My ex and I are trying to be friends but she is wanting to date my ex-roommate/friend

[HOPElessly lost]

Okay...the short version. I am a junior in college. I met this girl in my Freshman year and I pretty much fall in love with her right from the get-go (possibly the first mistake). We date for a year and three months. We break up because we are wanting to focus on our careers and on finishing school. She starts hanging out and getting close...REAL CLOSE...to my roommate (possibly the second mistake for making him my roommate). We fight like we never fought before. Two months later, she comes back and says that she knows what she wants in life now and only wants me. This scares me, and I was finally beginnning to get over her. But she was persisent. I got back with her (possibly the third mistake). Now after about third more months of dating. We break up again (for the same reasons). And she is now spending a lot more time with my now EX-roommate.

 

Alright, here is the paradox...I am still MADLY IN LOVE with her. I am a person that NEVER says I LOVE YOU unless I absolutely mean it. I only reserve it for the people I care the most about, and prior to her it was only my family. And she says that she still "loves me very much." But somehow I don't believe her anymore. She still wants to do the friends thing but if she is going to do this AGAIN with my ex-roommate, I won't know what to do.

 

In the past two weeks since we have broken up, she has been getting weirder and weirder. She has been brushing me off, and telling me that is she going to call but then doesn't. She says she has no obligations to call me anymore but still wants to be really close friends. And then last night she wanted to go "watch" TV with her roommate, but roommate had gone to bed. And I ran over to her house because she was acting weird and my ex-roommate's car was there. And now I don't know what to do. I am really mad right now, but she will get pissed at me if I just stop talking to her. This is really frustrating! I just want to be around her all the time, and she is being...well a BITCH! ANY help will be appreciated. Thanks.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I think it is time for a reality check. She apparently has chosen the roommate and her freedom over you. You are worried that she will get pissed at you while she is lying to you and spending time with your old roommate? Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head? Do you really think she is the only girl on this planet that you could fall in love with? She wants to keep you around as a backup if something does not work out for her. It is time for you to move on and stop wasting your energy on her and find someone who wishes to be in a relationship with you and respect you. In addition, you are way too available to her.

Do you really wish to be friends with her while she is out hooking up with this other guy? It sounds kind of pathetic don't you think?

I wish you luck.

[bluechocolate]

She still wants to do the friends thing but if she is going to do this AGAIN with my ex-roommate, I won't know what to do.

 

Forget the "friends" thing. It ain't gonna work. She knows it. You know it.

 

Who cares if she get's pissed if you stop talking to her? She's making you feel like crap right now! Tell her if she doesn't want to go out with you then you can't be friends right now. If she is going to see your room-mate there is nothing you can do about it. If you can't handle that then get rid of him or try to find somewhere else to live. Personally, I couldn't handle living with someone who would do this to me. I don't know what kind of relationship you & your room-mate have but if either of you can't move then you should ask him not to have her around there. Any decent person would understand why.

 

Alright, here is the paradox...I am still MADLY IN LOVE with her.

 

You WILL GET OVER IT. Honestly. Don't see her. Do not let her play games with you. And don't sit around and mope about it. Keep busy, study harder, go out more, go to the gym.

 

You'll be fine.