English and American people out there. Question regarding cheating!

[melina]

Hi

 

My last boyfriend of 5 years and my current boyfriend (been with him for 2 years) are both English but living in Italy. I'm Italian and I don't think neither of them has been unfaithful to me.

 

What they've both told me though is that whenever they go back to England for a few days to see friends or for work there is some chick in a Pub, or in the office or an old "friend", colleague of theirs that more or less hits on them and wouldn't have a problem getting laid.

 

Both, my Ex-Boyfriend and my current boyfriend are very good looking men but both say that they have probably slept with two women in Italy as women are just unavailable for quick shags. But during their single times in England never ever had a problem to get laid! Same when my ex-boyfriend worked in New York for a year.

 

So, do you think it is tougher for a guy to stay faithful in a country like England where girls are much more easy with the thought of just jumping in bed with a guy?!

 

I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just curious!

[UCFKevin]

If a guy has trouble staying faithful, it has nothing to do with the location, it has everything to do with who he is.

 

Faithful's faithful. Cheating's cheating. That's just how it is. England, Italy, Florida, Idaho, Africa, whatever, where-ever, it shouldn't matter. Don't make excuses for them.

[melina]

Hey, I guess you're probably right.

 

But don't they say "occasions makes thieves". At least in my language :-)

[bluetuesday]

i went clubbing last night with a group of mates and i tell ya, you gotta be a pug not to get a sh@g if you're looking for one and are none too choosy in any pub or club in england.

 

this country is full of slappers. during the last official census (2001) there were just 8 women on the island who could hold out more than 24 hours when being offered a bag of chips, a bottle of diamond white and an anonymous porking behind the roxy.

 

a truly shocking statistic.

[bluechocolate]

from bluetuesday

you gotta be a pug not to get a sh@g if you're looking for one

 

Ah see - there's the qualifier - "if you're looking for one".

 

But don't they say "occasions makes thieves".

 

Remove the temptation & you remove the sin. Doesn't say much for the quality of character though, does it?

[melina]

I don't know but I am an attractive woman and I know that a few guys in relationships would probably fall for me if I really tried. Now, the difference is that I don't.

 

But I have heard from friends that some women will try to get to bed with you even if you do have a girlfriend. They don't care about that at all.

 

Now, wouldn't you agree that most attractive women could get a guy in a relationship in bed if they just tried hard enough.

 

Or am I giving the men too little credit here?

[bluechocolate]

Now, wouldn't you agree that most attractive women could get a guy in a relationship in bed if they just tried hard enough.

 

Or am I giving the men too little credit here?

 

from UCFKevin

If a guy has trouble staying faithful, it has nothing to do with the location, it has everything to do with who he is.

 

replace location with temptation

 

A guy (or girl for that matter) will cheat & then use every & any excuse under the sun to excuse their behaviour. Blaming the other person has got to be one of the most cowardly & feeble excuses there is !!

 

-----

 

btw - studio lingua italiana, italia mio favorito paese - bella gente, bella lingua, bello paese

[honey2005]

Doesn't say much for the quality of character though, does it?

 

Exactly what I was thinking.

[Adunaphel]

I think bluechocolate made a great point.

 

Btw, posso scriverti 2 righe in italiano via mess.privato?

[Maria46]

UCFKevin

 

You hit the nail on the head!!!

[UCFKevin]

I have good aim.

[NatoPMT]

I have good aim.

 

i bet you do wink wink

 

 

 

 

(just living up to the english girls stereotype, wouldnt want to disappoint anyone.)

[melina]

Hi

 

I am really not trying to offend anyone and I do know that not everyone from the same country is the same. But there exists something like "a country's character" and it is just a fact that English girls are not as closed up as girls from other countries.

 

When my Ex-Boyfriend worked in England he just did get offers at work parties or Friday night drinks despite the fact that the girls knew that I existed. This never happened to him when he worked in Italy or Switzerland, apart from his English female colleagues. A coincidence?

[meanon]

during the last official census (2001) there were just 8 women on the island who could hold out more than 24 hours when being offered a bag of chips, a bottle of diamond white and an anonymous porking behind the roxy.

 

LOL bluetues. I missed that question on the census but I have people at work analysing the stats - I'll ask them to look out for it! Diamond White should be banned, as should every Roxy in every city. The rate of teenage pregnancy would plummet.

 

BB, didn't you once call me a shameless hussy? . Seriously, many European's views of the English are informed by the behaviour of the minority who party abroad in large single sex groups. The Club 18-30 phenomenon. This is a minority of the English but a very vocal and visible one that does reflect an aspect of our culture. I suspect that hedonism among the young is more socially acceptable here than in some other European countries. One of the unfortunate consequence of this is that if you travel abroad without a man you get constant hassle. The stereotype is alive and well.

 

melina, have you considered the possibility that your English ex-boyfriend was not perceived as being as attractive to the Italians or Swiss as to the English? People are influenced by the society that they live in and, to some extent, what is perceived as attractive is culturally determined.

[melina]

Thanks meanon

 

That was the first "useful" answer I received. You may have a point there (my Ex-boyfriend, boyfriend not being perceived as attractive outside England). I am Italian but have lived abroad many years and always had boyfriends from the "Anglo-Saxon" world as - in the end - i feel very comfortable there and my father was English.

 

What I also perceive a lot though, is that women in England are much more "tough" and competitive towards other women.

 

I'm a very kind hearted person, try to get on with people and never even think about stealing someone's boyfriend or playing dirty. It has especially happened to me in places like London, HOng Kong etc, where I have been deeply disappointed by women's behaviour. Not so much the blokes; they seem to be the same wherever you go (a bit simple ;-)

 

I just feel that English women are much tougher and take what they can get. Much more calculating than I am (despite the fact that I'm half English)

 

I just don't really seem to fit in and often feel intimidated by their behaviour.

 

Guess, I'm babbling!

[CurlyIam]

You're focussing on the competition instead of playing the game right. So what if they were indeed stealing, cheating, ruthless ... easy women? You have to focuss on your man. Screw the audiance.

 

If he's mad about you, no temptation will make him stray. If you don't agree to this, then it means that you have to get used to the thought of being cheate. As you heard people say, if he goes in a bar, there are girls offering. And since he does go to bars and you do believe he "cannot resist temptation", there you have it. According toyour own theory, he IS cheating. Is this what you want to hear? External factors do influence the final result, but they do not determine it.

 

 

 

 

My bf was quite a ladies man. He loves me, he trusts me and more importantly he knows it can never get any better for him (emotionally, sexually, etc). Honestely, cheating ain't about sex. I go out with my friends, there are parties where he goes alone. Most of his female friends know about me and still hit on them. In the end, the joke is on them. That is not competition, that is pathetic! If this is how things stay in England, well, that says something about pressure and self respect.

 

Why are you so dominated by this issue? Turn the tables, make him worry. Go out, have fun, dance and enjoy. No one says anything about getting laid. Once in a while it's a good thing to make a man unsure of himself!

[melina]

hey curlyIam, thanks! Guess, you're right.

 

I sometimes think that I am too kind for this world (seriously).

 

My boyfriend tells me that it is my kind heart, too, that makes him fall for me again and again! We get on really great and he gives me everything I need! He's never let me down and I really do not have any reasons not to trust him

 

He's a very attractive guy, makes good money and above all treats people with a lot of respect. He is a bit of a magnet to women and men and I guess, that's what scares me a bit and has lowered my self esteem over the last two years.

 

But, there must be a reason why he's fallen for me, why we live together and talk children and stuff. I guess, I should just give him more credit and believe that he wouldn't risk what we have because some unhappy chick with a big wonderbra tries to flirt with him

 

He even told me the other day how he can sense that some of my self esteem has gone and he doesn't understand why.

 

So, I think it is my problem. (Would still be easier if all the women in the world are like me ;-) I often have guys falling in love with me (sounds arrogant, but true) but I would just never ever play with a man to improve my self-esteem, as I think it's a nasty thing to do!

[meanon]

Whilst there may be cultural variations in what's considered socially acceptable, I don't believe that people are fundamentally different. People are kind, competitive, secure or lacking in self respect all over the world.

 

One thing that has been noted by social commentators is that there is more superficial camaraderie between English women than their European counterparts. This has to do with cultural expectations around the status of friendships amongst married women, the argument being that women here have slightly more freedom to pursue such friendships than in some other European countries. This does confirm my observations and it runs counter to the argument that English women are more competitive with each other.

[bluechocolate]

from meanon

This has to do with cultural expectations around the status of friendships amongst married women, the argument being that women here have slightly more freedom to pursue such friendships than in some other European countries.

 

 

I was thinking much the same thing. Traditionally Italians have revered their children & daughters grow up to be mothers and boys are mama's boys until they get married. It's a stereotype & for a reason.

 

I don't presume to speak for others, but personally I wasn't offended. I felt that there was an implication in your post that because the women were "easier", the men were somehow less responsible for what they did & did not choose to do. I think that, regardless of culture, sane adults are solely responsible for their voluntary actions. That is what I was trying to say.

[NatoPMT]

I wasn’t in the least bit offended. Promise & cross my heart.

 

Are you actually with your bf when this sort of thing happens when he’s in the UK? What sort of places does he go to to find these girls? Are you sure he isnt playing it up? If he is absolutely gorgeous and irresistible to us girls, then I would imagine that that kind of gorgeousness transcends cultures and Italian women would still find him attractive. If he’s not that magnetic then he’s either playing this up a bit or going to the Roxy-style places that bluetuesday mentioned. These kind of places are meat markets. The only people that go are looking for meat. It’s the 18-30’s section of our culture that during the winter months has a mini-holiday inc wet t-shirt comp every Friday & Saturday.

 

What they've both told me though is that whenever they go back to England for a few days to see friends or for work there is some chick in a Pub, or in the office or an old "friend", colleague of theirs that more or less hits on them and wouldn't have a problem getting laid

 

I wonder about the motives in telling you this, its not exactly very tactful. And seeing as he’s since noticed you have lost some self-esteem, that comment seems to me to be designed to have this effect. Can you tell us more about the context in which he tells you this information?

 

BB

 

Ps meaon,

 

didn't you once call me a shameless hussy?

 

if the cap fits my dear….

[melina]

I never called you a shameless hussy! Wouldn't even know what that means; my English isn't that good!

 

Well, my boyfriend doesn't actually tell me that much. It is more my ex-boyfriend who I still hang out with as we became friends after our break up three years ago. He tells me now as he wouldn't want to tell me when we were together.

 

He just says that it sometimes happened to him while his working years in England that let's say at a work Christmas dinner a work colleague would get quite "friendly" and he could tell that she wouldn't mind if something happened. Even if she knew that his girlfriend was in another country. And that she made it quite obvious.

 

Pretty much with all my friends who, all of them, spent a few years working in London.

 

Or my current boyfriend every now and then makes a comment about his single years. For example, he celebrated his thirtieth birthday in Italy and England. (we weren't together then). I asked him in a joking way: "did you get lucky at your party in London?". and he said: "of course, it was my birthday!;-)". I said: "what about your party in Milan?" and he said, "no, i guess those chicks didn't care about my birthday!"

 

Or, just before we got together he had an old "dear" friend of his flying in from London. I already knew him but we weren't together. Anyway, he said that this girl from England was trying all weekend to sleep with him (she's been in love with him for a while, so sort of understandable) but she wouldn't back off when he told her that he had feelings for this girl (ME:-). We had gone for a few drinks by then and knew each other!

 

Then again, at a chalet in France last winter. The chalet-keepers (cooks, etc) were English girls and ended up (both of them on different days) shaging one of the two single friends of ours. The other single guy was chasing a Swiss girl all week and didn't get lucky in the end :-(

 

Received a phone call from a good friend of mine yesterday (he's American) who has been working in Leeds for two years. And again (without me asking) told me that women dress like 10 $ hookers, drink like fish and start falling over at 11 pm.

 

As I said; my father is English and I have always "on and off" lived in London, etc. I just feel that for example student years are much much wilder and friends (boy and girl) get completely pissed and then end up in bed together.

 

Or in a nutshell: it seems that English girls are less scared to get rejected. They sort of dare more, even if the guy has a girlfriend

 

That's my experience. Maybe I have just been unlucky.

 

And one last thing. If i had the choice between my boyfriend being stranded on a deserted island (plane crash or something) with a gorgeous looking French or Italian woman or some tubby girl from Manchester I would want the Italian woman with him. That's a bit sad, right?

[Adunaphel]

Melina, I live in Italy too and I have met a lot of italian ladies who would try to hit on some attractive guy even knowing that he has a girlfriend.

 

I noticed that some girls also think that hitting on a guy whose gf lives in a foreign country or is on Erasmus is fair game.

 

I know quite a lot italian women who sleep around and have one-night stands.

 

Could it be a possibility that your bf hangs out in "different environments" when he is in England?

 

Anyway, he said that this girl from England was trying all weekend to sleep with him (she's been in love with him for a while, so sort of understandable) but she wouldn't back off when he told her that he had feelings for this girl (ME:-).

 

That happens in Italy all the time too, at least in my experience.

I hate girls who hit on guys even if they stated they are into someone else, but that kind of people is always going to be around

 

 

On a side note.....are you from Milan?

I once met a girl whose real name was Melina....she was from Milan and about the same age as you, and she was on holiday in Malta in june/july 1995. Any chance you could be her?

[melina]

Hey Adunaphel!

 

Sorry, that must have been a different Melina

 

So, you live in Milan, but where are you from?

[Adunaphel]

Originally posted by melina

Hey Adunaphel!

 

Sorry, that must have been a different Melina

 

So, you live in Milan, but where are you from?

 

I actually live in Parma (and I've spent here all my life)

I met this girl at Linate airport, we were taking the same flight to Malta

 

è bello vedere un'altra italiana nel forum

[meanon]

I never called you a shameless hussy! Wouldn't even know what that means; my English isn't that good!

 

I know you didn't, melina, it was Big Belm. I am from Manchester where not all the girls are tubby .

 

I'm only teasing. As well as being easy, we brits are reknowned for our dire sense of humour.

 

BB: not only wearing it, can't get the sodding thing off