He is not replying anymore

[KatZee]

Update from today:

 

After my text yesterday afternoon apologizing for being so crazy, I haven't checked whether he has replied or not. I moved the message icon to a place I cannot see it, so I have no idea if he has replied.

I can't handle this anymore. I think he wants us to be friends with benefits, but I just can't deal with the fact he may be seeing another women. Even though he denies that, I know there are others (he's active on 4 different dating sites, he's told me he's curious about what's out there) plus he is attracted to another friend of his. I wish he could be different. I don't need anyone else, I just want him.

 

This guy is very nice, I just can't be mad at him. It's me, who cannot accept his terms. I don't want him to think I am mad at him, but I really can't check the messages.

 

I don't know what to do, I need some input here, please.

 

He's really just not interested.

 

He can't even remember "dates" with you. If this doesn't show you how completely and utterly un-invested he is to you, I don't know what will. He doesn't even seem excited to see you.

 

A guy who WANTS to see you, and who is INTERESTED in seeing you, is going to make it known. For example, the new guy I'm seeing asked me out to dinner last night. Today, he asked to get together this Friday.

 

Do you see the difference? HE'S the one initiating the plans, and making them, and he always follows through.

 

I would just delete the messages, block him and move on. I'm pretty sure if you never reached out again, he wouldn't get in touch with you. You're not in a relationship with him, so as much as it sucks to think about him with other women, I assure you, he probably is. You can't force someone to be so into you, and unfortunately not everyone you like is going to like you the same way back.

 

Stop wasting your time on this guy who is NOT INTERESTED. You're just digging the hole deeper for yourself and settling for nothing.

[forgetmenot75]

Is this the guy you were seeing while you were married? Are you divorced now and readily available to him? I have a feeling the terms of being with a married woman didn't require him much effort or commitment. Now that you're available to him, it's not his cup of tea anymore. You note he is a player, you've caught him lying, you've caught him on dating sites and now on 4 sites, evades you, and in some of your other threads felt that all he has only wanted sex...so I do not understand why you're still confused. This is not going to work out. It has no makings of a relationship and likely will never be.

 

 

Yes, the same one. thank you for taking the time to read my posts. I really appreciate it.

Yes, he is a player, but he's suffered in the past, and he has commitment issues. He says he's on dating sites because he's bored.

I keep thinking he's nice and he'll realize he loves me Truth is he cares about me, but I care a lot more.

I just don't know what to do now.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, the same one. thank you for taking the time to read my posts. I really appreciate it.

Yes, he is a player, but he's suffered in the past, and he has commitment issues. He says he's on dating sites because he's bored.

I keep thinking he's nice and he'll realize he loves me Truth is he cares about me, but I care a lot more.

I just don't know what to do now.

 

Run away. This dude will never commit to you. He likes you for sex. Men don't turn friends with benefits into relationships ever. How a man perceives you, at least for most men, is how he perceives you when you first slept with him. He's not into you like that and no amount of excuses you make for him will ever get him to change into what you want him to be.

 

Have some self-respect and leave this situation before you further make an ass out of yourself.

[forgetmenot75]

Run away. This dude will never commit to you. He likes you for sex. Men don't turn friends with benefits into relationships ever. How a man perceives you, at least for most men, is how he perceives you when you first slept with him. He's not into you like that and no amount of excuses you make for him will ever get him to change into what you want him to be.

 

Have some self-respect and leave this situation before you further make an ass out of yourself.

 

I'm curios about what you've said. How's that a guy perceives a woman by the way she slept with him for the first time? And how come a guy won't change for the best?

I understood what you said, and kept me thinking, I just whant more insight.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm curios about what you've said. How's that a guy perceives a woman by the way she slept with him for the first time? And how come a guy won't change for the best?

I understood what you said, and kept me thinking, I just whant more insight.

 

"Changing for the best" is a point of view. Who's to say that him changing the way you want him to change is the best for him? Who's to say that you are the one for him? That's not a very good way to view this situation and comes off kind of crazy.

 

As for the other part, it's just the way we are wired. If we perceive a girl to be a friends with benefits and a fun time the moment we first sleep with her, that's what she'll always be to us. If she's a girl that's fun to date but that we don't see a permanent future with, that's all she'll be for as long as we interact with her. If we see a significant romantic future with her at the point we first sleep with her, we'll keep upping the ante romantically after we have sex.

 

The why doesn't matter, because it's just one of those things that just is and it's worthless to fight it. He sees you as a fun time. That's not a dig at you and he's not wrong for doing it -- it's just the way it played out. And there's absolutely nothing you can do to change this. You are basically toast right now and it's time for you to walk away.

 

Can people change? Sure, but they have to want to. And nothing you do or say will have an effect on it. Change comes from within. You are s--t out of luck with this guy, which is fine. You need to find someone who are you on the same wavelength with.

[mtnbiker3000]

If we see a significant romantic future with her at the point we first sleep with her, we'll keep upping the ante romantically after we have sex.

 

I was here and got roasted on the other side of this coin. As you described, I knew early on that this was my situation/intention, and it it escalated nicely for a while. A long while. But then it all came crashing down around me when she called it off. Welcome heartbreak!! So, just because we think it will be something forever, it still takes two to make that happen. I guess I really never understood this until now?

[Simon Phoenix]

I was here and got roasted on the other side of this coin. As you described, I knew early on that this was my situation/intention, and it it escalated nicely for a while. A long while. But then it all came crashing down around me when she called it off. Welcome heartbreak!! So, just because we think it will be something forever, it still takes two to make that happen. I guess I really never understood this until now?

 

Well yeah, just because we have lofty intentions doesn't mean they have them. I'm just speaking from the man's perspective.

[mtnbiker3000]

Well yeah, just because we have lofty intentions doesn't mean they have them. I'm just speaking from the man's perspective.

 

Right. This was just a new experience for me... Especially after 3 years. Thought if we were that deep, we were golden. Boy was I wrong. Live and learn I guess...

[forgetmenot75]

Well, I finally saw if he had reply to my apologies from yesterday, he did not.

No texts from him.

I guess this is finally the end?

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, I finally saw if he had reply to my apologies from yesterday, he did not.

No texts from him.

I guess this is finally the end?

 

Sounds like it's been over for him for a while.

[forgetmenot75]

Simon, he's been always like this, uninterested. It's his personality like that.

He was happy to reconnect though after 1 month NC. He was really interested. I think we are both unstable and erratic. He gets drunk almost every night lately, he invites me, then forgets... I just don't know.

I guess for me the best is to step aside, let him alone, and try to start reconstructing my life from zero.

What do you think?

[Zahara]

Well, I finally saw if he had reply to my apologies from yesterday, he did not.

No texts from him.

I guess this is finally the end?

 

I'm sorry you're hurt but even if it wasn't the end, you'd go back to absolutely nothing. He wasn't giving you anything at all.

[Zahara]

Simon, he's been always like this, uninterested. It's his personality like that.

He was happy to reconnect though after 1 month NC. He was really interested. I think we are both unstable and erratic. He gets drunk almost every night lately, he invites me, then forgets... I just don't know.

I guess for me the best is to step aside, let him alone, and try to start reconstructing my life from zero.

What do you think?

 

Uninterested is not a personality trait. It's him not being interested or invested in you. Please try to understand that.

 

Of course he was happy to connect. If he has been using you for sex, you just opened the door to that possibility again for him. That's his interest. Sex with no commitment.

 

Yes, forget this guy. He will never give you what you want.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon, he's been always like this, uninterested. It's his personality like that.

He was happy to reconnect though after 1 month NC. He was really interested. I think we are both unstable and erratic. He gets drunk almost every night lately, he invites me, then forgets... I just don't know.

I guess for me the best is to step aside, let him alone, and try to start reconstructing my life from zero.

What do you think?

 

He was interested in having sex with you after a month NC. You need to never contact this person again. He really doesn't like you in a romantic way. At all.

[iouaname]

I'm sorry I hate being ignored, I get intense anxiety and panic and then I do things I really regret right after. It might be the best thing for you, though! If he stops responding it will force you to be strong and will get you over this much sooner than if he remained in contact!

[BC1980]

A lot of people are unable to be really frank with someone and just straight up tell the person they don't want a relationship or just want to be friends with benefits. They act "uninterested" or just don't reply to texts because they are hoping the other person will pick up on it.

 

Most people really don't want to be a d*ck and just say I'm not that into you, or I only see you as a f*ck buddy for lack of a better term. I think it makes the person feel bad if they say these things, so they are hoping you will see their intentions without you making them come out and say it. It's a way to alleviate guilt and not feel bad about themselves. The didn't actively tell you; they passively hinted to you that they don't want a relationship.

 

Also, let's be honest; it's hard for a guy to give up no strings attached sex. He might just keep you on the back burner because he knows when he says jump, you say how high. You will come a running when he texts. Please don't put yourself in such a weak position. You will really loose self-respect when you can see things clearly later.

 

People want the least amount of drama possible. You are causing him drama and stress by texting him, so his first reaction is going to be ignoring you. I promise that if you keep contacting him or being pushy, he will get frank with you at some point. Then, you will feel like an utter fool. Save yourself this embaressment.

 

I can only say all of this because I have sadly and ashamedly been in a similar situation and made these mistakes. The only defense of myself I can give is that I was 19 at the time and infatuated with an older man. Still, it makes me cringe looking back on it.

[forgetmenot75]

A lot of people are unable to be really frank with someone and just straight up tell the person they don't want a relationship or just want to be friends with benefits. They act "uninterested" or just don't reply to texts because they are hoping the other person will pick up on it.

 

Most people really don't want to be a d*ck and just say I'm not that into you, or I only see you as a f*ck buddy for lack of a better term. I think it makes the person feel bad if they say these things, so they are hoping you will see their intentions without you making them come out and say it. It's a way to alleviate guilt and not feel bad about themselves. The didn't actively tell you; they passively hinted to you that they don't want a relationship.

 

Also, let's be honest; it's hard for a guy to give up no strings attached sex. He might just keep you on the back burner because he knows when he says jump, you say how high. You will come a running when he texts. Please don't put yourself in such a weak position. You will really loose self-respect when you can see things clearly later.

 

People want the least amount of drama possible. You are causing him drama and stress by texting him, so his first reaction is going to be ignoring you. I promise that if you keep contacting him or being pushy, he will get frank with you at some point. Then, you will feel like an utter fool. Save yourself this embaressment.

 

I can only say all of this because I have sadly and ashamedly been in a similar situation and made these mistakes. The only defense of myself I can give is that I was 19 at the time and infatuated with an older man. Still, it makes me cringe looking back on it.

 

It makes me sad to read to read this post, to be frank. I've been chasing this guy for 6 months now, he never told me he didn't want to see me, I think he didn't want to feel like the bad guy on the film, that he might feel guilty. He is a nice guy, he just have his own issues, as I do have mines.

 

I reacted to the lack of contact on Sunday because I wanted to see him. He just coulnd't give me what I wanted. Are we bad people? No, we have our own needs and issues. I got attached to him because I have self esteem problems, as I think he does too.

Ugh, this is so difficult, letting go...He is so handsome, and nice, and interesting...My hearth is broken (sight)

[Leigh 87]

You don't need to chase a man. If they are into you in a romantic way,they will chase you

 

A very important lesson you need to learn, is: men can be attracted to you and enjoy being around you, without having romantic feelings towards you.

 

A man who is really falling for you in a true romantic sense, will want to see you and talk to you regularly, consistently and on most days.

 

Look. This guy enjoys sex with you. He may like being around you too. He is NOT INTERESTED in you.

 

Please. You're going to lose all your dignity and self respect if you keep bothering with ghys who are just NOT into you ( for anything more than sex and enjoying your company)

 

Do you see the guys who fall madly in love with a woman? They NEVER act in the way your guy is.

 

I hope you can see the situation for what it truly is.

[KatZee]

Well, I finally saw if he had reply to my apologies from yesterday, he did not.

No texts from him.

I guess this is finally the end?

 

No, this isn't finally the end.

 

It isn't the end because there was never a beginning. He was never invested in you at any point. You were never on any path to being a girlfriend.

 

Lesson learned here. Don't waste your time pushing for something when the person you're interested in doesn't show even one iota of an ounce of interest. You're never going to be able to convince anyone to be with you, date you, or love you.

 

And learn not to chase people who show no interest. They're not playing hard to get, or coy, and they're not being sly. He doesn't care either way if he talks to you or not, and you're a mere afterthought in his world.

 

Have some standards for yourself.

[forgetmenot75]

You don't need to chase a man. If they are into you in a romantic way,they will chase you

 

A very important lesson you need to learn, is: men can be attracted to you and enjoy being around you, without having romantic feelings towards you.

 

A man who is really falling for you in a true romantic sense, will want to see you and talk to you regularly, consistently and on most days.

 

Look. This guy enjoys sex with you. He may like being around you too. He is NOT INTERESTED in you.

 

Please. You're going to lose all your dignity and self respect if you keep bothering with ghys who are just NOT into you ( for anything more than sex and enjoying your company)

 

Do you see the guys who fall madly in love with a woman? They NEVER act in the way your guy is.

 

I hope you can see the situation for what it truly is.

 

 

Gosh this is so hard to read. I always thought he was being like this because his difficult divorce, three years ago. He told me that, from day 1. I was actually surprised he didn't show much interest, even before we met (he found me online). So I assumed he was just like this. He's in love with someone else, yet still he doesn't chase her, it's she who always invites him to hung out. I don't know what to think anymore. Either way, I'm not texting him again, I'm just tired, and I don't have anymore energy.

[Simon Phoenix]

Gosh this is so hard to read. I always thought he was being like this because his difficult divorce, three years ago. He told me that, from day 1. I was actually surprised he didn't show much interest, even before we met (he found me online). So I assumed he was just like this. He's in love with someone else, yet still he doesn't chase her, it's she who always invites him to hung out. I don't know what to think anymore. Either way, I'm not texting him again, I'm just tired, and I don't have anymore energy.

 

Wait, so he's in love with someone else and you were chasing him?

[forgetmenot75]

No, this isn't finally the end.

 

It isn't the end because there was never a beginning. He was never invested in you at any point. You were never on any path to being a girlfriend.

 

Lesson learned here. Don't waste your time pushing for something when the person you're interested in doesn't show even one iota of an ounce of interest. You're never going to be able to convince anyone to be with you, date you, or love you.

 

And learn not to chase people who show no interest. They're not playing hard to get, or coy, and they're not being sly. He doesn't care either way if he talks to you or not, and you're a mere afterthought in his world.

 

Have some standards for yourself.

 

Not to chase...

I just don't know what to say here. I just appreciate very much your words. So funny, I thought he was playing hard to get, later I realized he's just too dumb to do that (I have to admit, he's not that clever, he knows the fame off seduction, but he is not clever at all)

[forgetmenot75]

Wait, so he's in love with someone else and you were chasing him?

 

He told me he liked someone else, he added he liked me the same way though, but I think he's infatuated because the other lady doesn't love him back.

[Simon Phoenix]

He told me he liked someone else, he added he liked me the same way though, but I think he's infatuated because the other lady doesn't love him back.

 

I think that you read way too much into things. Usually the simplest answer is the correct one. Either way, that should have been a huge red flag. Why you would go after someone like that is beyond me.

[forgetmenot75]

I think that you read way too much into things. Usually the simplest answer is the correct one. Either way, that should have been a huge red flag. Why you would go after someone like that is beyond me.

 

I just don't know. I appreciate your input on this, makes me open my eyes.

So far, you're my only company tonight