'Third base' by the second date - is that too soon?

[ff8princess]

I met a fine gentleman from an online dating site.

 

We talked for about a week and so we decided to meet in-person for brunch.

 

On our first meeting (or date), we ate brunch. We had an instant chemistry and it was mutual that we didn't want our meeting to end so we ended up watching a movie. The theatre was close to his condo and, to avoid paying for parking, he told me to park at his downstairs visitor's parking area. So I did. After the movie, he invited me into his condo where we sat on the couch where he has put his arm around me and watched a movie that was on tv. He asked if he could kiss me, I told him that it's too soon. So he didn't... But by the end of our meeting - 7 hours later - we were holding hands as he delivered me to my car and I drove away.

 

During the week, we communicated through text, phone calls and made plans for a second date - I come over to his place for take out dinner, watch documentaries and go out dancing.

 

Our second meeting (6 hours) turned into eating take out dinner at his home, watching two documentaries and slow dancing in his living room. We ended up kissing and, in the heat of our passion, one thing led to another... we ended up going all the way to third base.

 

My problem: While it felt really good, I am regretting my actions because:

1) it was too soon?

2) I want this relationship to last

3) due to 1) and 2), I now have to figure out a way to suggest that we need to slow down without stomping out our existent chemistry

4) maybe.. I'm over-thinking? Over-analyzing?

 

Men, women, boys and girls of the Internet. Advice, comments, suggestions, anything is appreciated. What do I do?

[leafguy]

If he likes you as much as it seems he does this soon, and if he wants more than just fooling around, he will take it in stride.

 

If he reacts negatively, head for the door and don't look back.

[USMCHokie]

My problem: While it felt really good, I am regretting my actions because:

1) it was too soon?

2) I want this relationship to last

3) due to 1) and 2), I now have to figure out a way to suggest that we need to slow down without stomping out our existent chemistry

4) maybe.. I'm over-thinking? Over-analyzing?

 

I think this is hard to do and might kill it. Any time you press rewind on the dating/sex progression, it might suggest a couple things.

 

(1) You regret getting sexual with him and realize you don't find him worthy of being sexual with.

(2) You would rather be sexual with someone else so you need to cut off the sexy time with him while still being able to see him.

[USMCHokie]

If he reacts negatively, head for the door and don't look back.

 

He might already be out the door before she has a chance to leave...

[todreaminblue]

I met a fine gentleman from an online dating site.

 

We talked for about a week and so we decided to meet in-person for brunch.

 

On our first meeting (or date), we ate brunch. We had an instant chemistry and it was mutual that we didn't want our meeting to end so we ended up watching a movie. The theatre was close to his condo and, to avoid paying for parking, he told me to park at his downstairs visitor's parking area. So I did. After the movie, he invited me into his condo where we sat on the couch where he has put his arm around me and watched a movie that was on tv. He asked if he could kiss me, I told him that it's too soon. So he didn't... But by the end of our meeting - 7 hours later - we were holding hands as he delivered me to my car and I drove away.

 

During the week, we communicated through text, phone calls and made plans for a second date - I come over to his place for take out dinner, watch documentaries and go out dancing.

 

Our second meeting (6 hours) turned into eating take out dinner at his home, watching two documentaries and slow dancing in his living room. We ended up kissing and, in the heat of our passion, one thing led to another... we ended up going all the way to third base.

 

My problem: While it felt really good, I am regretting my actions because:

1) it was too soon?

2) I want this relationship to last

3) due to 1) and 2), I now have to figure out a way to suggest that we need to slow down without stomping out our existent chemistry

4) maybe.. I'm over-thinking? Over-analyzing?

 

Men, women, boys and girls of the Internet. Advice, comments, suggestions, anything is appreciated. What do I do?

 

is third base still sex?.......i have a rule that softball should not be played while dating unless you have a catchers mitt and an aluminium bat called thumper(yep i had a bat called thumper).....if a guy tries to steal third....i am there ...with a bat....and a nah no home run for you go back two bases........

 

be honest with him tell him you want it to last adn you feel a bit regretful.....be honest and see where it goes from there....deb

[Ninjainpajamas]

Judging from his "game" he's going to drop you like a rock once you have sex.

 

I think it's his game you're experiencing, rather than true a genuine emotional connection...I think he's just playing you and caught in the moment himself.

 

He's testing your boundaries, seeing where the limits are, you're being a little coy and resistant which is normal and preferable as it'll entice more motivation and it gives him a chance to flex his abilities to get you into bed...sooner than you "decided" to.

 

He's spent a significant amount of time with you but still, if things were going well and he was hoping for a possible sexual outcome then he'd hang in just to see if things would happen.

 

I believe he's just trying to "swoon" you....the chemistry to a degree might be genuine but I can see this is all just too accommodating and convenient so far for him and It seems to me he is trying to close to the deal.

 

This guy just seems average with some skill set in getting women over his place at least.

 

That's my assessment just going based off what you've said and how he's acted.

[USMCHokie]

Judging from his "game" he's going to drop you like a rock once you have sex.

 

I think it's his game you're experiencing, rather than true a genuine emotional connection...I think he's just playing you and caught in the moment himself.

 

After rereading the first post, I have to agree with this. Well played.

[sillyanswer]

Men, women, boys and girls of the Internet. Advice, comments, suggestions, anything is appreciated. What do I do?

 

If you don't want things to go too far too quickly then make sure you have the early dates in public and don't go back to his place.

 

Perhaps you could have your next date 'out' somewhere, which might help with this.

[RedRobin]

Judging from his "game" he's going to drop you like a rock once you have sex.

 

I think it's his game you're experiencing, rather than true a genuine emotional connection...I think he's just playing you and caught in the moment himself.

 

He's testing your boundaries, seeing where the limits are, you're being a little coy and resistant which is normal and preferable as it'll entice more motivation and it gives him a chance to flex his abilities to get you into bed...sooner than you "decided" to.

 

He's spent a significant amount of time with you but still, if things were going well and he was hoping for a possible sexual outcome then he'd hang in just to see if things would happen.

 

I believe he's just trying to "swoon" you....the chemistry to a degree might be genuine but I can see this is all just too accommodating and convenient so far for him and It seems to me he is trying to close to the deal.

 

This guy just seems average with some skill set in getting women over his place at least.

 

That's my assessment just going based off what you've said and how he's acted.

 

naah... probably not like a rock. More like he'll have fun for a couple of weeks then do the slow fade...

 

OP... guys who try to get you back to their place ASAP really aren't to be trusted.

 

However, if you want to test this one... Stop dates that end up at his place or yours (you don't need to give a reason). Suggest outings where you have to meet there and you leave in separate cars. Make them compelling and things that align with his interests and yours.

 

If he backs away from that... you have your answer.

[MidwestUSA]

I'm so old I've forgotten exactly what third base consists of. Someone enlighten me, please?

[veggirl]

I'm so old I've forgotten exactly what third base consists of. Someone enlighten me, please?

 

Oral?

So basically they had sex.

Yeah op that's too soon for me. You'll look like a game player if you bring up slowing down. If you wanted it to go slow you should not have been at his place on a second date. If he asks you out again and it's at his or your place you'll know he's all about the sexing!

[SoulJazzBlues]

Yeah I have no idea what third base is but it sounds like sex to me.

 

You went home with him on thr first date, I don't really care if it was a seven hour date, you went home on the first date. Then by the second, again you went home with him.

 

It doesn't even seem like dates to me. He invites you to his house (low effort on his behalf) and you eat takeaway and watch television. You've set a precedent that you're more than happy with this.

 

Either you start going out on dates in public and see if he is interested in more than just getting you home or you cut your lossess

[Sunshine87]

Never done online dating. But from many of the posters, many of the OLD guys are looking to get down.

 

Don't say anything to him. Just ask to meet somewhere public and away from his condo lol. For example, dinner and cinema ( have a kiss into car) and call it a day.

 

Don't verbalise your decision to slow down. Just do it.

[MidwestUSA]

Thanks, everyone. I was assuming oral. Base are a blur to me; once the clothing comes off, anything and everything goes. I "think" I tag them all on the way, tho! (sometimes ya gotta go back and retag, just to make sure;)).

[Eggplant]

He might already be out the door before she has a chance to leave...

That would work out perfectly!

 

OP, do you like this guy? Play it very cool. Don't contact him until/unless he contacts you. Don't be overly available.

 

You absolutely should not do anything you're not comfortable with. "Rewind"?? So now you're obligated to continue? No. Women need time to bond emotionally before we are comfortable being physical. We shouldn't be pressured. If he doesn't understand this, then he doesn't deserve you.

[MidwestUSA]

If you don't want things to go too far too quickly then make sure you have the early dates in public and don't go back to his place.

 

Perhaps you could have your next date 'out' somewhere, which might help with this.

Agree completely. Don't make yourself too available. While I believe it's entirely possible to move too fast and still build a relationship, it's probably the exception and not the rule. Good luck!

 

deb - I had a Thumper too!

[ff8princess]

I'm so old I've forgotten exactly what third base consists of. Someone enlighten me, please?

 

In the context of this situation, it meant oral. :S

[ff8princess]

Judging from his "game" he's going to drop you like a rock once you have sex.

 

I think it's his game you're experiencing, rather than true a genuine emotional connection...I think he's just playing you and caught in the moment himself.

 

He's testing your boundaries, seeing where the limits are, you're being a little coy and resistant which is normal and preferable as it'll entice more motivation and it gives him a chance to flex his abilities to get you into bed...sooner than you "decided" to.

 

He's spent a significant amount of time with you but still, if things were going well and he was hoping for a possible sexual outcome then he'd hang in just to see if things would happen.

 

I believe he's just trying to "swoon" you....the chemistry to a degree might be genuine but I can see this is all just too accommodating and convenient so far for him and It seems to me he is trying to close to the deal.

 

This guy just seems average with some skill set in getting women over his place at least.

 

That's my assessment just going based off what you've said and how he's acted.

 

Oh my goodness, in the way you've analyzed my situation, it really sounds like he's just playing a game with me... being all smooth with his moves and so strategic to get me inside his home, and inside my pants.

 

Thank you for opening my eyes to your perspective. Your reasoning sounds valid. What should I do now? So far, I think I'm just going to ask him to public places so that we'll slow down.

 

If what you're saying is true (i.e. he really turns out to be really who you've assessed him to be), what other moves should I take to slow down our dating or to make it clear to him that it's not okay to take advantage of me. If it's the case that his affections and chemistry are genuine, might I be stomping out something good?

[Casablanca]

Hmm...ever situation is different...I've slept with women on a second date and I wanted to continue to see them, though they did end it a couple weeks later...every guy is different.

 

To slow it down without saying you want to slow it down, make sure the next couple dates are public dates that end there late so you can fall back on going home, still do some of the lovey dovey stuff like holding hands and such to show him you're interested...if he drops you/fades away, he wasnt interested and only wanted sex

[ff8princess]

Oral?

So basically they had sex.

Yeah op that's too soon for me. You'll look like a game player if you bring up slowing down. If you wanted it to go slow you should not have been at his place on a second date. If he asks you out again and it's at his or your place you'll know he's all about the sexing!

 

He's asked me out again for a third date. And, yup, just as expected, he invited me back to his place two days after that second date. Not wanting to appear too available, I told him that I'm busy on that day and would like to see him the day afterward. Okay, I'm going to try to make our date to somewhere public. If he is not compliant or unhappy about it, then it's probably best that I leave him.

[Casablanca]

If he is not compliant or unhappy about it, then it's probably best that I leave him.

Bingo! This could save you a lot of time and emotional investment if he was only looking for sex

[CryForNoOne]

He's asked me out again for a third date. And, yup, just as expected, he invited me back to his place two days after that second date. Not wanting to appear too available, I told him that I'm busy on that day and would like to see him the day afterward. Okay, I'm going to try to make our date to somewhere public. If he is not compliant or unhappy about it, then it's probably best that I leave him.

 

He's just after sex. Any time I like a girl, even if it gets sexual early on, I still want to to take her out. 3 straight hang out at my condo dates is very lame...

[Ninjainpajamas]

Oh my goodness, in the way you've analyzed my situation, it really sounds like he's just playing a game with me... being all smooth with his moves and so strategic to get me inside his home, and inside my pants.

 

Thank you for opening my eyes to your perspective. Your reasoning sounds valid. What should I do now? So far, I think I'm just going to ask him to public places so that we'll slow down.

 

If what you're saying is true (i.e. he really turns out to be really who you've assessed him to be), what other moves should I take to slow down our dating or to make it clear to him that it's not okay to take advantage of me. If it's the case that his affections and chemistry are genuine, might I be stomping out something good?

 

Just automatically change the pace by offering another suggestion and keep it light and away from his condo...because he will try to get you back there in a "natural" way.

 

If he's just going off testosterone he may get quickly frustrated because "he almost had you" and then just abandon ship/pull away if you're not complying...because now he's actually got to take you out and treat you places which is a pain in the @ss for a lot of men, especially if they don't see you worth the investment because they're not really interested in the long-term.

 

Test him a bit, see if he's willing to work with you and be flexible, see if he's really getting to know you and don't buckle under the pressure because you're worried you're going to mess it up...that's typical and what most women do and fail in keeping the guy around.

 

Tell him what's acceptable and show him where you draw the boundaries and make him respect that...if you bend for him, you lose all credibility and he'll feel like he has power over you, which is a bad thing for many are not good with knowing that they can manipulate you....they usually almost always take advantage of it, you can't trust strangers, and no matter what you think or feel you truly don't know the character is this guy to any extent...so don't set yourself up for disappointment because you had these goofy "expectations" that come out of your own mind from watching movies or thinking whatever it is you think because you're a woman...have a mix of fantasy and reality, let reality keep you in check...if the fantasy overrides then you lose yourself and any control, you need to be able to make a stand and not be walked over or manipulated easy for most men to take you seriously...especially the kind of men that know exactly what they're doing with women or at least have an idea.

 

It doesn't look good at the moment, I wouldn't trust this guy as a man myself and I were in your shoes at all...but at least you can say you "gave him a chance"...but just fold and give in and give out that vagina because of his persistence, and you just lost your leverage and possibly any respect he may have had for you...guys won't admit it to you, but many judge women by that...yet will tell women they don't judge or care...it's typical conformity and lies from men to remain politically correct so to speak, because of the consequences in being honest.

 

If a man has something to lose in being honest, he usually won't be...completely.

[somedude81]

If you go back to his place for the next date he is going to expect sex, but you knew that already.

 

It's on you to think of something else you guys can do if you still want to see him.

[ff8princess]

Just automatically change the pace by offering another suggestion and keep it light and away from his condo...because he will try to get you back there in a "natural" way.

 

Test him a bit, see if he's willing to work with you and be flexible, see if he's really getting to know you and don't buckle under the pressure because you're worried you're going to mess it up...that's typical and what most women do and fail in keeping the guy around.

 

Thank you so much. Your advice and insight is so valuable... and it really makes sense. I made our date at the movies and he has agreed. I'm actually seeing him in 30mins. If anything else happens, I'll keep you posted and I know myself in check with reality, to keep away from his condo... and my vagina should be kept away from him, lol.

 

Thank you everyone who has provided with excellent input