serial muse Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Right. I admit that I was wrong to call others shallow. I implied that in my OP. No matter what I write, people just see my avatar and start whacking away. I'm OK with people being all about looks. It's just that, that method likely won't work for me. Bolded: Yes, I guess so. But I think I might be OK with a woman telling me she had no initial physical these days. But I still wouldn't tell her that. If she asked, I'd just say I thought she was cute and then she wouldn't ask again probably. Did you ask, or in every case (and it sounds from what you're saying that every girl you've dated has said this to you) did she volunteer this info? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 10, 2013 Author Share Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) Did you ask, or in every case (and it sounds from what you're saying that every girl you've dated has said this to you) did she volunteer this info? Yes. Never asked. But once again, I won't elaborate because apparently everything I say here is constituted as whining. Even when I try to make a change. I don't see any whining in my OP. I clearly asked where to find women who care less about looks. That was it. It appears posters won't be happy until I start posting, "I'm hot, I know it, and hell no I'll never touch anybody who is physically unattractive." Edited June 10, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 It appears posters won't be happy until I start posting, "I'm hot, I know it, and hell no I'll never touch anybody who is physically unattractive." You keep missing my point. This is what I'd love to hear from you (and some of the others) someday: "You know what? I realized there's nothing wrong with me, except that I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. Anyway, I'm really happy on my own, but I enjoy hanging out with people and getting to know them. I am so happy in my life." Or some variation. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Yes. Never asked. But once again, I won't elaborate because apparently everything I say here is constituted as whining. Even when I try to make a change. I don't see any whining in my OP. I clearly asked where to find women who care less about looks. That was it. It appears posters won't be happy until I start posting, "I'm hot, I know it, and hell no I'll never touch anybody who is physically unattractive." That's not what anybody here wants. That you think that shows how flawed your current thought process on the matter is. Tell your story, nobody is gonna accuse you of whining. Whining is moaning about how shallow people are and marinading on looks all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) Yes. Never asked. But once again, I won't elaborate because apparently everything I say here is constituted as whining. Even when I try to make a change. I don't see any whining in my OP. I clearly asked where to find women who care less about looks. That was it. It appears posters won't be happy until I start posting, "I'm hot, I know it, and hell no I'll never touch anybody who is physically unattractive." Sigh. OK, whatever. The trouble with your original question is that people are individuals and you will find all types everywhere, so there really isn't a good silver-bullet answer. I mean, obviously, right? Not all types congregate in one place, and the idea is to focus on people as individuals anyway. The women of LS, for example, are pretty varied in their interests and hangouts (aside from LS itself). You say you're already doing volunteer work, which is one obvious answer for where to meet people with non-shallow values. I don't know what your other personal interests are, but I would advise you to find a way to connect those personal interests to your social life, if you haven't already, because you're more likely to get past the surface stuff when you're just enjoying yourself for the sake of it. By the way...that's my answer for the PhD question too. I care about education, but a guy who gets a PhD even in part to impress women would leave me cold. It's the interest in the subject, and the drive to know more about it and to discover, that would be the attractive part. People like to complain about being politically correct and talking in cliches and blah blah blah but in the end, the truth is still the truth: A phony is a phony and a whiner is a whiner and bottom line, people aren't attracted to either. Be yourself, and maybe appreciate it when someone you date tells you that that's why she likes you, too. Other than that, I don't know what to tell you, because it is frankly very surprising that multiple people would up and volunteer the information that they didn't initially find you attractive, apropos of nothing. I don't know where you met these people, but clearly that would be a place to avoid in future. Edited June 10, 2013 by serial muse 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Xinreeki Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 You keep missing my point. This is what I'd love to hear from you (and some of the others) someday: "You know what? I realized there's nothing wrong with me, except that I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. Anyway, I'm really happy on my own, but I enjoy hanging out with people and getting to know them. I am so happy in my life." Or some variation. Yes, this ^^ ...and especially the bolded! Insecurity, depression and anxiety can all be hard to beat, I don't deny it, and I still struggle myself sometimes too , but we have to try and stay positive! You've had some bad luck, had some bad experiences and thats very unfortunate. But just because some people told you they thought you are unattractive, it doesn't mean you are unattractive, thats just their opinion! And everyone is going to have a different opinion on how attractive they think you are and on what they find attractive in other people in general. As to where the best places are to meet women who are not so hung up on looks, that really is hard to say, so I can only reiterate, try your luck with some shyer, geekier girls, maybe in libraries? Or book shops? Or science museums? Really there is no one place to find women who will find you attractive though, as they could be anywhere! You just have to keep trying! The more you try, the more likely you are to hit on the one who turns out to be "the one"! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 There are so many people on this planet that I seriously believe that anyone who is in their mid 20s (hell, maybe even early 20s) and has never had a gf has deeper issues than looks. Depression, social anxiety, or some other socially limiting issues. Out of all the guys I've known in my life (I'm 39), ranging from pretty much every possible spectrum of the "looks" scale, the only ones who have been perpetually single all these years have GLARING social issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Instead of looking for women who don't look for this or that, why not identify your strengths and look for women who do go for that? What do you offer that would interest a partner? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Xinreeki Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Instead of looking for women who don't look for this or that, why not identify your strengths and look for women who do go for that? What do you offer that would interest a partner? Yes this seems a much better way to look at things! Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Yes, this ^^ ...and especially the bolded! Years....and years....and YEARS of people telling me that there was nothing wrong with me except for my anxiety and constantly caring what others thought and trying to gain their approval. Nothing was wrong with me except that I thought there was something wrong with me. Damn hard process to break, but it can be done. I'm proof. Of course, I have a vagina, so what would I know about hardships? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Instead of looking for women who don't look for this or that, why not identify your strengths and look for women who do go for that? What do you offer that would interest a partner? What she said. Also if he's had a couple girlfriends in the past @ age 30 that is average. And dry spells happen to there's no changing that. So while he may not be Romeo he isn't Gollum either. More than likely he's just freaking out because he's X age and "everybody is dating married except me" sort of thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 What she said. Also if he's had a couple girlfriends in the past @ age 30 that is average. And dry spells happen to there's no changing that. So while he may not be Romeo he isn't Gollum either. More than likely he's just freaking out because he's X age and "everybody is dating married except me" sort of thing. My great grandmother once said that anybody could married, but the trick was to stay single as long as possible. She got married at 38 and gave birth at 40. And this was back in the 1920s. She had a few more kids and was happily married until she passed away at an old age. Also, I freaking love Gollum. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Instead of looking for women who don't look for this or that, why not identify your strengths and look for women who do go for that? What do you offer that would interest a partner? Agreed. I would argue my looks aren't exactly one of my biggest strengths - so I would focus on the ones I have that outweigh them. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 how supportive I am when they are whining to me (about assorted problems). NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO 1) they look at you as if you're one of the girls and 2) their problems bring you down. It puts you in a bad mood, inspires negative emotions etc. 'Hanging out' with the girls is kind of a mistake as well. On the plus side I doubt you're ugly if they are willing to do those things with you. I was an ugly kid/teen/young adult and girls literally would literally flee in terror from me. It wasn't a low-on-the-totem pole thing either, they'd be people I had never seen before in my life going UGH! and running away. So if you don't inspire that reaction in complete strangers you aren't ugly. Don't worry about that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Don't live in Antarctica? That's pretty much how I prefer my men. In Antarctica. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 I wonder how and why a person who has issues in the romantic relationship department comes around to blaming that upon ALL members of the other sex and their collective character flaws, rather than possibly looking at themselves? OP. I'm sure I have asked you this before and it's been brought up in this thread as well: How do you account for the thousands and millions of relationships that contain a man who's not good looking, or tall? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 JSS, what about your exes? Were those relationships satisfying for you? Why or why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 So can we close this thread now that (as predicted), the OP has started an IDENTICAL thread about the SAME topic less than 24 hours later and before this thread has even died off.... Yet … NO ONE in real life knows that this is his core personality. They all think he's perfect except for not handsome and tall. Link to post Share on other sites
Estate Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Yet … NO ONE in real life knows that this is his core personality. They all think he's perfect except for not handsome and tall. Exactly. I mean... I asked him on PAGE 2!!! about these things and he ignored it, then got pissy about it when I called him out on it. He's perfect, handsome, yet nobody wants him, he refuses to work on himself and find out the real reasons behind this. As much as he dislikes my replies... Once upon a time i WAS him. I was exactly like this... I just didn't get it, the world seemed against me, yet here I am 28 years old and LOVING life and all it has to offer because I finally accepted that I was at fault, not the world and went and sought the right answers to build the life I wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
jma500 Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 I wonder how and why a person who has issues in the romantic relationship department comes around to blaming that upon ALL members of the other sex and their collective character flaws, rather than possibly looking at themselves? OP. I'm sure I have asked you this before and it's been brought up in this thread as well: How do you account for the thousands and millions of relationships that contain a man who's not good looking, or tall? If you are including me. I do not blame anyone. I just chalk it up to life and the hand we each are dealt. It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 10, 2013 Author Share Posted June 10, 2013 I wonder how and why a person who has issues in the romantic relationship department comes around to blaming that upon ALL members of the other sex and their collective character flaws, rather than possibly looking at themselves? OP. I'm sure I have asked you this before and it's been brought up in this thread as well: How do you account for the thousands and millions of relationships that contain a man who's not good looking, or tall? Seriously, Mme. Chaucer, What's with you? Do you know who I am in real life? Did I run over your cat and you have a grudge against me or something? I seriously can't figure out why you have so much hatred for me. You keep saying I blame ALL members of the opposite sex for my problems. Yet, see below from my OP... But I have seen enough evidence that there are at least a semi-substantial amount of women here on LS that are willing to overlook looks or at least be more lenient with men in that regard. So, it would stand to reason there are a number of women like that in real life. Does that sound like someone who is blaming the entire female gender? I don't want to fight anymore. I'm just looking for advice. As for Estate, I left you a pretty diplomatic response on one of these pages. If you guys keep coming at me, I'm just going to block you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 10, 2013 Author Share Posted June 10, 2013 You keep missing my point. This is what I'd love to hear from you (and some of the others) someday: "You know what? I realized there's nothing wrong with me, except that I keep thinking there's something wrong with me. Anyway, I'm really happy on my own, but I enjoy hanging out with people and getting to know them. I am so happy in my life." Or some variation. OK. Thanks. I think I'm starting to get it. I am starting to fill my life with things that I enjoy more. I'm definitely in a down period though. Makes a lot of sense though. I'll rejoice in the day where I can be happy single and define my beauty from within. Will that day ever come? I dunno. That's not what anybody here wants. That you think that shows how flawed your current thought process on the matter is. Tell your story, nobody is gonna accuse you of whining. Whining is moaning about how shallow people are and marinading on looks all the time. I didn't want to tell the story actually. It's just the same as the others. Rejection, etc. But I'm starting to get you. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Xinreeki Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Instead of looking for women who don't look for this or that, why not identify your strengths and look for women who do go for that? What do you offer that would interest a partner? Would be interested to hear your thoughts on what you see your strengths as being? Come on.. you know you're awesome in some ways! Which aspects enhance your attractiveness and swagger? ***Note - The world is NOT against you!*** *Hugs* 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Strengths I've discerned about JJS... He's very smart, and cerebral. He might be a professor-type. A man who is passionate about a subject and can share his passion with others is very attractive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 10, 2013 Author Share Posted June 10, 2013 Would be interested to hear your thoughts on what you see your strengths as being? Come on.. you know you're awesome in some ways! Which aspects enhance your attractiveness and swagger? ***Note - The world is NOT against you!*** *Hugs* Of course I have good things. Of course I work on myself. I have 2 masters degrees and suggested going for a doctorate. They're not in basket weaving either. Every time I go out and socialize, I try and improve on the last time. Only somebody who is an idiot wouldn't strive to improve. The only thing I'm suggesting by this thread is that for many women the sum of my ever improving inner parts is still not enough. So, if I want to succeed, it might take a woman who cared a bit less about looks. That was it. Not looking for sympathy. If I overreacted, I apologize, but a few posters just kept prodding me. Link to post Share on other sites
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