bjtjh34 Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Hello, i must say that i have never done this kind of thing b4, so here goes, my fiance left me for another man about 2 months ago, she suggested that we try 2 b friends!!!, i said ok because i still loved her at that time, Well as you guessed, it never worked because we was very angry at each other, well the person who done the dirty has got to project their guilt and blame someone for what they have done, have they not??? anyway i digress, as i said earlier things turned unpleaseant to me, she kept on having a go at me on the phone, EG: me decorating the place, throwing all the things out we built up 2gether, learnig to drive, getting rid of the old 3 piece suite and buying a new 1, you get the idea!!! Well that night she had a go at me on the phone, i told her that i didn't want to be her friend no more, then i hung up. So what i did was type out a 13page letter of a4 paper of all the trouble that we had in our relationship, i text her to meet me, she did 10mins later, we met up, i did not stay to talk to her, i just cycled up to her and threw the piece of our history together on the floor at her feet and told her in the letter never to contact me ever again, turned around and went, i thought out of her life 4ever. that was 1 month ago, guess what? you guessed it, she phoned me and said that she still had things of mine, now remember she has had these things of mine for 2 months and they could have been thrown out, i said to sling them away in the bin, we chatted for about 15mins, then hung up, i thought that was most unreal, so i text her to see if she wanted to go 4 a coffee, as she had the day off work, her reply was could she get back to me on that later, so i text back and said ok, well i thought nothing on it and went about my usual buisness, i went out and never got home till nearly 8 that nite, picked the phone up and had a missed call from her, Then i text her if she called and she said yes, then she asked if i still could still go for a coffee, i thought she was on about another time and day, i said ok, when? she said 2nite as she had long day at work the next day, i said ok, then she said to meet in 15mins, well we never went 4 a coffee, we went for a walk in the nearby park 4 nearly 2 hours, we chatted about general things, not the relationship, she walked me home and the we said goodnite 2 each other, i thought this was 2 good to b true, then i went into my place and text her and asked her if she wanted to come back 4 a coffee, and guess what? she text me back and said when? i said now, she said she will b around in 15mins, i could not believe my luck, anyway she turned up, general chit chat again, She went home after an hour, she said that she would text me again, i thought nothing of it and i went to bed, i was just about to get into bed when i had a text from her saying thankyou for the coffee, i said your most welcome, i thought 2 myself, i'm going to milk this 2 c how far i can go, so sent her another text and asked her if she wanted to come back for another coffee, she said yes, i thought wow, she turned up and stayed for another hour, by this time it was half 12 in the morning, she went home again, i offered her another 1, she said that she was in bed with her pj's on, so i said to her, "l take it that is a no then" she replied that she didn't say that, well i had a brain storm, lets go for a walk in the park with our pj's on, she turned up with her normal clothes on, but i was in my pj's and we went for a walk, she said that she never had time to brush her hair, we left each other again at 02:39 that morning, with her laughing at me. Told her that if she wanted to come again and have a coffee or a chat she knows where i live, text her that i was grateful for the time we had together. she said thats ok and 2 take care, then she will text me again soon to go out for a coffee or walk. Now my dilema!!! 4 times we met that nite, 7 and a half hours we spent together as well, Please can some 1 tell me from there point of view what this means, i don't want to build up my hopes for nothing, as i have just restarted to rebuild my life without her, many thanks. Lumpy1 Link to post Share on other sites
rogueless Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 13 pages of trouble already and you want to go back for more? If you still have a copy, I would suggest you read those 13 pages, and think about what you are getting yourself back into. What types of things were in those 13 pages? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Where is the man she left you for? You spent all this time together & didn't talk about your relationship? And she didn't mention the new boyfriend? It sounds like she may be interested in patching things up. Really the person you need to ask is her. You should tell her this: i don't want to build up my hopes for nothing, as i have just restarted to rebuild my life without her (you), It just may be that she's only thinking you're friends again. Is that what you want? I don't think so because obviously you still have romantic feelings for her. She needs to be upfront & honest about her intentions towards you & you have every right to ask. I would encourage you to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bjtjh34 Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 Yes she did mention her boyfriend, she said she wasn't to sure if it would work with him either, (Honeymoon period wearing off???) 13 pages, yes but they wasn't all about the bad things that happened between us, yes we had our ups and downs. she said that she hopes i find someone that is good for me as i have got a lot of love to give, and not to read to much in to our friendship, personaly i think its her just testing out the water, to see if i still care about her and have her back, she see's her boyfriend at work everyday and twice at the weekend, go figure. Now if she didn't care about me why spend all that time together, and meet up 4 times after not seeing each other for nearly 2 months, then no contact for 1 month?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bjtjh34 Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 Also, why would she even phone me over the trival things knowing that they can be thrown out??? that was just an excuse for her to contact me, because if she didn't want anything to do with me or feel for me then she would not of contacted me in the first place, would she???? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Yeah, sounds a little weird that she would want to hang out for that long and do the trivial phone calls and logically it would point to her still havign feelings and wondering about things. But...woman in general aren't that logical. As a whole they are crazy and she could just be feeling guilty so she thinks hanging out like that with you and caling you is somehow the best thing for you when in reality she is doing it simply to make herself feel less guilty. My opinion is she is a little confused when it comes to things with you and eventually she may make the move the really come back to you but I say don't hold your breath for it. Just live your life the way you did before she shwoed up and if she comes back (and you still want that down the road) then great. If not then that is fine too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bjtjh34 Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 How can she be confused??? i have not expressed any want/desire to have a back, but i know 1 thing, that her actions are not like she used to be. All i did was leave her alone for 1 month, went for a couple of walks in the park the other day at night, i also asked her if she told her b/f if he knew what was going on??, she said no and she wont tell him either, so what does that tell me?? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 she can be confused because she may have feelings for you...but at the same time doesn't want to act on the feelings or thinks it is wrong that she has them. Women are weird, hence my handle. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 What could it all mean... Could mean you make a reeaaallllyyyy kick a** Cup of Joe and your calling is really to put Starbucks out of busniess?! Sorry... (Tee Hee!) You know honestly, who knows what it really means.. I think it's odd that the two of you were engaged (not just dating) and she was so willing to let go of the relationship. She's told you that she hopes you meet someone else.. that she doesn't want you to read to much into the "Friendship" the two of you have re~established.. she has also told you her boyfriend doesn't know she has met up with you and she has no plans to tell him.. to me IF she was wanting to get back together romantically, she wouldn't be telling you she wants you to meet someone else.. when she tells you not to read to much into the friendship.. she may see that you're getting your hopes up that something more is going on between the two of you, and she wants you to understand where she is on things ie "Just Friends" not telling her new boyfriend.. well although I don't think it's okay for her to hide it from him I can see why she would.. not like he would be thrilled with her being your buddy right? The two of you had been engaged. I think she does still care about you.. and I don't know the reason(s) she had for wanting to end the romantic relationship.. but from what you've said, it seems that she loves you (as a friend) but isn't IN love with you as a life partner.. I'm sorry. My two cent's Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 she said that she hopes i find someone that is good for me as i have got a lot of love to give, and not to read to much in to our friendship The question you need to answer for yourself now is: Can you actually be friends? I don't think you should be wasting your time trying to second guess her thoughts & intentions. Attempts to woo her back whilst being her friend are only going to make it harder for you in the long run. Take it as a given that she is not interested in you romantically any longer and move on. If she does then decide that she wants a second go then you take it from there. Who knows? By that time you may no longer care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bjtjh34 Posted October 10, 2004 Author Share Posted October 10, 2004 Personaly Merin2, Like i said b4, what she said was just a flakey excuse to contact me, so realy she must be thinking about me. well lets see what she said, only sees b/f at work and 2 nights a week, so what does she do then 4 the rest of the week??? these are her own words now, go home to 1 room in a shared house, then goes to bed with tea in hand, goes to sleep with the side light on and the radio playing softly (because she's feeling insecure uuummm???) not much company there then!!! Not sure if the new man will work out!!!! (insecure again) I think she is only saying those things because she feels insecure and trying to see if still care about her, i never told her that at all, i said i missed her and that was it, no more no less. She is only saying those things because i told them her 1 month ago. This is so strange, you see, in the letter that i gave her, told her never to contact me ever again, phone, text, in the street, when i said no contact, i ment no contact. So that nite when we spent all that time 2gether, then she sent me another text saying we must do it again, soon. Now if she was not feeling insecure she would not have contacted me, if she had any respect for me, she would have left me alone 4 good, correct?? So i think something is stiring her blood again, so what might it be?? me being used as a fall net? who knows Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Originally posted by bjtjh34 Personaly Merin2, Like i said b4, what she said was just a flakey excuse to contact me, so realy she must be thinking about me. well lets see what she said, only sees b/f at work and 2 nights a week, so what does she do then 4 the rest of the week??? these are her own words now, go home to 1 room in a shared house, then goes to bed with tea in hand, goes to sleep with the side light on and the radio playing softly (because she's feeling insecure uuummm???) not much company there then!!! Not sure if the new man will work out!!!! (insecure again) I think she is only saying those things because she feels insecure and trying to see if still care about her, i never told her that at all, i said i missed her and that was it, no more no less. She is only saying those things because i told them her 1 month ago. This is so strange, you see, in the letter that i gave her, told her never to contact me ever again, phone, text, in the street, when i said no contact, i ment no contact. So that nite when we spent all that time 2gether, then she sent me another text saying we must do it again, soon. Now if she was not feeling insecure she would not have contacted me, if she had any respect for me, she would have left me alone 4 good, correct?? So i think something is stiring her blood again, so what might it be?? me being used as a fall net? who knows Was only my opinion. Wish ya the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts