Says he doesn't care if I DIE

[bluegreen]

He's pretty awful. I don't think you know the backstory on this one. J_L_C has huge issues, but her ex is a monster. If you knew the backstory you would have no sympathy for this man.

 

 

Simon but she kept choosing him she still chooses him !!!!

[Ordinaryday]

He's pretty awful. I don't think you know the backstory on this one. J_L_C has huge issues, but her ex is a monster. If you knew the backstory you would have no sympathy for this man.

 

It's not about sympathy, it's about moving on with life. I asked a friend years ago what should I do if an ex contacted me for whatever reason.

 

my friend said "just ignore them, nothing you could say to them would hurt them as much as no response would" - I think that says it all really.

[Simon Phoenix]

Oh I would contact him all right. I'd send him the nastiest dirtiest message I could muster to take back my self esteem. Everything from insulting his c*ck, to his mother for raising a jerk off like that. I would tell him he better hope I really do die because if He EVER spoke that way to me again I'd open his head up with a tire iron. Then I would get a new phone number and Cut him out of my life permanently. If he tried to contact me third party in any way I'd tell who ever it was I was suck from him giving me a disease....

 

Don't play nice with people who wish death on you, you empty both barrels on unempathetic trash like that.

 

This is a horrible, horrible idea. She'll end up feeling worse. She needs to be done with this guy in every way, shape or form.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon but she kept choosing him she still chooses him !!!!

 

Oh, she has issues, but the dude is a prick. I was just commenting on you minimalizing that aspect of it. The dude was a dickhead long before she started acting crazy. This last one is definitely a direct response to her breaking NC for no reason then questioning him about his new woman. She definitely brought it upon herself.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's not about sympathy, it's about moving on with life. I asked a friend years ago what should I do if an ex contacted me for whatever reason.

 

my friend said "just ignore them, nothing you could say to them would hurt them as much as no response would" - I think that says it all really.

 

I agree 100 percent and have said that ad nauseum in all of her threads. She never should have reopened this can of worms. That being said, I was commenting on bluegreen minimalizing his douchiness.

[Leigh 87]

blyegrean- the OP is suicidal and seriously depressed. You're being mean. Sorry, but she hates herself and is severely unhappy.

 

She needs people to tell her to stop contacting this guy. She does not need people to sugar coat things.

 

She also needs support, not your nasty attitude. I know you MEAN well, but the OP is seriously depressive. She does not need you making her out to be a bad person. She isn't. She is just moving on very poorly from a guy she should not even be THINKING about.

 

We all need to drill it into her that she should NEVER talk to this man again.

[Leigh 87]

I don't doubt that but being bombed by her obsession would drive saint insane actually someone like her would scare s..... out of me

 

 

 

My ex idiot dealt with me sending incessant texts and bombed by my obsession. Despite my exes disgusting habits, he never responded negatively to me freaking out and sending many texts when I had anxiety about things. He calmed me down and tried to appease me.

 

Spending months with a women should make a guy concerned enough about her well being to DO something. Not tell her she is as good as dead to him:sick:

 

This guy should have BLOCKED her number and cut her off, once he saw that she was OBSESSING over him. Instead, he wanted to feed his ego and have her around in case he got desperate and horny.

 

My ex would have had me admitted to a psych ward if I was literally obsessed with him and acting depressive MONTHS after the break up.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't doubt that but being bombed by her obsession would drive saint insane actually someone like her would scare s..... out of me

 

He was being a dick to her far before she went off the deep end.

[Anela]

My ex-bf sent me a text message today. When I had contact him for that coffee last week, I had indicated I was finally ready to explain the health diagnosis I received. He retorted with the whole "I'm in love with a girl I met on vacation". I haven't contacted him since then, but he texted me today to say "I don't care if you live or die"...in response to my health ordeal.

 

This is something I just cannot believe.

 

What a douche.

 

There is someone better in your future, most likely: a million times better, and one day you will be so glad that he showed himself for what he is. And he will be miserable, because, well - he's a douche. ♥

[Leigh 87]

Get a clue Leah

Its been year A YEAR OK where have I been nasty we all talked reasoned cuddled and explained yet she keeps on babbling.

What would happened if we all did this its freaking CHOICE like its easy for me to hurt and be alone now its not.

Its not easy for anyone she wants to be down abused and hurt

She chooses it and all we have is her word for it !!!

 

 

 

She is asking to be abused.

 

For an unhealthy reason, she is acting putting herself through it.

 

........... I am actually in an incredibly bad way now myself regarding my break up. I am really, really in a bad place.

 

But my god. I am not going to allow myself to be this way in a YEAR.

 

I would rather be dead, frankly.

[Leigh 87]

Call me crazy, but I have empathy. I have a high degree of empathy for people.

 

If I am living with a guy for years or even just months, and we become incredibly close; I cannot be indifferent to him, say, DYING.

 

In my experience, the person I was once extremely close to, they care about me on a very deep level. The times I have freaked out living life without them? They care when I am having panic attacks and shaking.

 

No Contact is ideal, it is THE best possible way to heal. The thing is, a lot of people do not follow it. That is not the point here.

 

The OP'S ex is NOT responsible for her behaviour. Yet, if he EVER really cared a great deal about her, he could not be so indifferent to her being THIS messed up, obsessed and depressive.

 

He never really cared that much, that is his problem. I do not think he is a very nice person.

 

I just can't comprehend, if my ex ever called me up saying he was depressed and wanted to kill himself, just telling him " I don't want to have anything to do with you. You're not my problem. See ya later"

 

For me to LIVE and DATE a person for a year or more, as the OP did with her ex, I have to actually feel in love with them. I have to care about someone on a very deep level to stick around!

 

.....I cannot turn my back on a person I once cared about, if they were honestly self destructing.

 

I would not want to be in their lives for very long unless we both felt totally platonic. Which is never likely the case with your exes....

 

IF a dude still had feelings for me, and I was also once in love with him yet I did not feel that way anymore. I would not turn my back on them if I found out they needed serious help.

 

I would call the psych ward, get hem help. I would talk to their friends/family. I would DO something.

 

Call me crazy for not being indifferent to a person taking their own LIFE.

[Leigh 87]

I am not saying you all lack empathy by the way.

 

I just think some people are sounding a little harsh towards the OP when she is basically saying that she is suicidal.

[thefooloftheyear]

So you're leaving the door open , just in case.

 

This is why you can't heal.

 

I have said this repeatedly...Hope is the killer....Until you kill it..hope will forever be holding you back

 

TFY

[Leigh 87]

Okay, J_L_C.

 

Your reaction to this particular person, tells us that you place GREAT importance on how he feels about you.

 

His opinion of you is enough to totally shatter you.

 

Something is seriously wrong with your mental health. I too, suffer from poor mental health right now. I know it is a hard road, when you are ruled by things in life that you should NOW allow to dominate you.

 

What I do know about mental health, is: happy and healthy individuals do not let ONE person ruin their life.

 

I can tell you one thing though... If you're WITH a trusted and loving partner, and our of the blue they leave or betray you? THEN, yes, their opinion should and will matter. If you are IN LOVE with a person and have shared a life with them, YES it matters what they think of you initially/.

 

I found find it impossible NOT to care, if, say, my idiot ex not only left me, but informed me that he never cared about me, and had met someone else. I would care because; my perception of reality would have not been real.

 

A YEAR later though? You are still completely destroyed by what this ONE person, thinks of you.

 

A year later, I want to be living my life, carefree and whatever my ex thinks of me; if he realises he never really loved me much at all and it was just all in MY head? I would not let it seriously hurt me.

 

Right NOW I would be shattered if the person I was madly in love with and had a LIFE with, turned around and said " hey, I never loved you, I really never adored you or even liked you much at all"

 

In a year? Man, in a year, I would hope that he did not have that SAME capacity to hurt me.

 

The thing is, after a year, I should NOT be in the position where I am asking my ex if he ever loved me or cares if I die

After a year, it is just really toxic to be in the position where you have worn them out so much from choosing to break No Contact, and they resort to saying ": I do not care if you live or die"

 

I am trying to get you to see what you're doing.

 

Look, I am really in love with my ex and he was everything to me, I am hurting SO much and it is a bloody struggle to go to sleep and wake up right now.

 

If I choose to annoy him and keep in his life, of course he will tire of me when he is starting to see other women and I am around wondering "hey, did he ever love me? DID HE?"

 

You're ex is wrong to have kept in contact and LET you're obsessive behaviour escalate.

 

He should have cut contact with you when he saw that you were interfering with his life.

 

Any idiot would realise when their ex is sticking around to her detriment.

 

I understand WHY he got annoyed. He did not have the brains or integrity to ignore you or simply tell you straight out to " please stop contacting me, I do not love you, I have moved on and it is hurting you to hold onto me in such a way"

 

 

 

 

[Emilia]

My ex-bf sent me a text message today. When I had contact him for that coffee last week, I had indicated I was finally ready to explain the health diagnosis I received. He retorted with the whole "I'm in love with a girl I met on vacation". I haven't contacted him since then, but he texted me today to say "I don't care if you live or die"...in response to my health ordeal.

 

This is something I just cannot believe.

My guess it's retaliation for something nasty you had told him before. Are you still diagnosed with BPD?

[J_L_C]

As some people have said on here, if he ever really did care about me, there is no way he would've been able to Stoop so low as to tell me he doesn't care if I die. If it were me, I would put the harassment and excessive communication to the side to let that person know I at least care about the difficult time they are going through. There is no way I would allow that person to know that I care so little about them. My conscience would get the best of me. For him to know that I have been diagnosed with something very serious healthwise and let his own selfish frustration get in the way of letting a person he once cared so much for, That he just couldn't care less if I live or die, is the most disgusting and hurtful behavior I have ever experienced.

 

He still decides to rub this new love in my face. He is so desperate for the attention of a woman, that he is going to such an extreme to find love. Yet despite being so desperate, I still was not good enough for his love. I received the most atrocious behavior from a person who once said I was his life, and like Leigh87 said, it makes me question the validity of his feelings at all. I feel so stupid for having ever believed he cared about me. I gave this man my life. I sacrificed so much for him. Yet he still throws such hurtful bombs in my face.

 

These next couple of weeks are going to be so difficult for me knowing that he is down there with her. All the while treating me like I am a piece of garbage and treating her like she is a queen. She'll never know what kind of person he really is and what he's capable of. As long as he is in love and things are going well, he is a dream. He will likely never show her this kind of disrespecting poor behavior. If this is the love that he wants, he will never show it.

 

I will just never understand and will never be able to feel the same way about myself again knowing that he could care less if I died. This is a man who told me he had never felt this way about a woman before and that I was his life. I think it is the lowest of low that you can tell a person you don't care if they die. What if I really do get sicker, and I don't make it? He will be happy?

 

How could I have been so blind as to not see that he really didn't love me? They were just empty words? He made me believe in his love. That I was is everything. And now it has come to this. I'm sorry but no matter how frustrated you are with the person, you let them know you care about their life and well-being. He could have said something like the communication has been ridiculous but you are obviously going through a difficult time and although we are finished And I no longer wish for any contact, I am at least here to listen to what you are going through. But after this it has to stop please.

[Simon Phoenix]

He shouldn't have said that he doesn't care if you die, but honestly, it's not up to him to care about your health problems. You aren't together and haven't been together in some time. So it's not on him to care about it. If I were in his shoes I wouldn't have responded the way he did, but I definitely would have thought in my head "Why the hell is she telling me all of this?" It's not up to him to listen to what you've gone through. Stop contacting this man and stop expecting him to be your savior.

 

I mean, he's a dick, but you basically brought this last episode all on yourself. You are mad that he's throwing this girl in your face, but he never would have mentioned her if you didn't foolishly contact him. And perhaps he mentioned her so that you would finally leave him alone. But instead of leaving him alone, you decided to criticize him about this other woman? Why on earth did you think that was acceptable behavior? You didn't deserve to be told that it was OK for you to die, but your behavior before that was highly inappropriate. You and him are broken up, you are not friends, you should not be saying such things to him. I'd be pretty pissed if my ex was texting/emailing me randomly criticizing me on my love life. I might even tell her to f--k off. So yeah, don't play the victim as far as that is concerned. That would was completely, 100 percent self-inflicted.

 

I know you are going through a hard time. But you aren't even trying to get better at this point. For months posters have been giving you suggestions on how to start moving forward, but you ignore them and keep doing stupid things. It gets old.

[smorgenHeckengard]

My ex-bf sent me a text message today. When I had contact him for that coffee last week, I had indicated I was finally ready to explain the health diagnosis I received. He retorted with the whole "I'm in love with a girl I met on vacation". I haven't contacted him since then, but he texted me today to say "I don't care if you live or die"...in response to my health ordeal.

 

This is something I just cannot believe.

 

 

well damn hon, I feel for you.

A pos like him will get him cumuppance(sp) one day. Hope all goes well for you with your health though!

[Suave]

He's obviously unstable at the moment.

 

Cut all ties.

[J_L_C]

He lost his job for second time in the past five years or so. That could have something to do with him being unstable. But it is still not an excuse for telling someone he could care less if they died. It's kind of funny, for a guy who thinks he is so great and such an asset to the world, he just can't seem to hold down a job. Example, he is supposed to be at work at 9 AM but chooses to come in every day around 11. He is supposed to leave between six and eight, and always leaves by four. He has a huge problem with authority figures, and often tells them how things are and not the other way around.

 

How does he choose to deal with the job loss? He goes on vacation once and now he goes on vacation twice. All the while he has condo fees to pay, lines of credit, etc. Loser.

[undergroundlife13]

I do not have any contact with anyone in his connection whatsoever. We don't have any mutual friends. I blocked him on Facebook as well as his email, but I don't know how to block his phone number. I called my phone company last week actually, and they told me the carrier doesn't have that feature. I asked them what they do in situations for security purposes and she said I would have to involve the police. There were some apps suggested to me, but none of them worked.

 

Anyway, I have no further intentions of contacting him. There is nothing to contact him about and the dude doesn't even care if I die. I'm the kind of person who can put things aside when it comes down to this sort of thing, no matter what has happened along the way. I would never tell that person I didn't care if they died, when I had shared a close relationship with them, knew they were hurting and knew that the harsh messages only came from that hurt. When that person was reaching out to me to share their health situation with me, I wouldn't push them away and I DEFINITELY couldn't tell them I didn't care if they died. I couldn't live with myself.

 

there is an app that works i tested it out, on androids you can blacklist so the calls go directly to voicemail and there are SMS blockers that do block texts. You must dovthis to move on, he told you he doesnt care if you die...its hard but you have to let go. I am not over my ex and im aware of that, its nearing 3 months of BU and my relentless attempts of contact will not let me move on. I really could not imagine feeling this way after a year. If he ever told me to die i would NEVER talk to him again and block all contact, i hope you do the same..

[Zahara]

Keep reminding yourself of who he is. Infact then next time you think about ending it all, ask yourself if your life is worth the value of a loser.

 

He may be unstable but you have to wonder what's going on with you that you have gotten to such an extent whereby you're on the verge of finalizing it all because of someone like this. What does that say about you? Doesn't matter if he's unstable, it's about time you looked at yourself. Change focus.