Where can I find women who care less about looks?

[daisybuchanan55]

There is no magical place women who don't care about looks hang out.

 

What you need is to be thinking about places to go where people can GET TO KNOW YOU and the focus ISN'T on looks.

 

Volunteer programs that require regular time commitments are a great idea. Something like tutoring kids once a week, where every volunteer HAS to show up every week, will allow you to see the same people regularly and build a rapport.

 

I would avoid one-time volunteer commitments. Just look for things where everyone HAS to show up every week, twice a week, etc.

 

Another good idea is thinking about where women hang out. Yoga classes are a REALLY awesome place to pick up girls. There is virtually no other competition and girls always want to help out clueless men and think it's "cute" they are doing yoga.

 

You could also try hanging out in women's stores like Sephora and asking girls for ideas for your "sister's" birthday.

 

In the meantime, I would work on improving the areas you can improve on that women find attractive. Clothes, hair, grooming etc. are all important to women. Unfortunately, so is money/status/power. If you can do something to improve in this area, do it!

 

Good luck!

[Estate]

OK. This might be my actual first thread here where I ask for actual dating advice.

 

I know women/men/people care a lot about looks, and for most it is an absolute dealbreaker no matter how much you click/connect/support them. OK. That's fine. I can live with that. But those people probably won't be dating me.

 

But I have seen enough evidence that there are at least a semi-substantial amount of women here on LS that are willing to overlook looks or at least be more lenient with men in that regard. So, it would stand to reason there are a number of women like that in real life. I know I come off as a douche here sometimes, but I do think I bring a decent amount to the table on the inside. So, I have 2 questions.

 

1) Is there anywhere to find these women/men in your opinion? I would assume online/bars/clubs are the worst places. What are the best? Volunteering? Activity based meetups? I do volunteer sometimes (but never hit on women) and I have a fair range of activities from outdoor to listening to music, etc. Do people who care less about looks tend to have a certain persona?

 

2) Do people really believe that less attractive people (subjectively by society) are less likely to care about looks in general? When I say that I don't mean that I am more likely to meet a less attractive woman's standards so she'll date me. I mean that she'll be more likely to give me a chance even if I don't because she's struggled because of it, or because of whatever other reason.

 

Thanks.

 

Just for the record, I would prefer an attractive woman myself, but would be definitely willing to overlook physical flaws if she were cool.

 

You want a perfect woman but you're willing to "overlook" her flaws just to get some? Wow, classy guy!

 

How about instead of being so self depricating and painting all women with the same brush.... you DO something about it?

 

How exactly do you feel not attractive?

Do you work out?

Do you eat well?

Are you in good shape?

Do you dress well in modern well fitting clothes?

Are you polite and gentlemanly?

Do you make good conversation with people?

Are you out going and talk to a lot of people (women)?

When someone is done talking to you, how do they feel? Do they walk away with a smile or feel drained by it?

Do you smoke, if so don't.

How is your personal and professional life? Are you are hard worker? Have a good job and education? Do you have many friends and are they important to you?

Is your personal hygeine good? Regular showers, smell good, clean teeth, clean ears, nice haircut & well kept, is your skin good and if not what action do you take to clear it up?

 

 

Man... instead of whining... look at that list above. I can't think of a single person I know that wouldn't be able to attract people if they attended to even HALF of that list above.

 

Can you HONESTLY tell me that ALL of the above is taken care of and that you are somehow in possession of hideous looks which NONE of that can overcome despite you perfecting every area above and have your life sorted out so that you are the kind of person people want to date and get to know? Because I really doubt it.

[shexy]

 

 

 

Are you trying to turn this into a typical mud-slinging thread?

 

 

I'm definitely not trying to turn this into mudslinging. I just really can't figure out what you're trying to get advice with.

 

Attraction IS in the eye of the beholder, whether you like it or not. Maybe 99 women out of 100 don't find you attractive, but 1 does. That's all you need is one.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Its not your looks that are holding you back. It is probably your body language and voice tonality. And even that....you can still do the best w what you got. Do you work out?

 

I used to dude. I have gotten compliments on my body from other men before (non homosexual in nature). It's still pretty good, I just assume that's not the problem.

 

There is no magical place women who don't care about looks hang out.

 

What you need is to be thinking about places to go where people can GET TO KNOW YOU and the focus ISN'T on looks.

 

Volunteer programs that require regular time commitments are a great idea. Something like tutoring kids once a week, where every volunteer HAS to show up every week, will allow you to see the same people regularly and build a rapport.

 

I would avoid one-time volunteer commitments. Just look for things where everyone HAS to show up every week, twice a week, etc.

 

Another good idea is thinking about where women hang out. Yoga classes are a REALLY awesome place to pick up girls. There is virtually no other competition and girls always want to help out clueless men and think it's "cute" they are doing yoga.

 

You could also try hanging out in women's stores like Sephora and asking girls for ideas for your "sister's" birthday.

 

In the meantime, I would work on improving the areas you can improve on that women find attractive. Clothes, hair, grooming etc. are all important to women. Unfortunately, so is money/status/power. If you can do something to improve in this area, do it!

 

Good luck!

 

OK thanks. Those are good suggestions. I'm not sure about Sephora though. Isn't a beauty shop a bad idea to look for what I'm trying to find?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I feel. Historically, I meet a guy and have a first impression, and that first impression often has very little correlation to my impression of a guy a month or so later. The people I've had the strongest attraction to typically haven't been the people that I thought were "hot" on first impression. Men grow hot to me as I get to know them. When I think a guy is hot on first impression, that is a shallow attraction--literally shallow. It is easy for that attraction to disappear with a single unpleasant interaction.

 

Yea. The thing is, I've done this with women, and gotten to know them over time and be friendly with them and they reject me. So, to keep from getting my heart ripped out, I just approach women off the cuff and get my 'no' right away these days. But that strategy has not been working.

 

I guess I'll have to bear it and go back to the 'let her get to know me over time' method, and just hope I don't get attached to her.

[ThaWholigan]

Yea. The thing is, I've done this with women, and gotten to know them over time and be friendly with them and they reject me. So, to keep from getting my heart ripped out, I just approach women off the cuff and get my 'no' right away these days. But that strategy has not been working.

 

I guess I'll have to bear it and go back to the 'let her get to know me over time' method, and just hope I don't get attached to her.

Are there any specific incidents or scenarios you could detail? If it's not too painful.......

[FitChick]

I used to dude. I have gotten compliments on my body from other men before . It's still pretty good

Men tend to overestimate their attractiveness. Notice that you used the past tense to describe your body. How tall are you and what do you weigh? I'm guessing you've let yourself go. If you want to meet women while you get yourself back in shape, attend local Weight Watchers meetings. Look for overweight women with pretty faces. Then offer to support each other in your weight loss. You will be motivated to stick to it because you will see her every week. In a little while, you will both be gorgeous and you can suggest working out together or taking tennis lessons or going swimming, etc.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Are there any specific incidents or scenarios you could detail? If it's not too painful.......

 

There's about 5 or 6 incidents. One in college, one a friend I met, one a co-worker, etc, etc.

 

Women I got to know over a period of time (usually at least 6 months) and who adored me as a friend (of this I have proof) and then when I pulled the trigger, rejection.

 

I'd rather not go back to the 'get to know her' method. It's brutal.

 

I guess in a way, I've answered my own question, as I have had 2 girlfriends. One of those relationships was pretty bad though.

 

Maybe just looking for an 'easier' way to find that type of woman.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Men tend to overestimate their attractiveness. Notice that you used the past tense to describe your body. How tall are you and what do you weigh? I'm guessing you've let yourself go. If you want to meet women while you get yourself back in shape, attend local Weight Watchers meetings. Look for overweight women with pretty faces. Then offer to support each other in your weight loss. You will be motivated to stick to it because you will see her every week. In a little while, you will both be gorgeous and you can suggest working out together or taking tennis lessons or going swimming, etc.

 

Well, if you've read any of my posts, you would know that is NOT the case.

 

The Weight Watchers idea actually ain't bad. But I'm not overweight in any way, shape or form. Believe me, I'm not. So, it seems kind of silly for me to be in that class.

 

My height sucks. But this thread is not about that. Funny that I make a thread about looking for a woman who is not as much into looks and several people tell me to improve my looks. What are you trying to say?

[RedRobin]

OK. This might be my actual first thread here where I ask for actual dating advice.

 

I know women/men/people care a lot about looks, and for most it is an absolute dealbreaker no matter how much you click/connect/support them. OK. That's fine. I can live with that. But those people probably won't be dating me.

 

But I have seen enough evidence that there are at least a semi-substantial amount of women here on LS that are willing to overlook looks or at least be more lenient with men in that regard. So, it would stand to reason there are a number of women like that in real life. I know I come off as a douche here sometimes, but I do think I bring a decent amount to the table on the inside. So, I have 2 questions.

 

1) Is there anywhere to find these women/men in your opinion? I would assume online/bars/clubs are the worst places. What are the best? Volunteering? Activity based meetups? I do volunteer sometimes (but never hit on women) and I have a fair range of activities from outdoor to listening to music, etc. Do people who care less about looks tend to have a certain persona?

 

2) Do people really believe that less attractive people (subjectively by society) are less likely to care about looks in general? When I say that I don't mean that I am more likely to meet a less attractive woman's standards so she'll date me. I mean that she'll be more likely to give me a chance even if I don't because she's struggled because of it, or because of whatever other reason.

 

Thanks.

 

Just for the record, I would prefer an attractive woman myself, but would be definitely willing to overlook physical flaws if she were cool.

 

The best way to attract a woman whose first priority is not looks... is to be a man whose first priority is not looks...

[JuneJulySeptember]

The best way to attract a woman whose first priority is not looks... is to be a man whose first priority is not looks...

 

Are we talking in circles grasshopper?

 

Did I not say that looks don't mean much to me and I'd be willing to overlook them?

[RedRobin]

Are we talking in circles grasshopper?

 

Did I not say that looks don't mean much to me and I'd be willing to overlook them?

 

No. If character and personality were your first priority... the word 'overlook' when it comes to looks wouldn't even be in your vocabulary... Because you'd be loving what you, well... love. Not focusing on what you are 'overlooking' and calling her body flawed.

 

... grasshopper

[miss_jaclynrae]

1) Is there anywhere to find these women/men in your opinion? I would assume online/bars/clubs are the worst places. What are the best? Volunteering? Activity based meetups? I do volunteer sometimes (but never hit on women) and I have a fair range of activities from outdoor to listening to music, etc. Do people who care less about looks tend to have a certain persona?

 

 

There really is no place that I can say "Go here here and here and you will find a woman to care about you for you and what you look like." It just doesnt work like that.

 

I don' put a huge emphasis on looks and you could run into me anywhere. Including online, bars, and clubs.

2) Do people really believe that less attractive people (subjectively by society) are less likely to care about looks in general? When I say that I don't mean that I am more likely to meet a less attractive woman's standards so she'll date me. I mean that she'll be more likely to give me a chance even if I don't because she's struggled because of it, or because of whatever other reason.

 

No. Not at all. I think people all have what they find attractive, but some people hold a higher standard. Just because you wouldn't find someone attractive doesn't mean that they only date "unattractive" people. Attractiveness is relative, at least to me it is. I find men who are by society means unattractive attractive, because I base it on MANY factors.

[hppr]

 

My height sucks. But this thread is not about that. Funny that I make a thread about looking for a woman who is not as much into looks and several people tell me to improve my looks. What are you trying to say?

 

It's not so much about finding someone who isn't shallow as it is finding someone who 1) you find attractive and 2) who thinks that whatever is 'wrong' with you is cute. If that makes sense.

 

You mention height sucks, that can be a killer, but if you can make yourself handsome in every other way - good manly body proportions, well-groomed, nice clothes, cologne - women can overlook it. So it's not a curse or something.

 

Another thing is are you ready for a relationship or do you just wanna get laid sort of stuff. Lots of guys say they want a girlfriend but in reality they just aren't ready for that but are lonely/horny and don't know how to fix it. So be honest with yourself and think about the sort of relationship you really want.

[JuneJulySeptember]

No. If character and personality were your first priority... the word 'overlook' when it comes to looks wouldn't even be in your vocabulary... Because you'd be loving what you, well... love. Not focusing on what you are 'overlooking' and calling her body flawed.

 

... grasshopper

 

Oh, believe me. I would love that. To be completely subconsciously blind of exterior beauty. Like Shallow Hal?

 

Nothing would be more awesome. I could be dating a woman that nobody else would be competing for and she would be absolutely physically gorgeous to me.

 

That's really hard though.

[Imajerk17]

I think OP instead of trying to find a woman who "doesn't care about looks" you instead ought to be working on improving your own presentation--body language tonality conversational skills.

 

While we're at it being a woman's "friend" and then dropping the bomb that you want to date her almost never works Young Grasshopper.

[SteveC80]

A homely women with no options.

[hppr]

While we're at it being a woman's "friend" and then dropping the bomb that you want to date her almost never works Young Grasshopper.

 

He says he's had a couple girlfriends before and is just in a dry spell. My honest take is that he's probably not super ugly or anything, just average, and his dating woes are due to other factors in his life that he probably figures are unrelated.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think OP instead of trying to find a woman who "doesn't care about looks" you instead ought to be working on improving your own presentation--body language tonality conversational skills.

 

While we're at it being a woman's "friend" and then dropping the bomb that you want to date her almost never works Young Grasshopper.

 

Ha. Yes. I misused the adage. Red Robin was Master Po and I'm grasshopper. I actually do that all the time. Misquote stuff in an attempt at humor. Maybe that's what turns the women off.

[tbf]

Based on your beliefs that attractive people should help unattractive people, find yourself a few super hot male friends and have them introduce leftover women to you.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Based on your beliefs that attractive people should help unattractive people, find yourself a few super hot male friends and have them introduce leftover women to you.

 

Like meatloaf?

[tbf]

Like meatloaf?

Practice what you preach to women, get your attractive male friends to take care of your needs.

[USMCHokie]

OP, if memory serves correctly, you're not white, are you...?

[JuneJulySeptember]

OP, if memory serves correctly, you're not white, are you...?

 

Ideally, I would want someone who doesn't care about race, because I don't care about it. But you are correct.

[USMCHokie]

Ideally, I would want someone who doesn't care about race, because I don't care about it. But you are correct.

 

Race greatly influences looks...