Can't tell if shy or disinterested

[Becky Babe]

This is going to be a long one, so grab a cuppa before you start.

I met this guy at work. We both work for a pretty small company, but our job requires us to move around, so I only really saw him at meetings at first. He's a really nice guy, friendly to everyone. At first I just thought he was cool, since we like a lot of the same things. Sure he's cute, but I didn't have a romantic interest in him mainly because I was reluctant to mess things up at work.

I have felt myself slowly becoming attached to him, though. We hang around with the same people so I began to see more and more of him.

Over the months, though, I've begun to notice that his attitude to me seems to run hot and cold. When we're alone he's really nice and we get along great, but when we're out with other people he almost ignores me. It's like he's deliberately trying not to talk to me. He has moments where he'll randomly sit next to me and talk for a bit, but he almost always moves away. I'm not sure if he's awkward or just plain doesn't like me. Why move away like that when I haven't acted like I don't want you there? Sure we have our awkward silences, but if I like someone I usually work hard to maintain conversation. It's like we'll have this really fun or interesting discussion about something, and then *crickets* and he'll move away.

He never talks to me outside of work or social settings. He'll answer me if I text him, but that's it. He hardly ever initiates and we rarely talk for long.

 

All this would be enough to make me give up, but it's our other friends and colleagues that make me curious. Over the past year since I've worked with him, almost every single one of our other workmates have mentioned that they thought we were in a relationship - including our superiors. It makes me think that maybe he's giving of signals that I'm not picking up on (entirely possible), or maybe he's said something to someone.

Looking back, there have been instances when I thought he was flirting or showing interest, but dismissed because he never did anything obvious. There have been a few, but I'll try to go through them:

-The most obvious one is he compliments my clothes. But then again other people have done that, too.

-We've only worked together about three times, but each time he's acted really excited about it. Again, he's really friendly, so I dunno if it's just me.

-A couple of months ago we had to design a poster and I made one with a big dragon on it. He got really excited about it. Then, when he had to give a presentation on design skills (drawing characters for posters), his finishing exercise was to teach us how to draw dragons... He wanted me to present it but I laughed him off. THEN we had to design a flyer together and he asked if I would draw the dragon again - I had completely forgotten about it!

-He once spent an entire evening trying to convince me I was a 'lady'. Yes, he had had a few beers.

-He wasn't feeling well one night when we were out. I fussed over him and got a "You are just super sweet" out of it - made my weekend!

-We went out with a big group for a friend's birthday and he brought two friends with him. They were really flirty with me, asking if I was single, etc. He eventually sat between us, but never said anything.

-He tried really hard to listen to my favorite band after I mentioned them.

-A few months ago we were talking about wanting pets and he said he'd like a ferret. I got really excited because I love ferrets. The next day he went out and bought one.

 

IDK our entire relationship is really just based around moments when I think we're flirting and moments when he acts like I don't exist. It's gotten to the point where I'm not even sure if he's looking at me because he likes me, or because he sees me looking at him. IDGI

[Tinie]

I think it's wishful thinking. It might be because you like him and you're trying to find "signs" that he likes you too.

 

The biggest one is that he doesn't talk outside of work. He'd want to talk outside of work. Especially if you're initiating, that would make things easy for him, if he was interested. He'd probably start initiating too.

 

Just because he went and bought a ferret, that doesn't mean anything. I was talking to a guy at my work about a book called the Inferno, and he read it, so I went that evening and bought it (I told him and he's now eager to discuss after I'm done). I don't have anything romantic for this guy at all. Maybe because you were talking about ferrets, that reminded him how much he wanted one.