What a Guy

[Allison]

I met this really great guy this summer, he's cute, funny, nice, and on top of all that he is a genius. I don't know what more i could possibly want in a guy. he is literally the guy of my dreams.

 

but there is a problem: he has a girlfriend.

 

I know what you guys are thinking: stay away from him.

 

But, we are both in high school (although we go to different high schools) and usually these high school relationships come to an end. now i was thinking, should i stay in touch with this guy and wait for the two of them to break up? or should i forget him?

 

I have a feeling most of you will tell me to forget him, but it's not that simple, i almost feel like the two of us were meant to be, as corny as that sounds. If you guys have any advice for me, I'd really appreciate it, maybe some middle ground solution?

 

Thanks.

[sparkle]

Since he's young and in high school, there is a HIGH chance that his relationship with this girl will not last forever. Bad for them, good for you. You're friends with this guy, so continue your friendship with him. But don't try to break them up or anything, and don't try to find ways to ruin his relationship. Just be there for him as a friend.

 

And don't wait for the relationship to end. You may be missing out on the other available guys if you're too busy focusing on this one. Don't set yourself up for heartache, hoping that one day when he leaves her, he'll come running to you. Even if he does break up with her, who knows whether he'll like you or not.

 

There's no harm in being friends with him and getting to know him better. Just make sure you don't sit around waiting for him and passing up other opportunities.

[Tony T]

Being friends with someone in order to wait for him to break up with somebody is SICK!!!

 

Real friends want the best for their friends. They want their happiness. They want things to work out well for their friends.

 

Let me turn this around. How would you like it if you were dating a guy you liked and some other guy who was your "good friend", and unknown to you, he was just there waiting for you to break up and go into an awful depression and all the crap you go through when you break up? Yeah, he'd rush right in and rescue you, right. How would you like it if you had to contend with some female "good friend" of your boyfriend hanging around doing things with him, calling him, etc. and you knew intuitively, like girls always know, that she was just trying to influence him to split up with you so she could have him?

 

What goes around comes around, I guarantee it. If you hang around just waiting for this guy to break up with his girlfriend, first...there is no guarantee he will start seeing you. Second, if the two of you DID start dating, some girl will become his friend and just pray for the day when the TWO of YOU break up. Third, relationships that begin right after a breakup seldom work out well.

 

Chances are even good this guy won't look anywhere as great to you when he breaks up with his girl (if he ever does) as he does now when he is unavailable to you.

 

If the two of you were meant to be together, just go about your business and wait for that to happen. But if you pose as a friend of this guy while you are really wanting a lot more, you are being dishonest to yourself and to him. You are also opening yourself up for a lot of hurt. If he sees you as just a friend, there is almost no way he would suddenly swoop into your arms later.

 

Tell him that if anything should ever happen between him and his girl, you would be open to something nice...give him your phone number...and get lost. That's the only honest thing you can do and the only way you can keep yourself from being really hurt.

 

As a practical matter, waiting around for things to change in other people's lives is a waste of time.

 

My bet is that you'll meet a number of guys you were meant to be with over the next six months or so. Don't sit at home!!!

[Deejette]

Just because you think you were meant to be together, doesn't mean it is really your destiny. If it were, he would be with you right now and break up with his girlfriend. But he has already made his choice and it is to be with the other girl. To ignore this fact is self-delusion.

Being friends with someone in order to wait for him to break up with somebody is SICK!!! Real friends want the best for their friends. They want their happiness. They want things to work out well for their friends. Let me turn this around. How would you like it if you were dating a guy you liked and some other guy who was your "good friend", and unknown to you, he was just there waiting for you to break up and go into an awful depression and all the crap you go through when you break up? Yeah, he'd rush right in and rescue you, right. How would you like it if you had to contend with some female "good friend" of your boyfriend hanging around doing things with him, calling him, etc. and you knew intuitively, like girls always know, that she was just trying to influence him to split up with you so she could have him?

 

What goes around comes around, I guarantee it. If you hang around just waiting for this guy to break up with his girlfriend, first...there is no guarantee he will start seeing you. Second, if the two of you DID start dating, some girl will become his friend and just pray for the day when the TWO of YOU break up. Third, relationships that begin right after a breakup seldom work out well. Chances are even good this guy won't look anywhere as great to you when he breaks up with his girl (if he ever does) as he does now when he is unavailable to you. If the two of you were meant to be together, just go about your business and wait for that to happen. But if you pose as a friend of this guy while you are really wanting a lot more, you are being dishonest to yourself and to him. You are also opening yourself up for a lot of hurt. If he sees you as just a friend, there is almost no way he would suddenly swoop into your arms later. Tell him that if anything should ever happen between him and his girl, you would be open to something nice...give him your phone number...and get lost. That's the only honest thing you can do and the only way you can keep yourself from being really hurt. As a practical matter, waiting around for things to change in other people's lives is a waste of time. My bet is that you'll meet a number of guys you were meant to be with over the next six months or so. Don't sit at home!!!

[Name Day]

.

I met this really great guy this summer, he's cute, funny, nice, and on top of all that he is a genius. I don't know what more i could possibly want in a guy. he is literally the guy of my dreams. but there is a problem: he has a girlfriend.

 

I know what you guys are thinking: stay away from him. But, we are both in high school (although we go to different high schools) and usually these high school relationships come to an end. now i was thinking, should i stay in touch with this guy and wait for the two of them to break up? or should i forget him? I have a feeling most of you will tell me to forget him, but it's not that simple, i almost feel like the two of us were meant to be, as corny as that sounds. If you guys have any advice for me, I'd really appreciate it, maybe some middle ground solution? Thanks.

[Allison]

i understand what you're saying, but i think i should inform you of something. i did stay in touch with this guy through the internet (we spoke online maybe three times), but he doesn't have his own screen name, it's kind of like a family screen name. so i never know if it's him online. Like sometimes i'll im him and get no response.

 

i always thought that it was just another family member when i didn't get a response. but now, some people are telling me that maybe he realized that i like him as more than a friend and thinks that i might cause trouble between him and his girlfriend. but, i just find that hard to believe because i'm not that type of person and i thought he knew that, and i would never want to go out with a guy who cheated on his girlfriend; once a cheater always a cheater. so anyways, Tony, you seem like a sagacious guy, what do you think? is it another family member who isn't responding, or is it actually him avoiding me?

 

regardless, i don't im him anymore because i don't feel like dealing with all of this, but it's still bugging me and i would really appreciate your opinion.

 

Thanks.

[Tony T]

I am not psychic. I don't know if this guy is avoiding you or not. If I was him, though, knowing that you are chomping at the bit for me to break up with my girl so you can move in on me, I would avoid you like the AIDS virus.

 

If you're really not the kind of person to make trouble for this guy, do what I told you originally. Get out of this picture. What you are doing is just downright mean.

 

Waiting around for a guy to break up with his girlfriend is evil. It is vicious. I certainly wouldn't want to have a girlfriend who had done that, no way, no how.

 

This may be awfully hard for you, but try to gain some honor, dignity, integrity, etc. and leave couples alone to find their bliss and happiness. You, in turn, go find a nice single, available guy who you are attracted to and have a good relationship as well.

 

Just hope that when you do meet a guy you like and start seeing him, some other girl doesn't try to move in on your territory or wait around for your heart to be broken so she can grab your man.

 

And please don't grow up to cheat with married men!

[Deejette]

If he were really interested in you, he would be sending IMs to you. He is not answering because he doesn't want to cheat on his girlfriend with you.

 

Your IMing him shows that you are doing whatever you can to get into his life. Back off and find a man who doesn't already have a girlfriend.

I am not psychic. I don't know if this guy is avoiding you or not. If I was him, though, knowing that you are chomping at the bit for me to break up with my girl so you can move in on me, I would avoid you like the AIDS virus. If you're really not the kind of person to make trouble for this guy, do what I told you originally. Get out of this picture. What you are doing is just downright mean. Waiting around for a guy to break up with his girlfriend is evil. It is vicious. I certainly wouldn't want to have a girlfriend who had done that, no way, no how. This may be awfully hard for you, but try to gain some honor, dignity, integrity, etc. and leave couples alone to find their bliss and happiness. You, in turn, go find a nice single, available guy who you are attracted to and have a good relationship as well. Just hope that when you do meet a guy you like and start seeing him, some other girl doesn't try to move in on your territory or wait around for your heart to be broken so she can grab your man. And please don't grow up to cheat with married men!

[Allison]

it's not like i'm sending him flirty im's.

 

for example, usually when i go offline and it's nighttime i say goodnight to everyone on my buddy list so i also say goodnight to him. it's not like i im him and say "come on baby i want you" or something to that extent. it's just simple frinedly im's that i would send any of my friends, so i don't understand why he would avoid me because he doesn't want to cheat on his girlfriend. i could, however, understand if you told me that he was avoiding me just because he didn't like me in general. but that seems a little weird because he has spoken to me online and this summer he was the one who started talking to me.

 

thanks for your response i really do appreciate it.