Jiggy11 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) I've been dating my fiance for 2.5 years. I met his mother previously (she lives in a different state) and as of recent this past January we went and saw her for a few days and her and I bonded, it was amazing and I really felt like I hit the gold mine in regards to an amazing person secondary to my mother that I could have in my life and look at as just as an important person not because I came from her loins (lol) but because she chooses to have me in her company and accepts me as one of her own. When fiance and I got back from this trip a few months later we got engaged. We decided at that time we were going to have a VERY small wedding (25 guests) as we are not show-y kind of people and just like things very intimate. Besides there are financial restrictions and the fact that we have set our date for August which only gives us a matter of months to plan the wedding. The ceremony is outdoor and the dinner will be held at a steakhouse. Only immediate family (parents, brothers/sisters and very close friends are on the invite list). However, I'm still putting time and energy into the small details that we can spend time on like a nice cake, a nice meal plan, a nice ceremony, full length traditional wedding dress, wedding favors, personalized thank you cards and how each person has made an impact in our lives that we will leave on the place settings...ya know all the traditional things that people plan for their wedding just accommodating a far less party size wise. Anyways, my parents have paid for everything thus far and considering we are saving money it is still almost $7,000+ at this point. Fiance's mother is aware we are on financial restrictions. Not once has she offered to help with the wedding and they are in the position financially of being able to help. They aren't doing a groom's dinner or anything. And I wouldn't per say expect them to. HOWEVER, she seems to have a opinion or criticism of absolutely EVERYTHING I do. In the beginning I emailed her ideas for certain things and she always found something negative to say about it all. There have been many things that have pissed me off along the way. But I'll tell you two specifically and you can decide if I have merit to be upset. FIRST) As I said we are having a small wedding, initially we weren't going to do best man or maid of honor. The day that I went to find my wedding dress my lifelong BFF came with and she was talking about having bridal shower party for me and I was like aww I really have always talked about her being my MOH and that day I got home and called fiance mom and told her my idea and she said oh yes..you should definitely do that and fiance can choose his brother. And I said well I think it would be up to fiance to decide who he chose since it is HIS wedding. However didn't think much about it. Well I spoke to fiance that night and he agreed all was good and that he was teetering on his brother and his best friend. He decided with his brother. Well a couple of days later I had talked to her and she asked me if we decided and I told her yes we decided to go with the MOH and best man and she said OK cause I called his brother and told him that he was going to a best man and choose him. I WAS SHOCKED. I still haven't told fiance this because I don't want to cause a tear in their relationship or cause problems and I think that says more about me than her however in this I really have tried to remain the better person even though I'm now at my wits end. So in witnessing the calling of his brother to ask him which was an important time in fiance life and call for that matter it's something his brother already knew bec his mother ruined it for him. The most recent thing that happened today. Yesterday I was talking to her. I advised her that we are only gift registering at one place because our guest list is only 25 people tops and if we register at more than one we could potentially have a bunch of random stuff we don't have matches to. We don't have a guest list of 200 people where registering at two places would be conducive to our situation. She along with all of my other ideas was rude and I somehow knew that wouldn't be the end of it. Well today, she covertly called fiance (he wasn't aware that her and I had spoken yesterday about it) and told him that he really needed to register at Macy's because we needed 2 places. So, he comes trotting down the stairs and tells me of this grand idea and I about lost it. I said nope it's not happening I'm not doing this to appease your mother sorry. This is what we're doing and if she has a problem with it too bad so sad. The ONLY reason she wants us to register at Macy's is because she has a credit card there and tons of rewards certificates that she can use to purchase our gift and I'm sorry but this is our day and our time and I would rather inconvenience your mother than us having to go back to all these stores to finish purchasing sets of things that we now have mismatched of or that we didn't per say want bec you wanted to make her happy. So needless to say, I'm upset. It's everything from this to Friday I emailed her a pic of our wedding cookie that we're doing for wedding favors. It's ADORABLE. In shape of a wedding cake but cutely decorated with initials on it. Everyone else loves it. Everyone loves all of my ideas or decisions I've made for this wedding. EXCEPT HER. She argues and fights tooth and nail about everything however I find it real funny that she has a lot of opinions no help any other way. OH! Also, at the beginning of this we decided that as our mother gifts we were going to get our mothers diamond necklaces that matched the setting of my ring (halo) needless to say the necklaces are about $300/ea. My mother of course that has been supportive about all of this via everything I would love to present this to and have a momento of our wedding and every time she looks at it reminds her of my day. But fiance mother with how difficult, cheap and unreasonable she's been I have everything in my right mind to say gift card to Omaha Steaks and calling it a day. I surely don't want to be out $150 for my share to give to someone that has been absolutely no support in any way and causes more stress than helps. Also, in regards to the overbearing part, I told fiance tonight he needs to speak with his mom and nip this in the bud because I'm not going to be continuing on this road of animosity with her for whatever reason. Boundaries clearly need to be set and once we start having children etc it could potentially be a real problem. He has no issues in speaking to her and has advised on multiple occassion's that she's overbearing and controlling. The thing is I'm not a person that can be controlled and will speak my mind on a moment's notice. Problem is, I sometimes see red and don't have tact because I get so mad so this needs to be rectified asap. Also, they are staying with us the week leading up to the wedding so this convo needs to take place prior to then. Does anyone think I'm getting angry for no reason or do I have merit? Thank you! Edited June 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Added, Please use them Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Also, they are staying with us the week leading up to the wedding. Yikes! They're financially capable, I'm sure there's a nice hotel or bed n breakfast nearby. Who set this up? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 She apparently has two sons, she'll not ever be the mother-of-the-bride. Why are you so reactive to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jiggy11 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 Lol balzrac we invited them when all was good. I'm reactive to her bc this is a stressful and exciting time in our lives and it would be nice if she appeared supportive about wedding planning decisions versus dreadful. I guess going forward I just won't include her on that stuff and she can be surprised like everyone else and put her foot in her mouth about the stuff that she has complained about when it all comes together. And to smoochies... your rudeness isn't appreciated nor welcome. I was posting an issue like everyone else here and would expect the bitchiness to be left at the door. Did I say I expect a freakin cookie? Lol. Nowhere in my post did I indicate that. Link to post Share on other sites
Harlequin_Dog Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I think you need to cool off a little bit. You are getting married to her son. She will be a part of your future, and even if she's pushy, you should try to take the high road. Keep firm boundaries, and then always work to respond in kindness to her. Let her negative comments slide off your back. Or maybe try listening closely- maybe they're not so much negative, as they are constructive. Love her as unconditionally as you love her son. Also do get her the necklace. Even if she reacts poorly to it, I think it would be a lovely gesture. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I don't understand why you keep asking for her opinions if they just make you angry. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Elope . Link to post Share on other sites
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