generally be labeled "ugly" or "fat," so you have no idea whether they'll reject you or not. And getting rejected is, sadly, really a part of the whole dating construct.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Which is FINE. But then it's not fine for you to complain that women prefer to go for the "conventionally attractive by society's standards" guys.

 

Anyway, you have not actively pursued women who would generally be labeled "ugly" or "fat," so you have no idea whether they'll reject you or not. And getting rejected is, sadly, really a part of the whole dating construct.

 

OK. This might be my actual first thread here where I ask for actual dating advice.

 

I know women/men/people care a lot about looks, and for most it is an absolute dealbreaker no matter how much you click/connect/support them. OK. That's fine. I can live with that.

 

Actually, I said I was OK with it. It was one of the big changes I'm trying to make.

 

And bolded, yes I have.

[Tinie]

I probably won't read the 11 pages of stuff here, but I did read your question OP.

 

1. I don't know where you find these people, but definitely not in bars. I am that kind of person, but the only time I really communicate with guys is at school.

 

2. I have been told by many guys I'm attractive. I've been hit on, flirted with countless times. However, the guys I tend to like, other people think are ugly. Usually it takes me some time to realize I like a guy.

 

I would have feelings for a guy who is super sweet, very intelligent and determined, funny, someone I can get along with easily. And oddly enough, I begin to think of him as good-looking.

 

I remember there was a guy I was attracted to because he was smart, funny, and was a total nerd. Studied hard, had a bright future ahead of him. We got along well, and I realized to me, he was very attractive (though I did pass him up at first before we started talking).

 

The way you find these guys/girls is by talking to them and being yourself. Attractiveness isn't always a make or break. Out of the guys I have ever been attracted to, pretty much all the ones I went for because they were good-looking turned out to be losers. And I don't date losers. The guys I had the most fun with and loved spending time with were the ones who had something other than looks to offer.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Ruby Slippers]

I haven't read the whole thread, but just to respond to your original question - I think you're likely to meet more open-minded women doing less mainstream, more fringe activities.

 

I'm attracted to a wide range of types, and I've crushed hard on plenty of super-smart nerd types who some might consider funny-looking.

 

Try libraries and book stores, any gatherings for hippies, explorers, world travelers, places where creative people go - anywhere off the straight and narrow.

[JuneJulySeptember]

2. I have been told by many guys I'm attractive. I've been hit on, flirted with countless times. However, the guys I tend to like, other people think are ugly. Usually it takes me some time to realize I like a guy.

 

I would have feelings for a guy who is super sweet, very intelligent and determined, funny, someone I can get along with easily. And oddly enough, I begin to think of him as good-looking.

 

Thanks for the advice. It would be nice if just once a woman could think of me as physically hot, and I can't lie I'm jealous of you, but I guess we have to deal with what we've got and make the best of it.

 

Thanks to Mr. Gates for keeping this thread alive in the main longer than usual. Maybe he actually saw that I was trying to learn something from this thread. Or maybe he's vacationing in the Zambezi with Melinda this week.

[Suave]

You aren't going to find anyone that doesn't care about looks.

 

We all do in our own way.

[Tinie]

Thanks for the advice. It would be nice if just once a woman could think of me as physically hot, and I can't lie I'm jealous of you, but I guess we have to deal with what we've got and make the best of it.

 

Thanks to Mr. Gates for keeping this thread alive in the main longer than usual. Maybe he actually saw that I was trying to learn something from this thread. Or maybe he's vacationing in the Zambezi with Melinda this week.

 

Hey np! And one more thing, interest is *very* attractive. At least, from my POV. I personally love a little confidence.

[USMCHokie]

If you are looking for women that don't place a high value on the physical appearance of their partner, you should be looking for women who don't put much effort, time or money into their own physical appearance.

 

Hipsters?

 

 

Oh wait, they do put a lot of effort, time, and money into their own physical appearance to look as ridiculous as possible.

[Thegreatestthing]

The boy I am dating when he first sent his picture he covered half his face I thought something must be off with him but I fell in love with him anyway,it turned out later that he was good looking.

 

but that is not at all the reason I like him i dont even notice his looks,except maybe the masculine body.

 

if he was to lose his looks completely I would still feel exactly the same about him.he is of course like every guy and needs constant photos of me etc.

 

I think online is your best bet,but not dating sites ,other places.

 

also every woman is very individual in her tastes of men ,e.g I really like long hair on men and would choose long haired boy over short,I also do not like "fine" features I like more broad sort of Germanic look I guess.so each woman has her individual tastes which maybe unattractive to others.

Edited June 11, 2013 by Thegreatestthing

[Imported]

You aren't going to find anyone that doesn't care about looks.

 

We all do in our own way.

 

That's what I think too. Including the people that say they don't. "I'm attracted to intelligence, determination, wit and humor". .........it is just a coincidence that that person is also somewhat attractive to a certain level. Not saying other women/men are falling all over themselves to get with, but they are probably at least average to look at. Nothing really bad, not actually ugly, just not a stunner. That's the kind that other people will say they weren't initially attracted to, till they saw the "inner beauty". However, if that person wasn't at least to that level of attractiveness, no amount of "inner beauty" will make up for their looks.

 

Or you can be actually good looking and people assign attributes other than looks to justify attraction. Some of the reasoning might even be true, but the physical attraction was a constant.

 

Or the person saying looks don't matter should hope that looks don't matter for their own selves. Some opinions I read concerning looks, I gotta wonder what the people with these opinions look like themselves. "Brad Pitt is ugly and I don't see why any girl thinks he's attractive".....maybe she looks like an uglier version of Rosanne Barr with an umpa lumpa body to match. As in there was never a chance she would score there so view points change and beauty is in the eye of the beholder......

 

 

OP, what about you that is ugly that you can't change?

 

Don't say weight and how you tried real hard but blah blah blah excuse and its so much more difficult for you than anyone else. You can change your weight.

 

I think most people leaned out will look attractive enough to at least fall under the attraction after getting to know thing. I have been with women before, great/nice/in shape body, so-so face. But they were cool and we got along well and I found them interesting to talk to and it was a lot of fun and I liked them. I wasn't stepping down or thinking in anyway that they were beneath me and I was doing them a favour. They were in fact attractive enough. I think there is a level for attractiveness but I am not the guy thinking why am I with this 8 when I could bewith a 10. If she is attractive enough, than she is a 10 and i am not measuring her up to other girls. I never dumped a girl because I thought I could get a better looking girl. I have always been able to get "the best looking" girls out there day after day, year after year....its not a big deal to me. I dump if I lose faith in them. Or I got dumped.

 

Where can you find girls that really don't care about looks and are attractive themselves?

 

Pretty sure there is an adult age school out there somewhere devoted to instructing blind people. Maybe there.

[xxoo]

"Dude. You're crazy. She's horrible. What the hell are you thinking. She's like a 1."

 

WTH is wrong with your friend? Who talks like that?

 

Maybe you need friends who care less about looks

[PJKino]

Homely women with no options..everyone is as shallow as they can afford to be

[Thegreatestthing]

Really untrue ,I'm a pretty girl ,yesterday a good looking French guy asked me out I said no thanks,an hour earlier I was checking out this strange looking red head guy he was much more interesting looking and intriguing to me.you can't speak for all women.

 

Also I know two very pretty girls with two fat guys who are not attractive I am not sure what they see in them because one of them is also really unkind.

[tbf]

Whether guys are willing to admit it or not, intangible qualities more than looks by a long shot, for many women.

 

An example is the character Vaughn in Alias. Season one and two, I thought he was swoon-worthy gorgeous since he was so great to and for Sidney. At the beginning of Season three, I was completely turned off by him because he married another woman within two years. I kept wanting the script writers to write a new love interest for Sidney, removing him from the story line.