5 Months Ago I Met This Beautiful Woman Who Happened To Be Married.

[gross1016]

Yeah your right it just didn't happen. Maybe it was meant to be. I just know that I love this MW with all my heart and just can't see the OM with anyone else right now. As far as how long, i don't know at all, its only been a week. So for now I am not going to put a timeline on it. Have faith in MW that she is going to make a decision that's right for MW whether it with MW's MM or OM.

[whichwayisup]

Yeah your right it just didn't happen. Maybe it was meant to be. I just know that I love this MW with all my heart and just can't see the OM with anyone else right now. As far as how long, i don't know at all, its only been a week. So for now I am not going to put a timeline on it. Have faith in MW that she is going to make a decision that's right for MW whether it with MW's MM or OM.

 

You're confusing me. Is she also seeing another MM (married man) as well as you AND she's married? SO she has THREE men on the go all at once? Or are you saying MM meaning her husband? This is confusing others as well.

 

Just some info here: MM = Married man, MW Married woman (as you know), BS, betrayed spouse. BH/BS, betrayed husabnd, betrayed spouse, BW betrayed wife. WS, wandering spouse. D-Day, discovery day of the affair. NC -no contact. LC limited contact.

[gross1016]

Sorry didn't mean to be confusing. There is only one OM me. I was referring about her husband and not any other OM. I will try to be better here when writing a reply to all of you.

[gross1016]

I am in the mode is a more of a wait and see more the mode. Sorry didn't want to use mode. I have not set any time limit as of yet. Its only been a week and one day. I know everyone here has been or is where I am right now. I think you all here have my best interest in mind, but I have friends that I speak to by phone or in person, and they happen to think that I should wait for MW to make contact with me, and et the dust settle and let MW decide which way she is going to go.

[Owl]

Gross...what "advice" or "support" are you hoping to get from the posters here on LS?

 

What is it you're wanting us to tell you that we haven't yet?

 

You've disregarded and disagreed with the advice of the majority of folks here...so what is it you think we can do for you?

[gross1016]

ThatJustHappened well you know your name says it all. I know that thing happen for a reason. There is a reason for everything, and for myself this was meant to happen for MW and me. I know this to be true from what we have and yes I could be fooling myself, but in my first marriage I did not feel that way. Don't get me wrong I loved my ex with everything I had it just didn't work. I went through what I am going through right now, but it was different then it is now. I am so in love with my MW, it's just not the same as it was back then. I am taking advise from some really good friends and I am going to wait, do my prayers like I have been suggested I do and see what happens. I know it's going it's self out so I wait.

[gross1016]

I have read everything here,and I not disagreed with everything. I am just not a quitter, I don't like giving up something that means that much to me. I get support here, but the people whom I am close to me are support me just as much as you people here, they just live close to me so I can see them and talk to them in person. I don't think they are telling what I want to hear, but I do believe in what they tell from experience they have had with the same situation as myself. so once again i thank you all for your wisdom and suggest. I hope some day I can come back in here and tell you all that it worked out for me one or the other. but I will be back.

[TaraMaiden]

but I do believe in what they tell from experience they have had with the same situation as myself.

 

Really?

How many men do you know hwo entered into an affair with a married woman, who decided to work on her marriage, and who are now with that woman?

 

How many people do you honestly know who have been in the same situation as you?

 

Because I find it extremely hard to believe that your social circle consists of more people in the same experience with the same situation as yourself, than you'll find here.

[Clemenza]

ThatJustHappened well you know your name says it all. I know that thing happen for a reason. There is a reason for everything, and for myself this was meant to happen for MW and me. I know this to be true from what we have and yes I could be fooling myself, but in my first marriage I did not feel that way. Don't get me wrong I loved my ex with everything I had it just didn't work. I went through what I am going through right now, but it was different then it is now. I am so in love with my MW, it's just not the same as it was back then. I am taking advise from some really good friends and I am going to wait, do my prayers like I have been suggested I do and see what happens. I know it's going it's self out so I wait.

 

I'm in a pretty similar situation as you. A MW and I fell in love with each other. I think we're freakishly compatible and would be great together in an ideal world, but here's some food for thought. Sometimes love is not enough. Not every meaningful love works out, and many times it's because of the baggage we carry. Being married and confused is ten tons of baggage, I would imagine. I don't doubt that you and your MW love each other, but there is simply more to it than that. Put yourself in her position, and think about how torn you would be and how hard it would be to give up something rooted in more history and familiarity.

 

And, again, that is coming from someone who is the OM.

[gross1016]

I wouldn't say the same position, but a similar one to me right now. Yes I have put myself in MW shoes and if I were in MW shoes I would have been more specific in my words. Instead of saying I am not suppose to see you I need to fix my marriage. I would have said I don't or I can't see you anymore so I can fix my marriage. This is not what MW said to me. So with that said I am still going to wait, do my my own thing, stay busy.

 

Clemenza - So tell how long did you wait before you just let it go?

[Clemenza]

I didn't really wait. After D-day, we had very limited contact and I was just re-focusing on work and letting her do what she needed to do. I didn't have any expectations of being with her, really. I wasn't even ready to be with her at that point. When I finally was ready to go all in with her, I found out she was trying MC. She said it was partly to do with thinking I would never be with her. This was a month ago. Now I'm in IC, and I'm not waiting for her. It seems like she and I have just had terrible timing, and what's playing out now is for the best.

 

That's a vague answer, I know, but there was never a moment in which I thought to myself "I will wait for her." It was more so, "I will give her space and let her figure everything out. In the meantime, I don't think we'll end up together and I think I should work on myself."

 

Easier in theory than practice, but yeah.

[TaraMaiden]

Actually - if this is what she said - she was perfectly clear.

 

she said I am trying to fix my marriage. Is there any way u can drop the book off so I can do my classes some where just not my house if I can still use them if not I will drop the classes I am not supposed to see u if I want my marriage to work.

 

Turn this round:

If I want my marriage to work, I'm not supposed to see you. I'm trying to fix my marriage.

 

What she means is that if she ever wants her marriage to work, then she's not really supposed to see you - that would be foolish - so honestly gross, take it from me - this is as clear a 'you and me is over' as anything could possibly be.

 

And I await your contradiction, disagreement and protest to the contrary, because if you won't believe anyone on this thread, when we tell you it's a hopeless case, why would you listen to me?

[todreaminblue]

Sorry I don't agree with you at all. Its more then two people meeting an emotional needs . We connected on a level I thought I left after my first M. I found my soul mate. MW just need the time to figure out what she wants to do and I am going to wait for MW.

 

 

when you say you will stand by someone....that means you will respect their choices whatever they are,to stand by someone, is to do so without thoughts of what you want.......even if you dont agree with what they choose, you respect that choice and support that choice.....if you truly care about this woman you would want for her, what makes her happy....that choice has been made by her...its her husband...now its your turn to stand behind what you said.....and let her go....that shows that you truly care about her and support her decisions..deb

[gross1016]

todreaminblue, Clemenza

 

Clemenza I do understand what you are saying, we are doing the same thing I think. I know what you are saying, and it's hard. We share a lot of things here with our positions. I don't understand why people here are thinking that I am just sitting around just waiting. I have put nothing on hold, I am volunteering at animal shelter, I trying to gain employment so I can get at out of the house I live in, and I am doing something more then helping animals. I am helping myself cope the fact that it just may be over. I know my MW is going to work on her marriage, I get that and she has to do that for MW kids and family. I have not any CT with MW since last Sunday, and I don't intend to unless MW does first.

 

todreaminblue seems like we have chatted before, and if so you know I have told you that I sent an email to MW that I would support what ever MW is doing to fix or work on MW marriage. I had said that to MW in an email a week ago. I have NC since then, and it's like I can anyway. If this deb can we continue our chatting like were before it really helped me when we chatted. You know where to find me.

[gross1016]

hockeyfan I am most likely older then you, and I will leave it at that. Sorry I don't agree with you. I believe when you are done with something whether it's an A with MW or anything. I think you say I don't want to see you or I can't see you anymore, to me that comes with the MW speaking, this I am not supposed to see you I think comes from MM telling MW what to say. You are right in saying I wont accept the runaround way in what she said. Until I hear I don't or can't then I wait. I do have a timeline in my head as I type, but it's not right now.

Edited June 12, 2013 by gross1016

[Lillyfree]

i dislike seeing anyone giving all the power to another person in a relationship, no matter which kind. i don't agree with doing things to benefit the other party, to the detriment of yourself.

 

however, i believe you've decided how you're going to go ahead with this and won't budge. we'll all be here once you need picking up off the ground.

 

look after yourself.

[gross1016]

Lillyfree I get it, but I just have to wait, MW means that much to me. If i crash I crash it is mine to do. I appreciate everyone here who has posted. It means a lot to me that so many people care about me and what I am going through. I know everyone here has gone or is going through the same thing. I just like to do things my way. My way right now is NC and wait, how long? I have a timeline in my head that I set and when that day comes I will know its over.

Edited June 12, 2013 by gross1016

[Pierre]

Yes I have put myself in MW shoes and if I were in MW shoes I would have been more specific in my words. Instead of saying I am not suppose to see you I need to fix my marriage. I would have said I don't or I can't see you anymore so I can fix my marriage. This is not what MW said to me. So with that said I am still going to wait, do my my own thing, stay busy.

 

 

I know I keep saying the word newbie, but I will stop.

 

Let me translate what your MOW said:

 

She is speaking from both sides of her mouth. She gives you one version and a different version to her H. Ideally she would like to go back to the era before d-day when the affair universe was completely apart from the marriage universe.

 

Once you have a d-day you have a clash of two universes with incompatible realities. At this point a truly truthful MOW would choose you or the H with no ambiguous language and with very definitive terms.

 

HOwever, she is a cake eater and she loves you very deeply as her lover. Yes, she loves you as her lover. However, she also loves her H and unconsciously she wants two men to meet her emotional needs. You are supposed to provide the butterflies and the teen romance and her H provides the stability of a home, a family and domestic support. It is called the best of both worlds.

 

There is aslo the possibility she does not want to hurt you and therefore MOW avoids using harsh terminology to end the relationship with you. Remember, she loves you and does not want to hurt. But, she loves you as her lover, the guy that provides the romance.

 

If wanted more that the above she would immediately use d-day to start divorce proceedings. As long as she is not doing that she is simply a cake eater. And cake eaters deceive the H at home as well as you the OM.

[gross1016]

LFH finally someone knows how I feel. I am OK with being the OM. I have time to wait for that. I am also glad to say that if your good with being the OW, then why is to different for me. Everyone who has made the comments on here on what i should do like walk away its over. Your not getting MW back move on. I agree with you, when MW said I am not supposed to see you the door was left open. So I am going to just do that wait. I have a timeline and going to stick to it.

[Pierre]

LFH finally someone knows how I feel. I am OK with being the OM. I have time to wait for that. I am also glad to say that if your good with being the OW, then why is to different for me. Everyone who has made the comments on here on what i should do like walk away its over. Your not getting MW back move on. I agree with you, when MW said I am not supposed to see you the door was left open. So I am going to just do that wait. I have a timeline and going to stick to it.

 

If you are willing to be the OM with no expectations your MOW bwill be delighted. You would make life much easier for her and you would actually enhance her marriage. I suggest you never have phone sex tour cyber sexh with her. Only have sex in person.

[gross1016]

Yes right now I am OK with being the OM. I am could that, but if that doesn't happen either I OK with that also.

[gross1016]

2long I care some for <BH>, but if he was any kind of father or husband he wouldn't be in this position in the first place would he? My only concern is for MW and if he did anything to her. But other then that no I don't really care about MM. If your gone for long periods of time, how do we know here what MM does on the road, he could have had an A on the road somewhere, anywhere we just don't know do now. So if you want to you can worry about him for me.

Edited June 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Terminology

[Lillyfree]

2long I care some for <BH>, but if he was any kind of father or husband he wouldn't be in this position in the first place would he? My only concern is for MW and if he did anything to her. But other then that no I don't really care about MM. If your gone for long periods of time, how do we know here what MM does on the road, he could have had an A on the road somewhere, anywhere we just don't know do now. So if you want to you can worry about him for me.

 

he could be having an affair... or not. the certain thing here is that SHE's having an affair. and what kind of a husband of father he is... again, you'll never know for sure. he's not in this situation due to anything he has or hasn't done, he's being cheated on due to his wife being a cheater.

 

also, how on earth are you supposed to be a truck driver and not be away from home?! are you serious? the guy's doing HIS JOB. is he supposed to stay home and guard his wife instead?

Edited June 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Pierre]

2long I care some for <BH>, but if he was any kind of father or husband he wouldn't be in this position in the first place would he? My only concern is for MW and if he did anything to her. But other then that no I don't really care about MM. If your gone for long periods of time, how do we know here what MM does on the road, he could have had an A on the road somewhere, anywhere we just don't know do now. So if you want to you can worry about him for me.

 

I see your rationalization and justifications, but in in the end they are weak arguments. Perhaps the H has to work as a trucker to feed his family and put a roof over the head of his wife.

 

There is something called the golden rule and that means you act with honor at all times regardless of the circumstances. If you had to work long hours to support your wife and children I would think you would expect honorable behavior from your wife. You would also expect other men to not enter your marriage in secret. Hopefully, the husband is not having affairs because that would put you at risk of STDs.

 

I am not saying that married people are chained to the marriage forever. People end marriages every day but this can be done without deceitful behaviors. If your MOW was true to her words she could use this opportunity to end her marriage and be with you.

 

I am enthralled by your willingness to be the perennial OM in the shadows. Why would you accept that status?

 

he could be having an affair... or not. the certain thing here is that SHE's having an affair. and what kind of a husband of father he is... again, you'll never know for sure. he's not in this situation due to anything he has or hasn't done, he's being cheated on due to his wife being a cheater.

 

also, how on earth are you supposed to be a truck driver and not be away from home?! are you serious? the guy's doing HIS JOB. is he supposed to stay home and guard his wife instead?

 

If he was a good husband he should never leave the home to go to work. Yeah, right! I agree with you.

Edited June 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[AussieLady]

I know I keep saying the word newbie, but I will stop.

 

Let me translate what your MOW said:

 

She is speaking from both sides of her mouth. She gives you one version and a different version to her H. Ideally she would like to go back to the era before d-day when the affair universe was completely apart from the marriage universe.

 

Once you have a d-day you have a clash of two universes with incompatible realities. At this point a truly truthful MOW would choose you or the H with no ambiguous language and with very definitive terms.

 

HOwever, she is a cake eater and she loves you very deeply as her lover. Yes, she loves you as her lover. However, she also loves her H and unconsciously she wants two men to meet her emotional needs. You are supposed to provide the butterflies and the teen romance and her H provides the stability of a home, a family and domestic support. It is called the best of both worlds.

 

There is aslo the possibility she does not want to hurt you and therefore MOW avoids using harsh terminology to end the relationship with you. Remember, she loves you and does not want to hurt. But, she loves you as her lover, the guy that provides the romance.

 

If wanted more that the above she would immediately use d-day to start divorce proceedings. As long as she is not doing that she is simply a cake eater. And cake eaters deceive the H at home as well as you the OM.

 

 

Yes, yes and yes from a MW. I felt more guilt and pain for my OM than my husband who has been there for me through everything. She doesn't want to hurt you as it makes her feel bad. We can be selfish you know when wrapped up in the fantasy.

 

I know you have made your mind up as to what you are going to do, but if she wanted you she would be with you now.

 

Are there children involved?