He is not replying anymore

[forgetmenot75]

Hi Echo. I do believe your post relates to mine

It's the same type of "I don't care a sh** about you or whatever you have to tell me".

If he would have send me a song, I'd have spent hours trying to interpret what he wanted to tell me, I'd have looked for the lyrics, and I'd felt so happy because he was thinking of me when he decided to share the song.

 

Blah...They don't care and that's the truth. Better move on to someone who do cares about us. Easy to tell but so difficult to do, huh?

 

I'm stuck between a rock and hard place right now. All of you guys, seem to have AT LEAST some kind of relationship with your exes. I can't even call him ex, because he was justa f### buddy. Nothing between us at all.

So I'm feeling a little sad right now guys, jealous that your exes loved you at some point. I didn't have that at all.

 

I was one more in his list, disposable, forgettable. I truly believe he has forgotten about me. Last time I saw him he confused details of my life, he didn't remember at all who I was, and that was after 1 month NC. Imagine now, almost 2 months...if I send him a text, he'll probably have no clue who this is.

 

 

Very angry with myself. I should have never continued with this guy after our first date. He sucked. I just can't believe I extended the pain for 6 months ugh.

[Echo000]

the good part though, is that because you two not having anything between you (you call it "fu** buddies") then it will be easier in the long run to get over him. While its still hard, there is no need to be jealous of those who had "real" relationships with their ex. Because part of what hurts me the most is the memories of how much she claimed she used to love me, what we used to have, and the realization that none of that exists anymore.

 

Ugh. Having a horrible day.

[xilver]

got it. what is that you want to probe with this? I already gave up on him, he's moved on to someone else, and there's nothing left for us. I don't care anymore why he pushed away. what I need to do now is move on and forget about this loser (btw, I don't care of his a loser or not, but in my mind I need him to be a loser, still) what's your situation like right now?

 

I'm just imagining you are her I suppose. I wanted her to realize on her own how she pushed me away, but didn't happen or she doesn't care anymore. I compare everyone to her now and nobody will live up to her for a long time. I don't even have the urge to try and hit on other girls right now. Sorry if I took it out on you. I stopped initiating with my ex a month ago but still responded to her. About 3 weeks ago she stopped giving me something to respond to. About a week ago things started to suck. Now they really suck. I have been writing her letters for the past 3 days but too nervous to send them. I'll say though, it does feel good to write the stuff out. Yes a loser. That's what he is. I like your strength in dealing with it.

[forgetmenot75]

Really bad day today.

7 weeks, I'm about to break No contact any moment.

I miss him so much it hurts. Yes, I miss him. He was an idiot, but I miss him.And you know what I miss? He himself. His soul. His stupid selfish soul.

 

I spoke with a guy today on yahoo IM, we talked about him and I cried, I cried a lot, and my day was a total crap.

 

I just don't know who I am anymore. I hate everything, I hate myself for missing him so much. Fuc*** world, why he doesn't miss me, why he didn't love me at all

[forgetmenot75]

omg I was so innocent and now no more. I can't trust in anyone anymore. I look with distrust, I'm so scared to be hurt again... I gave him my heart, he didn't deserve anything, yet I opened my heart. ****### selfish, he didn't give me a sh## "I'd never allow myself to feel anything for you, and in case I do, I'd never admit it" Stupid life, stupid me.

 

Stupid me.

[NiceFails]

Really bad day today.

7 weeks, I'm about to break No contact any moment.

I miss him so much it hurts. Yes, I miss him. He was an idiot, but I miss him.And you know what I miss? He himself. His soul. His stupid selfish soul.

 

I spoke with a guy today on yahoo IM, we talked about him and I cried, I cried a lot, and my day was a total crap.

 

I just don't know who I am anymore. I hate everything, I hate myself for missing him so much. Fuc*** world, why he doesn't miss me, why he didn't love me at all

OH god, 2 months and you still can't recover properly. I've been in a similar relationship too a "I don't want relationship but we can be lovers with no label" but I decided to cut it for good just yesterday, I don't know how I will be able to recover now...Oh god.

[forgetmenot75]

I haven't contacted him. I'm glad I didn't. One day at a time, still. When, when I'll be ok???

[eddyctv]

I haven't contacted him. I'm glad I didn't. One day at a time, still. When, when I'll be ok???

 

I ask myself the same thing every minute of the day...trying to keep my head occupied...so hard

 

At least the pains in my chest at night have subsided...I used to spend every waking minute and every minute before going to sleep thinking about her. For the last 4.5 years. So hard to think of something else.

[forgetmenot75]

Im not sure im still not completely okay but ive been putting myself out there trying to meet new people, emotionally unavailable men are the worst to try to get over

hang in there

 

How come you can meet new people? I've tried but every time I speak with someone I remember him, and then I cry and I cry. I compare each new man with him and each time I realize how much I still miss that idiot. I honestly don't know how can ill be ok after this experience. I still miss him so much.

 

This no contact thing has made me idealize him more. And miss him more. I see his flaws but I realize I want to be with him still, and I want to spend my time with him. How can I change this way of thinking?

[Echo000]

i am so very sympathetic of the pain people on here feel. But i will say, to be so sad and hurt and depressed about a break up after so much time (1 year and beyond) seems really unhealthy and abnormal. I mean if you were with your ex for years and years (at least 5) and lived with them for at least several years, i guess it makes sense to still not be over it after a year. But even then, real progress should have been made. For people that arent over their exes after a year or more, have you guys actually gone NC the whole time? met new people? stayed active?

 

seems like if people arent healing and staying so miserable even years after a break up, that something is seriously wrong internally that could be much deeper than a break up. idk just my thoughts. can totally relate to the pain now, but i cant imagine still feeling THIS hurt (or even anything close to this pain) in a year from now.

[forgetmenot75]

Yay I found my thread in page 8

 

Ok, almost 2 months nc, and I have to admit the only thing that still reminds me of him is this thread.

I've been working hard with my counselor, and it's giving its fruits.

Also, I've stopped visiting all the dating sites and talking to other men.

I found I started comparing and that made me feel worst. So now, just taking care of myself. Reading, watching house of cards, and replying to some other threads here.

 

I've understood I was chasing someone who was unavailable because I was unavailable myself. I am so scared to start a new relationship, that freaks me out someone can really love me. So, until I resolve this issues, no more dating for me.

I also understood he was unavailable because he was in love with this older lady, so he used me for casual sex. Nothing more than that. I can understand this now, almost 2 month strict no contact.

I have no anger, I'm not so sad anymore, and I have no urge to contact him.

Still, it hurts to imagine him having sex with someone else, but i try not to think about it.

I hope I'll get better each day, I'm trying very hard.

[Hoaks]

Yay I found my thread in page 8

 

Ok, almost 2 months nc, and I have to admit the only thing that still reminds me of him is this thread.

I've been working hard with my counselor, and it's giving its fruits.

Also, I've stopped visiting all the dating sites and talking to other men.

I found I started comparing and that made me feel worst. So now, just taking care of myself. Reading, watching house of cards, and replying to some other threads here.

 

I've understood I was chasing someone who was unavailable because I was unavailable myself. I am so scared to start a new relationship, that freaks me out someone can really love me. So, until I resolve this issues, no more dating for me.

I also understood he was unavailable because he was in love with this older lady, so he used me for casual sex. Nothing more than that. I can understand this now, almost 2 month strict no contact.

I have no anger, I'm not so sad anymore, and I have no urge to contact him.

Still, it hurts to imagine him having sex with someone else, but i try not to think about it.

I hope I'll get better each day, I'm trying very hard.

 

Congrats on 2 months NC I have read your thread and you sound like you are getting stronger and stronger..well done

[forgetmenot75]

Oh thank you! You're very sweet!

[zues]

By the looks of things he is just not that interested in you, your interest level is higher than his, so the ball is in his court he is playing you, try and forget about him and move on. i guarantee you laugh at this in ten years from now. best of luck!

[aloneinaz]

Yay I found my thread in page 8

 

Ok, almost 2 months nc, and I have to admit the only thing that still reminds me of him is this thread.

I've been working hard with my counselor, and it's giving its fruits.

Also, I've stopped visiting all the dating sites and talking to other men.

I found I started comparing and that made me feel worst. So now, just taking care of myself. Reading, watching house of cards, and replying to some other threads here.

 

I've understood I was chasing someone who was unavailable because I was unavailable myself. I am so scared to start a new relationship, that freaks me out someone can really love me. So, until I resolve this issues, no more dating for me.

I also understood he was unavailable because he was in love with this older lady, so he used me for casual sex. Nothing more than that. I can understand this now, almost 2 month strict no contact.

I have no anger, I'm not so sad anymore, and I have no urge to contact him.

Still, it hurts to imagine him having sex with someone else, but i try not to think about it.

I hope I'll get better each day, I'm trying very hard.

 

I don't know if I agree that you shouldn't casually date to enjoy the company of the opposite sex. They always say "Idleness is the devils workshop". Casual dating can be a distraction for you as well and help rebuild your self esteem and confidence.

 

I'm also two month NC since my ex ended our toxic relationship. I'm GRATEFUL that I forced myself into dating again a few weeks later. I can't imagine spending all that time by myself, not dating, knowing I'd of been spending that time thinking about my toxic ex. I'm approaching a month of dating someone new exclusively now. I really like her and we've agreed to be exclusive.

 

I think you shouldn't hole up all by yourself during your down time unless you're convinced that it's the best thing to do. I think it will provide more time of self reflection and time you think of this ex. Even dating someone I really like doesn't prevent me from thinking of my ex. I'm still a bit shocked that she ended it even though she'd done so before a couple of times. I've never been dumped and I guess I'm just surprised. It was the right call though as NO ONE will be compatible with her until she makes changes to herself, if that's even possible.

[forgetmenot75]

Hi aloneinaz,

 

I honestly think dating someone so fast leads to no good. Its important to feel sad and understand why things happen. I've been reading your comments and even though you always say you've been dating like 2 girls and sleep with 5 in 2 months, I think you need to slow down a little.

Think of this: you are exclusive with your rebound now, but uou cannot stop talking about your ex and what has happened with her in every comment You write. You've taken this choice, to try to cover your feelings with someone else instead of doing a deep insight and try to heal alone.

It's your choice, I just don't share it.

I've realized I just cannot possible date someone else while I don't resolve some issues. Time alone, healing, enjoying myself, is the good thing to do. Who knows, maybe in a couple weeks I'll feel like I'm ready to start something new, but I've done some hard work that will allow me to not repeat the same mistake again.

[forgetmenot75]

Another thing; why are you still posting here about your ex when you've just started a new relationship? Go enjoy your life with her! I don't think she'll be happy knowing you spend each single day commenting about your ex...

[Zahara]

Hi aloneinaz,

 

I honestly think dating someone so fast leads to no good. Its important to feel sad and understand why things happen. I've been reading your comments and even though you always say you've been dating like 2 girls and sleep with 5 in 2 months, I think you need to slow down a little.

Think of this: you are exclusive with your rebound now, but uou cannot stop talking about your ex and what has happened with her in every comment You write. You've taken this choice, to try to cover your feelings with someone else instead of doing a deep insight and try to heal alone.

It's your choice, I just don't share it.

I've realized I just cannot possible date someone else while I don't resolve some issues. Time alone, healing, enjoying myself, is the good thing to do. Who knows, maybe in a couple weeks I'll feel like I'm ready to start something new, but I've done some hard work that will allow me to not repeat the same mistake again.

 

It's good to see that you're finally able to see things this way. If you go back and read your threads from a few weeks back when you were struggling with new men letting you down, you'll see how far you have come and if you put in double...triple time into healing and actually enjoying being alone, imagine how great you are going to start feeling!

 

Good job! Keep on!

[Zahara]

They always say "Idleness is the devils workshop". Casual dating can be a distraction for you as well and help rebuild your self esteem and confidence..

 

Idleness is the devils workshop but casual dating doesn't have to be what fixes it. And sometimes being alone is the best way to move forward because you're forced to look at yourself, forced to feel your pain and to slowly do the healing from deep within. In any case, casual dating may work for some but not all.

[aloneinaz]

Hi aloneinaz,

 

I honestly think dating someone so fast leads to no good. Its important to feel sad and understand why things happen. I've been reading your comments and even though you always say you've been dating like 2 girls and sleep with 5 in 2 months, I think you need to slow down a little.

Think of this: you are exclusive with your rebound now, but uou cannot stop talking about your ex and what has happened with her in every comment You write. You've taken this choice, to try to cover your feelings with someone else instead of doing a deep insight and try to heal alone.

It's your choice, I just don't share it.

I've realized I just cannot possible date someone else while I don't resolve some issues. Time alone, healing, enjoying myself, is the good thing to do. Who knows, maybe in a couple weeks I'll feel like I'm ready to start something new, but I've done some hard work that will allow me to not repeat the same mistake again.

 

Nothing you've said here is untrue. I am dating this new girl now for almost a month. I don't think I'm hiding my true feelings about being disappointed or hurt by my ex by dating so soon. I've been very vocal about saying it was a toxic relationship that including many break ups this year. Trust me when I say, i've suffered a lot and felt many feelings over so many break ups with the same gal who told me I was the love of her life and she'd never break up with me again. So, when she ended it again, that was the final straw for me to say "enough"..

 

I have been vocal that dating has helped ME this time vs. the previous times we broke up and I didn't date, only sat at home alone. This always made me lonely, miss her and caused me to go get her back again. I didn't want to repeat that same mistake which is why i so aggressively started dating again. I knew I needed to date and meet someone else. I have no problem telling ANYONE that I prefer to have a woman in my life. I love woman. I enjoy their company and companionship. I've spent A LOT of alone time w/out dating since my divorce a few years ago and came to the conclusion that I'm happier w/someone than w/out.

 

For the record, I've also stated that I still think about my ex. Clearly, with you noting I comment on her in every post, only affirms that. I don't think I'm rebounding at all. Who knows, maybe I'm wrong. I know I'm very happy with the fact that I've gone two months now and feel I'm on the road of healing from her. I can't turn off emotions for someone I loved so much in two months. It takes time. This is also new for me as I've stated I've never been dumped and moved on before. So, i'm trying to learn what works best for me in MY healing.

 

I've learned a lot from this site and people like you about relationships, being dumped, being the dumper, dumpee. I enjoy participating when I have down time and want to continue to learn from others as well.

[aloneinaz]

Another thing; why are you still posting here about your ex when you've just started a new relationship? Go enjoy your life with her! I don't think she'll be happy knowing you spend each single day commenting about your ex...

 

Trust me, she's aware of how recent my ex and I split up and know's I'm still healing from it. She's still dealing with her failed relationship from several months ago as well. So, we both know there's risk of rebounding on both sides but the chemistry and connection between us make it worth while and we both prefer to have someone in our lives vs. not...

[forgetmenot75]

Aloneinaz,

 

I truly wish you can be happy again. I wish everyone on here can be happy again, this is such a sad place to be, but also a place where we learn.

And I've learned in a couple months more than in my entire 35 years.

 

My path to recovery is different from yours. I think, though, you'll need to rethink what do you want and need at some point. It is OK you dont sit crying and waiting for her to come back, and it's also OK to be alone and re discover oneself.

 

A break up is a time for reflection. A time for insight. If you evade the pain, it'll come back, and you'll continue to repeat the same mistakes again. Im not saying you should stop dating. Maybe you need this time seeing other people to not think about all the pain you've suffered with your ex. Maybe at some point you'll press the brake and you'll start to understand what had happened. Everyone's time is different.

 

I could not possible date anyone now, but I'm feeling better. So much better, and I don't need any man in my life right now to be at peace.

[forgetmenot75]

Oh, I was just thinking, how much better you'll feel if you stop talking about her. I mean here. don't put your ex relationship as example. It occupies your thoughts and prevents you from move on faster.

[aloneinaz]

Aloneinaz,

 

I truly wish you can be happy again. I wish everyone on here can be happy again, this is such a sad place to be, but also a place where we learn.

And I've learned in a couple months more than in my entire 35 years.

 

My path to recovery is different from yours. I think, though, you'll need to rethink what do you want and need at some point. It is OK you dont sit crying and waiting for her to come back, and it's also OK to be alone and re discover oneself.

 

A break up is a time for reflection. A time for insight. If you evade the pain, it'll come back, and you'll continue to repeat the same mistakes again. Im not saying you should stop dating. Maybe you need this time seeing other people to not think about all the pain you've suffered with your ex. Maybe at some point you'll press the brake and you'll start to understand what had happened. Everyone's time is different.

 

I could not possible date anyone now, but I'm feeling better. So much better, and I don't need any man in my life right now to be at peace.

 

I guess my final thoughts on this are- everyone needs to take the path their most comfortable with in getting over being rejected/dumped. There's no absolute right way or wrong way. There's what's worked for some and not for others. If you don't want to get back with a dumper than I'm a strong advocate of NC. It's worked for me so far.

 

Again, I've never hidden from any of the pain of the failed relationship. I experienced plenty, multiple times thru multiple break ups with this same ex. Wether you date or don't date, you'll still feel some pain and think of your ex. You can't hide from it. Ironically, I saw my therapist that I've seen in the past. I hadn't seen her in months. She told me dating after a couple of weeks is a great distraction to help move on away from a failed relationship. She thinks it's wise vs. being a home body.

 

You're correct. I probably post too often with examples of this ex and it does keep it on my mind. I'm learning as I'm going. I've never been dumped before from a long term relationship though the who dumped who isn't that important. What is hard for me is the finality of it all. The "Holy crap, we are really broken up for good", thoughts. I know I'm better off w/out her in my life. She caused 85% of our relationship issues and I came home too often wondering why I couldn't break up with her or why I kept getting back together with her.

 

I'm going to take your advice and going forward not mention her or lessen the amount of examples with her. You're are correct in that it keeps her on my brain which doesn't help me fully put her behind me.

[forgetmenot75]

8 weeks no contact.

can I just check his Facebook and the Facebook of the old lady she's in love with? I was wondering what is he doing, if he still is with her...

 

Ugh, I don't know why I keep wondering whether he still remembers me or not, and I have the urge to see what's he doing...

 

I just searched his name on Facebook, but I refrained myself for entering his page. Instead, I'm posting here.

 

Should I or should I not? I think I already know the answer. silly me