Where can I find women who care less about looks?

[Mme. Chaucer]

You keep saying I blame ALL members of the opposite sex for my problems.

 

 

OK, I concede that you've acknowledged that "at least a semi-substantial amount of women" :laugh: are willing to go beyond looks when it comes to choosing men. So, mea culpa. Evidently you may be excluding a "semi-substantial" number of women from your blanket of blame.

 

Let me clarify: What does it have to do with "WOMEN" at all that you can't find any who like you?

 

Why is this on "WOMEN"?

 

If some individual woman did you wrong, or hurt you, and it was because of the way you look, I do believe that has plenty of validity. But the constant drone about how WOMEN only really care about looks? I vacillate between yawning and gnashing of teeth!

 

YOU are the one who is having difficulties in this department, and if any change is going to happen, the change is going to be with YOU.

 

Or, maybe you won't change and you'll just luck out and meet a woman who happens to be romantically interested in you.

 

Either way, it has ZILCH to do with finding some kind of magical locale where "women care less about looks."

 

I seriously can't figure out why you have so much hatred for me.

 

Lord. I have no hatred for you. I am annoyed by nonstop whining and blaming, and you, my friend, have probably brought this to the highest conceivable pinnacle. And the fact that all your moaning hinges on women's supposed superficiality is especially annoying. And, to top it off, there seems to be no end to the quantity of threads you'll make about this exact same subject.

 

I did think we already had a "looks" thread, and if we don't we really need one. You could rule it.

 

If you guys keep coming at me, I'm just going to block you.

 

Feel free! But "keep coming at you?" This thread is multiple pages and I think I've posted on it 2 or 3 times, at most. And why don't YOU quit "coming at" WOMEN as the source of all your woes?

 

I'm just looking for advice.

 

OK!!! Here's some really really good advice, tailored especially for you:

 

STOP ATTRIBUTING YOUR DATING WOES TO "WOMEN." Get honest.

 

OK?

 

And, while I have your attention, how about answering the question asked by many:

How do you account for the millions of couples you can see on any day of any week in any place that include a not handsome, maybe UGLY, and possibly even SHORT man?

 

And the fact that MOST couples are average or even below average in appearance - including the man.

 

Please explain.

 

Thanks.

[Pompeii]

Strengths I've discerned about JJS...

 

He's very smart, and cerebral. He might be a professor-type. A man who is passionate about a subject and can share his passion with others is very attractive.

 

A lot of women don't really care about that unless they're looking for someone to marry. If that was the case, then so many men who are dumb as rocks would not be experiencing success. I could go on about thermodynamics for hours but it won't make her want to rush to the bedroom any time soon. All of this "intelligence is important" and "I only date smart guys" is just a cover up. Women want men who make them feel sexually attractive. Whether that's the intelligent guy or the unintelligent guy is up to the individual. However, to say that intelligence is a prime factor in attraction like many women do is simply false. Intelligence will propel you further up the ranking but if you have no "game", then you simply will not be able to seal the deal. It is only in the movies where the bumbling science professor hooks up with the ex-model.

[xxoo]

A lot of women don't really care about that unless they're looking for someone to marry. If that was the case, then so many men who are dumb as rocks would not be experiencing success. I could go on about thermodynamics for hours but it won't make her want to rush to the bedroom any time soon. All of this "intelligence is important" and "I only date smart guys" is just a cover up. Women want men who make them feel sexually attractive. Whether that's the intelligent guy or the unintelligent guy is up to the individual. However, to say that intelligence is a prime factor in attraction like many women do is simply false. Intelligence will propel you further up the ranking but if you have no "game", then you simply will not be able to seal the deal. It is only in the movies where the bumbling science professor hooks up with the ex-model.

 

It's not about being smart. It's about having passion, and being able to convey that in an attractive way. It is VERY attractive.

 

Some very smart people can't do it, though. Social skills!

[jma500]

It's not about being smart. It's about having passion, and being able to convey that in an attractive way. It is VERY attractive.

 

Some very smart people can't do it, though. Social skills!

 

Not everyone had the opportunity or the wherewithal to develop social skills.

[zebracolors]

I know at least one man(who might be considered just average in appearance by others) who found a woman that cares less for looks to become attracted to. Now if only he could realize that he has:( Anyway, how did I meet him? It was at a meet up, in one of the groups I joined late last year, and began to meet people, make friends, get into social circles. I don't know if its already been mentioned in the thread, but Before you discount MeetUp, Id at least check to see if there are local groups that do things that interest you, and meet like-minded people.

[Pompeii]

Not everyone had the opportunity or the wherewithal to develop social skills.

 

You better learn. This world functions on having the ability to develop social skills. I'm a bonafide introvert, but I know how to network because I know it will be essential to my success.

[jma500]

You better learn. This world functions on having the ability to develop social skills. I'm a bonafide introvert, but I know how to network because I know it will be essential to my success.

 

I have social skills just not great ones. I am a property manager and i am a member of a local art assoc./photo arts group so i know how to socialize with people. Approach is a problem. Flirting is a problem

[SJC2008]

I have social skills just not great ones. I am a property manager and i am a member of a local art assoc./photo arts group so i know how to socialize with people. Approach is a problem. Flirting is a problem

 

Where are they lacking? Social skills are preached on this forum as if there are more people than not that lack them. They aren't the be all end all IMO. I bet a lot of the people on this forum that preach social skills couldn't tell a joke if they had a script in front of them.

[xxoo]

Where are they lacking? Social skills are preached on this forum as if there are more people than not that lack them. They aren't the be all end all IMO. I bet a lot of the people on this forum that preach social skills couldn't tell a joke if they had a script in front of them.

 

Charm is intoxicating. Believe it.

[SJC2008]

Charm is intoxicating. Believe it.

 

I beleive it trust me but how many people are charming/have charisma? My best friend is the wittiest, most charming, charismatic guy I've ever met and I'm not saying that becuase he's my friend. I don't know anybody and haven't met anybody IRL who comes close to him and I'm 31.

[Weezy1973]

My general observation is that people who value their own physical attractiveness the most also place a high value on the physical attractiveness of their partner. All things being equal - the people that spend the most time, effort, and money on looking good will look better than those that do not spend much time, effort or money.

 

If you are looking for women that don't place a high value on the physical appearance of their partner, you should be looking for women who don't put much effort, time or money into their own physical appearance.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Women want men who make them feel sexually attractive.

 

And men want women who make them feel sexually attractive. Virile, manly, strong, etc. Having a hot woman for "arm candy" makes men feel sexually attractive.

 

So, isn't it safe to say that people, in general, want to have sexual relationships with other people who make them feel sexually attractive? Best case scenario, I mean?

[shexy]

Are we talking in circles grasshopper?

 

Did I not say that looks don't mean much to me and I'd be willing to overlook them?

 

I'm still confused why you deem yourself important enough to OVERLOOK it if a woman isn't drop dead perfect 10 playboy magazine gorgeous.

 

It kind of sounds like you really think you're too attractive for all the average or ugly women out there. And that's pretty UNattractive if you ask me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm still confused why you deem yourself important enough to OVERLOOK it if a woman isn't drop dead perfect 10 playboy magazine gorgeous.

 

It kind of sounds like you really think you're too attractive for all the average or ugly women out there. And that's pretty UNattractive if you ask me.

 

Rather than being "willing to overlook" a woman's appearance, I really think that the OP needs to put his money where his mouth is and actively seek out very ugly women to ask out. Probably many will be tickled pink to get the attention and might really end up liking him. And since he doesn't care about looks, and deems it "bad" to seek attraction in dating, I don't understand why he hasn't tried this.

 

OP, I'm almost positive you'd have good results.

[shexy]

The question asked for where to meet women who care less about looks, not about how I can improve my looks.

 

A few people actually responded to THAT question and not just to 'Some thread started by JJS that is all the same' and I did take those suggestions.

 

Yoga, Weight Watchers, the Co-Op market, activities you like, etc.

 

I tried helping right after you posted your original post, and you automatically didn't like my answer. I told you all women aren't hung up on looks and you immediately started arguing with me.

 

There are PLENTY of women who aren't hung up on men's looks. And not all women are money grubbers and materialistic and shallow. You just haven't found the right one yet.

 

We're trying to help you dammmmit!

[Pompeii]

And men want women who make them feel sexually attractive. Virile, manly, strong, etc. Having a hot woman for "arm candy" makes men feel sexually attractive.

 

So, isn't it safe to say that people, in general, want to have sexual relationships with other people who make them feel sexually attractive? Best case scenario, I mean?

 

That would make sense obviously, but people make it seem as if you are intelligent, it would supersede everything.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Strengths I've discerned about JJS...

 

He's very smart, and cerebral. He might be a professor-type. A man who is passionate about a subject and can share his passion with others is very attractive.

 

Aww, thanks XXOO. I'd have some good things to say about you too.

 

I think one of my negatives is that I really am too negative on the inside.

 

And battling other posters on internet websites isn't doing too much to help that.

[TheBigQuestion]

No he didn't specifically say Playboy playmate. Good grief.

 

He did say he was willing to overlook it if the girl is ugly, but cool. He's whining about not being able to get a girl to find him attractive then turning up his nose at the not so attractive girl, but he might consider her if she's cool. BAER

 

You very clearly tried to make it sound like OP had very strict and/or unrealistic standards for physical attractiveness. Regardless of whether you think he's engaging in some degree of hypocrisy (and I can't say I totally disagree with you on that), there's no need to make him out to be something he is not.

[ThaWholigan]

Aww, thanks XXOO. I'd have some good things to say about you too.

 

I think one of my negatives is that I really am too negative on the inside.

 

And battling other posters on internet websites isn't doing too much to help that.

No it doesn't .

 

I always remember something one of my brothers told me when I was down about life. He said "you can put a happy face on and pretend you aren't a whiny pussy, but deep down you'll always be a whiny pussy at heart".

[JuneJulySeptember]

No he didn't specifically say Playboy playmate. Good grief.

 

He did say he was willing to overlook it if the girl is ugly, but cool. He's whining about not being able to get a girl to find him attractive then turning up his nose at the not so attractive girl, but he might consider her if she's cool. BAER

 

Actually, I've never rejected anybody in my life. For looks or otherwise. I'm in my 30s.

 

I liked your answer. I would just like to explain that it's hard for me to believe in subjective attraction because I never had a woman attracted to me in that way. That's all.

[Mme. Chaucer]

That would make sense obviously, but people make it seem as if you are intelligent, it would supersede everything.

 

Well, that's often bogus IMO. So is the "GREAT PERSONALITY" myth.

 

I'd like someone around here to define this elusive "great personality" that seems to be so prevalent among the moaning dateless people.

 

I guess if not being a hatchet murderer or a pederast constitutes a "GREAT PERSONALITY," then maybe. But a person who wallows in self pity and complains a lot probably doesn't have a "great personality" even if they've not slaughtered anybody or defiled any children.

 

Honestly, a "personality" is a pretty superficial thing like the way your face looks is. A personality can be put on. It can be very attractive, but in many cases it's not indicative at all of a person's true CHARACTER, which is a different thing altogether. And I do believe that I, and many many others, can fall madly in love with someone because of his fine character.

 

With regards to intelligence, I do think that truly cerebral people can become enchanted with others who are on a similar intellectual plane. I'm not terribly cerebral, but I am an artist of sorts and I have fallen seriously for a man's artistic talents and how they manifest, without giving a crap about his handsomeness or lack of it, or his height. But this is a manifestation of a deep kind of compatibility or understanding between two people - not like, "I love him because he's so smart."

[JuneJulySeptember]

I would like to add an observation.

 

It's impossible to have the perfect viewpoint.

 

If you say that you need physical attraction, and you reject someone who is physically unattractive, some will say you are being shallow.

 

If you say that you don't care as much about looks and will date someone that is less attractive (to you) because they are cool, well then apparently you're shallow because you think those women are not as attractive in the first place.

 

The only way I guess to win is to be like Shallow Hal and subconsciously see people for only their inner beauty, blind of any external shell. I'm sorry, but I'm not like that, though I fight to be.

 

The internet is just a wacky place, and no matter where you stand, someone will be there to chop you down.

 

For the record all, I appreciate your viewpoints. And I won't take it too seriously.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Actually, I've never rejected anybody in my life. For looks or otherwise. I'm in my 30s.

 

 

Why don't you try asking out some women who are very unattractive, physically, according to society's standards? Women who probably rarely or never get attention from men?

 

I am not needling you. If you seriously think that including physical attraction in choosing whom to date is a bad thing, I believe you could start dating and moving towards maybe a fulfilling relationship if you took the lead about that.

 

There is just as good a chance of finding a wonderful woman who is ugly and / or fat as there is of finding one who's more pretty. But less competition, or expectations on her part.

[shexy]

You very clearly tried to make it sound like OP had very strict and/or unrealistic standards for physical attractiveness. Regardless of whether you think he's engaging in some degree of hypocrisy (and I can't say I totally disagree with you on that), there's no need to make him out to be something he is not.

 

Please forgive me if you possibly can. I thought I was entitled to an opinion. My mistake

[JuneJulySeptember]

Why don't you try asking out some women who are very unattractive, physically, according to society's standards? Women who probably rarely or never get attention from men?

 

I am not needling you. If you seriously think that including physical attraction in choosing whom to date is a bad thing, I believe you could start dating and moving towards maybe a fulfilling relationship if you took the lead about that.

 

There is just as good a chance of finding a wonderful woman who is ugly and / or fat as there is of finding one who's more pretty. But less competition, or expectations on her part.

 

A few months ago I was at a bar.

 

Me and my buddy were drinking beer and a woman who was in her 50s or 60s (I'm in my 30s), who had a few extra pounds was outside with us. She was pretty cool and I commented to my friend I thought she was kinda attractive. Here was his response, almost verbatim.

 

"Dude. You're crazy. She's horrible. What the hell are you thinking. She's like a 1."

 

My buddy is not a conventionally good looking man by society's standards nor is he considered picky by the same.

 

Ultimately, I decided she was a bit too old to approach, but that's pretty typical for me. Mostly, I get rejected which is why I explained before that I'd have almost as much of a chance with a more conventionally attractive woman by society's standards who might not care about looks that much than a less conventionally attractive woman by society's standards that values looks more. Because I might not be able to meet the second woman's standards anyway.

 

Note. I very carefully constructed this post as to not have anybody fly off the handle and start bashing me for being shallow, but I'm sure someone will find something. Have fun.

Edited June 11, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember