Simon Phoenix Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 gosh...it sounds like I am nuts. what's wrong with me?? I just don't want him to think I am nuts. I was always like this with him, always getting mad because he was dating other women. It's like he got the worst of me, because I was so angry all the time. ugh. But I don't want him to be scared of my actions! I'm a nice girl, just a little obsessed Reread what you just wrote. Seriously. Why do you have no respect for yourself that you are willing to be an option, and a secondary one at that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah, I found difficult to control myself as he was always pulling me out. As I felt rejected, I chased him more and more, and then got mad at him because he just didn't care. There's nothing that hurts more than feeling rejected. I thought I could make him to love me... He was madly in love with the older women, cause she didn't pay attention to him at all. He said she was always busy and didn't want a relationship with him. That made her attractive to him, not me. Once I told him: let's pretend we are girlfriend and boyfriend. Then he replied: then I don't like you anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 (edited) Once I told him: let's pretend we are girlfriend and boyfriend. Then he replied: then I don't like you anymore! After reading that, you need to stop dating and put 150% in staying single for awhile and put some effort into counseling and healing. Painful just to read you grovelling and begging like that. And I bet even after he said that, you felt no shame or humilation and kept on chasing. Says so much about how little value you see in yourself. Please go to counseling. Stay on your own for some time. Work on yourself. Feel the pain of being alone. You won't learn a damn thing if you keep seeking men to heal your wounds. Edited July 1, 2013 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 After reading that, you need to stop dating and put 150% in staying single for awhile and put some effort into counseling and healing. Painful just to read you grovelling and begging like that. And I bet even after he said that, you felt no shame or humilation and kept on chasing. Says so much about how little value you see in yourself. Please go to counseling. Stay on your own for some time. Work on yourself. Feel the pain of being alone. You won't learn a damn thing if you keep seeking men to heal your wounds. He said that because he had issues with commitment. I always knew this, but I thought I could change that. I was very wrong Another time, we've had dinner at his home, and it was late. I said to him I wanted to stay. He said no. He freaked out and almost screamed at me: "I'm not ready for this kind of relationship!!! I don't want anyone sleeping here!!!" I drove home alone, it was so late and cold outside, feeling terrible bad, and texted him apologizing for insisting on spend the night with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 He said that because he had issues with commitment. I always knew this, but I thought I could change that. I was very wrong Another time, we've had dinner at his home, and it was late. I said to him I wanted to stay. He said no. He freaked out and almost screamed at me: "I'm not ready for this kind of relationship!!! I don't want anyone sleeping here!!!" I drove home alone, it was so late and cold outside, feeling terrible bad, and texted him apologizing for insisting on spend the night with him. Commitment issues? He doesn't have that problem with this new woman, does he? He just wasn't committed to wanting a relationship with you. I was in a relationship with a guy that never wanted me to sleep in his bed. It wasn't because he had commitment issues. He just wasn't committed to wanting to be with me that way. It was just sex. I got the hint and checked out. He was giving you so many signs. You sent him a text "your actions represent who you truly are"...BUT he has been showing you non-action from day one and you still chased and begged. You shouldn't be angry at him. You should be angry at yourself, for your own actions. And that should make you determined to stay away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah, it's odd he's dating her now (at least last week they were together, and he stopped visiting dating sites, which it's odd too cause he was addicted). She's a plastic Barby, almost in her fifties though, and he was in love with her for several months before I first met him -that was our first NC, when he told me he was in love with her-. She flirted with him all the time, getting drunk and telling she loved him, but when she was sober she went cold. Then giving him little kisses and then disappearing on him...that's what he has told me. He was so hurt she didn't want to be with him... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 All that is not your concern anymore. Focus should be on yourself and why you did the things you did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Share Posted July 1, 2013 I know. I'm feeling very sad and angry with myself, and also ashamed of my actions. As my counselor says, though, addictions to a person are difficult, and one behaves in unexplained ways, because we are bringing things from the past, from when we were very young. I'll try to be nice with myself, I didn't chase him on purpose, it was something I couldn't manage. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I know. I'm feeling very sad and angry with myself, and also ashamed of my actions. As my counselor says, though, addictions to a person are difficult, and one behaves in unexplained ways, because we are bringing things from the past, from when we were very young. I'll try to be nice with myself, I didn't chase him on purpose, it was something I couldn't manage. Breaking an addiction to someone is a hard thing to do. And if your counselor is saying you are bringing things from your past, issues stemming from when you were young, then all the more you should stop trying to date and focus your time and energy on managing your issues, instead of repeating the cycle again by jumping onto another man to fill your emptiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah, I found difficult to control myself as he was always pulling me out. As I felt rejected, I chased him more and more, and then got mad at him because he just didn't care. There's nothing that hurts more than feeling rejected. I thought I could make him to love me... He was madly in love with the older women, cause she didn't pay attention to him at all. He said she was always busy and didn't want a relationship with him. That made her attractive to him, not me. Once I told him: let's pretend we are girlfriend and boyfriend. Then he replied: then I don't like you anymore! You sound like a 16-year-old when you say stupid stuff like the bolded. You shouldn't make anyone love you -- you should want them to love you without being told or fooled. Your concept of love is something that you find in teenagers, not adults. You shouldn't look to change people -- you should love what they are and they should love what you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Infinity0 Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 Unfortunately men like to chase women and the more they have to chase the more they like you. Life would be so much easier if two people just met, realized they liked each other and not play games. You have to learn how to play the game. I know it sounds immature, but that's how it is. I was getting ready to become obsessed with this guy that didn't contact me for a whole week after we met BUT I didn't bother him. I really really liked him, but just started dating other guys immediately after he started "playing his game" to keep busy. I'll tell you one thing. Now he is the one that is obsessed because I keep acting like I am busy even when I'm not. He wants to see me everyday and he is getting so frustrated that I wont do that. The other day he says "I know you like me and you are attracted to me, why don't you just hang out with me? What do u mean you have to have a coffee with this girl...u work with her all day. I need you to like me enough to cancel on other people" lol and he hang up the phone frustrated. I didn't call him back (even though all I wanted to do was call him back and say "COME HERE RIGHT NOW I'M SITTING HOME BORED OUT OF MY MIND" He calls me 20 mins later apologizing for hanging up on me and he is acting like a little bitch. He even mentioned that he thinks I am getting my revenge back because he ignored me for a week (which is what I'm doing lol) and I assured him that that's not the case at all. I am not acting not interested in him. He knows how attracted I am to him and how much I enjoy spending time with him....I just "don't have time".... And abt the therapy and all this crap some ppl are mentioning PLS don't listen to them. You are fine. Just a little obsessed with this guy. Just let it go. Don't think abt what you could have done to make him fall for you. It didn't happen. It wasn't meant to happen. Learn from this and move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Share Posted July 4, 2013 I've been doing OK lately, not as depressed as previous days. I need some input here though. A friend of mine invited me to the movies today in the evening. she's already got the tickets. she didn't tell me what movie theater she chose until half an hour ago. It's the same movie theater I've met him for the first time. The first contact I've had with him. I started to feel sick, and also started to cry. Images of him appeared. the first kiss while we were there, first look of him, first words, first hug he gave me...I feel sick and nauseous right now. I can't go. I just can't go. Why is that I'm feeling so sick? I had so much dreams that first time I met him...I feel pain, incredible pain. Link to post Share on other sites
swimswithjeans Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Hey forgetmenot75... I know how you feel. And it really sucks and hurts to an indescribable amount to be in your situation... And I KNOW how hard it feels to think about going to that theatre... If you can't do it, you can't do it. But think about how you would feel if you did do it. Think about how proud of yourself you would be if you were able to get up, out of the house, and conquer this challenging task laying before you. I think all of us here want you to be able to start living your life and going to the movies and having the best time you can tonight. Just think about it; I think you can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 Had to cancel yesterday. It was just too much for me. I'd like to know why I am feeling this way right now. I'm emailing with a guy. He seems very sweet and all that, though I'm feeling difficult to focus on him. I have doubts whether I'd like to meet him or not (we only emailed). Why is that? Why I'm not sure about anything right now? With the other guy I was so sure I wanted him, I was completely blind, couldn't see any flaws... Just a moment ago I don't know why, but I had a trigger and needed to contact him desperately. I was thinking that I could log in in the dating site we were messaging a month ago, just to check if he saw my profile...ugh I'm delusional I'm still dreaming about him, every night, that's very disturbing because I wake up feeling terrible. When this will pass.... Just some thoughts of what is happening to me right now, almost 4 weeks NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 6, 2013 Author Share Posted July 6, 2013 Hard night...I need to write here. I'm drinking a glass of red wine and I'd like to text him right now. Just to say that I miss him and that I'm thinking about him. And hipothetically, of course, he'll reply to me very fast saying he misses me too and he wants to see me tomorrow. ugh this hurts so much. when this will pass.... today was really hard because I missed him very much. I missed what? He gave me nothing, I know, but I missed the illusion and the dreams that were alive when we had contact. I could imagine him in a thousand ways, transform him in the man I wanted him to be. I didn't care at all if he was not like my dreams, I continued lying to myself, just to keep the dream alive. Is the broken dream what hurts the most. I can;t imagine me moving to his cozy home now, or waking up in the morning in his arms. I can't imagine him loving me madly right now. The dream is gone, for the better I know, but it hurts so much... Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I've been there. DON'T CONTACT HIM!!! Draw a warm bath, or take a quick shower, drink some water and go to bed. If you have any sleep aids or antihistamines, take one. This WILL get better. Link to post Share on other sites
itto ogami Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 NO CONTACT. You are not dealing with the situation. You created a dream that he is not. Walk away and on. You can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Hard night...I need to write here. I'm drinking a glass of red wine and I'd like to text him right now. Just to say that I miss him and that I'm thinking about him. And hipothetically, of course, he'll reply to me very fast saying he misses me too and he wants to see me tomorrow. ugh this hurts so much. when this will pass.... today was really hard because I missed him very much. I missed what? He gave me nothing, I know, but I missed the illusion and the dreams that were alive when we had contact. I could imagine him in a thousand ways, transform him in the man I wanted him to be. I didn't care at all if he was not like my dreams, I continued lying to myself, just to keep the dream alive. Is the broken dream what hurts the most. I can;t imagine me moving to his cozy home now, or waking up in the morning in his arms. I can't imagine him loving me madly right now. The dream is gone, for the better I know, but it hurts so much... It's time for you to live in reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
adelia Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 i had this happen before and count your blessings. he is putting it right out there for you the message that its over and done. no stringing along. no games. just he isnt into you. its very painful but hes doing you a favor in the sense that hes allowing you to move on with your life as well. one day you will see it once the pain subsides. hugs Link to post Share on other sites
Tinie Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) Forgetmenot- I know exactly how you feel/how you've been feeling, and trust me, NC is for the best. It's happened every time I am infatuated with a guy (which happens often- I put some guy on a pedestal, then everything goes downhill). Recently it was a trashy player just like yours, who wanted to use me for sex and that's it. Then I developed feelings for him after I told him to go to hell for sexting me (go figure) and spent 2 months getting over him. However, after I realized he was never going to come back and that was for the best, I stopped texting him, I never checked fb, or googled him or ANYTHING. I deleted his number, blocked him on fb, stopped talking about him to my best friend and pushed him as hard out of my mind as I could. I avoided walking down the hallways at my uni where I knew I'd see him, I stopped taking the 9:10 am bus to school because I knew he'd be on it, and caught an earlier one instead. I basically rid my life of him. Only when you go full out NC can you heal. Absolutely NO stalking him! Cut him out of your life completely! No communication, no seeing him whatsoever. Trust me, in a month the weight will be a little less. In two months you'll probably be obsessing over someone else. Good luck! Edited July 7, 2013 by Tinie Some hazy sentences oops. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 Forgetmenot- I know exactly how you feel/how you've been feeling, and trust me, NC is for the best. It's happened every time I am infatuated with a guy (which happens often- I put some guy on a pedestal, then everything goes downhill). Recently it was a trashy player just like yours, who wanted to use me for sex and that's it. Then I developed feelings for him after I told him to go to hell for sexting me (go figure) and spent 2 months getting over him. However, after I realized he was never going to come back and that was for the best, I stopped texting him, I never checked fb, or googled him or ANYTHING. I deleted his number, blocked him on fb, stopped talking about him to my best friend and pushed him as hard out of my mind as I could. I avoided walking down the hallways at my uni where I knew I'd see him, I stopped taking the 9:10 am bus to school because I knew he'd be on it, and caught an earlier one instead. I basically rid my life of him. Only when you go full out NC can you heal. Absolutely NO stalking him! Cut him out of your life completely! No communication, no seeing him whatsoever. Trust me, in a month the weight will be a little less. In two months you'll probably be obsessing over someone else. Good luck! You did a very good job at avoiding him! I hope you're feeling better. I'd like to get obsessed with someone else, someone who's not a player, someone more "normal". Or just get obsessed to forget about him ugh, I need to let him go! Today I felt awful because I remembered this older woman he's in love with. I hate her because he loves her, and she seems so perfect. Why did I have to remember her? she has a trashy job (I've stalked her before, not now! on Facebook, why on earth did I do that????? Now I know her face and all the stupid things she posted on her wall). I need to forget about these losers (I'm not sure they are losers, but I need to think of them as losers). I dreamed about him last night, again, like every night. I'm so angry right now, when, when this will pass??? Oh, and I'm sick right now, sore throat, and feeling like if I have a fever. I have a job interview this week, I only hope it goes fine, although is a crappy job too, so I can start working to keep my mind occupied. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 I need to make some sense of his. I'm feeling extremely low right now. The job interview went fine but the job was more crappy than I thought ugh. I have a horrible cold, feeling very dizzy and weak. On the top of that I'm extremely anxious, wanting to contact him desperately, thinking he must have been with tons of other women during this six month period makes me feel more sick. And I can't stop thinking about the old woman hes in love with. She's a waitress at a pub, and I just can't stop thinking they are having fun, drinking and laughing. I've seen pictures in the past of them having fun. He took get lots of pics, yet he never took one of me I feel very low right now. I want to feel better but I honestly don't know how ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Omg I need to calm down. I'm desperately crying right now. This stupid no contact is not working at all! Link to post Share on other sites
rastamoose Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Don't do it. You just feel extra crap because your ill and run down. I had a bad day Monday when i was tired. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forgetmenot75 Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 I won't contact him, there's no point at all, and he probably won't reply. But how I take all this pain away??? I just can't breathe Link to post Share on other sites
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