He is not replying anymore

[Sunshine87]

Haha ohh I'll check it soon.

 

Are you ever going to check his text message? Or will you delete it?

[forgetmenot75]

I'm obviously his plan B. He forgot about our Monday meeting because he was at a bar with friends, drunk (I tend to think he was probably with another woman, as all his friends are married, but I don't know for sure).

Then he doesn't reply my apologizes on Monday afternoon. No contact trough Tuesday, then yesterday night he sent me two messages on a dating site wanting to see me (not a word about what had happened on Sunday/Monday), and this morning two texts.

 

I was thinking, about all this mess and everything, how could it be that he knows my feelings for him (I told him I love him several months ago, then never again, but it's clear I have feelings for him) yet he looks for me albeit he feels nothing...

how selfish one person can be? He shouldn't reply to me, nor look for me, knowing how much it hurts, right?

[forgetmenot75]

Haha ohh I'll check it soon.

 

Are you ever going to check his text message? Or will you delete it?

 

I can't delete them, I'll have to check them sometime. Thing is the moment I check them, I know I'll became crazy emotional again.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm obviously his plan B. He forgot about our Monday meeting because he was at a bar with friends, drunk (I tend to think he was probably with another woman, as all his friends are married, but I don't know for sure).

Then he doesn't reply my apologizes on Monday afternoon. No contact trough Tuesday, then yesterday night he sent me two messages on a dating site wanting to see me (not a word about what had happened on Sunday/Monday), and this morning two texts.

 

I was thinking, about all this mess and everything, how could it be that he knows my feelings for him (I told him I love him several months ago, then never again, but it's clear I have feelings for him) yet he looks for me albeit he feels nothing...

how selfish one person can be? He shouldn't reply to me, nor look for me, knowing how much it hurts, right?

 

From his point of view, it's not his job to save you from yourself. If you are willing to do whatever he wants when he wants it, why would he want to change that? He has no obligation to look out for your well-being, even if might be the nicer thing to do.

 

You have to look out for your own well-being. You can't rely on other people to do the right thing for you. That's your job.

[Zahara]

When someone reappears like nothing ever happened, they're pressing the reset button. Hoping you'd have gotten over it and it's time again to rope you back in. If he cared about your feelings, he'd acknowledge your feelings and the issue. He just brushes it off because he's hoping you'd be over your meltdown and you'll give in again.

 

He knows you love him. It's not his responsibility to care that you're hurt. It's your responsibility to recognize that when someone doesn't love you, you walk away. All you.

[forgetmenot75]

I agree he's pushing the reset button. That's very interesting, and revealing. I've had time to need him again, yet he didn't do any work.

 

However, if I were in his position, and he in mine, I'd never agreed to meet him, have sexual intercourse or whatever knowing he loved me and I don't love him back. I'd feel disgusted with myself, because he'd be vulnerable. How come there's people out there that can be this way?

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree he's pushing the reset button. That's very interesting, and revealing. I've had time to need him again, yet he didn't do any work.

 

However, if I were in his position, and he in mine, I'd never agreed to meet him, have sexual intercourse or whatever knowing he loved me and I don't love him back. I'd feel disgusted with myself, because he'd be vulnerable. How come there's people out there that can be this way?

 

Are you telling me you've never used a guy who you knew liked you for your benefit, be it a meal, an emotional conversation or anything of that like? Not trying to bag on you, but I'd say we've all done it at one time or another. And he might like you as a person and hope that you'll chill out and see his view on what you two have.

 

Either way, you need to stop putting the responsibility on his shoulders to change this situation. That's on you.

Edited June 13, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[forgetmenot75]

Are you telling me you've never used a guy who you knew liked you for your benefit, be it a meal, an emotional conversation or anything of that like? Not trying to bag on you, but I'd say we've all done it at one time or another. And he might like you as a person and hope that you'll chill out and see his view on what you two have.

 

Either way, you need to stop putting the responsibility on his shoulders to change this situation. That's on you.

 

Well, probably a dinner, or some moments with someone I knew was interested on me, but certainly not 6 months!

 

And I do like him when I'm with him. But I have other feelings too. Now I'm a complete mess again.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, probably a dinner, or some moments with someone I knew was interested on me, but certainly not 6 months!

 

And I do like him when I'm with him. But I have other feelings too. Now I'm a complete mess again.

 

He might assume that you are "cool" with it because you keep coming around and letting him do it. Either way, it's up to you to control your life. You are the one who needs to do this, not him. And blaming him doesn't help you out. You have to be the one to stay away and find someone else who wants what you want.

 

But either way, we've all done what this guy is doing to you to some degree. But playing the blame game doesn't really help you get where you need to go.

[Leigh 87]

Ugh, I feel disgusted with myself today.

For the first time in six months, I realized the truth, and I feel bad about myself.

I've tried so hard to make him love me, I waste so much energy, precious time, I cried almost every day, I went to two counselors, I got the divorce...I decided to ignore all the red flags (player, liar, dating sites, issues, things he told me...) because I pursued this stupid dream.

 

I am being very hard on myself right now. I'm sad, scared of the consequences of my acts, afraid of the future. I've been acting like a person with absolutely no self esteem, clinging on him, demanding him what he couldn't give me, acting like a stupid person, which I am not.

 

 

 

Aww don't be so hard on yourself! It is actually very GOOD that you can see the situation for what it actually is now!

 

Well done! Seriously, most women don't listen to other people when we say " he just isn't interested in you"

 

Just look around here... so many of us regulars TELL people, REPEATEDLY, that the guy in the picture is not at all interested in them!

 

Yet the girl will still continue to make threads about him, and ask questions about him... And we are like HE DOES NOT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT YOU!

 

I am SO relieved, frankly, that you're actually clever enough to listen to us!

 

....................

 

 

Now, admitting you made a bit of a fool out of yourself and ACNOWLEDGING you did wrong, means you're a perceptive and clever enough woman to now go and recognise when a GUY ACTUALLY LIKES YOU!

 

Stay single, ignore this guy DO NOT reply to his texts or calls! He knows you well enough to have decided by now as to whether he is in love with you! Guys truly IN love tend to know early on, within 5 months or so.

 

 

IF he tries to contact you, it is NOT because he is falling in love with you. It is NOT because he wants to become deeply invested in you!

 

He is just bored and yes, you are a cool girl who he is probably attracted to! That is ALL it is. He is contacting you for a good time, because he likes you as a person and wants sex. OR he wants his ego stroked by you.

 

You don't look silly at ALL, because you can SEE how this situation looks like! Sure it is embarrassing, but we ALL go through it!

 

ALL of us women on here, have made a fool out of ourselves before!

 

The best women often go after men who are just not in love with them. It is COMMON.

 

You are no exception and you realised your mistake. That is really good.

[forgetmenot75]

I checked the texts.

He texted good morning, and then that we should get together.

I replied with a hi 2 hours ago and no reply.

 

I'm not feeling sad, nor anxious, nor mad. I'm calm, and only wish this will be a very smooth goodbye. I texted again good night 1 hour ago, no reply.

It's ok, he must be chatting with someone else, or he probably changed his mind. I'm not surprised at all.

Slowly, I'm getting detached from him. I thought a lot today, how lonely I felt all this time...the things I asked him that he couldn't give me....

I'll continue with my life, and I don't want to experience this extreme feelings again, not in the short term. I'm drained, literally

 

All the work I've been doing with you guys this last days is amazing. I've discovered do many things, I understood the way of thinking of some men, I could finally understood that having sex doesn't equal to fall in love, I could internalize he is not interested at all, and that men who are interested act differently.

I could think how lonely and desperate was all this months, living an illusion, nurturing myself with dreams, closing my eyes to reality...

 

I don't know what to do right now with my life, I'll stick around for a while I think

[Simon Phoenix]

You shouldn't be texting him back anything. But definitely feel free to stick around -- this s--t isn't easy, even if we make it sound easy sometimes.

[todreaminblue]

I checked the texts.

He texted good morning, and then that we should get together.

I replied with a hi 2 hours ago and no reply.

 

I'm not feeling sad, nor anxious, nor mad. I'm calm, and only wish this will be a very smooth goodbye. I texted again good night 1 hour ago, no reply.

It's ok, he must be chatting with someone else, or he probably changed his mind. I'm not surprised at all.

Slowly, I'm getting detached from him. I thought a lot today, how lonely I felt all this time...the things I asked him that he couldn't give me....

I'll continue with my life, and I don't want to experience this extreme feelings again, not in the short term. I'm drained, literally

 

All the work I've been doing with you guys this last days is amazing. I've discovered do many things, I understood the way of thinking of some men, I could finally understood that having sex doesn't equal to fall in love, I could internalize he is not interested at all, and that men who are interested act differently.

I could think how lonely and desperate was all this months, living an illusion, nurturing myself with dreams, closing my eyes to reality...

 

I don't know what to do right now with my life, I'll stick around for a while I think

 

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. Don't text him.

 

He doesn't care how are you doing. Otherwise, he would have texted you before. Don't contact him. He doesn't want to be with you the same way you want him. He's been pretty clear with you.

 

WAIT. And STAY NO CONTACT. you'll feel better.

 

 

 

 

some poster wrote this gem to another poster called lemonadekiwi........i decided to post it to you because the words were wise and thoughtful so well thought out.........do you know who the poster is ,or have you an idea.. do the words seem familiar to you....

 

 

the poster who posted what i quoted above was......

 

YOU...

 

 

these are your words your thoughts....and you were writing them not only for the poster called lemonadekiwi.......but you were writing them for you too..... for me to repeat back to you now............i believe subconsciously we give advice to pthers that we should be taking ourselves......its a theory i have..hugs....best wishes..deb

[PutARingOnIt]

I checked the texts.

He texted good morning, and then that we should get together.

I replied with a hi 2 hours ago and no reply.

 

I'm not feeling sad, nor anxious, nor mad. I'm calm, and only wish this will be a very smooth goodbye. I texted again good night 1 hour ago, no reply.

It's ok, he must be chatting with someone else, or he probably changed his mind. I'm not surprised at all.

Slowly, I'm getting detached from him. I thought a lot today, how lonely I felt all this time...the things I asked him that he couldn't give me....

I'll continue with my life, and I don't want to experience this extreme feelings again, not in the short term. I'm drained, literally

 

All the work I've been doing with you guys this last days is amazing. I've discovered do many things, I understood the way of thinking of some men, I could finally understood that having sex doesn't equal to fall in love, I could internalize he is not interested at all, and that men who are interested act differently.

I could think how lonely and desperate was all this months, living an illusion, nurturing myself with dreams, closing my eyes to reality...

 

I don't know what to do right now with my life, I'll stick around for a while I think

 

I really wish you hadn't texted him right back.

[forgetmenot75]

I wish that too.

I got a text around midnight from him. My last text was: good night, have sweet dreams.

He replied: hahahaha I sure will!!!!!

 

I wish I haven't text him. I feel completely sick this morning. Like many other mornings...I wish this circle will finish.

[forgetmenot75]

He is acting erratically. I guess he was drunk again when he texted me two nights ago. I guess he has found other woman, or the woman he's in love is finally giving something back, so he must be confused and he's using me as ego boost. What a douchebag. This man told me I was important and that he cared for me. Ugh I'm nauseous

[Zahara]

I wish that too.

I got a text around midnight from him. My last text was: good night, have sweet dreams.

He replied: hahahaha I sure will!!!!!

 

I wish I haven't text him. I feel completely sick this morning. Like many other mornings...I wish this circle will finish.

 

As predicted. You gave him your power. You bit the bait and now he leaves you hanging again. The more he leaves you on the edge, the more you cling. It's his game. I hope you start to realize that it's never going to change.

 

And you want to make him hurt? Not happening my dear.

 

You wish this cycle will end? Well, it has to start with you. He's not going to give that to you.

[forgetmenot75]

Yes, and it makes more clingy. Why on earth he's playing me like this? I desperately need to ask him if he has found someone else, and why he doesn't tell me, like a friendly text. just for me to know...

 

Ugh, this is so f****** difficult. I'm really sick and tired. why is he acting like that?

[Zahara]

Yes, and it makes more clingy. Why on earth he's playing me like this? I desperately need to ask him if he has found someone else, and why he doesn't tell me, like a friendly text. just for me to know...

 

Ugh, this is so f****** difficult. I'm really sick and tired. why is he acting like that?

 

YOU yourself said he is a player and a liar. Why are you asking why he's playing you like this? What do players do? They play with women's emotions to get what they want. What do liars do? They lie to get what they want.

 

Why do you need to know if he's found someone? All you need to know is that he does not want you. If he found someone, he doesn't want you. If he hasn't found someone, he still doesn't want you. I'm sorry. If you need it to move on, then stop wasting your time because you already have enough reasons as to why you need to get away from him.

 

Players and liars don't tell women that they are with another because if they did that, they lose you as a benefit. Why would he want to lose someone that boosts his ego?

 

Why he acts like that is not your problem? Why you act the way you act is your problem.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, and it makes more clingy. Why on earth he's playing me like this? I desperately need to ask him if he has found someone else, and why he doesn't tell me, like a friendly text. just for me to know...

 

Ugh, this is so f****** difficult. I'm really sick and tired. why is he acting like that?

 

You don't need to ask him anything. You need to stop communicating. It's not his job to set you free, it's yours. Stop expecting him to do this.

[forgetmenot75]

I resumed some of the most significant phrases you guys have told me so I have them visible to re-read:

 

* HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU AND NEITHER IS HE INTERESTED IN YOU.

Do you not see the conundrum? You're trying force an uncaring man into caring for you, that's like trying to take away someone's free will and even God does not do that.

You need to stop putting him on a pedestal and just move on

 

* whether he cares about you or not is really not the issue at this point. the dynamic here is dysfunctional. he is not treating you well, and you are not treating him well.

 

* He's really just not interested.

He can't even remember "dates" with you. If this doesn't show you how completely and utterly un-invested he is to you, I don't know what will. He doesn't even seem excited to see you.

 

* Run away. This dude will never commit to you. He likes you for sex. Men don't turn friends with benefits into relationships ever

 

* Sounds like it's been over for him for a while.

 

* He wasn't giving you anything at all

 

* Uninterested is not a personality trait. It's him not being interested or invested in you. Please try to understand that.

Of course he was happy to connect. If he has been using you for sex, you just opened the door to that possibility again for him. That's his interest. Sex with no commitment.

Yes, forget this guy. He will never give you what you want.

 

* They act "uninterested" or just don't reply to texts because they are hoping the other person will pick up on it.

 

* men can be attracted to you and enjoy being around you, without having romantic feelings towards you.

A man who is really falling for you in a true romantic sense, will want to see you and talk to you regularly, consistently and on most days

 

* learn not to chase people who show no interest. They're not playing hard to get, or coy, and they're not being sly. He doesn't care either way if he talks to you or not, and you're a mere afterthought in his world.

 

* Simon is right unless guy is immature emotionally unavailable player or on rebound he wont leave you wondering.

You chase him he chases her is either one of you really in love with someone or is this case of wanting what you can't have with both of you.

Sooner or later we all get sick of having only half of something and even if you got him would you really be happy with him the way he is ?

 

* I think we elevate these people on a pedestal because we want what we can't have. It's a hit to our self-esteem to be unable to get something by just being ourselves. Like, if you are on a diet, you want the food you are not supposed to have 10 times worse than you would any other day. Why? Something unattainable instantly becomes more coveted. It's just human nature.

 

* You have to remember who he is. Texting you does not change the fact that he is still that same person you called a liar, a player and one that has much issues.

Only you can break the painful cycle you're in.

 

* He doesn't really care and has demonstrated that over and over again. You can't hurt someone who is indifferent

 

* When someone reappears like nothing ever happened, they're pressing the reset button. Hoping you'd have gotten over it and it's time again to rope you back in. If he cared about your feelings, he'd acknowledge your feelings and the issue. He just brushes it off because he's hoping you'd be over your meltdown and you'll give in again.

 

* I really wish you hadn't texted him right back

 

*You wish this cycle will end? Well, it has to start with you. He's not going to give that to you

 

* You don't need to ask him anything. You need to stop communicating. It's not his job to set you free, it's yours. Stop expecting him to do this.

[forgetmenot75]

Hello,

 

I've been feeling depressed lately, like the only thing I want to do is to lay in bed, surfing on dating sites, wishing to find someone new to forget.

 

However, the more I look, the more I realized no one is like him. He was really handsome, that was the first thing I remember...his sweet, sweet smile...

I'm crying now, because I remember the sweet kisses he gave me, the soft caresses...

I'm feeling really sad. There's no point on contacting him again, and I realized all this 6 months, he was an illusion. But how can I forget him? How can I find someone else? No one is as attractive as he was, we had a perfect chemistry, yet he decided not to appreciate me.

Ugh, I'm suffering right now, wondering when I'll be able to be happy again without him...

[forgetmenot75]

I'm dying right now to look what he's doing online, to take a look at this pics...But I know this will prolong the anguish, and that I might find things I don't really want to know, things I don't really want to see...

[Enna]

I'm afraid there's only one way to get over him, but the good news is it's 100% guaranteed to work:

 

Give it time! And NEVER contact him again! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other...and one day you'll realise you're there. At the moment you're 'dwelling' a bit - but this is a natural part of the grieving process. Though to be honest you're not grieving him - you're grieving the person you THOUGHT he was... I know, I've done this too. (Not with the same bloke I hope...though he did the rounds a bit so I wouldn't be surprised! ;-) )

 

Keep going!

[Justletgo]

That 'summary' post is great, it does just that. Summing it up correctly.

 

It's pretty clear what's happening here, he is not interested.

 

You missing him etc. is completely normal, eventually you'll get sick of it and stop contacting him for your own good. That's where the real healing starts.

 

I hate breakups ^^