A second chance....someday?

[Infomercials]

So, the ex is trying to get me to hold on by saying things like:

 

"What I want most in the world is for us to be together again someday."

 

"I feel like a part of my soul is missing without you."

 

"I'll love you forever."

 

He's with someone else, but he tells me he loves me more than her. The last time we saw each other, we held hands and talked for hours. We held each other, we cried, and it just felt magical. I believe in soul mates, and I think he's mine. Yes, he's done bad things. I've done bad things. However, the love was always there and still is. The love doesn't change, and that's why I can't see him at all now.

 

I want a second chance, but I don't want it until he's ready to step up and be the man I know he can be. I'm letting go, going NC, and trying to work on myself. I'm a bit of a control freak, though, and so I just want to know...is there anything I can do to make this second chance more likely some day? Is there, in this crazy messed up thing called life, ANY way that I can affect this happening? If there is, I'll probably do it. I'm guessing, as strange as it sounds, that this can't happen unless he and I both...move on. I don't think the love will ever stop, but it feels like this can't be a reality unless I give up hope, but I'm not sure I can give up hope. So confused.

[swimswithjeans]

Infomercials... Really... I know how you feel.

 

I am in no position to give you advice, but all that I can say is I allow myself to think however I need to just to get through the day.

 

I know I will probably get chewed out for saying this, but it is the truth. Right now, when my heart is in my stomach and I am on the brink of tears and can't calm down, all I can and will think is that J will absolutely text me sooner or later but probably sooner. It is the best that I can do to cope right now and it is better than nothing.

 

Eventually... We will make it, though. This is the hardest part. The first couple of days are the hardest and we have gotten through that and we are okay. And every day it will get easier to pretend it's easier so easier will be right around the corner.

[Simon Phoenix]

So, the ex is trying to get me to hold on by saying things like:

 

"What I want most in the world is for us to be together again someday."

 

"I feel like a part of my soul is missing without you."

 

"I'll love you forever."

 

He's with someone else, but he tells me he loves me more than her. The last time we saw each other, we held hands and talked for hours. We held each other, we cried, and it just felt magical. I believe in soul mates, and I think he's mine. Yes, he's done bad things. I've done bad things. However, the love was always there and still is. The love doesn't change, and that's why I can't see him at all now.

 

I want a second chance, but I don't want it until he's ready to step up and be the man I know he can be. I'm letting go, going NC, and trying to work on myself. I'm a bit of a control freak, though, and so I just want to know...is there anything I can do to make this second chance more likely some day? Is there, in this crazy messed up thing called life, ANY way that I can affect this happening? If there is, I'll probably do it. I'm guessing, as strange as it sounds, that this can't happen unless he and I both...move on. I don't think the love will ever stop, but it feels like this can't be a reality unless I give up hope, but I'm not sure I can give up hope. So confused.

 

No, there's nothing you can do to make him want to get back with you. You can only drive him away from you. You have to move forward and let life take its course. Not what you want to hear, but there isn't a magic button you can press.

[JadedRomantic]

I feel you. My situation isn't exactly the same but I understand how you are feeling.

 

It sounds like there is still a lot of mutual love between the two of you and that bond is special. And I also completely understand what you mean by letting him do him and you do you to grow and learn etc. in order to come back again stronger and better individuals and therefore have a stronger and better relationship. All makes sense and is very plausible.

 

That being said ... truly noone can predict the future and you or him may end up moving on completely and be happy with other people, or you may end up back together again but way way down the line. Who knows?

 

However, if you do feel like he is your soul-mate as you say ... then trust that what is meant to be yours will never pass you by. Keep up the NC and focus on you and moving on like you say, and if in a couple months, you still feel this strongly, then text him or call him. Keep it light, breezy and gauge how he is feeling (if he responds). If he calls you, keep it light, casual ... don't mention anything about a deep love and being together again in the future. See where it goes.

 

If you believe it to be true love and he said and acted the way he did, then at least a part of him thinks so too. So I wouldn't give up 'hope' or anyhting and I believe in trusting my gut on things, but truly try to move on. Enjoy getting to know other people and men and in the process getting to know yourself better as well. =)

[Infomercials]

Thanks, everyone. He's very special to me which is the reason NC is so hard. I'm dying for a call or a text. But I keep trying to go with what's meant to be will be....that's very hard for a person like me though!

[Pisces13]

Dumpers say the darndest things huh?

 

What is stopping him from being with you right now? He says he loves you more than his current girlfriend, feels like a "part of himself is missing" and hopes you'll get back together eventually one day, but doesn't want to be with you now. What is he doing then?

 

I have no doubt this guy still loves you, and everything he says is most likely true, but I just don't get it when people say stuff like this...

[Leigh 87]

Your ex is a complete jerk.

 

This is SO unfair to his new partner.

 

If I were you, I would tell her. She deserves to find a man who is genuinely in love with her, or is falling in love with her. She deserves a man who adores her too much to, you know... Tell other women that he still loves them.

 

Look. He may not be a bad person. He just needs boundaries! He needs to get over YOU, before he can just entre into a new relationship!

 

And my ex TELLS ME THE EXACT. Same. Things.

 

It does not mean they want to be with us.

 

It does not mean they are madly in love with us, and we are the loves of their lives!

 

Look. I am sure you were very special to him, and that he loved you dearly.

He is obviously not IN love with you, though. Nor does he want to be WITH you badly enough. If he did, he would do whatever it takes to BE with you.

 

Look..... I personally know what it is like, to find a person unlike any one else you have ever met. A person you feel a weird vibe with when you fist meet.

It does not mean they are deeply in love with you. It does not mean you're the romantic love of their life; it could be that you're a very special person in their life.

 

I cannot really process how a man IN love, and who desperately believes that YOU will make them their lives the best they can be, would be doing what he is doing.

 

This guy sounds like he is so attached to you and he misses you so much, that he cannot let you go. I am sure he thinks very highly of you and that he loves you as a person.

 

For his own sake, I would actually let HIM go. Cut him off.

 

Let him figure his ****e out, and find a girl who is right for him, and who he never wants to leave. You too, deserve a guy who does not leave you for another women!

 

Sadly, I doubt he will change much. It sounds like he just goes from relationship to relationship, with girls he really adored and loves, but who he is just not IN love with enough.

 

It sounds like he will end one relationship, only to use another woman as a distraction to his own issues.

 

I know this is all so much for you to process right now. Just chill. Take this all in, the advice we all give you. You decide if anything resonates with you or if you feel any of this advice helps.

 

Try to get other peoples perspectives, though, because when you're in love with a guy who is not right for you, you will do whatever you can to justify being together again.

 

It took me looking at outside perspectives, to realise that I deserved more than my ex. That he loved me dearly perhaps, but he was not IN love with me deeply. Or he would have stuck by me no matter how awful I became with my personal issues.

 

Good luck and relax. I know it hurts but it will get better and you will come to a stage where the pain of your ex, goes away.

[totallylost5040]

If he's sayin all that stuff to you.... just text him with this.

 

"Actions speak louder than words"