Is it wrong to date if I feel nothing inside? (26M)

[DirgeInferno]

Hi there. Since I hope to make this brief instead of overly long, let's get it out there right away: when I was young (15), I lost both my mother and grandmother (who raised me). I do not have a father figure in my life, nor have I ever.

 

When this happened, something inside either became broken or made itself aware. Since that time, I have had strings of relationships, but no desire to continue them to any sort of marriage or long term thing. It's not boredom, but a general feeling of indifference. Naturally, the events from my past made me rely completely on myself to survive. Whether this has had any impact on my current (lack of) desires is unknown to me.

 

Since postulating such a question may evoke a few "you're probably this" ideas, I want to make a few things clear.

 

1. I am not a sociopath.

 

2. I am not depressed.

 

3. I have no desire to hurt and/or punish women.

 

I do not feel any sort of sadness or longing in my life, but again, complete apathy. I am not the type of person to sleep around (STDs and possible pregnancy), so this isn't an "I only want sex" type of post either. I just do not feel love for a partner. I have loved the dogs I had in the past, so it's not something I am incapable of doing.

 

I'm not looking for consolation, but more of a wonder if there are any others out there like myself on this site?

 

If so, did it change when you found the one? It seems to me that no person gives me any kind of spark or desire for companionship. I'll date a woman for the experience of possibly changing, but in 11 years, nothing has happened (not a virgin though). I'm not sure how many dates I've been on since then, but I'd guess around 60 or so. I've had a few girlfriends (5, or so), and one became serious, at least to her, but not to me.

 

It has always been so strange to me to be this way. I'm not sure where to go from here, or even if I care to do so.

 

Any ideas?

[Roadkill007]

Just keep casually dating until you do find someone who holds your interest. It's not like casually dating is THAT bad, right? I mean, you do enjoy the company at times, eh? I'm pretty sure it's just luck in the end, though. Who we fall for is pretty damn random. So, if you play the numbers game while casually dating, chances are you should meet someone you start having feelings for. I think if you were really emotionally stunted from a tragic childhood, that you wouldn't even be searching for "love", you'd just be holed up in your shell watching your life go by. Don't worry, and good luck

[dsw31]

I can relate

(I have been diagnosed with BPD)

[HotTea]

Hi there. Since I hope to make this brief instead of overly long, let's get it out there right away: when I was young (15), I lost both my mother and grandmother (who raised me). I do not have a father figure in my life, nor have I ever.

 

When this happened, something inside either became broken or made itself aware. Since that time, I have had strings of relationships, but no desire to continue them to any sort of marriage or long term thing. It's not boredom, but a general feeling of indifference. Naturally, the events from my past made me rely completely on myself to survive. Whether this has had any impact on my current (lack of) desires is unknown to me.

 

Since postulating such a question may evoke a few "you're probably this" ideas, I want to make a few things clear.

 

1. I am not a sociopath.

 

2. I am not depressed.

 

3. I have no desire to hurt and/or punish women.

 

I do not feel any sort of sadness or longing in my life, but again, complete apathy. I am not the type of person to sleep around (STDs and possible pregnancy), so this isn't an "I only want sex" type of post either. I just do not feel love for a partner. I have loved the dogs I had in the past, so it's not something I am incapable of doing.

 

I'm not looking for consolation, but more of a wonder if there are any others out there like myself on this site?

 

If so, did it change when you found the one? It seems to me that no person gives me any kind of spark or desire for companionship. I'll date a woman for the experience of possibly changing, but in 11 years, nothing has happened (not a virgin though). I'm not sure how many dates I've been on since then, but I'd guess around 60 or so. I've had a few girlfriends (5, or so), and one became serious, at least to her, but not to me.

 

It has always been so strange to me to be this way. I'm not sure where to go from here, or even if I care to do so.

 

Any ideas?

It seems kinda wrong, BUT

Your'e not strange, or even unusual, looking for another person to fill some dead space you think you have will never ever be successful, your 11 yrs of trying should be proof enough for you. AND you are not alone in doing that, MOST PEOPLE do that, thinking they just have to find the right person to "make them whole" it's a mistake. We are all whole by ourselves but most people are walking dead, numb and just looking for 'something/anything' so they shop, or have relationships...whatever...it isn't the answer.

Some idea's would be to find a way you can let go of the past and live. Try gestalt therapy or rolfing or look up Rob Williams/Bruce Lipton on you tube..change YOUR perspective and you'll be able to feel

[Forever Learning]

There are some great posts on this thread. I am inclined to agree with the "Attachment Disorder" theory.

 

I like the suggestions you were given. You really should give them a try, and if you would, keep us posted. Surely there are also therapists out there that have "Attachment Disorder" as one of their specialties.

 

Get some books from the library about this disorder as well, and google it extensively.

 

All the very best of luck to you, Dirge Inferno. I think, with some effort on your part, there may be answers for you out there. Do the work, make it happen.