senoritabonita Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I´m really confused and I´m hoping you can help. My boyfriend and I have been together since March 2012. I met him March 1st. We were long distance so I saw him the weekend of the 1st-3rd and then he went on a business trip from march 14-april 14. After that we saw each other every other weekend or so, and then spent the entire month of July and 2 weeks in August together. After that his attitude changed and he´s been completely committed since. (his behaviour before was a bit cold and distant..yet he surprised me with trips to Italy and Cannes in July 2012). Anyway, he told me only in January about this german girl he used to see, who left the country. They were on-off lovers for three years. He said it ended when she left the country, which he said was december 2011. Two months ago, I saw on his skype that she actually left in August, 2012 and he met up with her behind my back in late august, just 2 days after I was with him. They were both completely alone but he first lied and said they were with a group of people. It was her last week in the country, and since then she keeps messaging him asking him how he is, etc. He told me he also met her before he left on his business trip on March 13. When I told him how hurt i was about this, his answer is that we were barely together (not true) and he got so mad at me for making it a big deal saying I am psycho and crazy..etc. He told me they primarily communicated over facebook, so I asked that I see their messages from the time we became a couple and he deleted all of them. Showing me only those from 2011. Granted he did tell her NOW that he has a girlfriend, which he failed to do back in late August. Saying his private life was none of her business and that it was not important to tell her and that he did not want to hurt HER feelings. I don´t know if I should forgive him for this since I know he´s only for me now. But how can I knowing he may have been seeing someone else our entire first six months together. This has been eating away at me for two months now and he refuses to entertain it. He says that I make too big a deal of it and never really sits down to listen to me or help me. He always says I "acted like we were married" in our first six months. Is asking for integrity acting like I am married to the guy! *Let me make it clear that he knew perfectly well we were together, he was the one who was initiating everything, we lived together for one month during this time, during which he told me he was in love with me. He also told his parents about me and made plans with me to go and meet them. So there is NO WAY he did not know he was in a relationship.* Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 He was lying then, thus most of your relationship was built on a lie. This wont end well. Link to post Share on other sites
nugget_718 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Anyway, he told me only in January about this german girl he used to see, who left the country. They were on-off lovers for three years. He said it ended when she left the country, which he said was december 2011. Two months ago, I saw on his skype that she actually left in August, 2012 and he met up with her behind my back in late august, just 2 days after I was with him. They were both completely alone but he first lied and said they were with a group of people. It was her last week in the country, and since then she keeps messaging him asking him how he is, etc. He told me he also met her before he left on his business trip on March 13. When I told him how hurt i was about this, his answer is that we were barely together (not true) and he got so mad at me for making it a big deal saying I am psycho and crazy..etc. In LDR (or any committed relationship), TRUST and HONESTY are the top most important aspect of the relationship. When trust is broken, it's a downward spiral from there. I wish I have a better advise for you but this looks to me as a major red flag. Thread carefully. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aatje89 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I was in the same situation where for the first 1.5 yrs of our 2-year LDR, he was actually casually seeing this other girl in his hometown! He had already broken up with her by the time I found out, but this is such a dealbreaker to me that I left him immediately. He's been trying to regain my trust these past 4 months since we broke up, but broken trust is not easily restored, especially not in a LDR. So should you forgive him, yes. I'm still working on this part, but I want to let go of all the anger also for my own sake. But forgiveness doesn't require you to stay with him. The fact that he's not taking responsibility and getting mad at you for being "psycho" should be a red flag. Just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Wouldn't forgive. When an ex popped up in my LDR I was always told about everything. I think being called "psycho and crazy" some guys say that just so they don't have to listen to your feelings because the honestly don't want too so they use sayings like that to try and convince you as if its gonna be put to rest if you believed it. I think its LAZY. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveBytes Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Never allow anyone to make you feel "crazy". You have extremely valid reasons to be upset, and in my experience when someone gets angry when you bring up something they have done to hurt you, they are attempting to avert the situation back onto you and make you feel bad for questioning their love for you. Huge red flag! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts