Gem84 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Hi, first off, I know this isn't a good reflection on my character but I feel bad enough without being told. I'm just an ordinary person who has been in a long term relationship for 8 years, I'm not super looking..but not too bad either and I have a pretty decent personality...I'm funny and kind. I don't often notice men or care to look as I'm attached however somethin took me by surprise one day. I went to a job interview four years ago, it was a group interview...a guy come and sat on the table opposite me and as I looked upwards our eyes locked, it was so intense and nothing quite like that had ever happened to me before with anyone...I was smitten immediately, we got on well etc. at the end of the interview I made excuses to quickly exit, I felt kinda strange, and wanted to keep cool. It was like I was on a high. As events transpired we both got the job....he started first and found my full name and searched me out on Facebook, when I got the request I was stunned....because I was so attracted to him, I avoided him like the plague at work, I even hid from him on occasion so he didn't see me....we never spoke physically again since our interview, but had the odd conversation about our shifts or other staff In online messages....we both left that job and moved on with our lives...but our messaging and friendly chat has continued and we have a bond of sorts...a strong bond and we have so much in common. We have both admitted our initial attraction to eachother...and he knows I avoided him to avoid any further sparks.. We speak everyday, we Care for eachother...he wants to meet again....he's very handsome...but I have a committed boyfriend already. No matter how many times I stop communicating with the guy....I dream of him or something draws me back. Our feelings are mutual. I am a completely normal person and I feel bad and guilty....have I lost my mind...can anyone make sense of this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 You need to be fair with you b/f. Either end all communication with this other man or end the relationship with your b/f and pursue this "connection" you feel. Othewise, you are not being fair to yourself or your b/f. How would you feel if he had a special "connection" with another woman and continued contact with her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AverageCat Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I don't know about your bf, but most people NEED to be the ONLY person of their SO. I would classify what you did as emotional cheating. And even though you say you did nothing, you did 2 things IMO that are not good for an R. a) You let yourself fall out of love for your bf (if you ever loved him). Once you become enough socially intelligent, you can open a communication with your bf on how to NOT make you take him for granted. b) You let yourself get friendly with someone you were attracted to. At this stage you talk about "you guys care about each other"... meaning there's already a YOU in your head. You don't talk as if he was just your coworker who happens to be OK looking. Finally think about this, if you knew this guy would love you and be as committed as your bf, wouldn't you leave your bf in a heartbeat??? Break up with your bf please. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gem84 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 Thankyou for your responses, I am going to stop communicating with this other person, and put my energies back into the relationship with my boyfriend. I guess I'm not going to be able to make sense of why this person had such an immense effect at me, but best to let it go. Average cat...I don't think I would leave my boyfriend in a heartbeat if the other person would offer me the same. I do however have a heavy heart and am very confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 It happens. But the reality of infatuation is that one becomes intoxicated with an "impression". The initial vibe was there but to some degree you've projected desirability on to this image. Reality is always a different thing. And it's the reality that you have to chose from. Uncertainty with this unproven guy? Or comfort with whom you have. Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Thankyou for your responses, I am going to stop communicating with this other person, and put my energies back into the relationship with my boyfriend. I guess I'm not going to be able to make sense of why this person had such an immense effect at me, but best to let it go. Average cat...I don't think I would leave my boyfriend in a heartbeat if the other person would offer me the same. I do however have a heavy heart and am very confused. I don't think you should break up with your boyfriend, people here volunteer advise without having anything invested in the relationship, the only ones who has something to lose are you and your boyfriend. May advise is to be honest with your boyfriend, he deserves to know where you are as a couple and he deserves to take his own decisions as much as you deserve to take yours. Honesty is a basic pillar of any relationship, without honesty a relationship is just meaningless... Good luck with whatever you decide to to! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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