He is not replying anymore

[escafeld]

Ugh, I'm in a very sad wave right now. Thinking I'll never find someone as attractive as him. I'm thinking about our moments, and I feel very sad well never be together again. This is awful, I can't stand it.

 

I've tried to chat on a dating site but the one I was interested didn't reply to my messages anymore, and now I feel a terrible void of not being with my ex.

I feel I'm dyin, I'm terrible sad. :(

 

Crikey forgetmeknot75, you're up and down like a bride's nightie! :laugh:

[forgetmenot75]

Another day. And I'm still feeling very sad and empty.

I desperately need to see his pics, or know what's he doing. The urge is so powerful it seems some kind of addiction.

 

Someone told me here that I need to feel the pain to move on. Well, I am feeling the pain, and it's almost physical for some moments.

[Sunshine87]

Don't give in! It's tough but it will pass.

[sweetheart5381]

Another day. And I'm still feeling very sad and empty.

I desperately need to see his pics, or know what's he doing. The urge is so powerful it seems some kind of addiction.

 

Someone told me here that I need to feel the pain to move on. Well, I am feeling the pain, and it's almost physical for some moments.

 

NO you don't NEED to see his pics or know what he is doing. This thinking will not allow you to heal and it WILL set you back.

 

Think about pain for a moment - the worst physical pain you have ever endured.... ya, it sucked, maybe a bee sting, a broken leg, perhaps a wicked burn. You likely cried too. That's normal. Then understand that this is what you are doing to your own mind and your emotional health when you think about him in this way.

 

YOU are a strong person and don't need him to validate you or your worth.

 

He is not nearly as important in your world as you are.

 

Just remember that if he enters your thoughts.

[forgetmenot75]

I'm not giving up, not this time

I just don't know what to do to redirect my thoughts. I'm clueless right now. I'm hoping for a complete healing, so I'll do whatever is necessary. However I keep thinking about him, and someone told me I have to let my thoughts flow, because otherwise will come back stronger.

Besides nc and looking for hobbies, do sport, and keep me busy, what rlse should I've been doing? Because I'm feeling really bad right now...

[forgetmenot75]

Hello, I'm keeping this thread up, so I can read the comments when I'm feeling weak.

I think today is day 8 NC and still feeling really sad and empty.

 

Last NC lasted 1 month until I contacted him again, but I cheated a lot, looked at his pics, etc AND I had some kind of hope. This time is different. I want to feel better but I can't see the light yet.

 

Have a great day everyone!

[Sunshine87]

Hey, how are you feeling?

[forgetmenot75]

Hello,

 

I'm in a deep depression right now

I'm not eating properly because I'm not hungry, not sleeping well, I'm seeing all black ugh.

Since I'm not obsessed with him and trying him to fall in love with me anymore, I have plenty of time left on my mind, and I just don't know what to do with it.

 

I feel extremely sad when I think about him, and the thought of him with another woman makes me sick. I dream every night about him, what a nightmare omg.

 

I want to sleep all day but I can't. I wish I could feel better, this really sucks

[forgetmenot75]

I just saw his activity on the internet. I couldn't refrain myself.

This is so awful I want to trough up.

 

He stopped visiting dating sites since last week, AND he's started seeing the woman he was in love with. they've posted some updates on Facebook. This is so painful for me...

 

I can't stand this. I really can't stand this. I'm shaking right now, omg...

[forgetmenot75]

guys, I'm feeling like dying right now. my body's shaking, I can't stop crying.

I'm drinking some red wine to calm a little, but I'm not feeling ok at all.

I just need a break...

[acjigga]

I just saw his activity on the internet. I couldn't refrain myself.

This is so awful I want to trough up.

 

He stopped visiting dating sites since last week, AND he's started seeing the woman he was in love with. they've posted some updates on Facebook. This is so painful for me...

 

I can't stand this. I really can't stand this. I'm shaking right now, omg...

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but why are you cyber stalking him? You are only making things worse by checking his Facebook statuses and dating sites he's on. All you're doing is prolonging the healing process. I promise that things will get better - but ONLY if you make the effort to stop this self-destructive behavior. At this point you need to realize that he's not causing you the pain you're feeling. You are.

 

I'm not crazy enough to tell you to stop thinking about him. But you need to start thinking about yourself more. Love teaches us the hardest lessons, but it also teaches us about ourselves. Aside from grieving this relationship you need to find out what is making you react in such a devastated way.

 

He's concentrating on some new woman. You're concentrating on what he's doing. Who's concentrating on getting you through this? You've got to start concentrating on you! You've got to believe that you're worth it!

Edited June 24, 2013 by acjigga

[forgetmenot75]

It was a moment of weakness. I won't do it anymore.

I feel 1000 times worse now.

Rejection is terrible.

Yes, he is concentrating on another woman right now, the one who wasn't in love with him, a month ago, now they are together. He's not looking anymore, he's found the one. That's the hard truth.

[acjigga]

It was a moment of weakness. I won't do it anymore.

I feel 1000 times worse now.

Rejection is terrible.

Yes, he is concentrating on another woman right now, the one who wasn't in love with him, a month ago, now they are together. He's not looking anymore, he's found the one. That's the hard truth.

 

What you just posted shows that your thinking is still focused on what he's doing. You need to take the time to focus on yourself and moving on. Who cares if he's found "the one" (but I guarantee he hasn't). Please care about fixing yourself so you're mentally and emotionally ready when "the one" finds you.

Edited June 24, 2013 by acjigga

[Sunshine87]

It was a moment of weakness. I won't do it anymore.

I feel 1000 times worse now.

Rejection is terrible.

Yes, he is concentrating on another woman right now, the one who wasn't in love with him, a month ago, now they are together. He's not looking anymore, he's found the one. That's the hard truth.

 

I'm so sorry .....I can only imagine how dreadfully painful this is for you. I you feel like crap but it will get better. You need to allow yourself grieve a little bit more and stay away from his Internet activity. LS advise against staying in contact for exactly the same precise reason- to reduce your hurt.

 

I think in a way, it's best that you found out. It's like a nail the coffin. You know it's over now and you need to block him out of your life.

 

I know it seem so overwhelming. It seems so hard. It might seem impossible. But baby steps...slowly and surely you will get there. Keep posting.

[BC1980]

As painful as it is, you will remember it the next time. Remember how it made you feel worse. It always makes you feel worse to check up on them because you see them living a life without you. It's awful. We've all done it.

[annaballerina]

forgetmenot...

i was totally where you were in a relationship before i was married. i was with a guy i knew in my heart of hearts didnt want me not in any permanent way. he did the vanish thing on me and it hurt but it also was a huge wake up call. it sounds like youre struggling letting go. you were getting something from him and he from you. now hes no longer wanting/needing but you still are. what is it he does for you that keeps you interested or what is it hes helping you avoid? if you can figure that out you can start to look at other ways to have those needs met and let go of him. dont feel rejected hes one guy of many. every woman has been rejected by someone its purely him. theres a guy out there that will make you happier than he ever did or could. but you need to look within yourself first to be able to contribute to a relatiinship you deserve and you do deserve! also dont beat yourself up or feel low were all on this journey called life and we all make mistakes thats how we learn. your feelings are valid and important.

[forgetmenot75]

forgetmenot...

i was totally where you were in a relationship before i was married. i was with a guy i knew in my heart of hearts didnt want me not in any permanent way. he did the vanish thing on me and it hurt but it also was a huge wake up call. it sounds like youre struggling letting go. you were getting something from him and he from you. now hes no longer wanting/needing but you still are. what is it he does for you that keeps you interested or what is it hes helping you avoid? if you can figure that out you can start to look at other ways to have those needs met and let go of him. dont feel rejected hes one guy of many. every woman has been rejected by someone its purely him. theres a guy out there that will make you happier than he ever did or could. but you need to look within yourself first to be able to contribute to a relatiinship you deserve and you do deserve! also dont beat yourself up or feel low were all on this journey called life and we all make mistakes thats how we learn. your feelings are valid and important.

 

 

OMG I can't let him go, I can't!!!! I just want him the way I have him before, because he answered me, at least. And now I have nothing!

I've tried on dating sites, but I'm so screwed it up, I'm not good for anyone right now.

I want my life back...This day is the most painful day since all this started. I don't see how I can overcome this right now.

[annaballerina]

i totally feel your pain because i had to go through it. i went through major depression but i came through it a stronger person. you can do it!

i know you want things to be the way they were but they wont hes said that in his actiins. i was reading an article on donts with men and a big one is to persue them when they are not reciprocating the same feelings. its a huge turnoff to them and in the end youll lose your self respect and dignity. im so sorry how youre feeling ive been there and it sucks. try to stay busy and be around friends and family. the pain passes.

[annaballerina]

you do have something its your future and you dont need him to live it.

[forgetmenot75]

I need to text him desperately, just as I used before. I need him to reply to me.

I'm freaking desperate right now, I'm almost irrational ugh

[acjigga]

I need to text him desperately, just as I used before. I need him to reply to me.

I'm freaking desperate right now, I'm almost irrational ugh

 

Keep contacting him and A)you will NEVER get over him B)you will put yourself through more pain and C)he will run farther away from you. It's time to be selfish forgetmenot75. This situation is way beyond him and what he did to you - it's about why you can't let go and move on. Is this more about losing him or not having someone in your life?

[Leigh 87]

I am so sorry that the man you love, is with a woman HE loves, and that it is not you.

 

There is really nothing to say here. It is just plain awful to go through.

 

But you HAVE to stop stalking him on facebook. You MUST stop.

 

Look...... You will feel awful for a time, but why don't you try to take each day at a time. Think about everything you DO have to live for.

 

He does not make everything you have to live for NOT worth living.

[Leigh 87]

You CAN get over him. You can.

 

You do it by never contacting him again. You do not stalk his facebook again. You know he is in love with his girlfriend anyway.

 

Ask yourself " why do I want to see more evidence that he is happily in love with a woman that is NOT you?"

 

Live each day at a time. Each day not contacting and facebook stalking him is another day closure to getting over him.

[yyyme]

forgetmenot75 thank you so much for being so brave and sharing your feelings. I just read this whole thread and seeing you go up and

down and being so willing to reach out for help and be raw about how you're feeling is a HUGE strength.

I can totally relate to everything you've said and I think most people on this site can. You're also getting some wonderful advice. You need to get yourself together girl!

 

I'm 3 months NC after three years of being caught in a terrible unhealthy cycle of emotional dependence on a man like I had never experienced in my life before. I think you may be experiencing something similar so I'll share with you what's been helping me stay NC for 3 months. Because I have a long commute I listen to a lot of audio books, but these are available in print too.

 

Obsessive Love: When Passion Holds You Prisoner Audiobook | Susan Forward | Audible.com

 

Key things you'll take away from here is that:

• Rejection breeds obsession
  
• The obsession cycle is reinforced by your thoughts which generate feelings which lead to behaviors.
  These three things working together keep you stuck
  

 

Thought: "He only used me for sex while he was waiting for the older woman whom he loves to be available"

Feeling: anxiety, sadness, anger, rejected, less than, uninteresting, worthless, foolish...

Behavior: Cyber stalking him (to try to alleviate the feelings)

 

But the behavior of cyber stalking him doesn't make you feel better, it actually reinforces the obsession

because now based on new evidence your cyberstalking presented something like this will happen:

 

Thought: "What?!?! He posted pictures of the two of them on facebook? It's true he only used me for sex.

Now that she's available to him he'll never call me again and they'll be happy together forever while I'm alone and will be alone forever"

Feelings: shock, frantic, humiliated, helpless, hopeless

Behavior: Calling/Texting him

 

The compulsion to get rid of the feelings will be too strong because feeling those feelings is really quite awful.

That book teaches you how to break the obsessive cycle by interrupting it in one of those three areas: Thoughts -> Feeelings -> Behaviors.

 

The second book I'd like to recommend is called Neurosis and Human Growth by Karen Horney. It's a classic.

Here is a link to the chapter that rang so true for me and has helped me to really start to understand my situation:

Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-Realization - Karen Horney - Google Books

 

I hope these help. The second book may be a little too dense (it's a classic!) and your situation is not as bad as mine, but I included it

because the beginnings of my situation were very similar to what you're describing and I don't want you to go through what I went through/am going through.

[Simon Phoenix]

I need to text him desperately, just as I used before. I need him to reply to me.

I'm freaking desperate right now, I'm almost irrational ugh

 

This is not the truth and you know it.