pureinheart Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 Oh Lord have mercy, I had to "steal" this from another thread because I think it's something we all should hear. Joel Osteen - Get Over It - Sun, 15 April 2013 - YouTube IMO a good portion of the people on LS are givers. It's why they're here, to share ideas, opinions and to support. This spoke to me big time. Most of the concepts have already been put into place and I now understand that people, sometimes without realising what they're doing, will suck the very life out of you. They've become so accustomed to "taking", that it is a big part of their personality and lifestyle. This reinforced some cool principles, and know it's definitely worth a thread of it's own because I think a lot of us are drained concerning the continuous need in society today:) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 I've learned that "takers" often lack the self-reflection to even stop and think about issues like this (taking and giving). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted June 10, 2013 Author Share Posted June 10, 2013 I've learned that "takers" often lack the self-reflection to even stop and think about issues like this (taking and giving). So true... This is a no brainer for some, but for someone like me, never saw it coming...that was my bad, totally. Family members and friends compelled to step in and intervine- ridiculous. They shouldn't have felt the need to do that as it was my responsibility. In my defense, was so overwhelmed most of the time. Then went to the other side of this, not trusting many and hiding, and over reacting with anger. Now find it easy to just say no. If I can't I can't- period...oh and consulting God has been a real good tool...which should have been the first tool...lol, Gods gauges are calibrated and never expire:D 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Joel Osteen - Get Over It - Sun, 15 April 2013 - YouTube Such an important topic, pih. The taker/enabler relationship is so unhealthy. Sometimes, I think the enabler is "taking" just as much as the taker; the enabler is getting something out of the dynamic, too. Being a martyr allows us to make a lot of excuses for our own lives, or maybe gives us a sense of importance. Some enablers like to rescue others or be depended on. In that way, I think even the enablers can be "takers" too. I think they take from the other person's ultimate independence and well-being. I agree with Osteen's message: "Let them be upset...I'd rather please God and have a few people upset with me, than to please people and have God upset with me" and "Be afraid of high-maintenance people" (lol ). 4 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 This reinforced some cool principles, and know it's definitely worth a thread of it's own because I think a lot of us are drained concerning the continuous need in society today:) Couple of relevant verses Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. Jethro's Advice The next day Moses sat to judge the people, and the people stood around Moses from morning till evening. When Moses' father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, “What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand around you from morning till evening?” And Moses said to his father-in-law, “Because the people come to me to inquire of God; when they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person and another, and I make them know the statutes of God and his laws.” Moses' father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone. Now obey my voice; I will give you advice, and God be with you! You shall represent the people before God and bring their cases to God, and you shall warn them about the statutes and the laws, and make them know the way in which they must walk and what they must do. Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe, and place such men over the people as chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens. And let them judge the people at all times. Every great matter they shall bring to you, but any small matter they shall decide themselves. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. If you do this, God will direct you, you will be able to endure, and all this people also will go to their place in peace.” So Moses listened to the voice of his father-in-law and did all that he had said. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Oh Lord have mercy, I had to "steal" this from another thread because I think it's something we all should hear. Joel Osteen - Get Over It - Sun, 15 April 2013 - YouTube IMO a good portion of the people on LS are givers. It's why they're here, to share ideas, opinions and to support. This spoke to me big time. Most of the concepts have already been put into place and I now understand that people, sometimes without realising what they're doing, will suck the very life out of you. They've become so accustomed to "taking", that it is a big part of their personality and lifestyle. This reinforced some cool principles, and know it's definitely worth a thread of it's own because I think a lot of us are drained concerning the continuous need in society today:) Pureinheart- No matter the spiritual background, we all have to be mindful that giving is sometimes the very thing the receiver does not need. We are all here to grow and if others step in and do what we cannot, we do not grow but become dependent on the goodness and giving of others. I have seen this very thing with twenty something adults who live with parents and do nothing but play video games or party. Their parents are afraid they will fail so they do not let them try. Then these young adults become a burden on society and are needy to the point of being destructive. Sorry to go off on a tangent here but this is what I have been seeing in this vein that Pastor Osteen speaks of. Grumps 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Such an important topic, pih. The taker/enabler relationship is so unhealthy. Sometimes, I think the enabler is "taking" just as much as the taker; the enabler is getting something out of the dynamic, too. Being a martyr allows us to make a lot of excuses for our own lives, or maybe gives us a sense of importance. Some enablers like to rescue others or be depended on. In that way, I think even the enablers can be "takers" too. I think they take from the other person's ultimate independence and well-being. I agree with Osteen's message: "Let them be upset...I'd rather please God and have a few people upset with me, than to please people and have God upset with me" and "Be afraid of high-maintenance people" (lol ). Speak it Sista! The enabler has all sorts of motives. From personal experience, with some men, I wanted a project. With others, at times just wanted to be nice, and sometimes just got pleasure from giving- then there was the times I was high. Didn't even cover people pleasing... You know, there is so much need out there, that one has to be wise. The Word says to purpose in your heart as to what you should give- that means to think about it, looking to see the motive on both ends. Pie, it's amazing the thinking that goes on behind the scenes. As an example, there was a friend that used to borrow stuff all of the time. She soon figured out that I never expected anything in return- like she'd send the kids over to "borrow" some ketchup- I'd give her a whole unopened bottle of anything she asked for. It soon became an everyday thing, and I didn't even notice. Please keep in mind she's a really sweet person, it's just she became accustomed to taking. In her 30's, lifetime of AFDC, scammed the system by constantly suing people. She kept herself in a place of need. I always felt guilty because I had a good job most of the time, and mostly used my money to stock up on needed items, so I became a grocery store. Kid you not, I keep stockpiles of many items- I usually have anything one can think of. My motive- I hoard supplies of everything in the event of an emergency. Her motive- possibly anything acquired from others gives her more in the longrun. We are still friends to this day because I learned how to say no, and there is no resentment, just examples of how people think. Ever heard the term, "it's better to give than receive"...the giver takes this wayyyyy too far...lol and so does the taker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Pureinheart- No matter the spiritual background, we all have to be mindful that giving is sometimes the very thing the receiver does not need. We are all here to grow and if others step in and do what we cannot, we do not grow but become dependent on the goodness and giving of others. I have seen this very thing with twenty something adults who live with parents and do nothing but play video games or party. Their parents are afraid they will fail so they do not let them try. Then these young adults become a burden on society and are needy to the point of being destructive. Sorry to go off on a tangent here but this is what I have been seeing in this vein that Pastor Osteen speaks of. Grumps Oh, tell the truth. This rabbit hole runs deep and can be generational. My daughter is a giver too. Most of our family is dependant. I started hearing about giving this one a ride here and this one needing this and that one needing that...finally after hearing her phone being blown up and everyday barely making it trying to do her stuff and their stuff too, I had a talk with her, telling her why not help someone who really needs it and is trying to do whatever it is they need to do to become independant. She listened and we both hid not answering the phone for a bit (this was a couple of years ago)...they moved on to others. She recently had a friend that had to be cut off and man is she mad...she is lashing out bigtime and could become a real problem. Truly dependant people don't take no well at all because there is a mentality of entitlement- you owe me and are responsible for me...wow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I'm dependent on others in ways, and I don't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Couple of relevant verses Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. Jethro's Advice The next day Moses sat to judge the people, and the people stood around Moses from morning till evening. When Moses' father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, “What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand around you from morning till evening?” And Moses said to his father-in-law, “Because the people come to me to inquire of God; when they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person and another, and I make them know the statutes of God and his laws.” Moses' father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone. Now obey my voice; I will give you advice, and God be with you! You shall represent the people before God and bring their cases to God, and you shall warn them about the statutes and the laws, and make them know the way in which they must walk and what they must do. Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe, and place such men over the people as chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens. And let them judge the people at all times. Every great matter they shall bring to you, but any small matter they shall decide themselves. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. If you do this, God will direct you, you will be able to endure, and all this people also will go to their place in peace.” So Moses listened to the voice of his father-in-law and did all that he had said. Delegation of responsibilities:D Ya, I have a hard time with that one too. It's about wanting to control everything to a degree. TFW, you always know, always put the right Scripture out there. Delegation is THE HARDEST to overcome and deal with and am fighting denial right now. I bet others have issues with this too. My kids are sick of me, they want to help...even the 4 yr old granddaughter, but it seems easier to do it myself...she needs to be taught. Now they just jump in and do it- but want to say, I used to go back and do whatever they did over (mainly cleaning...yes I have issues) . I don't do that anymore at least. You're the best dude... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 I'm dependent on others in ways, and I don't like it. Sometimes I was emotionally dependant...it sucked Anela. Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 We are still friends to this day because I learned how to say no, and there is no resentment, just examples of how people think. Ever heard the term, "it's better to give than receive"...the giver takes this wayyyyy too far...lol and so does the taker. I admire your generosity, pih!! You're so giving, and care a lot about others...that's what God calls us to do. I think there's a big difference between being giving, and being a "giver" (i.e. enabler). But the difference can get blurred sometimes, as I'm sure there are some people that try to take advantage of your giving spirit. Myself, I don't feel like a taker, but I don't feel like the most generous person either. I go back and forth, from trying to give of myself to others, and then getting scared of being taken advantage of. So I sort of retreat and put up a wall sometimes. You and your daughter, on the other hand, seem to automatically not even think twice about being there for everyone around you. It's awesome! I'm just glad that you know when someone is going too far, and can create that healthy boundary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 I admire your generosity, pih!! You're so giving, and care a lot about others...that's what God calls us to do. I think there's a big difference between being giving, and being a "giver" (i.e. enabler). But the difference can get blurred sometimes, as I'm sure there are some people that try to take advantage of your giving spirit. Myself, I don't feel like a taker, but I don't feel like the most generous person either. I go back and forth, from trying to give of myself to others, and then getting scared of being taken advantage of. So I sort of retreat and put up a wall sometimes. You and your daughter, on the other hand, seem to automatically not even think twice about being there for everyone around you. It's awesome! I'm just glad that you know when someone is going too far, and can create that healthy boundary. Pie, this is what I'm coming out of- slowly- there is a reluctancy/suspicion at first. It's a bad way to think and I hate it, so have hidden for a bit to work it out. It got so bad, and I became so paranoid, that I'd add everything up in my mind to make sure it was "even". What a messed up world this is that someone has to become like this. Thank God that "even" thing is becoming distant, thanks to some really good people:D Pie, we'll get through this together:) Thank you so much love, you have given so much to me, you all have...it's how I've been able to heal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 I'm dependent on others in ways, and I don't like it. Anela, in thinking, somehow dependant in any way doesn't describe you, not from what I've seen:) Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Good sermon, especially within how to prepare for the days challenges. I had to leave my family for a time because they just kept taking and taking. We are beyond ok now though, Praise God! Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
Author pureinheart Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 Good sermon, especially within how to prepare for the days challenges. I had to leave my family for a time because they just kept taking and taking. We are beyond ok now though, Praise God! Take care, Eve x ((((((((((((Eve))))))))))) I am so happy that got worked out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 ((((((((((((Eve))))))))))) I am so happy that got worked out! So am I. Unresolved family of origin problems can last a life time. Seen it a million times. It is good that we are all saved and closer now than in childhood. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
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