stuckinart Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I am married to my wife for 8years. I managed things as they come with a relaxed attitude; my wife is the planner type who does not like any room for errors/deviation.We have no kids abut I felt that we are growing apart these days. We tried to watch programs together but it always ends up watching what she prefers; she'll dismiss those I liked. I do most of the household work at home; she'll make a big fuss of anything she sees as incorrectly done. She'll prefer me to buy back food for her as compared to eating out together. She is close to her own family and treats them well and we do visit them very regularly. However, when I visit my parents, she is prefers not to go and asking me why do I have to go back everyweek. I do not understand why I cannot visit my parents as and when I felt like it. As i love the great outdoors, I tried to engage her in outdoor activties such as hiking or just a leisurely walk in the gardens. However, she does not want to participate as she feels the effect from the sunlight on her is going to show up her age. My participation in outdoor events(trails, runs) are curbed by the the excuse of it being bad for the body as we get older. My career took a change for the better a couple of years back. However, the stress and toll it is taking on me is making me considering returning to my former field of work. My hobbies in music, outdoor activties, and other fields have all been completely suspended due to the amount of work I need to manage and the lack of motivation. She does not support the idea of me returning to my former work and says its good to remain for the long run.(I agree its good for the long run, but I am drained mentally) I throughly enjoyed my former scope of work. When arguments fly, it always end up with a silent treatment by her and an ultimatium for me to correct myself and follow her views. I tried to tell her my problems at work and it always end up in a "you must do this for the family" tirade and accusing me of being selfish. I'm quite easily contented and really missed the comfortable way of life before. I felt i'm being controlled; all my actions needs to be go through her "approval/assessment" before anyhing else. I do not limit her on what she wants to do, I fact i encourage her to seek out new activties to enrich/occupy herself. Here comes the confusion; I have an female ex-colleague which gets along relatively well with me. She knows both of us and our relationship as friends has been good so far. I've met her a few times recently to catch up with the each other and talk about work and other matters. I've discovered a side of her which was not evident before; we have a lot of common interests and outlook. We used to call each other "pet" names and we are still comfortable using it on one another even now. She does not reject my arrangements to meet up for dinners or even shows. I have this feeling that she also fancies me a little? I missed talking to her and her voice when she is not around; especially at this moment when my wife is not exactly supportive of me. I looked forward to our next meetup so that we can have another good chat; its helps me to relax and rediscover my motivation to resume my hobbies. I feel that I should communicate with my wife to let her now my situation and feelings now. If she is not supportive of me or change her controlling ways; I may have to decide its time to end it. As much as I would like to remain old with her, I value an individual's own freedom to pursue activties that one likes and I hate control freaks. In the meantime, should I stop seeing this ex-colleague so that I do not get her involved at this stage? I do not even know how far this will lead to with her even if I end my relationship with my wife. I do not want to leade her on and get herself hurt in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Several things to say. One is about your "friend." Absolutely do not involve a 3rd party in your love-life. If you are going to divorce, do your own darn dirty work. Alone. Don't make that other woman be an "other woman" and home-wrecker. That position is unacceptable to most women, and the title doesn't expire truly ever. And if she's worth anything she'd run like hell far away from you for trying to cheat on your wife. So if you want somebody else, and you're going to divorce anyway, divorce ALL BY YOURSELF. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Re-thinking answer Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 If your wife is unpleasant and uncaring, talk to her about what she does and how it makes you feel. Also, she can wear sunscreen or go out during non-peak hours, and her skin will be preserved. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Escaping into an emotional affair is not going to make your marriage any better. Stand up for yourself with your wife. Start to require her to pull her weight in the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stuckinart Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 I've just talked to my wife on the issues I am facing at work. Due to the uncertain nature of a project, I am not able to commit to a vacation. The only solution is to wait a couple of months before a firm deadline can be established. All along I've indicated that fluidity of the situation at hand; yet now I get a cry and blame game on me for not being able to commit. I am already up to my neck with work, I expect at least some understanding on her part. I do not need any more drilling on why the project is taking so long; and so on and so forth. Link to post Share on other sites
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