Simon Phoenix Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I just don't know. I appreciate your input on this, makes me open my eyes. So far, you're my only company tonight We men are simple creatures. We go after what we want. And a guy who is in love with you won't play games. I realize I'm being blunt, but you really seem to have a remedial knowledge of men. I would use your NC to figure out for yourself why you would put yourself out there for a guy who obviously just doesn't care and doesn't even really try to mask the fact that he doesn't care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Simon is right unless guy is immature emotionally unavailable player or on rebound he wont leave you wondering. You chase him he chases her is either one of you really in love with someone or is this case of wanting what you can't have with both of you. Sooner or later we all get sick of having only half of something and even if you got him would you really be happy with him the way he is ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Simon is right unless guy is immature emotionally unavailable player or on rebound he wont leave you wondering. You chase him he chases her is either one of you really in love with someone or is this case of wanting what you can't have with both of you. Sooner or later we all get sick of having only half of something and even if you got him would you really be happy with him the way he is ? It's a circle, a sick circle. Look: My ex husband loved me. I didn't love him back. I love this other guy. This other guy didn't love me back. This other guy love this other older woman. The other older woman didn't love him back. Yes, we want what we cannot have. In the middle, we ripped our hearths out. I've had two glasses of wine tonight. I just feel numb now. I doñt want to feel the pain tomorrow morning ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Gosh this is so hard to read. I always thought he was being like this because his difficult divorce, three years ago. He told me that, from day 1. I was actually surprised he didn't show much interest, even before we met (he found me online). So I assumed he was just like this. He's in love with someone else, yet still he doesn't chase her, it's she who always invites him to hung out. I don't know what to think anymore. Either way, I'm not texting him again, I'm just tired, and I don't have anymore energy. Look I know how hard it is to hear. I have chased guys in my past who never showed an ounce of interest in me. At the time though, they were nice to me and they seemed to enjoy being around me. My naïve, young self, assumed that hey, that must be into me since they liked to be around me a few times. Sorry this is hard to hear, it must really suck! Please listen to us though, we ALL speak from experience! You have to demand respect from people, I have come to learn. I mean hell, you should be happy and content enough with YOUR awesome life, that you should NOT waste time on men who are not showing a strong interest in you! Just think about how this looks from the outside. Everyone but yourself sees it this way: you are making a big fuss over a guy who is not calling you or wanting to see you regularly. You want to see him and have a relationship with him, while he is not showing the slightest interest. If you like yourself and value yourself, you will think "hell no, I have my own life and I do not need to go chasing men who are not making a big effort to WANT to see me" Please try to be content enough on your OWN, without a man, and wait for a guy to come along that actually likes you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Look I know how hard it is to hear. I have chased guys in my past who never showed an ounce of interest in me. At the time though, they were nice to me and they seemed to enjoy being around me. My naïve, young self, assumed that hey, that must be into me since they liked to be around me a few times. Sorry this is hard to hear, it must really suck! Please listen to us though, we ALL speak from experience! You have to demand respect from people, I have come to learn. I mean hell, you should be happy and content enough with YOUR awesome life, that you should NOT waste time on men who are not showing a strong interest in you! Just think about how this looks from the outside. Everyone but yourself sees it this way: you are making a big fuss over a guy who is not calling you or wanting to see you regularly. You want to see him and have a relationship with him, while he is not showing the slightest interest. If you like yourself and value yourself, you will think "hell no, I have my own life and I do not need to go chasing men who are not making a big effort to WANT to see me" Please try to be content enough on your OWN, without a man, and wait for a guy to come along that actually likes you! Ugh, I feel disgusted with myself today. For the first time in six months, I realized the truth, and I feel bad about myself. I've tried so hard to make him love me, I waste so much energy, precious time, I cried almost every day, I went to two counselors, I got the divorce...I decided to ignore all the red flags (player, liar, dating sites, issues, things he told me...) because I pursued this stupid dream. I am being very hard on myself right now. I'm sad, scared of the consequences of my acts, afraid of the future. I've been acting like a person with absolutely no self esteem, clinging on him, demanding him what he couldn't give me, acting like a stupid person, which I am not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Infatuation and love make us do really stupid things. Trust me, I have done some dumb things. There are loads of guys out there who will actually give you reciprocated love. I don't know why we tend to put people on a pedestal when they leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Infatuation and love make us do really stupid things. Trust me, I have done some dumb things. There are loads of guys out there who will actually give you reciprocated love. I don't know why we tend to put people on a pedestal when they leave. I don't know either. Why I can't see any flaws on him? I wish I could see it now, so I wouldn't be bemoaning he didn't chose me to fall in love with. I feel numb right now, just trying to grab all the pieces and try to be myself again. I feel void, though, like I don't even have the chance to be obsessed with him anymore. No more hope. And this feels so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I think it's an ego thing when someone dumps us. Like, how dare he dump ME? Surely, I'm the better catch right? So we do what comes naturally. Try to save the relationship, so we won't be the dumped party. Let's be honest. It's hard not to be accepted in any form, and relationships are especially brutal. I used to be so pissed because he had his own set of issues, but he ended up dumping me over some of my issues. I was like, wait a minute. I accepted you faults, and you have the audacity to dump me over my faults. It really was like I wish I had beaten him to the punch if I had known it was going to go down like this. I think we elevate these people on a pedestal because we want what we can't have. It's a hit to our self-esteem to be unable to get something by just being ourselves. Like, if you are on a diet, you want the food you are not supposed to have 10 times worse than you would any other day. Why? Something unattainable instantly becomes more coveted. It's just human nature. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 Update: He has contacted me. He sent me two messages last night on a dating site, wanting to see me. Then, I saw 2 texts from him this morning, but I haven't read them yet. I just can't. Ugh what to do, what to do?! Please, I need some help here! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Update: He has contacted me. He sent me two messages last night on a dating site, wanting to see me. Then, I saw 2 texts from him this morning, but I haven't read them yet. I just can't. Ugh what to do, what to do?! Please, I need some help here! Delete the messages. NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Please do not forget he is in love with someone else. Do not forget he is on dating sites and is possibly meeting other women. Do not forget that he ignores you and treats you badly. Read this: Ugh, I feel disgusted with myself today. For the first time in six months, I realized the truth, and I feel bad about myself. I've tried so hard to make him love me, I waste so much energy, precious time, I cried almost every day, I went to two counselors, I got the divorce...I decided to ignore all the red flags (player, liar, dating sites, issues, things he told me...) because I pursued this stupid dream. I am being very hard on myself right now. I'm sad, scared of the consequences of my acts, afraid of the future. I've been acting like a person with absolutely no self esteem, clinging on him, demanding him what he couldn't give me, acting like a stupid person, which I am not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 Thanks for reminding me what I've wrote the other day. I cannot even look at he has written. I have 2 text messages, but I just can't read them. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Thanks for reminding me what I've wrote the other day. I cannot even look at he has written. I have 2 text messages, but I just can't read them. I suggest you delete them. Holding on to them prolongs your confusion and may cause you to give in. You have to remember who he is. Texting you does not change the fact that he is still that same person you called a liar, a player and one that has much issues. Only you can break the painful cycle you're in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 I'm feeling a little angry right now, and I want to play him the same way he did this 6 months, but I'm not sure how though. Maybe it's not right, but I'd like him to feel he still has me, and play with that for a while. I feel I have the power now, and I want him to feel a little desperate... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I'm feeling a little angry right now, and I want to play him the same way he did this 6 months, but I'm not sure how though. Maybe it's not right, but I'd like him to feel he still has me, and play with that for a while. I feel I have the power now, and I want him to feel a little desperate... That's stupid. If you try this you are going to lose and you are going to lose big. Just cut your damn losses. You aren't going to be good at this game, so don't even try to play. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I'm feeling a little angry right now, and I want to play him the same way he did this 6 months, but I'm not sure how though. Maybe it's not right, but I'd like him to feel he still has me, and play with that for a while. I feel I have the power now, and I want him to feel a little desperate... I'm sorry to say that when you are emotional, you don't get to play, you get played. You have zero power. What you have is an ego boost because he contacted you. He takes back the power if you reply to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 That's stupid. If you try this you are going to lose and you are going to lose big. Just cut your damn losses. You aren't going to be good at this game, so don't even try to play. gosh, Simon, why you said that? I could make him think he can get me, yet never meet him again. I could make him think that, and when that won't happen, he'll be frustrated... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 gosh, Simon, why you said that? I could make him think he can get me, yet never meet him again. I could make him think that, and when that won't happen, he'll be frustrated... Are you 16 years old? That's a teenage mentality. But no, you are too emotionally invested to play a game like that. Plus you are lowering yourself to his level. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 No...I'm angry, I want him to be hurt just like I am. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunshine87 Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Have you checked the message? Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 What message? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 No...I'm angry, I want him to be hurt just like I am. That's not going to happen. He doesn't really care and has demonstrated that over and over again. You can't hurt someone who is indifferent. But yeah, the attempt to have revenge is juvenile. Chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on -- the best revenge is living well. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) No...I'm angry, I want him to be hurt just like I am. You can't hurt him. He is not emotionally invested in you. The most you will do is dent his ego then he'll be back on dating sites looking for other women. He can hurt you. You are emotionally invested in him. Edited June 13, 2013 by Zahara 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunshine87 Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 What message? The text message he sent.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 Oh...I just replied a message I've had from you unread, I thought you were talking about that . No, I still didn't check the texts. I'm scared to do so, scared of what my reaction may be...Just thinking on that texts makes my hearth race. I imagine, though, he may want to see me, and he may want to know when. Link to post Share on other sites
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