5 Months Ago I Met This Beautiful Woman Who Happened To Be Married.

[gross1016]

Hi met this beautiful woman who I new is married. It started slowly, but after 5 months I fell in love with this woman. We did everything together, parks, breakfast, and lunches. There were 3 times she was in the hospital and I was there. Her husband is a long haul truck driver, he is gone several weeks at a time. I had sent her flowers for mothers day, but we forgot to throw away the card, and on May 30 he found it and found out about us. The last contact I had with her was last Sunday. During our last night together before he found she asked me some questions. She asked me if I needed her, did I love her, would I stand by here. I replied yes to all, and then I asked her the same thing, and she I need you, I am falling in love with you and she also asked me again if I would stand by her, and i said without a doubt I would. So the last time we had contact was through email and she said I am trying to fix my marriage. Is there any way u can drop the book off so I can do my classes some where just not my house if I can still use them if not I will drop the classes I am not supposed to see u if I want my marriage to work. Can I get opinion on what I am not supposed to see you means?

[Lillyfree]

it means just that. she's not supposed to see you.

 

whether it was her H who requested that, or it's her choice - or both. she's right in doing so, because she'll have to cut you out of her life if she's to have any success in repairing her marriage.

[Pierre]

Hi met this beautiful woman who I new is married. It started slowly, but after 5 months I fell in love with this woman. We did everything together, parks, breakfast, and lunches. There were 3 times she was in the hospital and I was there. Her husband is a long haul truck driver, he is gone several weeks at a time. I had sent her flowers for mothers day, but we forgot to throw away the card, and on May 30 he found it and found out about us. The last contact I had with her was last Sunday. During our last night together before he found she asked me some questions. She asked me if I needed her, did I love her, would I stand by here. I replied yes to all, and then I asked her the same thing, and she I need you, I am falling in love with you and she also asked me again if I would stand by her, and i said without a doubt I would. So the last time we had contact was through email and she said I am trying to fix my marriage. Is there any way u can drop the book off so I can do my classes some where just not my house if I can still use them if not I will drop the classes I am not supposed to see u if I want my marriage to work. Can I get opinion on what I am not supposed to see you means?

 

There is nothing special about a married woman whose H is gone most of the time. She is lonely and you met her emotional needs.

 

She in turn gave you undivided attention as she is married and not dsting 1o other guys.

 

The two of you met each other's emotional needs and feel love for each other. It is a perfectly normal situation and there is nothing special about it. It is simple human mating physiology.

 

You need to walk away from this relationship that is leading nowhere.

 

 

 

.

[gross1016]

Sorry I don't agree with you at all. Its more then two people meeting an emotional needs . We connected on a level I thought I left after my first M. I found my soul mate. MW just need the time to figure out what she wants to do and I am going to wait for MW.

[AussieLady]

During our last night together before he found she asked me some questions. She asked me if I needed her, did I love her, would I stand by here. I replied yes to all, and then I asked her the same thing, and she I need you, I am falling in love with you and she also asked me again if I would stand by her, and i said without a doubt I would. So the last time we had contact was through email and she said I am trying to fix my marriage.

 

As the married woman who has been in a similar situation, you gave her everything her husband didn't. You fulfilled her fantasies and when you were together you were her world and of course she needed affirmation that you were there for her because her husband wasn't.

 

But when it comes to the crunch, she is married. If she truly wanted to pursue reality and not fantasy she would have left her marriage (phew, I think I may be finally seeing the light myself).

 

I am not downplaying what you had together, but as a married woman I had to look at what was at stake if things continued/progressed (I have children) and maybe this is what came to a head when her husband found out.

 

She is probably very conflicted and confused and you need to respect her request for no contact - it is the only way you both can move forward. It does sound though that her husband is laying down some ground rules when she says "I am not suppose to see you" (and that is not a bad thing), but it does seem like she would be very susceptible to falling back into the affair. So for both of your sakes, maintain no contact - no talking, no emailing, no texting.

 

It will not be easy, but you need to respect yourself and her.

[AussieLady]

 

I too felt, and still do feel a connection with my OM that I have never had with my husband (I am almost 2 weeks into no contact).

 

She has made her decision, why make it harder by saying she just needs time to figure out what she want to do and you will wait for her.

 

You are making it more painful for both of you. She will respect you more when you adhere to no contact and allow her to work on her marriage.

[gross1016]

Aussie Lady thank you very much, finally some one understands what I going through. I have not did anything yet. The hardest thing to do is not go to MW work, she works right down the street from me. Even though she is married and believe I know married been there for a long time my self. But when you find a person that you fall so deeply in love with and it touches all they to your soul it Hurst not to see or talked to them. I have several ladies friends I talk to who go to church all the time. They tell me to hang in there, MW will contact you she just need the dust to settle and clear her mind to see what she wants.

[TaraMaiden]

Sorry I don't agree with you at all. Its more then two people meeting an emotional needs . We connected on a level I thought I left after my first M. I found my soul mate. MW just need the time to figure out what she wants to do and I am going to wait for MW.

 

Sorry bud, you're deluding yourself.

 

She is fixing her marriage.

If she is doing that, it means she is focusing on her husband.

A marriage never can - and in all likelihood never will - be an active partnership of three.

 

It's a duet.

 

Her - and him.

 

She's telling you that you're out of the picture.

She's chosen her husband.

She has set you aside, and is telling you it's over.

She can't see you.

There's no time-line.

There's no condition.

there's no proviso.

It means - she can't see you.

 

Period.

 

Over.

Finito.

Done.

 

You really have to accept it, take it on the chin and move on.

 

If - and it's a big 'IF' - she eventually finds she has made the wrong choice, then trust me - she will seek you out.

But for now, and for the foreseeable future, you have to make like it doesn't exist, and fall off her radar completely.

 

because trust me, while she's there making it up with hubby, you are persona non grata, and she won't be concentrating on you.

[gross1016]

TaraMaiden Well until I hear those words I DON"T or I CAN"T see you anymore which I have not heard nor have I seen them. Then I am not giving in or giving up I am sorry can't do that.

[TaraMaiden]

Fine, do what you feel you must do.

 

But do not, under any circumstances, try to contact her, or establish a meeting, get-together - or even clarification.

 

Like I say, IF she decides it's you she wants to be with - she will call you.

But I wouldn't hold your breath....

[whichwayisup]

Sorry I don't agree with you at all. Its more then two people meeting an emotional needs . We connected on a level I thought I left after my first M. I found my soul mate. MW just need the time to figure out what she wants to do and I am going to wait for MW.

 

It means her husband found out about the A, if she wants to still be married to him, you are out of the picture. she ain't leaving him for you.

 

Sorry but if you sit and wait, put your own life on hold for someone who is married and maybe just looking for some fun on the side, you'll waste many precious months and possibly years.

 

She may have feelings for you, but that does not change the fact she isn't divorcing. If she truly loved you more than her husband she would have taken the opportunity to end her marriage when her husband found out about the A. Give that some thought!

 

If anything, when the dust settles, she'll be back - BUT, it'll just be an affair. Can you handle that? Just being the OM, second fiddle? Seeing her on HER time frame? You love her, want to marry her, start a life with her...She has a life built with someone else. Fact! To you it isn't an affair, it's much more than that, but to her it IS just an affair. Keep that in mind.

 

Sadly, like many others, I think your heart will be broken into a million pieces as time goes on because you won't walk away now. You're gonna stick around and want her in your life on some level, settle for table scraps.

[Praying4Peace]

Hi there,

 

Seems like most MW don't leave because they have to go NC to fix the marriage (rightfully so) and that's the way it should be. She should end the marriage on her own if it isn't working for her. Let her have the space to do that and do so because she isn't happy with how the relationship is going with her and her H.

 

I had a year plus EA/PA and I went NC at the end of last year and my D was final last month but I have remained NC which helped me get through my D without any additional emotional trauma. Our marriage was broken and I am not the type to stay in a broken situation.

 

I don't have any hopes of reconnecting with my AP. He also went back to try and fix it for the sake of his kids and to see if he could find happiness with his W again. I wish him the best.

 

I know that none of this is easy. Just give her her space.

[aliveagain]

Come on man, with all the single women out there you need to break up a family? What kind of relationship do you think you will have with someone that is willing to cheat even in marriage? You need to focus on setting some boundaries for yourself and stop the chaos in your life. If you continue to attack their marriage you may have consequences that you may not like. Are you in a state that allows for Alienation Of Affection lawsuits? You need to honor her wishes.

[AussieLady]

TaraMaiden Well until I hear those words I DON"T or I CAN"T see you anymore which I have not heard nor have I seen them. Then I am not giving in or giving up I am sorry can't do that.

 

She hasn't said I DON'T or I CAN'T because it is so blooming hard to walk away from something that makes you feel so good. She probably still feels addicted to the feelings you gave her. I said I CAN'T many times, but because he was still accessible and wouldn't give up I went back again only to make it harder for no contact the second time around.

 

My OM has made himself inaccessible now and I respect him so much more for that.

 

It is not giving in or giving up by letting her go. It is respecting that she is married, has made her decision, and you need to move on with your life whether she is a part of it in the future if/when she divorces or not.

[gross1016]

I understand everyone's point of view here. I hear what you are saying, but I am not putting my life on hold just trying to organize what to everyday. I have not been in CT with MW since last weekend. I am trying to move forward but its hard. I would like to think that a support system here and I also have people who are close to me helping me through this also

[TaraMaiden]

There is a massive support system here - a better one than you'll find anywhere else on the internet.

 

The problem is, we don't just say what you either need - or want - to hear.

 

We 'tell it like it is', because so many of us know precisely what you're going through - and what it all means.

 

And what it all means is that truly - you really should focus on you with the objective of moving on, because this isn't going to get better.

[AussieLady]

I understand everyone's point of view here. I hear what you are saying, but I am not putting my life on hold just trying to organize what to everyday. I have not been in CT with MW since last weekend. I am trying to move forward but its hard. I would like to think that a support system here and I also have people who are close to me helping me through this also

 

It is hard, and it will be hard for a long while yet. Don't deny yourself feeling hurt, you will have good days and bad days. I believe it is a grieving process and you go through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depressive feelings, acceptance.

[Quiet Storm]

Sorry I don't agree with you at all. Its more then two people meeting an emotional needs . We connected on a level I thought I left after my first M. I found my soul mate. MW just need the time to figure out what she wants to do and I am going to wait for MW.

 

Is the connection strong enough that you are willing to share her?

 

It sounds like she wants to stay married. She will want you to still be there to meet her emotional needs whenever it is convenient for her.

 

Reconsider the soulmate thing. Pierre is right. When someone is meeting our emotional needs, we feel so good and this makes us feel connected. Think about whether you truly love her, or if you love the way she makes you feel. What do you love about her as a person, apart from the feelings she inpsires in you? Is she honest? Loyal? Giving? Because to me it sounds like she's selfish, disrespectful and needs a lot of attention. Most would not consider a lying cheat soulmate material.

 

Why do you? Why set the bar so low? Wouldn't an honest woman, with integrity, and strength be a better choice for a soulmate? A woman that doesn't already have a husband and family at home?

 

You deserve more than being a supplement. You met her emotional needs because she felt neglected by her husband. Now that he knows, he may change. She may not need you anymore. She's going to try to keep you in the background for occasional ego boosts. You will have to decide if this is enough for you.

 

For most cheaters, love and emotional connection aren't enough to make changes.

They want both, and will try to keep both for as long as possible. The affair partner is usually the one that has to say "enough. I deserve better, and I'm never going to find it waiting for you". It usually ends when the ap can no longer tolerate it.

 

Keep yourself busy, it really helps. It will take time and space to get over her, but you will.

Edited June 10, 2013 by Quiet Storm

[Pierre]

Sorry I don't agree with you at all. Its more then two people meeting an emotional needs . We connected on a level I thought I left after my first M. I found my soul mate. MW just need the time to figure out what she wants to do and I am going to wait for MW.

 

Your post has been written before (almost verbatim) by hundreds of prior former OWs and OMs. Trust me on this one, you are a textbook case of a man that met a married woman that wanted to eat cake.

 

You were mesmerized by her attention and how she met your needs. I get thatQ Men and women that date MOWs and MOMs experience the same thing. You are a newbie that does not get it because you are way too innocent.

 

You also need to figure out why you do not respect boundaries.

[secretlady76]

Look at her actions, not her words. She is with her husband trying to salvage her marriage. She is not longer in contact with you and neither does she want to be. If she really cared about you then it wouldn't be like this, but it is, so take the hint. It's a good indication of her feelings towards you (i.e she obviously hasn't any now or if she has, they're not worth more than her marriage).

 

You can wait all you like but I doubt she will leave to shack up with you...and even if she does, it is not the right reason to leave her marriage.

 

Soul mates etc, yes a lot of people think that, but it is not true.

 

Go No contact with her. Don't contact her, avoid her at all costs. Eventually (and you have to give it time), you will be over this and look back and think "What the hell was I doing?". This person who you think is absolutely amazing will actually be just a person you don't give two hoots about, as you did before you got to know her.

 

Or you can waste years of your life waiting for someone who really isn't worth the time.

[gross1016]

AussieLady That's why its so hard. When it's a not clearly defined. It's I don't or I can't its I am not supposed to which if you look it up it's not even close to i don't or i can't. That's why I am not giving up where it comes to my MW, I am just laying low trying to do my own thing and my MW gets in contact with me I will ok with that, and accept her back with open arms.

 

Does anyone here believe in Physics?

[gross1016]

secretlady76 I am sure that it is in most cases, but after this many months I truly believe MW told me the truth about how much MW loves me and how much MW cares for me. When MM is on the road so much, MW marriage wasn't that well off to begin with, and I know MW was looking for a way out. right now it's only been a short period of time. I have advise from a lot people who have told me about same things as most of you have said here, not contact, mo emails, no phone calls, just let MW do what MW has to do and MW contacts me then MW does. If it looks like it's not going happen to me, then I will let go and move on more. right now I am trying to move forward, not move on and doing things for me with support of my close friends that live near me and the people here who just getting to know me.

[gross1016]

Quiet Storm I can understand where your coming from. But even though MW and OM are years apart I didn't have the same kind of relationship with my MW the first time around as I have with MW today. When MW and I talk we talk about everything not just MW and OM. We did talk about MM some because he wasn't here enough for MW to talk to MM about anything but when MM was leaving. I get what your saying, but I am doing what I need to do for OM and not for anyone else, But I thank you for your support.

[secretlady76]

secretlady76 I am sure that it is in most cases, but after this many months I truly believe MW told me the truth about how much MW loves me and how much MW cares for me. When MM is on the road so much, MW marriage wasn't that well off to begin with, and I know MW was looking for a way out. right now it's only been a short period of time. I have advise from a lot people who have told me about same things as most of you have said here, not contact, mo emails, no phone calls, just let MW do what MW has to do and MW contacts me then MW does. If it looks like it's not going happen to me, then I will let go and move on more. right now I am trying to move forward, not move on and doing things for me with support of my close friends that live near me and the people here who just getting to know me.

 

(Bangs head against brick wall)

 

We are strangers to you but in a way that is better because we are not going to coat the truth in sugar like your friends may do, to soften the blow.

 

Many of us know what we are talking about because WE HAVE BEEN THERE! We have been in your shoes, thinking that that 'special' person would move heaven and earth for us. In about 1% of cases they do, and many of us thought we would be one of those 1%, but I am afraid the odds are stacked against you. I truly believed what my MM said to me. I truly believed that what we had was different. I loved him and I thought he loved me, but evidently not. All I was given in the end was heartache and pain.

 

We are all trying to help you here. I know it is not what you want to hear but we are in no position to bull **** you with fantasy.

 

Whatever happens, we will support you and if it all comes crashing down, we won't say 'I told you so' as that doesn't help anyone.

[gross1016]

secretlady76 I thank you for you honesty and I welcome it from everyone here, but if there's a chance or even a small chance as you say, isn't it worth the wait. I know everyone here is been there done that, and really so I have, but this time I really do believe it is different. I am going to do my own thing and when MW contacts me, and I know MW will. I will be there for MW.