He is not replying anymore

[theonlyjuan]

Don't be sad please

[Vials]

"I miss the mystery, the excitement, I miss being with him. I miss trying to fix him and to make him love me. I know it sounds sick, but I miss the obsession and the uncertainty of not knowing what was coming next with him. I feel empty without these things, and I don't know if this other guy can make me feel butterflies again."

 

What you miss is the fantasy that you created in your head of a happy life with this loser, who I imagine you thought of as prince charming, your saviour who would ride off with you into the sunset on his white horse.

 

You were in love with someone you thought you knew. You chose to ignore his lying, manipulative ways because you had rose-colored glasses on. Eventually, when you take them off, you'll laugh at how silly you were to like an a**hole like that.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't think you even really like this guy. I think his rejection of you is a huge blow to your ego. You wanted the challenge of taming the difficult guy, it failed, and now you are upset. I really think your ego is bruised more than your heart from observing what's going on.

[Omei]

Forgetmenot it will get better, You might not be doing anything to make yourself better.

 

I am in NC now for 4 months abouts and I cry maybe once a week sometimes not at all, I think more about this new guy I recently met but I still dream about my ex and when I wake up its okay, NC is amazing.

 

You know what I did after 5 years of my breakup? people will prob say its bad advice, But I totally lived it up, I dolled myself up and I went to the bar every 2nd night almost and drank! and smoked weed! and danced! Man I partied like I was a teen again, and just had SO MUCH fun all the stuff ive been missing in the last few years I totally lived it up. I met some new friends now ive stopped partying and im quite content.

 

I picked up some cool new hobbies like T shirt cutting and crafts!

 

Really REALLY! find fun stuff to do!

 

Only let yourself cry at night when your alone right before sleep, when you wake up TAKE THE DAY and make it your day. Repeat.

[forgetmenot75]

"I miss the mystery, the excitement, I miss being with him. I miss trying to fix him and to make him love me. I know it sounds sick, but I miss the obsession and the uncertainty of not knowing what was coming next with him. I feel empty without these things, and I don't know if this other guy can make me feel butterflies again."

 

What you miss is the fantasy that you created in your head of a happy life with this loser, who I imagine you thought of as prince charming, your saviour who would ride off with you into the sunset on his white horse.

 

You were in love with someone you thought you knew. You chose to ignore his lying, manipulative ways because you had rose-colored glasses on. Eventually, when you take them off, you'll laugh at how silly you were to like an a**hole like that.

 

Very true.

[forgetmenot75]

I don't think you even really like this guy. I think his rejection of you is a huge blow to your ego. You wanted the challenge of taming the difficult guy, it failed, and now you are upset. I really think your ego is bruised more than your heart from observing what's going on.

 

He was very likable. I liked him a lot. but if he were interested on me from the beginning, I think I wouldn't pursued the way I did, and I could see him from what he is instead of putting him in a pedestal.

[forgetmenot75]

I really can't do the party thing. I have no friends here, and I'm sick right now. I have a horrible cold since Monday, feeling very crappy.

I woke up several times tonight, I think I'm in a deep hole right now, in part because I'm feeling so bad, in part because I'm so lonely. Every time I woke up, images of him appeared in my head. things he said, or I just imagined him in new situations. I tried to say "no" to this thoughts but I finally understood it's better to let everything flow.

 

One thing is scarring me right now, and it's the fear of having aids from him. He got tested on February and was negative. I got tested in May and was negative. He told me he was only with me since December, but last time I saw him in June I asked again if he slept with someone since December and the dumbass doubted for a minute, then said he slept with the older woman he's in love with (he previously said to me he never slept with her!). So I can't believe him a word.

He's probably slept with other women and said nothing to me. I wonder why, if he always was encouraging me to sleep with other men, and he openly visited dating sites several times a day each one.

 

So for this things, I bought a kit on the internet and it's arriving this Friday. I'm sharing this with you not because I want you to tell me how irresponsible I was for sleeping with a man like this, but because I need some support when I'm doing the test. Please be considerate with me, I already know how silly I was.

[Zahara]

Get an STD test done with your doctor. It doesn't just cover HIV but several other STDs that are out there. There are no tests for HPV and it may take years for symptoms to show.

[forgetmenot75]

I already done that in january, and the last one I did was in May. all came back negative.

[Zahara]

That's good. I'm sure the test will return negative results as well. Learn from this as you move on. Be careful as you never know where someone has been.

[Simon Phoenix]

He was very likable. I liked him a lot. but if he were interested on me from the beginning, I think I wouldn't pursued the way I did, and I could see him from what he is instead of putting him in a pedestal.

 

I think you liked him because he was a challenge. I'm sure he had a decent personality, but I really think your ego is bruised more than your heart. You don't seem like you've been rejected too often in your life and for the most part get what you want, so I think this guy doing that has thrown you for a loop. I just don't really see a loving foundation from what you've described of this -- I almost feel like you enjoyed the thrill of the chase and are sore because it didn't work out. Your constant comments of "I thought I could make him love me" suggest that.

 

I'm not saying this to be mean, just trying to give a different (and in my opinion accurate) perspective. I think you need to get past the "I want what I can't have" mentality.

[forgetmenot75]

I think you liked him because he was a challenge. I'm sure he had a decent personality, but I really think your ego is bruised more than your heart. You don't seem like you've been rejected too often in your life and for the most part get what you want, so I think this guy doing that has thrown you for a loop. I just don't really see a loving foundation from what you've described of this -- I almost feel like you enjoyed the thrill of the chase and are sore because it didn't work out. Your constant comments of "I thought I could make him love me" suggest that.

 

I'm not saying this to be mean, just trying to give a different (and in my opinion accurate) perspective. I think you need to get past the "I want what I can't have" mentality.

 

Yes, you are right. I feel defeated. I just cannot understand how could he reject me like that. He's a dumbass and a loser, he's not brilliant at all, yet he rejected me, and he ignored me. I'm crying right now (again ugh).

 

Someone said that you need to feel the worst before feeling ok again. Well, I'm feeling like day 1 no contact right now, but the difference is that I haven't contacted him in 5 weeks, not looked to any pictures, or attempted to have any contact whatsoever with him in this 5 weeks.

Could you please explain me why is that happening? It is the rain before the sun, or is it that I'm going backwards??

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, you are right. I feel defeated. I just cannot understand how could he reject me like that. He's a dumbass and a loser, he's not brilliant at all, yet he rejected me, and he ignored me. I'm crying right now (again ugh).

 

Someone said that you need to feel the worst before feeling ok again. Well, I'm feeling like day 1 no contact right now, but the difference is that I haven't contacted him in 5 weeks, not looked to any pictures, or attempted to have any contact whatsoever with him in this 5 weeks.

Could you please explain me why is that happening? It is the rain before the sun, or is it that I'm going backwards??

 

Well, recovering isn't a linear process. It's full of ups and downs. But why do you feel the need to try to fix or win in relationships? Why is the challenge worth more than the person? I really don't think you miss this guy, I really think that you aren't used to losing. I see no real love between the two of you, even from your end.

[forgetmenot75]

Pretty good days so far. Simon, you're right, this is not a linear process.

I remember the loser daily but with different affection. Just starting week 6 NC.

What I do found out is I'm totally useless to keep a man interested on me for a longer period than a week. I guess the loser was interested on me because he saw all the free sex from the beginning.

But trying to attract a normal guy for a normal relationship is turning out to be exhausting.

I find myself writing to the same type of guys, the ones that doesn't care a sh**. The ones that are clingy only repulses me.

I just "broke up" with someone I was talking to by email for the last 3 weeks. He didn't even care, wtf? He just stopped emailing me, so I wrote saying if I said something wrong, and he replied some stupid excuse, to finally said: "don't be sad"

I'm not ready to meet in person yet, so I try to prolong the emails, texts etc, but it seems I'm not interesting enough...

Very confused and sad right now :S

[Simon Phoenix]

Pretty good days so far. Simon, you're right, this is not a linear process.

I remember the loser daily but with different affection. Just starting week 6 NC.

What I do found out is I'm totally useless to keep a man interested on me for a longer period than a week. I guess the loser was interested on me because he saw all the free sex from the beginning.

But trying to attract a normal guy for a normal relationship is turning out to be exhausting.

I find myself writing to the same type of guys, the ones that doesn't care a sh**. The ones that are clingy only repulses me.

I just "broke up" with someone I was talking to by email for the last 3 weeks. He didn't even care, wtf? He just stopped emailing me, so I wrote saying if I said something wrong, and he replied some stupid excuse, to finally said: "don't be sad"

I'm not ready to meet in person yet, so I try to prolong the emails, texts etc, but it seems I'm not interesting enough...

Very confused and sad right now :S

 

Time to take a break from men, figure out why you are attracted to the disinterested and turned off by men who actually seem to have an interest in you.

[forgetmenot75]

Yeah, I'm not investing too much, I only want to think about someone else so I don't think about him.

What are you doing here, Simon? Are you also suffering?

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, I'm not investing too much, I only want to think about someone else so I don't think about him.

What are you doing here, Simon? Are you also suffering?

 

Nah, not anymore. I made peace with my break long ago, hell, I've even started talking to my ex again. I just like to be helpful and am addicted to several storylines on here.

[Echo000]

you should also explore the places in which you meet men. sometimes its simply that you are looking for good men in the wrong places.

[xilver]

I am fairly reserved. It appears to my ex that I don't show interest in her. From her point of view I take forever to respond to her texts. Some days I don't text her. I never call her. I don't look at her a certain way, we never have sex, i dont have fun around her, dont give her compliments and who knows what else I forgot to mention.

 

But from my point of view I am getting accused of cheating on her. She thinks I have a wife stashed somewhere, she tells me I'd be happy with someone else. Complains that I dont respond to her and when I do give her a compliment she brushes it off. When I try to have sex with her sometimes its a go sometimes a no go and sometimes I am accused of using her for sex. All of that negative crap she throws at me pushes me away. Instead of not contacting her for a day i'll wait until she contacts me again.

 

The sad thing is I do love her and similar to you she thinks I don't care about her at all. She thinks that because I haven't contacted her for over a month that I never cared about her and I must be some horrible person because I don't have the decency to reach out to her. Well the fact is she brought it on herself.

 

I know your situation is a bit different with the dating site and maybe he admitted seeing other people but IDK if you guys were even together at the time. But the way you have acted through this whole thing in your interactions with him reminds me of how my ex was with me during that process of pushing me away. Very aggressive, mean with words, loud, and insecure.

 

Not trying to put you down or anything but maybe this will give you some insight into his perspective.

[Simon Phoenix]

I am fairly reserved. It appears to my ex that I don't show interest in her. From her point of view I take forever to respond to her texts. Some days I don't text her. I never call her. I don't look at her a certain way, we never have sex, i dont have fun around her, dont give her compliments and who knows what else I forgot to mention.

 

But from my point of view I am getting accused of cheating on her. She thinks I have a wife stashed somewhere, she tells me I'd be happy with someone else. Complains that I dont respond to her and when I do give her a compliment she brushes it off. When I try to have sex with her sometimes its a go sometimes a no go and sometimes I am accused of using her for sex. All of that negative crap she throws at me pushes me away. Instead of not contacting her for a day i'll wait until she contacts me again.

 

The sad thing is I do love her and similar to you she thinks I don't care about her at all. She thinks that because I haven't contacted her for over a month that I never cared about her and I must be some horrible person because I don't have the decency to reach out to her. Well the fact is she brought it on herself.

 

I know your situation is a bit different with the dating site and maybe he admitted seeing other people but IDK if you guys were even together at the time. But the way you have acted through this whole thing in your interactions with him reminds me of how my ex was with me during that process of pushing me away. Very aggressive, mean with words, loud, and insecure.

 

Not trying to put you down or anything but maybe this will give you some insight into his perspective.

 

How can you be cheating on your ex if you aren't with her? That makes no sense whatsoever.

[xilver]

How can you be cheating on your ex if you aren't with her? That makes no sense whatsoever.

 

She was pre-ex status at the time of that accusation

[forgetmenot75]

hi,

 

just an update about my HIV test. It turned out negative, so I guess I can breathe now.

Another update: this morning I checked my profiles in the dating sites we used to contact each other with this guy, and he hasn't visited ANY of them in this 6 weeks. Ugh. It still hurts to be so disposable. when this will stop to hurt?? WHEN? (I haven't checked his profiles, I'm still keeping No contact as I should

 

I was reading about the f.u.ck buddies and I guess he wanted something like that (I remember him not looking at me on the eyes when having sex, always busy for me, not seeing me more than once a week, not calling me "baby" or say the L word..., not going anywhere but his home...) I don't blame him. I played my game wrong though. It's better to keep things clear since the beginning, I didn't know what to expect when I first met him, and I thought I could open my hearth to him. What a loser I am.

Lesson learned.

[forgetmenot75]

you should also explore the places in which you meet men. sometimes its simply that you are looking for good men in the wrong places.

 

I have no clue where to look for men. these dating sites are full of players, and the ones that are not players, are weirdies ugh

[forgetmenot75]

I am fairly reserved. It appears to my ex that I don't show interest in her. From her point of view I take forever to respond to her texts. Some days I don't text her. I never call her. I don't look at her a certain way, we never have sex, i dont have fun around her, dont give her compliments and who knows what else I forgot to mention.

 

But from my point of view I am getting accused of cheating on her. She thinks I have a wife stashed somewhere, she tells me I'd be happy with someone else. Complains that I dont respond to her and when I do give her a compliment she brushes it off. When I try to have sex with her sometimes its a go sometimes a no go and sometimes I am accused of using her for sex. All of that negative crap she throws at me pushes me away. Instead of not contacting her for a day i'll wait until she contacts me again.

 

The sad thing is I do love her and similar to you she thinks I don't care about her at all. She thinks that because I haven't contacted her for over a month that I never cared about her and I must be some horrible person because I don't have the decency to reach out to her. Well the fact is she brought it on herself.

 

I know your situation is a bit different with the dating site and maybe he admitted seeing other people but IDK if you guys were even together at the time. But the way you have acted through this whole thing in your interactions with him reminds me of how my ex was with me during that process of pushing me away. Very aggressive, mean with words, loud, and insecure.

 

Not trying to put you down or anything but maybe this will give you some insight into his perspective.

 

got it. what is that you want to probe with this? I already gave up on him, he's moved on to someone else, and there's nothing left for us. I don't care anymore why he pushed away. what I need to do now is move on and forget about this loser (btw, I don't care of his a loser or not, but in my mind I need him to be a loser, still) what's your situation like right now?

[Echo000]

totally random but i will write this here..even tho it doesnt necessarily fit. Before cutting all ties with my ex, i told her to listen to a song that was meaningful to me and the situation between us. A few days later, she broke my desire to cut ties and texted me. I ended up asking if she listened to the song..she said no she had been too busy. I said wow, "if you had told me about listening to a song i would have treated it like gold and listened asap". She got mad at me, for trying to make her feel guilty.

 

When the actions dont match the words, then everything has been said loud and clear.

 

Tough when you apparently cared more than they did. I am still trying to be okay with all this. Today marks first full week of NC, this time forever though. Sad but necessary.